stillafool Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 You never know what goes on between 2 people especially if the sex was good that alone makes it hard to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 12 minutes ago, stillafool said: You never know what goes on between 2 people especially if the sex was good that alone makes it hard to move on. If the sex is good, it’s usually harder for a man to move on, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Barbu said: Because I care about her and I don’t want to see her go through the same s*** she did the first time he left her. There’s no physical abuse that I know of, but he’s psychologically hurt her and caused her a lot of pain. For her to go back to him and to run the risk of going through all again when he inevitably does the same thing again is making me seriously scared. I know she’s an adult and can make her own decisions... I just don’t think it’s the right choice to make. Psychological abuse is sometimes, if not most of the time, worse than physical abuse. Because you can't see the bruises, and people have a harder time talking about it, it can cause damage for years. What did he do to her, if you don't mind talking about it? It might help people see why you are concerned if you talk about it in more detail. If you want to. Edited May 14, 2020 by Malin889 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 39 minutes ago, Barbu said: but why not simply ignore the request? Barbu, with all due respect, she's just your mate. Why she chooses to do things really isn't your business to delve into. Best thing for you is to take a step back from it all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: Barbu, with all due respect, she's just your mate. Why she chooses to do things really isn't your business to delve into. Best thing for you is to take a step back from it all Ok, you’re right. I shouldn’t be frustrating myself over this (not being sarcastic or anything) Edited May 14, 2020 by Barbu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 21 minutes ago, Malin889 said: Psychological abuse is sometimes, if not most of the time, worse than physical abuse. Because you can't see the bruises, and people have a harder time talking about it, it can cause damage for years. What did he do to her, if you don't mind talking about it? It might help people see why you are concerned if you talk about it in more detail. If you want to. He cut contact with her without any word or explanation. Just left her hanging and blocked her. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 29 minutes ago, Barbu said: He cut contact with her without any word or explanation. Just left her hanging and blocked her. That is not psychological abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 2 hours ago, Barbu said: So I just stand back and watch her get hurt again? Umm, YES, actually. I don't know why you seem to have the idea that you can control her life. You sound like you have serious issues with boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 15, 2020 Author Share Posted May 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Umm, YES, actually. I don't know why you seem to have the idea that you can control her life. You sound like you have serious issues with boundaries. I’m not trying to control her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 15, 2020 Author Share Posted May 15, 2020 5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: That is not psychological abuse. Not to you it isn’t, to her it definitely was. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 6 minutes ago, Barbu said: I’m not trying to control her. Ok, good, so then you have ONE good heart to heart talk with her, let her know how you feel about this guy, and that you don't think it's healthy for her to get back in contact with him, for XYZ reasons. Then she can take your opinion into consideration, or not. If she still chooses to associate with the guy, there's nothing you can do about it. If you continue to push the issue with her, then you are only going to push her away as a friend because then you will come off as controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 46 minutes ago, Barbu said: He cut contact with her without any word or explanation. Just left her hanging and blocked her. Did emotional/psychological abuse happen during the relationship? Do you have feelings for her? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 13 hours ago, Barbu said: If the sex is good, it’s usually harder for a man to move on, no? I was talking about her because it's so hard for women to find a someone who pleases them sexually and when they do it's hard to let them go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 15, 2020 Author Share Posted May 15, 2020 16 hours ago, Malin889 said: Did emotional/psychological abuse happen during the relationship? Do you have feelings for her? No abuse during the relationship, from what I know. She’s my very best friend I’ve known for years, no feelings more than friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 15, 2020 Author Share Posted May 15, 2020 10 hours ago, stillafool said: I was talking about her because it's so hard for women to find a someone who pleases them sexually and when they do it's hard to let them go. She’s told me about issues with her relationships and never quite feeling the same again. I haven’t asked her what she meant... but I don’t think it’s hard to know why now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 15, 2020 Author Share Posted May 15, 2020 23 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Ok, good, so then you have ONE good heart to heart talk with her, let her know how you feel about this guy, and that you don't think it's healthy for her to get back in contact with him, for XYZ reasons. Then she can take your opinion into consideration, or not. If she still chooses to associate with the guy, there's nothing you can do about it. If you continue to push the issue with her, then you are only going to push her away as a friend because then you will come off as controlling. What else can I say to her? No one more than her would be able to know what he’s capable of doing? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 16, 2020 Share Posted May 16, 2020 14 hours ago, Barbu said: She’s told me about issues with her relationships and never quite feeling the same again. I haven’t asked her what she meant... but I don’t think it’s hard to know why now? I don't know what you mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 16, 2020 Author Share Posted May 16, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: I don't know what you mean. Sorry, what I mean is when her ex disappeared on her, she told me a couple years or so later when we had a talk about it, that she’s had serious issues with her relationships and has never quite felt the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted May 30, 2020 Author Share Posted May 30, 2020 Right so apparently before he sent her the message apologising to her and telling her he still had feelings, they had a talk and she told him that she likes the idea of them trying something together but that she’s afraid of the result... whatever that means. I honestly think they might both be playing games with eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Young women especially often think if they love someone enough, it will change a man. It won't. But it's kind of the fairytale and most have to learn it the hard way if they are of that belief that "he'll change." If a love interest isn't good enough at the beginning of the relationship, it's only downhill from there, because the beginning is when they're trying hardest to be nice and impress and win whatever they're after. Unfortunately, lots of women look back on the early days and think this was "the real him," when in fact the longer they are with him, the more they actually get to know the real him. Otherwise, every other couple would run out and marry on the first date, I reckon. Link to post Share on other sites
IHaveAnswers Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 Be sure to communicate to your friend that if she suffers any problems because of this silly decision that you don't want to hear it. You already warned her, she already knows the guy is a loser, yet she chose to allow him back into her life. Yes, she is an adult. Yes, she can make her own decisions. And also Yes, just because you are her friend doesn't mean you have to be some codependent whipping post for her long sordid tale of woe when she CHOSE to do something stupid. That is the thing people don't seem to understand. You don't get to dump your problems in my lap when I already warned you that this was going to happen and you CHOSE to do it anyway. That means you are going to, all by yourself, deal with any and all repercussions of that decision. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't come to my house crying. Don't you dare mention his name to me. Don't ask me NOTHIN. I don't want to be bothered. You want to be silly you have every right to do that. I have an equal right not to be bothered with your silliness. Make sure she understands that when he uses her and discards her again. That is what narcs do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 On 5/14/2020 at 11:08 PM, Barbu said: Because I care about her and I don’t want to see her go through the same s*** she did the first time he left her. This is a lesson she will have to learn. You can't really stop her and if it does happen again then it's for her to learn from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Barbu Posted June 8, 2020 Author Share Posted June 8, 2020 I mean I guess a positive thing is she didn’t reply to his apology... but then again she didn’t need to let him back into her life like this. Anyway, yes, you’re all right. I should take a step back from her, and just let her make her decisions and learn from her mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
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