Why do we attract certain types?

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, Artdeco said:

I know, it’s rare. I guess it’s just because most men I’ve found interesting, funny, and intelligent happened to be the shorter ones. Even in Highschool. And the taller ones I’ve met throughout my lifetime were less interesting or intriguing. Just a series of coincidences initially, but the “preference” has stayed with me subconsciously I suppose 

For me this isn't it at all. Short luv is purely physical for me. From-the-gut physical. 

The other qualities - intelligence, humor, and so on - I've found in men of all heights; all physical descriptions. All ages. 

[Woggle]

There are a ton of short guys who would have their day made if they stumbled on to this forum right now.

[chillii]

 

l've always attracted the relationship marrying kind of chick . God knows why really l'm hardly a model citizen or on some big steady income  mr security.Worked for myself my whole life sleep in stay up all night work when l want and do what l want live more like a poorer version of the rockstar life really soooo , go figure . Their parents have never liked me and l don't blamem l'm terrible husband material yet even back in my 20s every gf l had wanted to marry me.

Married later , 2o yrs , after that 50s, again my first gf started marrying pressure and my gf now said 2 wks in she wants to marry me, luckily 2yrs later and l wanna marry her too haha .

Edited May 15, 2020 by chillii

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, DKT3 said:

It's not really about who you attract. Women attract all men of race, size religion,  socioeconomic status etc. Its who you notice that you've attracted.  

I have said it here a thousand times,  women tend to date the same guy with a different name.

Yes, that is why I started this thread, because I have noticed certain types that I seem to attract more so than others.

This thread has given me some good insight, thanks everyone!

 

[Emilie Jolie]

In my younger days, I used to attract and be attracted to smart ass, very sarcastic, extroverted guys, who appeared more together than they actually were behind closed doors. 

 After doing some maturing myself, I began to take notice of more human qualities like kindness, non judgement, open minded very secure men, introverted with a strong 'British' sense of humour. And grey hair. I love grey hair in a guy for some reason. Which is lucky, because that's my SO to a T.

I'm not single so I don't pay attention to who I attract or not, but if I were I would actively search for the type of guy I'm attracted to and hope that works. 

 

[balletomane]

11 hours ago, K.K. said:

Anything you would be willing to share that you learned in therapy as to the why’s and wherefores? 

I can also chime in on this. I have only been in one abusive relationship, which left me with PTSD, but in therapy I noticed that this man did have something in common with my other two exes - they all had, or had had, health difficulties of one kind or another and needed ongoing support. I realised through therapy that I tend to end up in a caretaker role. I also dislike conflict and would always try and compromise or give way during an argument rather than insist on my point of view. I hadn't noticed this prior to my abusive ex, because most people don't insist on their own way all the time and I had never before been in a situation where just voicing a different opinion on what to have for lunch would have led to violence.

Therapy has been life-changing for me. It has helped me to say no, be more assertive generally, and stop taking responsibility for solving other people's problems. It took me a few years to get to this point, but for the last six months I've been with a great guy. Patterns can be changed.

[Cookiesandough]

10 hours ago, Artdeco said:

I know, it’s rare. I guess it’s just because most men I’ve found interesting, funny, and intelligent happened to be the shorter ones. Even in Highschool. And the taller ones I’ve met throughout my lifetime were less interesting or intriguing. Just a series of coincidences initially, but the “preference” has stayed with me subconsciously I suppose 

Same... all my crushes in school were with shorter guys haha...Like < 5’8... I felt like I clicked more with them personality wise. Though that’s probably in my head/my limited experience. I don’t care about height and date guys all heights, but notice a lot of my dates have been with taller > 6“ guys unintentionally.

Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[chillii]

Not necessarily actually your probably well on track with that.

l'm 6ft but that's been another very typical thing with me even back in school , short chicks love me and l get along with them really well. They just very often typically have a personality l really click with .

[Cookiesandough]

Yes one thing I also notice is short chicks are NUTS for tall guys. Lol. It doesn’t seem to matter what his face or anything else looks like.Is he tall though? Check.  All my shorter friends are climbing all over those trees...

Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Calmandfocused]

16 hours ago, OatsAndHall said:

 

This is how one ends up dating a quality individual. Find someone who is responsible, pleasant, caring, respects and appreciates you and everything falls into place. These types of personalities don't tend to make for the most exciting initial courtships but it's the foundation of a good long-term relationship. It's not science; nice people make for nice relationships. I really knew my gf was a keeper for two reasons; her reaction to my bringing a $3.50 cup of coffee at work and what she bought me for Christmas.

She gushed over the fact that I brought her a cup of coffee the entire day; she thanked me three times. It was a small gesture but the fact that she appreciated it that much meant a lot to me. Not because I need validation for acts of kindness but because it showed she's NICE. I have dated too many women who have either taken those small things for granted or just expected them.

I had a very comfortable pair of warm, wool socks that I managed to trash in the washing machine and I mentioned it to her once. For Christmas, she bought me two new pairs of the same brand of wool socks as well as a copy of a movie that I mentioned I loved but didn't own. I have had women buy me extravagant gifts for my birthday and Christmas but those two gifts showed me she listens to me and again she's NICE.

She's not the most exciting woman in the world and we have a pretty boring life.  But, I'm fine with that because she's a sweetheart.

That’s very helpful oats and sounds good to me. 
 

And what platform have you been using to attract these types of women? 
 

I sense you’re roughly in the same sought of age bracket as me (I’m 41).  Basically past the age of chatting up women in bars.  I’m therefore curious to know how you meet these ladies? 
 

Don’t get me wrong - i know you’ve had a few disasters along the way, but you seem to know what you want, you’re successful in finding what you want and you have good boundaries it seems. 

[Content]

15 hours ago, Artdeco said:

Me neither. I’ve always had a thing for shorter guys. But I’m usually the only one. Most women I know have a min. height requirement. I’ve never understood why. If you put the exact same two guys next to each other and one is 6”2 and the other 5”7 I’d always pick the shorter one. And I’m 5”4

You’re not the only one. I’m only  5’7 and a half and have never had problems attracting women at all.

Quite frankly old and  sites like these are the only places where it makes  it seem like women won’t date short men. But if you look outside that’s clearly not the case.

i think a lot of women might talk about ideals on forums like these but for most people when they meet someone they like and connect with some of these preferences go out the window because there really not that important.

 

Edited May 15, 2020 by Content

[OatsAndHall]

2 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

That’s very helpful oats and sounds good to me. 
 

And what platform have you been using to attract these types of women? 
 

I sense you’re roughly in the same sought of age bracket as me (I’m 41).  Basically past the age of chatting up women in bars.  I’m therefore curious to know how you meet these ladies? 
 

Don’t get me wrong - i know you’ve had a few disasters along the way, but you seem to know what you want, you’re successful in finding what you want and you have good boundaries it seems. 

I've done my fair share of OLD dating but Match has been my go-to for a long time. It's a paid site but I've met more quality women on there than any other site and there's less flakiness. But, here's how I approach OLD:

 

1. My profile is just a long, running joke with references to movies and music I like. This serves two purposes; it stands out among other profiles and it helps me vet women. We won' be compatible if they don't find my profile funny. And, we'll REALLY get a long if they get the references as some of them are obscure.

2. My first message to women is one of several quirky one-liners. "First date thought; Bigfoot hunt. I'm not a conspiracy theorist; the dude is terrible at poker and owes me money. ;)." Again, these messages stand out and the women that respond have a similar sense of humor. It's also a great segway into flirting. It can be fun when it backfires as well; I've had women send back rude comments and then block me when I toss out the Bigfoot line which I can't help but laugh at.

3. OLD is a meat market and there's no way around it. Men and women base a lot on profile pictures. But, I've found that more grounded women like to see at least one "real picture". I have face and full body selfies that women find attractive but I also have one that shows me holding a fish, in a t-shirt and it's "raw". It does show that I'm fit but it also shows that my face looks around my age (39). It's a decent pic but it's also a no b.s. pic which attracts certain women.

4. OLD is a numbers game and I will send out a ton of messages to women but I still vet profiles:

-I date women my age or older. I have had bad luck with women who are younger than me; I might be a "X-nniel" but I associate with Gen Xers.  I've found that older women know what they want, they know what their baggage is, and there's less bullchit.

-I message women that I find physically attractive but I'm not terribly fussy in that department. I can find some physical quality attractive in the majority of women so I focus on that. I absolutely DO NOT message women who have revealing pics on their profile. They might be nice women, I'm not judging them but I have had awful luck in that department. Yup, they look hotter than hell in that bikini but I'm avoiding them.

-I look for compatibility in profiles but I know that those profiles don't really tell you much. I avoid profiles that come across as angry or needy: "Trying this again...", "Don't message me if you're just looking to hook up", "Are you my prince?", "Looking for my soul mate.." etc..etc.. These types of statements don't exactly state "down to earth" so I stay away.

-I actually look for divorcees as they'll typically have some feeling for what a relationship is. They might carry some baggage (we all do, lets be honest...) but they tend to respect/understand my boundaries and they're relieved when I tell them that I'm all about proper adult communication. Nine our of ten have been in marriages where communication was an issue so they're thrilled when we talk about not having heavy conversations via text, cooling off before broaching a subject, being honest about something that is upsetting them, etc..etc..

-I look for woman that have some kind of career... They don't need to be a highly educated person in a lucrative field; I've dated my fair share of women with high school diplomas who have worked their way up to a manager position at a retail store. And, I don't date women with young children anymore. I'm fine if they have a high school age kid at home but nothing younger than that. I'm not looking to be a stepfather.

In reality, it's about not being overly fussy based on metrics or physical appearance. Message a lot of women, go out on dates and see if something clicks. I don't like multi-dating but I fell into the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" category and would meet up with multiple women over a weekend. Notice that I stated "meet"; I wasn't having physical contact with multiple women.

[Ami1uwant]

12 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Yes, that is why I started this thread, because I have noticed certain types that I seem to attract more so than others.

This thread has given me some good insight, thanks everyone!

 

Thst makes it different because women are being approach...men generally aren’t either online or in personality n.

 

everyone has some attraction type of people..

 

blind vs brunetter

real vs fake

big vs small behnd

curves or straight

how much cushion for the...

 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yes one thing I also notice is short chicks are NUTS for tall guys. Lol. It doesn’t seem to matter what his face or anything else looks like.Is he tall though? Check.  All my shorter friends are climbing all over those trees...

I've seen this a lot, but not me. I always feel like I should be holding a balloon or some cotton candy. 

[Envy123]

I only attract the "Instagram blogger" type. I am the complete opposite of that type, looks-wise and socially.

My theories:

1. Opposites do attract after all.
2. I am more myself with this type, as I think that girls like this are "a dime a dozen". Abundance mentality -< greater confidence -< more results in romantic relationships.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Envy123 said:

I only attract the "Instagram blogger" type. I am the complete opposite of that type, looks-wise and socially.

My theories:

1. Opposites do attract after all.
2. I am more myself with this type, as I think that girls like this are "a dime a dozen". Abundance mentality -< greater confidence -< more results in romantic relationships.

Could they be bots?

[chillii]

7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yes one thing I also notice is short chicks are NUTS for tall guys. Lol. It doesn’t seem to matter what his face or anything else looks like.Is he tall though? Check.  All my shorter friends are climbing all over those trees...

Yeah right . lt was weird in younger days because l was always worried l might step on her or something haha , or l might feel threatening or intimidating to her , not to mention squash her , took me years to realize they were actually really at ease and comfortable with my height and bulk compared and it was never an issue at all..

 

 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

everyone has some attraction type of people.

blind vs brunetter

real vs fake

big vs small behnd

curves or straight

how much cushion for the...

 

 

^ I'll take blind. I mean...I'm over 50. I figure that can only help my chances.

 

 

.

Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, balletomane said:

I can also chime in on this. I have only been in one abusive relationship, which left me with PTSD, but in therapy I noticed that this man did have something in common with my other two exes - they all had, or had had, health difficulties of one kind or another and needed ongoing support. I realised through therapy that I tend to end up in a caretaker role. I also dislike conflict and would always try and compromise or give way during an argument rather than insist on my point of view. I hadn't noticed this prior to my abusive ex, because most people don't insist on their own way all the time and I had never before been in a situation where just voicing a different opinion on what to have for lunch would have led to violence.

Therapy has been life-changing for me. It has helped me to say no, be more assertive generally, and stop taking responsibility for solving other people's problems. It took me a few years to get to this point, but for the last six months I've been with a great guy. Patterns can be changed.

I noticed I too took on a caretaker type role with a long-term relationship that lasted about 6 years.

I tend to take on that role with my family and I'm trying to learn to avoid that.

Thanks for your share!

 

Edited May 16, 2020 by Alpaca

[chillii]

20 hours ago, DKT3 said:

It's not really about who you attract. Women attract all men of race, size religion,  socioeconomic status etc. Its who you notice that you've attracted.  

I have said it here a thousand times,  women tend to date the same guy with a different name.

If your preference is a tall skinny white dude, then you're likely to notice the tall skinny white dude that's attracted to you, but totally overlooked a medium height muscular guy that is also attracted to you.

 

lt may well be or seem that way with women sometimes, but l don't think so myself bar in some cases yes for sure but l've seen it very differently to that in RL or even in forums . For me though there's always been a very def' type of girl instantly drawn to me and me her. No doubt about it and l'll pick her at 100 paces in a crowd of a 100s,and l have and so has she,  that's how obvious it's always been. l'll literally feel her coming it's just that loud and clear. And it's weird too because as l've gotten older l've changed a lot too obviously , but they've also aged in exactly the same ways both mentally , personality wise and physically , as l have too . So oddly , my whole life even with age nothing has really changed in that way and we've also usually lived very similar lives too l find out these days , which is very very different and in no way an easy thing to come across but yet it still rolls that way. 

l mean l know why and l've always gotten it , and so has she usually it's always been an instant, a given , a known without knowing both ways. That's happened with anyone l've ever been involved with to this day. And that has always made sense too because l go for a very unique woman so l recognize her and we'll recognize each other.  But one thing l've never gotten and still don't is to this day is the marrying thing . That's never made any sense if l was a chick l wouldn't go for marrying someone like me haha , that's for sure , so it's still a mystery no matter how well suited we are. Funny , we were talking about that the other night but l won't go into it and l'm obviously well aware anyway though of why my gf would like to marry , but still , l wouldn't go marrying me if l was her.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 16, 2020 by chillii

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, chillii said:

l mean l know why and l've always gotten it , and so has she usually it's always been an instant, a given , a known without knowing both ways. That's happened with anyone l've ever been involved with to this day. And that has always made sense too because l go for a very unique woman so l recognize her and we'll recognize each other.  But one thing l've never gotten and still don't is to this day is the marrying thing . That's never made any sense if l was a chick l wouldn't go for marrying someone like me haha , that's for sure , so it's still a mystery no matter how well suited we are. Funny , we were talking about that the other night but l won't go into it and l'm obviously well aware anyway though of why my gf would like to marry , but still , l wouldn't go marrying me if l was her.

Do you mean in person like from "across a crowded room"?

Unique it what way?

 

 

 

Do you mean in person like from "across a crowded room"?

Unique it what way?

Edited May 16, 2020 by Alpaca

[chillii]

Nah not really in that way but hell yeah that's happened , and from the other side of an airport with 500 people and she's so short she's buried in people , but still we've spotted each other , happened with my woman, exactly.

But nah unique as in just very very unique , a one in millions, personality views thoughts lives all of it l've always gone for a very very specific thing in the person, looks too actually and as it's always turned out she has also . But not necessarily short that's just seemed to come with the package too.

Edited May 16, 2020 by chillii

[Envy123]

10 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Could they be bots?

Maybe I dated robots and didn’t know. 😆

In all seriousness, I really think it’s the difference in behaviour that is partially to do with who is attracted to me or not. And all of this has happened offline.

I actually act more desperate with more average women and keep pushing romance onto those I like. The blogger type, I don’t push anything and interact with them as friends, which sometimes leads to romance.

Sounds strange but there you go. My life is the opposite of Shallow Hal and that movie is completely inaccurate.

Edited May 16, 2020 by Envy123

[Trail Blazer]

In the last year I've attracted blond and thin.  Strangely I've always preferred brunette, but I'm with a blond now and certainly not complaining! 😊

I did have a chubby Asian girl and a big black chick harrass me for a date when I was on POF.  Neither would stop pursuing me until I blocked them.

[The Outlaw]

I’m still trying to figure that one little thing out. And I have yet to do so.