Social Media, Ex and password

[helena13]

I have a long tern boyfriend for almost 8 years now.Started as long distance until now.I believe our relationship is quite steady. As normal couples do have, we have some struugles or a point where we almost broke up. For us was the time that I found out that he was still communicating with his ex.They met for few times but I am sure nothing sort of intimate happened. Through all the fights,we settled the issue (Since he told it was just for closure,as anybody will tell of course) But I was scarred by what happen, but still chose to believe in his love for me. He knows how hurt I am and that even if I forgave him I still could not able to forget. Few years after,I found out that they have communication again through other social media platform.His reason was that I was busy (which is true) and that he just needs someone to talk to because he was living overseas alone too.Though how badly hurt I am again for the second time, I still did not leave him on the condition that he will submit all his social media account password to me so I will have an access. He did. But I dont know what should I think at this point. Worth to mention,we have been planning to get married as soon as he will get his reisdency.I badly need of others opinion.

[justwhoiam]

Tough decision to make. I don't believe his excuses. Do not plan any marriage just yet. How old are you both? 8 years is a lot. Have you lived together for a while? Why are you both living apart? How often do you see each other? It seems to be that he feels lonely... and that opens the door for anything.

[FMW]

It seems clear that your boyfriend does not do well in a long distance relationship. I don't have any experience with it, but from what I hear most people don't.  Most people need regular physical contact to maintain the level of emotional connection required to sustain the commitment to fidelity. But it's certainly possible he would have contact with this ex even if you had always been right there with him.    

Unfortunately, even if the relationship is no longer long distance (it's not clear from the way you referenced "long distance until now"), you've already lost trust in him. It's really hard to overcome feeling betrayed. 

Definitely don't make any plans for marriage while you're still feeling hurt and suspicious.  Feeling the need to have his passwords and check up on him sounds like a terrible way to live. As does always wondering whether he's thinking about the ex, whether they are currently in contact or not.