softball88 Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 I'm having an issue. So this guy i talked to last Friday, said he would talk to me sometime the next day. That day rolls around and nothing from him. It's now been about 4 days since talking to him. Still, nothing. Is it normal for guys to go a few days without texting someone? We haven't only texted. We've seen each other in person plenty of times and he's always acted happy to see me. Why on Earth would he not talk to me for days? He's done this before. He'll go a few days then he'll talk to me about every day for the next 3-4 days. I sent him a message the other day and it still hasn't been read. We're not together. But I like him and he claims to like me. So what's the deal? Is this normal behavior for a guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Share Posted May 12, 2020 (edited) 32 minutes ago, softball88 said: Edited May 12, 2020 by softball88 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 "I'll call you" (which now means contact you in any way) is the oldest cliché in the book. It's a classic blow off line. Men do it. Women do it too. You have not had the promised contact with him in 4 days. You have to conclude he's not interested. He's ghosting you. Even if he pops back up you now know he's unreliable. At best you are the back up plan. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 If there is interest... he would have contacted you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 At the very least, he's not interested enough. Proceed accordingly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 It's normal for guys who string girls along, but not acceptable. If someone says, "I'll call you tomorrow" and they don't, that tells you a lot about their attitude towards you. Unless he's had his fingers chopped off in an unfortunate kitchen incident he should have no problem pressing your number. Actions always speak louder than words and if someone treats you with disregard, listen to what those actions are telling you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 He's not interested I'm afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 yes it's normal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 People can be busy, sure I clearly understand that....I've been accused of not answering calls/texts sometimes I cant until later in the day when things quiet down at work...But it takes almost no effort or time to reach out to someone you care about...If it's 4 hours understandable...But 4 days? Its a done deal, I'm afraid, or perhaps he is juggling a few women and you aren't high priority on the list.... If you want to try to find out just be honest and call/text him one last time but rather than a simple greeting, ask him to be honest about where its headed....You don't want to be hanging around waiting for "your turn".. Good luck... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 44 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: People can be busy, sure I clearly understand that....I've been accused of not answering calls/texts sometimes I cant until later in the day when things quiet down at work...But it takes almost no effort or time to reach out to someone you care about...If it's 4 hours understandable...But 4 days? Its a done deal, I'm afraid, or perhaps he is juggling a few women and you aren't high priority on the list.... If you want to try to find out just be honest and call/text him one last time but rather than a simple greeting, ask him to be honest about where its headed....You don't want to be hanging around waiting for "your turn".. Good luck... TFY I've done that myself..and im not juggling multiple people. But then again im not a guy so i Guess it's different 😁 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 On 5/12/2020 at 8:46 AM, softball88 said: what's the deal? Is this normal behavior for a guy? It’s not just guys. I’m going to try to put this delicately as to not seem uncaring or trite. My phone is full of unread texts. The reason I haven’t read them or responded is because I’d rather chew my right arm off than to talk to them. I just don’t want to. I don’t want to. Im sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 1 hour ago, K.K. said: I don’t want to. Which is totally cool, as long as you don't expect the person who sent the text to still be receptive and open when you later decide YOU want contact. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 (edited) On 5/13/2020 at 1:20 AM, MsJayne said: It's normal for guys who string girls along, but not acceptable. If someone says, "I'll call you tomorrow" and they don't, that tells you a lot about their attitude towards you. Eh, I don't think it's nearly as B&W as everyone else seems to think. I don't want to call or text a woman every day even if I am interested. I've had girlfriends who expected daily contact, and I'd go along when in a relationship, but it just feels sophomoric to try and maintain that before you've become an item. I was doing the dance for several months recently with someone I was quite interested in, and I was initiating contact twice a week. Once to set something up for the weekend, and again after several days just to check in. So I think all we can know for sure is that they have different expectations. I will acknowledge that if he said he would call he should have, and that if you texted him he should have responded. This is where I'd draw inferences, not in the fact that he's not in hot pursuit. I think it's funny that the vast majority think all men have the same hot pursuit firmware. Nope, don't think so. Edited May 17, 2020 by salparadise 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 It's better to not call enough than call too much. Leaving a woman wanting works better than leaving her feeling smothered. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 4 hours ago, FMW said: Which is totally cool, as long as you don't expect the person who sent the text to still be receptive and open when you later decide YOU want contact. Well ... that’s just a chance I’m willing to take 😁 Really though... I know it seems rude but at this point I can’t handle any more ‘what you doin’ conversations brought on by sheer politeness on my part. So I’m in self preservation mode now and I’ll ignore them completely. As far as the op, I do think if he wanted to talk to her, he’d text back before 4 days but what do I know. Maybe he’s waiting for a ‘what you doin’ moment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 (edited) @softball88 Quote So what's the deal? Is this normal behavior for a guy? It's normal for an uninterested guy or an uninterested person for that matter. Interested people will make it happen. They like being around you and they're interested in a relationship so they don't do things to jeopardize that from happening. Anything that might be perceived as lack of interest, will be bridged through communication from his end. You won't feel resistance or confusion. You won't feel like you're left in the dark. Consider how you feel as feedback. Why is he nice to you in person then? Well, he knows you're a good person. He respects you so he's kind to you. That's all. Since he's not reciprocating, distance from him to allow yourself to heal and recover. You won't be able to so long as he's in your face. Any contact you have with him, will only feed into your hidden desires/ulterior motive and prolong the process. The longer that goes on, the more frustrated and addicted you'll feel. You want to get back to being your best self so that you can be your best self when you meet someone who is interested. Right now, this guy has become toxic and he will stop you from getting there. It's not his fault or yours..its just what is and what you need to do. Stay strong - Beach Edited May 17, 2020 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 7 hours ago, salparadise said: Eh, I don't think it's nearly as B&W as everyone else seems to think. I don't want to call or text a woman every day even if I am interested. I've had girlfriends who expected daily contact, and I'd go along when in a relationship, but it just feels sophomoric to try and maintain that before you've become an item. I was doing the dance for several months recently with someone I was quite interested in, and I was initiating contact twice a week. Once to set something up for the weekend, and again after several days just to check in. So I think all we can know for sure is that they have different expectations. I will acknowledge that if he said he would call he should have, and that if you texted him he should have responded. This is where I'd draw inferences, not in the fact that he's not in hot pursuit. I think it's funny that the vast majority think all men have the same hot pursuit firmware. Nope, don't think so. Yes, but this is nothing to do with how often someone calls, it's actually about being rude. People who say, "I'll call you tomorrow" and then don't, in that specific situation, are telling you a lot about themselves in that small act. They're taking control of the relationship by letting you know that they'll be the one initiating contact, and then if they don't call they're letting you know that you have no value for them. They're also demonstrating that they have bad manners when there's nothing to be gained. Why say, "I'll call you" when he had no intention, (unless he couldn't pick up the following weekend because then he might have called her)? You say you call someone you're interested in twice a week, once to tee up a date and then to "check in", (which sounds like a duty call so she doesn't crack the darks and mess up your plans for sex the next weekend - haha). For me, if the woman doesn't feel she can freely ring the guy for a chat, or he ignores her texts, she should run, because that's her A-Hole Alarm going off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 8 hours ago, Woggle said: It's better to not call enough than call too much. Leaving a woman wanting works better than leaving her feeling smothered. Until she gets tired of not getting her needs met and finds someone better.... 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 11 minutes ago, MsJayne said: You say you call someone you're interested in twice a week, once to tee up a date and then to "check in", (which sounds like a duty call so she doesn't crack the darks and mess up your plans for sex the next weekend - haha). For me, if the woman doesn't feel she can freely ring the guy for a chat, or he ignores her texts, she should run, because that's her A-Hole Alarm going off. Crack the darks? I haven't heard that before. What does it mean and where does it come from? I agree that he should call when he said he would, but as you say, a different issue. If someone isn't reliable I write them off pretty fast. I haven't analyzed it, but I have low tolerance for unreliability. Women flake as bad a men, equal opportunity bullish*t. In the situation I was referring to I'd usually call on Thursday about walking together on Saturday or Sunday. This was during lockdown, so we were maintaining distance. We didn't visit, and we weren't having sex. It was an unusual situation. We'd walk and talk for a few hours, and then I'd text a couple days later. She texted first occasionally. Neither of us delayed responding to the other. She seemed to prefer that I do most of the initiating though. I'd feel silly trying to be in contact every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 50 minutes ago, basil67 said: Until she gets tired of not getting her needs met and finds someone better.... True but too much contact will drive a woman away much faster than too little contact. You have to gradually start contacting them more and make feel like they earned your heart. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 'Crack the darks' means to sulk. I don't know whether I made it up, I may have as I think it first came into my conversation around the time I labelled a miserable guy at work The Prince Of Darkness and 'crack the darks' related to him because a dark cloud seemed to follow him around and he'd sap the happy out of any room he entered 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 (edited) 42 minutes ago, Woggle said: True but too much contact will drive a woman away much faster than too little contact. You have to gradually start contacting them more and make feel like they earned your heart. What is too much contact? I mean, yes, 'Good morning' and 'good night' texts would be a bit much...but other women seem to like this stuff. Edited May 18, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Woggle said: It's better to not call enough than call too much. Leaving a woman wanting works better than leaving her feeling smothered. Oh I hate these games...as soon as I would get a whiff of these games I'd be casually gone...I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't an adult. Personally I never had a problem figuring out when a man was interested. He made contact. Probably a lot. There weren't these pointed 48 hours or 72 hours or whatever without contact because a guy who like every guy took his phone to work, on walks, to watch TV, into the bathroom, like...everywhere was mysteriously just waaaaay too busy (market value!) to send one text. Interested guys who are confident that their interest will be returned, and that if not, there's another woman coming along soon, show interest because what do they have to lose, and I think because they just figure their interest has a chance of being returned, I mean duh, you did go out with them. I mean...you can feel it. No resentment, no "I'll play you and MAKE you interested by neglecting you..." just. ..interest. Like grown-ups do it. Simple. It was the easiest weeding out process ever, no muss, no fuss, no wondering. He likes me, I like him, we think about each other during the day and look forward to talking to eachother. At least in my experience. It was always the insecure guys whom had to play the games. Then confident guys? "You're beautiful. And smart. I'd love to take you out. Are you free Friday?" Done. Great date? "So, are you crazy enough to go out with me again? How about we talk again Tuesday?" Phone call Tuesday. Confident guys don't have to d*ck around. Edited May 18, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 I hate games as well and if I were single I would refuse to play them but I know from what I witness is that being too eager is the easiest way to drive a woman away. Just because I point out a certain fact of life does not mean that I support that fact. I simply call it like I see it. The state of modern relationships today is a complete and total train wreck and I think god I lucked out and don't have to deal with that minefield. That being said these games work. Don't blame the weatherman for accurately reporting the weather. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 13 hours ago, Woggle said: It's better to not call enough than call too much. Leaving a woman wanting works better than leaving her feeling smothered. So its done on purpose Link to post Share on other sites
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