Saying that four letter word starting with 'L'

[Trail Blazer]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Forgive me if this has already been shared, but what is your gfs past relationship history, as that may have a bearing on where she is at, as regards her falling in love now.

She's never been married and doesn't have children.  From what she's shared with me, some of her past relationships have been pretty toxic.  She's a kind and gentle soul with a big heart, so she's been used and abused before. 

Her first proper relationship spanned 18 months, which was with a 21-year-old guy when she was 16.  The guy was from a wealthy Italian family and she said that she was looked down upon by them and treated like a little $lut who wouldn't amount to anything.

She had a terrible relationship with her stepfather.  Her mother remarried and her second husband was, how she described it, a wealthy, entitled pervert who gave her the creeps.  She left home at 18, and her relationship with her Mom was strained for years, and didn't improve until after her Mom's second marriage ended.

After she was used and dumped by her first boyfriend, she had a string of short-term relationships throughout her College years before entering an eight-year relationship, including becoming engaged.  

Her ex-fiance was a bit of a bum, in and out of various jobs.  He was a musician who dreamed of making it big, but never did.  She finally got rid of him when she was 30, after she grew tired of his drug and alcohol fueled binges.  He was never physically abusive, but emotionally detached.

The next guy she dated was from Colorado, who moved to Oregon semi-permanently for work. He had an estranged wife and two children.  He fell madly in love with her, and insisted she relocate to Colorado with him when his work contract was up.  She didn't find that idea overly appealing.

He ended up moving back to Colorado and they commenced a long-distance relationship for almost a year, where she'd travel to Denver and he'd travel to Portland when they could.  

She found out that he'd been sleeping with multiple women while back in Colorado, including his estranged wife, despite declaring his love for her like no other.  She left him after that.  He reportedly went off the rails, begged her to reconsider, before committing suicide three months later after she repeatedly declined.

Her last relationship before dating me lasted a year.  Upon this guy's insistence, she moved in with him after 10 months.  She said he kicked her out after one month because, according to her, he "couldn't handle the smell of her (three) cats in his house."

Since I've been on the scene, she's told me on a semi-regular basis how I'm so kind and empathetic, how I'm not like any other guy she's been with, etc.  

COVID-19 has made things difficult, but she's told me as soon as restrictions ease, her Mom and two older sisters really want to meet me.  She also has a big group of supportive friends, from both University and her childhood.  She's met a few of my buddies, and insits that we'll all meet up when things get back to normal.

I am certain that she sees me as long-term.  I see her the same.  She is always asking about my children and looks forward to meeting them when restrictions ease.  

 

 

Edited May 12, 2020 by Trail Blazer

[elaine567]

Well that was pretty eventful but it seems like there is no great love of her life that she may be pining for nor a recent bad break up.
The suicide may take some getting over but  I guess it wasn't that recent so hopefully she has learned to live with it.
I think if things are going well, I can't see why she wouldn't love you.

Sounds like she could do with some luck  for once.

Fingers crossed.

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Well that was pretty eventful but it seems like there is no great love of her life that she may be pining for nor a recent bad break up.
The suicide may take some getting over but  I guess it wasn't that recent so hopefully she has learned to live with it.
I think if things are going well, I can't see why she wouldn't love you.

Sounds like she could do with some luck  for once.

Fingers crossed.

My girlfriend, 'S', definitely doesn't have an old flame she pines for.  The only ex she still speaks to on an infrequent basis is her last one. 

She forgave him for booting her out and dumping her because she said he has a few mental health issues.  She said he's the kind of guy who makes a great friend, but a poor lover. 

In a similar way, I'm kind of in the same boat.  My previous ex is a great person who I still talk to from time to time.  Even though I was dissapointed with how it ended, I accepted that she had other issues going on, and didn't hold it against her.  She, too, makes a good friend but ultimately a poor lover, also.

Despite what 'S' has been through, including losing her Dad in 2014 in a car accident (she was very close to her Dad), battling mental health with bouts of severe depression after the accident, she's in a remarkably good place.

I believe she has a lot of love to give and just needs to feel like she's loved and respected by someone to get the best out of herself.

One thing that blew me away was when I took her to a nice restaurant on Valentine's Day.  She told me that nobody had ever done that before.

I said to her, "You mean to tell me that in eight years with the one guy, he never, not even once, took you out for Valentine's Day?"  She replied, "Or my birthday... if I was lucky he might have brought home take-out, if he even remembered."

 

Edited May 13, 2020 by Trail Blazer

[chillii]

 

7-8 mths , you must be seeing and feeling how she feels about you, so if she cares as much for you as you do her and your seeing a real future with her, spit it out baby,  she'd be over the moon. Or maybe you'd like to make it something really special and romantic but either way if she's in the same place she'd love to hear it.

Edited May 13, 2020 by chillii

[Trail Blazer]

4 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

7-8 mths , you must be seeing and feeling how she feels about you, so if she cares as much for you as you do her and your seeing a real future with her, spit it out baby,  she'd be over the moon. Or maybe you'd like to make it something really special and romantic but either way if she's in the same place she'd love to hear it.

Thanks pal.  I think she's head-over-heals with me if I'm being totally honest.  And yes, I do feel the same way.  

I'm not sure if I want to make it a romantic thing.  It's probably best said as a seemingly off the cuff thing.

[Blind-Sided]

19 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Her last relationship before dating me lasted a year.  Upon this guy's insistence, she moved in with him after 10 months.  She said he kicked her out after one month because, according to her, he "couldn't handle the smell of her (three) cats in his house."

I get it.  I love all animals... but it doesn't mean I want to live in a cage with them.  I like my house clean and tidy. I LOVE dogs. I even named my oldest daughter after my favorite dog... but I currently don't have one because I don't want to deal with the mess and the hair. (it complicates my life, and after last year, I want it to be simple)  AND... with cats... yes... the smell of the litter box when you walk into the house is VERY unappealing. (and my youngest kid is kind of allergic) My current GF has 2 cats and a dog.  But even in the short time we have been together... I have said they don't have a home here. (She completely understands)  We are far from talking about moving in together... but I want a potential problem to be talked about early.

With that said... to kick Her OUT after allowing the cats into his home... sound like there is more to that story than you are hearing.   I've had some very good friends who decided they wanted cats... and it got to the point where I told him point blank... "I can't come over anymore, if you aren't going to clean up after the cats."  He was pissed at first, but then he knew I was right.   Funny thing is... the cats were gone a year later because nether he or his wife wanted to take care of them.  I'm guessing she wasn't cleaning up after her cats to his standards, and there was a fight where he wanted the cats gone... and in turn... she left.

[Ollie180]

I’ve said ‘I love you’ to three girls.

(in hindsight.... I’m not so sure, but I always meant it at the time)

I said it first everytime.

I said it as soon as I felt it everytime.

 

For me, I don’t really think it can hurt a relationship! It doesn’t need to be about wether they are in the same place yet - it’s just you telling them where you’re at! (I feel like if someone goes running at that then they were never gonna get serious with you in the first place).

 

If you feel it, then is it so different to say it?

but I’d also understand someone that wants to wait to be sure!! I think that you should just do you, so to speak. Don’t try to guess what the other person expects!

 

 

[Trail Blazer]

7 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

With that said... to kick Her OUT after allowing the cats into his home... sound like there is more to that story than you are hearing.   

There's always two sides to every story.  Of course, I've only heard the one side.  Even then, though, it's not as if she has run through with me all the intricacies of the relationship breakdown.

From what she's told me, and from my own observations about how she looks after her cats, I feel as though what she's told me aligns with what I've observed.

According to her, they did trials for one month leading up to her moving in.  The cats had many sleepovers.  The guy also had a Labrador, so his dog and her cats needed time to see if they could cohabit peacefully.

Under those "controlled" conditions, it seemingly worked okay.

Where it went wrong was at the times when she wasn't always home to clean up the cats' mess before he got home.

I've seen first-hand just how fastidious she is with keeping her house clean.  However, at times where, say, we've gone out for the day, we'll come home back to her place, and naturally, over the course of the day the cats have soiled their litter trays.

The times when she got home in the evening before he did, she'd clean up their mess straight away and all would be fine.  It was the times when he'd get home from work before she would.  He would be greeted with the smell and (rightly so) would refuse to clean it, so he'd put up with it until she got home to clean it.

When we first started dating, S told me she was really worried about the cats putting me off.  I told her I was used to cats, as my ex-wife and my Mom always had multiple cats.  I assured her that so long as she kept on top of cleaning up after them, I wouldn't have an issue.

So far, so good.

Edited May 14, 2020 by Trail Blazer

[FMW]

I've only exchanged I love yous with two men in my life.  In both cases the men said it first, and in both cases I didn't immediately respond in kind.  As you suggested, OP, I needed more time to process my feelings.  A lot of women may be like me, we take a while to say it, but when we do we are truly all in.  Sometimes I think that a lot of men are just the opposite - they live in the moment, speak in the moment, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're truly committed for the long term.  They're just enjoying it in the here and now and the words slip easily off their tongues.   

Obviously not all men are the same, nor are all women the same. Just speaking from my own experience.  Your girlfriend may already be all in, but have her own reasons for waiting on you to say the words first.  

Sounds like you have a great thing going though, so congratulations!  

[Trail Blazer]

Well, I did it!

We were lying in bed last night, spooning.  As she was close to drifting off, a gently kissed her neck and shoulders.  She closed her eyes, smiled and lifted her head up whilst making a cute noise of contentment. 

I then whispered in her ear those three words, "I love you."

I paid careful attention to her reaction.  She immediately opened her eyes, turned her head to me and replied, "I love you, too!  I'm not just saying it, either.  I am in love with you and I'm so happy you love me as well."

😀😊😎

 

 

Edited May 15, 2020 by Trail Blazer

[chillii]

Nice one man , knew it , congrats , good luck with the future eh , enjoy.

[The Outlaw]

That's awesome, @Trail Blazer. Congrats!!!!