Lockdown Stress!

[Salboo]

Ok I’m after some advice, opinions, confirmation or reassurance! Basically I have been in a relationship for 2 years and my partner has 2 children from a relationship that ended 10 years ago. 

They have both had various relationships since breaking up and remain friends.

Before the covid lockdown it had never once crossed my mind that he might still have feelings for his children’s mum (although to be fair he did a good job at keeping us apart). Since the lockdown my mind has gone into complete overdrive and I have convinced myself he’s still in love with her. I cannot think of anything else. It is causing huge arguements between us. She is round everyday as my partner isn’t working so he is having the kids more. Usually he only has them once a week and so only sees her once a week. I am finding myself analysing his every movement and word and trying to guess what he means by it. I feel like because he’s seeing her more, his feelings are coming back. For example, when she was round last week she mentioned she didn’t like his curtains, that evening he ordered new curtains. Another example is that he has started to talk about her a lot more, in good ways and bad ways. He has started being overly nice to me (kissing me more and cuddling me, which he never usually does, he’s just not that kind of person) and I’m feeling like it’s guilt because he always does it after she leaves, he comes starlight upstairs and cuddles me. It’s like he’s chatting with her, feels a pang of love, feels guilty and then comes to kiss me. This isn’t like him at all and it’s putting me on edge. When I brought my thoughts up with him he flew off the handle and didn’t speak to me for 3 days... is this because I have uncovered his true feelings or is he offended? After this arguement, he conveniently pretended to forget her name which is ludicrous, because that’s never happened before. Can I have your opinions please because I am going out of my mind :( thank you!

[amaysngrace]

I’d be more upset that he didn’t talk to you for three days frankly.   He knew you were bothered and had genuine concerns and caused you further harm by doing that.

If he were my boyfriend I’d gladly let her have him.

[FMW]

Not talking to you for three days really is a big deal.  Is it typical for him to just go silent when you have a disagreement?

From just your side of the story, I would be concerned about the way he's acting too.

But it's always possible he's just making the best of the situation, and seeing her more naturally makes her a topic of conversation, especially if nothing much else is new and different right now other than her increased presence.  If you bring her up frequently and/or seem to be moping about her, maybe he's just lost patience with it and that's why he "flew off the handle".  If he doesn't typically handle conflict well, he's certainly not going to handle this any better.  

Maybe the curtain thing was simply about him taking a look at them after her comment and realizing he didn't like them either, but just hadn't bothered to notice in the past.  And I think many of us are probably taking any opportunity to shop online right now just for a little entertainment.   I would find it unlikely he's changing the curtains to please her.  

Maybe he's more affectionate with you after she leaves because it reminds him how lucky he is to be with you now, how much more he likes you, how much happier he is with you.  

Being a guy he's probably just feeling clueless on how to deal with your being upset and so ends up making it worse by doing stupid things like "forgetting" her name.

The unsettling and stressful changes all of us are dealing with make us more sensitive and cranky, like little children way past due for naps.  Most of us are too much in our heads right now, having far too much time to go over everything with microscopic intensity.    And sometimes we end up way off target in our analysis. 

These are all just ideas, obviously no one but you has a front row seat to all this.  I would just recommend to not be too quick to come to any conclusions, especially if there weren't any issues prior to the lockdown.   

[sothereiwas]

My son has a festering case of cabin fever, which is a little odd given he's got a large front and back yard, basketball hoop, swing/slide/bars playset, a puppy, and so on to occupy him outside. We miss seeing the relatives and going places I guess. He's not going crazy or anything but I can see a difference. Hopefully we can take a road trip soon, maybe I'll buy an RV and we can take a few long weekends. Maybe a boat for behind it.