Reflections for the guy I once was

[Minos]

Thank you all for my new place here.

I´ll begin by asking you patience regarding my English, as is not my first language and neither the one I use where I am from and live.

I began to try to share with my older selfs my reflections about some experiences along my life.  

I´ll later clarify about those "previous me" and about the nature of said experiences.

I also want to share those thoughts with you, to read your opinions and, as long as I can, answer your questions about. I hope that your kind posts will help me to organice my mind.

First things first, I´ll present myself. I´ll later put some more in my new and empty profile.

I am a 69 years old man. 

Three daughters, one baby grandaughter and another one "in her way" arriving by June.

I am not actually in a relationship. During my years I had  three important ones. And all of them ended.

And the main focus of the reflecions I´m now doing, not for the first time, are about that. About my intents of building a loving significative relationship. Mission in which I failed.

I hope the best for all of you.

 

 

 

[Minos]

So, just as titles, a summary of those three relationships.

- My made in hell marriage. It lasted for decades. A loveless story of madness (not being here "madness" a figure of language but a clinical diagnosed one) that ended about 20 years ago when she left "following her dreams". And made me become the "single dad" of three girls. Whom are my sunshines. I´ve recently also got news about her posible almost lifetime affair with the same man she ended later married. 

 - Next relationship, for about three years, was a uncommon one by the standards of those times. We become "bussines partners whith benefits". We never made serious plans of living toghether and building a family. Though there were other somehow related issues (to be later detailed), the main restriction was (for her) not having the will to "inherit" my (by then teen) daughters. So we ended it, remaining to be good friends but no more lovers.

-  The last one relationship, the one in which, in my mature years, I (and we both) discovered what love means. It was caring, suportive, intense and passionate. Lasted for four years. But had some shadows hanging over us, ties from her past, that ended breaking what was the love of our lives. A matter of bad solutions for hard problems during our time and lack of courage from her in the end.

  

[The Outlaw]

Welcome aboard, Minos. 

[Minos]

Thank you so much, The Outlaw !

[preraph]

It's the journey, not the destination that is important. 

[chillii]

Hi nino.

So what are your thoughts now and for the future , not interested in trying again or ?

[Minos]

10 hours ago, preraph said:

It's the journey, not the destination that is important. 

Thank you a lot for your answer.

About the saying, it may have various (partially) overlapping meanings. I don´t share the philosophical assumptions behind some of them.

May you tell me more on how you see it related to my experiences?

[Minos]

5 hours ago, chillii said:

So what are your thoughts now and for the future , not interested in trying again or ?

Hi chillii! thank you for answering.

Yes, I´m open to what future may bring. Just not in an unconditional way. 

My reflections and the kind help of all of you may, perhaps, make true that: "We do not live to learn. But to learn how to live"

 

[chillii]

 

Hi again Minos , conditionals a good thing anyway then don't you think , kinda like your learning how to live , true really !  Actually with myself just in this last few years l could say l'd finally realized something like those myself too and tbh , it has turned some big things around in life . Good luck anyway.

[Minos]

8 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

...conditionals a good thing anyway then don't you think.... Good luck anyway.

I think that conditionals are a good thing.

First things first, because whatever seems to have no constraints is magical thinking, what deceives us in the long run.

Also because it gives us the opportunty, precarious but in the realm of the posible, of building what we want from what it´s not.

Thank you and good luck to you! 

[preraph]

1 hour ago, Minos said:

Thank you a lot for your answer.

About the saying, it may have various (partially) overlapping meanings. I don´t share the philosophical assumptions behind some of them.

May you tell me more on how you see it related to my experiences?

It sounds like you've lived a rich life. No one's life is without obstacles. No one's life is all smooth sailing, and not all loves or partnerships are permanent or without problems. But overall, it sounds like you have lived and loved.

[The Outlaw]

13 hours ago, Minos said:

Thank you so much, The Outlaw !

 You’re welcome man. 

[Minos]

9 hours ago, preraph said:

It sounds like you've lived a rich life. ... But overall, it sounds like you have lived and loved.

You are right.

I had and have a rich and intense life.  I have lived and loved, true.

Even so, looking backwards in search of the kind of meaning that may put some light for my future, there were failures that will be also blind spots till I understand them better.

They are mosltly related to one kind of love. The one between a man and a woman. Not a small thing in my lifetime desires and what I choosed to build. What remains being important despite of what was not.

I still hope to understand what went wrong so to, just maybe, do it better next time. Or, at least, to be able to tell something significative about to the young boy and man I once was.

At the light of that improbable hope, I´ll next tell you all those stories of my life story.

Thank you!!

 

 

 

 

 

[preraph]

Just because something doesn't last forever doesn't necessarily mean that it went wrong.

[Realitysux]

This should be good. I can't wait to hear it 😣

[schlumpy]

I would like to hear more details about your third relationship. From what little I could gather you seemed to have exactly what you wanted but forces beyond your control took it away.

In the future, I think the odds of finding everything you want in another woman is slim. So, I suggest you look for a few good characteristics that can live with and be prepared to compromise (perhaps capitulate) on other qualities. You may be entering the barter zone where what you offer materially may be more important then your regard for a future Significant Other.