Guy used others to reject me

[Realitysux]

About 7 years ago, I met this guy and I really don't feel the need to get into too much detail about this person because I'm closing it. He tried to help me when he learned I was online and struggling. Doing this made it harder for me to let it go hense 7 years later. He was not interested in me romantically and made no effort to know me but he did take it upon himself to give me a ton of advice. I even connected with a few people off line involved and there was a lot of encouragement to move on from him. I responded to him directly about this which instigated more of it.

I didn't really feel the need to be mature and rational about it since I was closing it but I didn't handle myself well at all and I feel bad for not being upfront and honest. I turned it into a war and I got nothing out of it. I also became really obsessed with it and spent all my time reading it and arguing to stop. In the end it didn't and I wasted 7 years of my life, time and energy in this. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I think I was using it to distract myself from facing my problems. 

Again, I'm not going to get into too much detail but because I was so distracted by this and rejecting his advice because I didn't want his help, I'm back to where I was 7 years ago. Nothing has changed so I need to make the steps now.

I need to forget about the guy and this.

I need stability in my career (trades).

I need hobbies.

I need to improve my vocabulary. 

I need to create a new existance. 

But I feel so worthless. Does anyone have some suggestions? I'm keeping the thread going so I may give more details about the support but in closing it and moving on. Also what can I do through the virus?

Do I sound uneducated? What advice would you give me to improve this for my business ventures coming up?

 

@Beachead would really appreciate your input too! 

Edited April 28, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

No one wants to reply to my thread and I have a lot of anxiety about this. I am going to have a difficult time moving forward 

Edited April 28, 2020 by Realitysux

[5x5]

You can't runaway from yourself.

[basil67]

You've mentioned in previous posts that you have issues with your mental health.   Have you done any work with a psychologist since then?    The reason I ask is that good mental health is what underpins all the goals you have.  

Also, how are things going with your son?

[Realitysux]

My mom is staying with me to help out. She's doing all the work. I'm a complete mess and I haven't talked to my dr about this all. I'm kind of scared to since I would get myself in loads of trouble. The guy hacked me and you should never mention hacking to a mental health professional. I would have meds shoved down my throat I didn't need. I have been reading posts everywhere and harassing him over the posts. He ignored me and kept posting and that made me sink in my mental health. I was associated with these two people, they acted on his behalf and told me to move on, then I felt worse and harassed the guy. I feel pretty awful. What should I do first? The guy was not innocent in this at all. Do I sound like I have mental health in my posts? I have to move on. I shouldn't even mention the guy. 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Realitysux

[basil67]

I say this kindly:  Your posts in this thread don't make sense and in the parts I can understand, your actions aren't rational.  So yes, you sound like you have significant mental health issues at present.   You need to talk to your doctor.

Edited April 29, 2020 by basil67

[FMW]

I think basil made good points and gave very good advice.  It seems you have a lot going on in your head and maybe you would gain some clarity and relief from talking with a mental/emotional health specialist one on one.  Right now it might have to be by phone or video conferencing.    

It's a lot braver to seek help with issues rather than try and muddle through them on your own. If you have a regular MD you can ask for a referral, or look into whether you have an employee assistance plan associated with your work.  That will at least give you a place to start to look for the right resources.        

[Realitysux]

Omg! I think I make sense. My behavior has made things worse for me too! I will get some help with this. Do you think that will solve everything?

The guy was testing me by hacking me and telling me he is positioning himself with every move I make to get me to block him! 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Realitysux

[basil67]

I'm glad you're going to seek help.   Self help isn't a quick fix and I can't say if it will solve everything.  But it's the right place to start.

[Realitysux]

I know what having poor mental health and hacking sounds like! I also know what happened. He said move let go and move on and I did. I think they think if I don't respond to their help or if I ignore them then I've moved on. The women was involved and she wanted to go social dance and he wrote about meeting someone while dancing and it was like a thunder bolt. I contacted him directly and told him something but it wasn't I want you. Then she said let go and move on so I told him that when you say let let go and move on, then that's it. You can't really know what's going on or be in my life after that and then more happened so now I feel defeated. I'm getting ready to go to work. I am working alone which makes it more difficult since I don't have anyone to talk to when I start asking questions. I feel like no one is ever going to believe this happened. 

I want to feel like I got something out if this since I was right and they were wrong. I'm also alone in this and I have to walk away. 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I keep thinking that they are better then I am, more popular, smarter, more successful, they won, they defeated me, they are going to defeat me, I wish I never met him, how did this happen, why didn't I just block him at the company and except my mistake, why didn't I let it go in 2013, why did I let it last 7 years and enable them to hack me. Then I have to talk myself out if this that I am more valuable to me the they are. I can not be like poor me, I did this and that, I have to stop whining about it and accept it. I feel like such a loser but I'll take steps today to make life better tomorrow. I'm sorry guys if I sound like this but I need to let this go. I feel so defeated. They should have never been this nosey. 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Realitysux

[Beachead]

Hey RealitySux,

Can you explain what you mean by the word "Hacking" in reference to your situation.  You've used it before, but I'm still a bit unclear about it.  

- Beach

Edited April 29, 2020 by Beachead

[preraph]

You sound articulate, so no worries about sounding uneducated.  But you sound like you need constant psychiatric care to straighten out your thinking.  

 

We don't know what went on with this person you are obsessed with, but it lasted for 7 years, so we know something did.  I have been hacked by a stalker, so I am not discounting what you say .  However, you do sound just in general paranoid, mainly by you saying you're afraid to be honest with a therapist.  And you are resistent to medicine, which you need to just give up thinking you know more than the doctor, take what he tries you on, report any and all side effects you get from them but only while taking them exactly as prescribed, and then if there's issues, let him put you on something else or something additional.  At some point, your paranoia is keeping you from getting psychiatric help and that is my main issue with you and the thing you need to just give up fighting and put your trust in, because frankly, it is your only hope of improving your mental health!

 

Please just stop fighting betting better!

[Realitysux]

Thank you all so much for your help. I took the day off work and I got in to see my dr. He gave me a needle and some medications. He said I'm just struggling with some anxiety and that I'll be back to normal by dinner. 

Anywho, he hacked into my computer but you know, now that I am medicated, I'm not feeling worried about anything. I don't even recall writing this post. Oops! 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Realitysux

[lana-banana]

What type of long-term anxiety and stress disappears immediately with a single pill? Are you on benzodiazepines? Do you have a therapist you can chat with about your health concerns?

[Realitysux]

Hello all, 

7 years ago, I met this guy, I became obsessed with him and the worse my mental health got, the more obsessed I became. He was a nice guy and he set up online support but kept his distance. I moved to a different contenant but still emailed him. He ignored my emails and had people where I lived connect with me to tell me to move on. I think he felt I was needy so used people to pull me off of him. He also wrote things that made me believe he wanted to reconnect with him then made a mockery out of me. It was rough. I am moving on by I feel a little s***ty none the less. Yesterday he had someone reach out and try to get me to go find a guy to have sex with because he felt since he was never going to that I should start looking at that. 

Edited May 13, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

Thanks for all the replies. I can't wait to log back in and read them.

[Realitysux]

I'm obviously going to stop emailing him. Duh! This is a real and legit post that no one wants to reply to because it's weird. They turned around and called me weird and it did make me weird. 

I just got back and established, settled in a job, had 5000 in the bank, close to getting my driver's license and then I left work, didn't get the other job, and 7 years later things didn't go to well ... But .. it's my own fault 

The issue I have now is that I started to do things again and I was picking myself up then it all came back. I was addicted to it. There was like the rational side and the irrational side. The irrational side took over. I could not be who he wants me to be and he doesn't like who I am. If I were to become a person he would want me to be, I can not go back to him. I just wanted time and space to get over it but this forum was also addicting to me. I couldn't understand how he could be happy in a relationship and still taking over my coping. Not that it matters, have to get to work

 

anybody could respond. If it's mental health well if you did what I did then your mental health would be bad too! I'll be alright I think I can survive 

Edited May 13, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I sound mad when I read what he writes and send emails and texts but I'm actually happy for other people who are happy.. I feel defeated but I'm not going to let it destroy me. This was actually not what destroyed me. That is wishful thinking! 

[basil67]

Hi RS, I've only just seen your post now.   

We talked about this topic a couple of weeks ago.  You said that you've seen your doctor - did the doctor refer you for mental health treatment?  I think you could do with some professional support.  

[Realitysux]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Hi RS, I've only just seen your post now.   

We talked about this topic a couple of weeks ago.  You said that you've seen your doctor - did the doctor refer you for mental health treatment?  I think you could do with some professional support.  

Thanks but in all fairness, I'm not being 100 percent truthful as to my side of this. I'm writing because he will read this. I appreciate your concerns with my mental health but this really did happen. I am not going to really let my emotions or how I'm feeling out during this. I'm trying to end it with them so I can talk honestly. It will not make sense to you!

[basil67]

I'm sure the story is real.  What are you doing to stop his friends and acquaintances reaching out to you? 

And seriously, reading your history, you still need assistance with your mental health.  Did your doctor refer you to a psychiatrist?  There's no shame in seeking help.   

 

[Realitysux]

Thanks but I'm covered. The issue I have is that I was not in a good place and my privacy was breached. I looked bad and I really did not want to be seen .. I was only looking for some online conversation as I slowly walked my way out of the black hole. They made this about a man who was fine. He didn't need to do this and I was tortured by my inability to be someone I thought I would be. He made it about him. The guys good and I'm happy for him. I wanted to move on in peace.