Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I’ve noticed a pattern with some of the men that have initially showed interest in me in the past that I too have been interested in. Several (not all obviously) have been authoritative figures. I know attraction can be tricky so I was curious if anyone else has experienced something similar? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 Muscles. I attract active guys with nice bodies. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 3 minutes ago, amaysngrace said: Muscles. I attract active guys with nice bodies. Me too but also thin, average build, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Alpaca said: Me too but also thin, average build, etc. I also attract more conservative men than liberal men for some reason. I really don’t know why that is but it seems to be a pattern from when I was much younger and is still occurring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, amaysngrace said: I also attract more conservative men than liberal men for some reason. I really don’t know why that is but it seems to be a pattern from when I was much younger and is still occurring. Interesting. I don't recall politics being a subject with men that I've attracted or been attracted to but perhaps it should be. Edit: Actually, yes, with one now that I think of it. Edited May 14, 2020 by Alpaca additional info Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 Yeah, I attract abusive/ narcissistic men. It took therapy for me to figure out why and what attracted me to these men in the first place. I now know why. Maybe it won’t stop them being attracted to me but it will sure stop me being attracted to them. Once lockdown is lifted in the Uk then ... I’m going after the same guys as the above posters. Sounds good to me! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 4 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: Yeah, I attract abusive/ narcissistic men. It took therapy for me to figure out why and what attracted me to these men in the first place. I now know why. Maybe it won’t stop them being attracted to me but it will sure stop me being attracted to them. Anything you would be willing to share that you learned in therapy as to the why’s and wherefores? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 8 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: Once lockdown is lifted in the Uk then ... I’m going after the same guys as the above posters. Sounds good to me! That's nice, I hope you're successful! Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 2 minutes ago, K.K. said: Anything you would be willing to share that you learned in therapy as to the why’s and wherefores? How long you got? 😁. But for quickness: Youtube vids are good for detailing the character traits of prime targets. I posses every one of them. There’s a lot of reasons why I was attracted to them. Addiction to the “lovebombing” was one of them. Physically my ex’s are all very different in appearance, personality wise they could be the the same bloke. But they are in the past. I hope to attract the “Nice guy” type in the future. Yes I know it’s not recommended on here to be “too nice” but that would suit me just fine, especially at my stage of life. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 5 hours ago, Alpaca said: I’ve noticed a pattern with some of the men that have initially showed interest in me in the past that I too have been interested in. Several (not all obviously) have been authoritative figures. I know attraction can be tricky so I was curious if anyone else has experienced something similar? I haven't noticed a pattern. I've attracted all sorts skinny/athletic/chubby..old/young/all nationalities and ethnicities. Narcissists to normal men Nerds to badboysss.. just yeh everything Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I attract regular guys. Which is good because I like middle of the road. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 And how are you finding these “regular” and “conservative” guys ladies? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2020 Author Share Posted May 14, 2020 6 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: And how are you finding these “regular” and “conservative” guys ladies? For me, it's been men that have demonstrated interest initially. Just trying to gain a little introspection on the types of men that have been attracted to me and that I have been attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I think it's kind of symbiotic. We may think only (or usually) one type of person approaches us, but at the same time, we may subconsciously be giving out signals of attraction TO that type of person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 FWIW, hmm, let me think. When I was much younger, like initially dating, I feel like I attracted all sorts of guys. Then again, back then I wasn't sure what I really wanted in a man yet. But pretty quickly, the smart, quirky guys started sniffing me out, LOL. Those were the guys I wanted so it worked out. I mean there were always guys who gave it a shot literally 100% on the physical, even though we actually couldn't stand one another, but those were fewer, or maybe it's just that I shut that down faster. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 29 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: I hope to attract the “Nice guy” type in the future. Yes I know it’s not recommended on here to be “too nice” but that would suit me just fine, especially at my stage of life. This is how one ends up dating a quality individual. Find someone who is responsible, pleasant, caring, respects and appreciates you and everything falls into place. These types of personalities don't tend to make for the most exciting initial courtships but it's the foundation of a good long-term relationship. It's not science; nice people make for nice relationships. I really knew my gf was a keeper for two reasons; her reaction to my bringing a $3.50 cup of coffee at work and what she bought me for Christmas. She gushed over the fact that I brought her a cup of coffee the entire day; she thanked me three times. It was a small gesture but the fact that she appreciated it that much meant a lot to me. Not because I need validation for acts of kindness but because it showed she's NICE. I have dated too many women who have either taken those small things for granted or just expected them. I had a very comfortable pair of warm, wool socks that I managed to trash in the washing machine and I mentioned it to her once. For Christmas, she bought me two new pairs of the same brand of wool socks as well as a copy of a movie that I mentioned I loved but didn't own. I have had women buy me extravagant gifts for my birthday and Christmas but those two gifts showed me she listens to me and again she's NICE. She's not the most exciting woman in the world and we have a pretty boring life. But, I'm fine with that because she's a sweetheart. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 34 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: And how are you finding these “regular” and “conservative” guys ladies? Have you tried an accounting firm? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 46 minutes ago, miranda561 said: I haven't noticed a pattern. I've attracted all sorts skinny/athletic/chubby..old/young/all nationalities and ethnicities. Narcissists to normal men Nerds to badboysss.. just yeh everything Yeah maybe I do too and it’s just the ones I mentioned that I get with because maybe that’s what I’m attracted to? Definitely something for me to think about... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 45 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: And how are you finding these “regular” and “conservative” guys ladies? I like weirdos. Except not...I love "normal" basic values. But...off-the-wall weird humor, smart-smart (like too smart, nerdy smart), and really really affectionate...that's how I roll. They tend to like me too even though I'm mental. And I don't mean, intellectual. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) Oh, and shy and kind of embarrassed. And short. Bring the short. Oh my goddddddddd. (fanning self) Those are the two things I *can't* find. (Or couldn't when I was dating.) The shy herky "ha-ha-ha" kind of beyond-the-nerd dudes don't want me and seriously those are the dudes I could always just...pin to the wall. Oh goodness. But nope. As for short, where are all the short guys???? Am I just not seeing you above the crowd...all I ever see online are dudes complaing that no woman will go out with a short guy...hey five foot five, I'm talkin' to you. I mean, I'm married now so it's neither here nor there...but...once again I'm looking for a way to put off working so I'm just adding really unnecesary stuff to a thread. The other things, the humor thng, and intelligence and basic nerd...I like them and they like me. Edited May 14, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 21 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: And how are you finding these “regular” and “conservative” guys ladies? First up, I'm only talking about regular guys because conservative guys aren't regular. They are conservative and definitely not my style. So, I'm talking about 'back in the day' because I'm happily married to one of these regular guys. Imagine you're in a bar and there's a group of mates chatting. There will be the guy who's the life of the party, the guy who has lots of muscles, the guy who's hot, the guy who's on his phone, the clown, the guy who's disengaged - you don't want them. You want the guy who's dressed nicely - but not looking like he fell out of a catalogue, is laughing with the group, who has a great smile. It's the guy who's got a regular job. Not the CEO. Not the flashy lawyer. Doesn't have a flashy car. Not particularly wealthy, not poor. Contrary to what the PUAs say, he's not Alpha. Instead, he's a team player, he works with you instead of leading you. His views on the world are centrist. Guys who are quite left or quite right need not apply. He doesn't swear, he keeps his temper in check, he doesn't have road rage. He's neither super generous nor super stingy. Basically, all his personality traits are middle of the road. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) Hey Alpaca, 7 hours ago, Alpaca said: I’ve noticed a pattern with some of the men that have initially showed interest in me in the past that I too have been interested in. Several (not all obviously) have been authoritative figures. I know attraction can be tricky so I was curious if anyone else has experienced something similar? I believe to a large degree, we unknowingly cause it. Our perception of our world is rooted in factors like our upbringing, the adversity/challenges we've faced in life, the experiences we've had. Things like financial status, career type, family structure, how much support we've had in our life, chronic physical/mental illness, death of loved ones and successes and good times etc. Many of these things could have been in our control or out of our control but ALL of it affects our subsequent choices in life. The friends we choose to associate with, the partners we choose to date, the career and educational choices we make, the fears and insecurities we have and the way we react to what life throws our way. In turn, those choices give back to us in a harmful or healthy manner depending on how in line they are with our heart. If we've never taken the time to get know who we are for the most part, then we will likely be unaware of what we need/want and like/dislike. We will be unaware of the way we react, feel, or behave to the stimuli life throws our way and why we're like that. If we don't know what affects us, we won't delve into why, and so we'll get to know ourselves and therefore won't ever construct a better plan for us. We will end up choosing the less than ideal people or situations which will bring less than ideal circumstances, for us as a result. We will be pushed and pulled around by our emotions and thoughts rather than gaining control. And so, similar kinds of people and similar circumstances may seemingly may return to us, and we may feel like we're repeating history. If you've ever been around or been a perpetual complainer or generally someone who is inclined to see why and how something will go wrong, certain people will be attracted to that. If you're someone who allows people to walk all over you because you've never to love yourself, you will attract certain people. So on, so forth. Whom/what we are drawn stems from within us. Hope that makes some kind of sense. - Beach Edited May 14, 2020 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 7 hours ago, Alpaca said: I’ve noticed a pattern with some of the men that have initially showed interest in me in the past that I too have been interested in. Several (not all obviously) have been authoritative figures. I know attraction can be tricky so I was curious if anyone else has experienced something similar? May be a function of where you live in that you have more men of this type, so just probabilities. Also, if you are not liking it other women probably are not liking it as well, so these guys stay in the dating pool. The great ones of either gender can go fast. A couple solutions, (1) reach out to men yourself who you think are not this way, (2) find a way to filter these types out sooner in the process, and last (and likely what you are after) (3) modify your profile to lower the chance these guys will contact you and at the same time perhaps attract the non-authoritarian ones. I'm a guy so my initial problem was attracting women that were too materialistic / status conscious / conservative / judgmental in my view. Not that they were not fun, they just had very different life goals and values than me....which inevitably seem to lead to judging and wanting to change me. Changed my profile and that largely stopped attracting such women. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 53 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Have you tried an accounting firm? Just not Byrde & Liddell, or maybe so. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 I haven’t really noticed that I attract any one type Link to post Share on other sites
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