Barbu Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 She was ditched by him like an old towel with no explanation whatsoever, and he’s waltzed back into her life saying sorry and telling her he still loves her. She’s accepted his friend request and I just don’t know what to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Why do you care what goes on between them? I'm assuming you have a romantic interest. Breakups aren't always sudden and clean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 Just now, preraph said: Why do you care what goes on between them? I'm assuming you have a romantic interest. Breakups aren't always sudden and clean. I’m in a relationship. She’s my best friend whom I’ve known since nursery. I’m scared she will end up being hurt again by a guy who disappeared on her years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 You sound like a lady who was here yesterday with the same complaint about her best friend. I'll tell you like I told her that it's best to support her unless she's being physically abused by this man. It really isn't your business as I assume she's an adult and knows what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 The best approach I can think of (for a close friend) would be the following Be honest and tell her that you are concerned and why. Ask her how she is feeling about the situation. Offer your support regardless of what she decides. Let it go and respect her right to choose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 5 hours ago, stillafool said: You sound like a lady who was here yesterday with the same complaint about her best friend. I'll tell you like I told her that it's best to support her unless she's being physically abused by this man. It really isn't your business as I assume she's an adult and knows what she wants. 4 hours ago, Scarlett.O'hara said: The best approach I can think of (for a close friend) would be the following Be honest and tell her that you are concerned and why. Ask her how she is feeling about the situation. Offer your support regardless of what she decides. Let it go and respect her right to choose. Thank you both. I understand that there’s nothing I can do other than be there for her, it just baffles me that she would let some guy who disappeared on her come back into her life like this. I’ve had people tell me not to worry, that it’s just a friend request, but she could have easily just ignored it. It’s clear to me he wants her back though, and part of me thinks she still likes him. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Ollie180 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I was just googling trying to find a quote I heard once... ’Being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over’ Your job as a friend isn’t to control someone, its just to ride with them! 🤷🏼♂️ 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Ollie180 said: I was just googling trying to find a quote I heard once... ’Being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over’ Your job as a friend isn’t to control someone, its just to ride with them! 🤷🏼♂️ You’re absolutely right, and that’s a great quote, it’s just he hurt her before and I spent years picking up the pieces, and now she’s gone and accepted his friend request and she could get hurt by him again. It’s like a cycle. I just don’t understand why she would want to risk it because she knows too well what he’s capable of doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 2 hours ago, Realitysux said: How old are you? 25 Link to post Share on other sites
Ollie180 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Barbu said: I just don’t understand why she would want to risk it because she knows too well what he’s capable of doing. But people have to learn for themselves, right!? It’s not in your hands! She isn’t the first, she won’t be the last! It’s sad, don’t get me wrong - but it’s not in your hands! Also, people hate being ‘told’ stuff, if you tell her she’s wrong, you’ll only back her into a corner of feeling like she has to prove she’s right! ...tell her ‘you don’t get it, but you love her whatever’ no more, no less! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 21 minutes ago, Ollie180 said: But people have to learn for themselves, right!? It’s not in your hands! She isn’t the first, she won’t be the last! It’s sad, don’t get me wrong - but it’s not in your hands! Also, people hate being ‘told’ stuff, if you tell her she’s wrong, you’ll only back her into a corner of feeling like she has to prove she’s right! ...tell her ‘you don’t get it, but you love her whatever’ no more, no less! You’re absolutely right. All I’ve suggested to her is that she should ignore his friend request, but she’s chosen to accept it. I can’t do or say anything more, other than support her when the inevitable happens and she gets hurt like last time. it’s really frustrating. Part of me hopes she just wants to be friends with him... part of me hopes it’s nothing to worry about... but deep down I know she likely still has feelings for him and she’s still attached. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I find it weird that you are so concerned about how your friend is living her life. Unless she is actually being abused, it's not really your concern. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: I find it weird that you are so concerned about how your friend is living her life. Unless she is actually being abused, it's not really your concern. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. Because I care about her and I don’t want to see her go through the same s*** she did the first time he left her. There’s no physical abuse that I know of, but he’s psychologically hurt her and caused her a lot of pain. For her to go back to him and to run the risk of going through all again when he inevitably does the same thing again is making me seriously scared. I know she’s an adult and can make her own decisions... I just don’t think it’s the right choice to make. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 2 minutes ago, Barbu said: I know she’s an adult and can make her own decisions... I just don’t think it’s the right choice to make. Whether you think it's the right choice or not is irrelevant. She is making the choice that is right for her. I can guarantee that If you keep this up she will distance herself from you if they get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Whether you think it's the right choice or not is irrelevant. She is making the choice that is right for her. I can guarantee that If you keep this up she will distance herself from you if they get back together. So I just stand back and watch her get hurt again? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 You can just stand by her and hope it works out if it makes her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 3 minutes ago, Barbu said: So I just stand back and watch her get hurt again? Yep. I've been there with my sister too. Think of it like an unhealthy addiction - a person has to be truly ready to walk away before they can make progress. Sounds like your friend isn't at this stage yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: Yep. I've been there with my sister too. Think of it like an unhealthy addiction - a person has to be truly ready to walk away before they can make progress. Sounds like your friend isn't at this stage yet. An “unhealthy addiction” seems to be accurate albeit an understatement. This all happened many years ago, and after time passed and she started to date other people, I thought she was finally moving on to better things. She was in a relationship 4-5 months ago too, and things were looking good and serious then. But then her ex shows up and this has all happened... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 11 minutes ago, stillafool said: You can just stand by her and hope it works out if it makes her happy. I hope and pray she realise he’s no good. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 What does the person you are in a relationship think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 7 minutes ago, Timshel said: What does the person you are in a relationship think? I haven’t gone into great detail with her, because it’s very personal to my friend but my gf thinks that my friend is letting her heart rule her head. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 20 minutes ago, Barbu said: An “unhealthy addiction” seems to be accurate albeit an understatement. This all happened many years ago, and after time passed and she started to date other people, I thought she was finally moving on to better things. She was in a relationship 4-5 months ago too, and things were looking good and serious then. But then her ex shows up and this has all happened... Addicts relapse too. She has to work through this on her own and make changes when she's ready. I know you're worried, but truly, there's nothing you can do except be there when she needs you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 And remember, at this stage it's only a friend request. Unless she's said that she wants him back, don't underestimate the strength she may have gained in the years apart from him. It is quite possible to be in contact with someone and not succumb to their pleas for another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: And remember, at this stage it's only a friend request. Unless she's said that she wants him back, don't underestimate the strength she may have gained in the years apart from him. It is quite possible to be in contact with someone and not succumb to their pleas for another chance. What you say may very well have credence, and by God do I hope it’s the case, but why not simply ignore the request? From what I saw he hasn’t pleaded for another chance, he just told her he still loves her, but I can see that it could be taken as him asking for another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
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