funsizeme Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 (edited) So i had been stepmom for abt 9 years. I took care his five kids in the first 3 years then 4 kids for another year and just 3 kids for the rest. Now all of them gone. It's tiring physically and mentally because their mom and dad didnt have good relationship. I trapped in the middle like idiot. Hated by everybody. I hope another people doesnt experience the same thing like me. I know love is blind but try ur best to not get involve with man or woman who already have kids. Funny, i love kids, i love surrounded by kids thats why i didnt mind to marry a guy with bunch of kids but in the end it become the most tortured lesson in my life. Worse thing was that i dont think my husband loves me but he just needs my help to watch his breeds. To me when u being a single mom or dad with kid/s from the past, try not to bother ur new gf/couple/wife with ur kids. They are your full responsibility. Dont use their love for u to burden them with parenting's stuffs or baby sitting stuffs. My ideal suggestion if you love ppl with kid, try to not stay in the same place with them. It's headache. At least for me. Edited May 12, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 People get themselves in that situation because I don't know what they're getting into unless they're already a parent. You were his free babysitter. I've seen lots of situations where that happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 5 children is a lot to take on, for sure. Did these children have no mother or a custody arrangement? Do you have children of your own too? At least they're all gone now, as you say, so you can take a breather. How old are you, funsizeme? Link to post Share on other sites
Author funsizeme Posted May 12, 2020 Author Share Posted May 12, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: People get themselves in that situation because I don't know what they're getting into unless they're already a parent. You were his free babysitter. I've seen lots of situations where that happened. I know right? It is a big lesson in life i could share to my younger generations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author funsizeme Posted May 12, 2020 Author Share Posted May 12, 2020 53 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: 5 children is a lot to take on, for sure. Did these children have no mother or a custody arrangement? Do you have children of your own too? At least they're all gone now, as you say, so you can take a breather. How old are you, funsizeme? They have mother. My husband had the custody. My husband and i have our own kids as well, two. Am 40 yrs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Nothing's ever wasted @funsizeme You are a loving caring person who took care of kids...and someone will come along who sees and appreciates that side of you. Stay positive! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author funsizeme Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 15 hours ago, Ellener said: Nothing's ever wasted @funsizeme You are a loving caring person who took care of kids...and someone will come along who sees and appreciates that side of you. Stay positive! I take this as a lesson to teach all the kids that i know esp. my own kids about how hard being step parent is. I hope my experience could save some of them from the same situation they might face in future. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Hummmmmmmmmmm............. OK... I don't want to sound like an ass... but you are making a blanket statement based off of a situation that has left you jaded. Based on your first post... it could be the same thing for relationships in general. "Don't ever get married because you will just be left heartbroken and feeling like a fool".... (just silly) Over the years, I've met step perents who love their step kids, and have a wonderfull relationship. Sure.. you probably gave your heart away, and put 110% into the relationship, including the kids... and something happened now that this has been pulled away from you. But the same thing happens when people get divorced. Kids take sides, and that leaves even the real parents upset. With that said... my current GF and I have been talking about this. I have my oldest daughter with me the majority of the time, and the GF has said to me... "I don't want to be a mom." I've told her she never has to be since my exW (the biological mom) lives close, and can deal with the kids whenever I'm not around. Anyway... I'm sorry that you feel the way you do, and I'm sorry for whatever happened with your situation. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author funsizeme Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 6 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: Hummmmmmmmmmm............. OK... I don't want to sound like an ass... but you are making a blanket statement based off of a situation that has left you jaded. Based on your first post... it could be the same thing for relationships in general. "Don't ever get married because you will just be left heartbroken and feeling like a fool".... (just silly) Over the years, I've met step perents who love their step kids, and have a wonderfull relationship. Sure.. you probably gave your heart away, and put 110% into the relationship, including the kids... and something happened now that this has been pulled away from you. But the same thing happens when people get divorced. Kids take sides, and that leaves even the real parents upset. With that said... my current GF and I have been talking about this. I have my oldest daughter with me the majority of the time, and the GF has said to me... "I don't want to be a mom." I've told her she never has to be since my exW (the biological mom) lives close, and can deal with the kids whenever I'm not around. Anyway... I'm sorry that you feel the way you do, and I'm sorry for whatever happened with your situation. I hope she will not experience the same thing like i had. To me main thing, you and ur x should understand that ur new couple has nothing to do with ur kid. To me even the marriage thing not an ideal way i will take in future otherwise dont stay in the same house. Coz i feel like i lost my privacy as an independent human being when we stay together. I feel like i havent been myself anymore since i got married. I lost myself. I took care family but forgot to take care of myself even i there was no conversation about doing my hobbiesor interest while my husband still have time for his hunting hobby etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 On 5/13/2020 at 10:41 AM, funsizeme said: I took care family but forgot to take care of myself even i there was no conversation about doing my hobbiesor interest while my husband still have time for his hunting hobby etc. You didn’t get involved in the wrong situation, you simply married the wrong man. Doesn’t sound as though you’d be valued regardless of your role in the relationship... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 I thanked God everyday for my wife choosing to inherit my 3 little tots at the time. Being a step parent has got to be rated as one of the hardest positions. She also inherited dealing with my ex for 17 years. It is a lot of personal sacrifice and a whole lot of work. She is a world class mom without question and dearly loves those kids. They are all in there mid twenties and up now and never ever did they once disrespect her in there entire lives. Believe me dad here would be 7 kinds of ugly on them if they did though it was never spoken they knew that. I thank god now because the kids got to see a living example of how a wife and mom should be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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