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has any women ever made it a difficult for a guy to date you

fred123

By fred123
in General Relationship Discussion

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fred123 Established Member

fred123

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i am just wondering ladies how u treat guys ur mildy into as options. have u ever made life difficult for the guy when he is trying make plans for dates and basically trying to date you. what things do girls say/do to keep guys at arms length?

 

thanx

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Posted (edited)

I have kept men I wasn't interested in at arm's length.  I would try to do so kindly, to ensure the guy maintained his dignity & didn't hate me for rejecting him.  My goal was to discourage the guy from asking a Q whose answer would cause me to hurt his feelings.  Basically I would try to preempt the guy from asking me out so I didn't have to turn him down.   

I would avoid him.  If that wasn't possible I would make sure we were never alone & certainly never alone under the influence in a romantic setting.  I would only dance with him in groups, never slow dances.  I would make sure to frequently comment that he was a good "friend" or I'd even step it up & start talking about how he was like a brother to me; I would use the word friend repeatedly in his presence.  I would flirt with other men in front of him to contrast how differently I treated him.  I would mention how attractive I found the other men.  I would not flirt with the guy I was trying to discourage.  

For the most part it worked.  To this day, (20+ years later) I am still friendly with a number of men who probably would have liked to have asked me out back when we were in our 20s.  Mind you these are genuinely good people; they just didn't cause a spark in me.  Over the years these guys met the men I did date & all know my husband.  I almost always dated outside the local circle. There were very little comparisons between the men I did date -- usually highly educated -- and the ones I didn't, although ironically my husband only had an Associate's Degree when we walked down the aisle but as a military veteran he was very worldly and ambitious which has paid off in the long run.   Many of those guys have jokingly told my husband that I was an Ice Queen back in the day. 

I had a little help too. I grew up in a small community. Everybody knew everybody & my parents were big partiers.  Often some guy would ask my parents for permission to ask me out.  My parents knew better so they would say something to the guy like "You don't need our permission.  We like you just fine but you gotta realize D0nnivain is a snob & she can be a real B1tch. Save yourself the heartache because she probably won't go out with you."  My parents were pretty blunt.  

It's not that hard to freeze a guy out.  Most men can read those red lights from a mile away.  I suspect that you have trouble with some of those social cues, fred123.  That may be at that heart of your dating woes.  

Edited by d0nnivain
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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

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Not really, if they are not into it I move on.  I sometimes wonder if some were following "the rules" or some such nonsense.

Now that is completely different from people who are busy and things coming up, heck it is near impossible to avoid at my age so things can be difficult logistically, that is not a problem just a fact of life.

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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No...or...I never thought about this as a formula or anything...men aren't cookie cutouts...they're human beings...every man is his own person and every situation is unique.

I mean I would make sure not to flirt or anything but that's probably pretty obvious. I was never the "dangle him" type. That sort of thing honestly disgusts me. You're talking about a human being.

Now if I've been asked out and I didn't want to go I politely said no. I feel like that's pretty clear...

I'm wondering about the question here. If you're wondering whether or not a specific woman is interested in you, why not ask her out? You'll have your answer.

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gaius Established Member

gaius

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When I met my wife she was attracted to me but was a widow who never thought she'd be in a relationship again. Who in the years prior had fallen in love and shortly thereafter experienced an incredibly painful and traumatic end to that love. So for our first few years together it was a mix of holding me at arms length and pushing me away. It also didn't help that at the time I didn't know the best way to handle every situation.

I've never desired anything more in my life than I do her, so I didn't take it personally and persevered. If she really wanted to get rid of me she always could have but I aggressively courted her and at some point the wall just came down. The talk of us never getting married shifted to wedding ring shopping. 

If she had made me fight for another 10 years it would have been worth it. :classic_love: I really do enjoy the intimacy of both of us knowing we're going to be partners and lovers for as much time as we get here on Earth though.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I've never been 'mildly' into a guy.   I've either been dead keen or not interested.

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IndigoNight Established Member

IndigoNight

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My husband step sister tried to. She warned him off of me with less and rumors. She failed miserably. Considering we've been together 21+ years now.

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fred123 Established Member

fred123

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its strange why women wont just stop seeing a guy theyre not into. i mean if you dont really see a future with the guy and ur avoiding his dates and invitations why not just not date him?!  also fairer and easier on the guy so he knows the girl isnt interested rather than messing with his head and him thinking " hmm shes half into me and half not"

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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I've always made it very clear whether I'm interested or not, politely.

To your point about some women being not so clear, unfortunately, some women enjoy the perks their male friends/orbiters provide, so keep things intentionally vague.

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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, fred123 said:

its strange why women wont just stop seeing a guy theyre not into. i mean if you dont really see a future with the guy and ur avoiding his dates and invitations why not just not date him?!  also fairer and easier on the guy so he knows the girl isnt interested rather than messing with his head and him thinking " hmm shes half into me and half not"

Or why not just move on?   You do have a choice, she isn’t forcing you to orbit.    

Edited by SumGuy
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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Posted

if it reaches that point she's just being a friend and not interested in anything further so it's up to you to just stop pursuing her and stop seeing her. It's a waste of your time.

CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, fred123 said:

its strange why women wont just stop seeing a guy theyre not into. i mean if you dont really see a future with the guy and ur avoiding his dates and invitations why not just not date him?!  also fairer and easier on the guy so he knows the girl isnt interested rather than messing with his head and him thinking " hmm shes half into me and half not"

She might like the attention. 

IndigoNight Established Member

IndigoNight

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Posted

I've kept guys around for their bedroom skills, and not their personality. 

It depends on what a woman, or man for that matter, is looking for in a partner. 

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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

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Posted (edited)
15 minutes ago, IndigoNight said:

I've kept guys around for their bedroom skills, and not their personality. 

I don’t think that what OP is perturbed about :)   

Edited by SumGuy
IndigoNight Established Member

IndigoNight

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I don’t think that what OP is perturbed about :)   

I was criticised by some women for doing so. I was honest with my intentions. Not all men, or women, are relationship material. At least not for everyone.

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fred123 Established Member

fred123

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4 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I don’t think that what OP is perturbed about :)   

iv been in "relationships" where the girl is seeing me but not really putting aa lot of effort or introducing me to people or things like that. just very casual.

and im thinking "why is this girl seeing me and wasting time with a guy shes meh about?" 

i mean find a guy who u want to do these things with that ur into. 

IndigoNight Established Member

IndigoNight

Posted
Posted (edited)
51 minutes ago, fred123 said:

iv been in "relationships" where the girl is seeing me but not really putting aa lot of effort or introducing me to people or things like that. just very casual.

and im thinking "why is this girl seeing me and wasting time with a guy shes meh about?" 

i mean find a guy who u want to do these things with that ur into. 

Not everyone wants a "happily ever after" relationship. I've dated guys that were planning our marriage by the third date. I've dated guys who were more interested in my friends, male and/or female . It takes all kinds.

Edited by IndigoNight
IndigoNight Established Member

IndigoNight

Posted
Posted
On 5/13/2020 at 7:51 AM, fred123 said:

i am just wondering ladies how u treat guys ur mildy into as options. have u ever made life difficult for the guy when he is trying make plans for dates and basically trying to date you. what things do girls say/do to keep guys at arms length?

 

thanx

No. I don't play games if I am interested in someone. Never have. It's a good way for a guy to lose interest. Quickly!

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