Phoenix13Nash Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 So I was in this relationship with this girl for about 7 years. We broke things off pretty badly and have not talked for about 5 years I’d say. The details are irrelevant as we took the time to forgive each other. She messaged me a couple weeks ago and said she didn’t want to live any regrets and wanted to wish me well. However, our conversation since then has been extremely pleasant. Our messages are like novels and we’ve been engaging in witty and meaningful conversations. It feels almost like how it did in the early part of our former relationship. I’ve dated a bunch since she left, but no other girl could make me feel the same way. Since then I have also made great strides in my career and taken up many new interests / hobbies. I guess I’m excited because I’ve waited all these years for this chance, but I can’t help but feel a plethora of emotions. I’m a little bitter because it took a life altering event for her to message me. I’m feeling a little anxious, because while I want this to work out, realistically anything could happen, like she finds a new guy, she finds out she’s not so interested in me after all, etc. I’m taking things slowly with her. When I asked about her feelings, she said she couldn’t give me the answer I needed, but that she was comfortable talking to me. She said she would give me a gift since my birthday just past. And she said I’m more than welcome to visit her in Florida (I’m from South Carolina). She also did say that she has her walls up and that she wants to feel valued in a relationship. I guess I’m just having trouble reading her. My thoughts are that if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t take the time to reply to my messages if she didn’t have some interest in rebuilding, and she seems receptive to a reconciliation, but I’m not entirely sure. I think I might be letting my insecurities creep into my mind a little bit. what do y’all think? is this something I should keep pursuing and go all in? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ekaj Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Got nothing to lose? If she says no she says no. 5 years is a long time And people change. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 14 hours ago, Phoenix13Nash said: I guess I’m just having trouble reading her. My thoughts are that if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t take the time to reply to my messages if she didn’t have some interest in rebuilding, and she seems receptive to a reconciliation, but I’m not entirely sure. I think I might be letting my insecurities creep into my mind a little bit. what do y’all think? is this something I should keep pursuing and go all in? She's probably not entirely sure either, which is fair after 5 years. You don't know each other as well now, and while you wouldn't be starting from scratch, you would need to date each other again to even see if there really is something to work with at this point. It seems to be worth giving it a shot. I would approach it from the angle that you need to get to know each other again. Evaluate whether you're still compatible. Don't go in with reconciliation at the forefront of your mind - see how you feel after meeting her again in person and going on some dates. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 14 hours ago, Phoenix13Nash said: . We broke things off pretty badly and have not talked for about 5 years I’d say. The details are irrelevant as we took the time to forgive each other. The details are not irrelevant as they will have a huge bearing on how things pan out now. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Sometimes people get nostalgic over an event/etc. Will that last? Relationships must be balanced to last. You want to go all in but she’s not sure? Potential one sided which won’t last. Guys tend to see what they want to see and end up getting disappointed. If you want to proceed do so with this in mind. If she doesn’t reciprocate it’s a losing battle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 Hey y’all thank you for replying! That’s why I love this community so much. I’ll take the time to reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 22 hours ago, Ekaj said: Got nothing to lose? If she says no she says no. 5 years is a long time And people change. I actually agree with you on that. If it goes well, then we date again. If not then I don’t lose anything. I’m kind of scared of losing more time and losing opportunities if this doesn’t work out. But the worst risk I guess is not taking one at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 12 hours ago, elaine567 said: The details are not irrelevant as they will have a huge bearing on how things pan out now. I agree that the old relationship could dictate how things go, but it has been years. Looking back, I guess you could say I’ve come to terms with my mistakes and learned from them. When talking to her, she said she never felt loved or valued in the relationship. But she did say that she was also horrible to me and shouldn’t have treated me so meanly. As noted, I’ve had the time to grow and develop and date around, so I feel more confident this time and this confidence wasn’t present in my last relationship with her. Aside from that, we both agreed that it is better to forget and live without regret. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Who broke up with who? I guess she broke up with you is that correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 What an adorable story. I'll be right back cause I'm going to make myself some popcorn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 8 hours ago, Marc878 said: Sometimes people get nostalgic over an event/etc. Will that last? Relationships must be balanced to last. You want to go all in but she’s not sure? Potential one sided which won’t last. Guys tend to see what they want to see and end up getting disappointed. If you want to proceed do so with this in mind. If she doesn’t reciprocate it’s a losing battle. It could very well be nostalgia on her end which will lead me to be disappointed. She has been somewhat mixed with her feelings. She gives me the vibe that she wants to get back together (based on how she talks about including me in her future), but then she also says it might take a little time because she wants to protect her heart. for me, I want to go all in, but I’m not completely at the point either. As you mentioned, I am afraid to set myself up for disappointment. my approach has been just to take things slow and use that nostalgia to help out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Who broke up with who? I guess she broke up with you is that correct? She broke up with me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 1 minute ago, Realitysux said: What an adorable story. I'll be right back cause I'm going to make myself some popcorn. There’s always that one person though Hahahaha. Enjoy the show! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, Phoenix13Nash said: There’s always that one person though Hahahaha. Enjoy the show! That one person would be me 🧐 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: She's probably not entirely sure either, which is fair after 5 years. You don't know each other as well now, and while you wouldn't be starting from scratch, you would need to date each other again to even see if there really is something to work with at this point. It seems to be worth giving it a shot. I would approach it from the angle that you need to get to know each other again. Evaluate whether you're still compatible. Don't go in with reconciliation at the forefront of your mind - see how you feel after meeting her again in person and going on some dates. I think I like your advise the most. It’s kind of reflective about how I’ve been treating the connection. We definitely have a spark, so I don’t have to start from scratch like most guys would. However as you noted time has passed, so it’s like getting to know her all over again. Even the stuff I thought I knew, I’m re learning with her and talking about memories. definitely agree with you. When she broke up with me, I immediately asked for her back and that was no good for either of us. So I’m just going slow with this thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 10 minutes ago, Phoenix13Nash said: I think I like your advise the most. It’s kind of reflective about how I’ve been treating the connection. We definitely have a spark, so I don’t have to start from scratch like most guys would. However as you noted time has passed, so it’s like getting to know her all over again. Even the stuff I thought I knew, I’m re learning with her and talking about memories. definitely agree with you. When she broke up with me, I immediately asked for her back and that was no good for either of us. So I’m just going slow with this thing. You are long distance no? How are you going to go on a couple dates? And if she is compatible then are you going to move? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix13Nash Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 1 minute ago, Realitysux said: You are long distance no? How are you going to go on a couple dates? And if she is compatible then are you going to move? Yes. We met on a dating app, then transitioned to meeting in person at her hometown. Distance was never a problem with us. Both of us are goal oriented people, so we would visit during vacations when we weren’t as busy. I would consider it, but that’s a conversation for her at a later time. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 I am going over to the post about the women who has NO pictures. I will see you later. Link to post Share on other sites
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