Why do we attract certain types?

[Alpacalia]

32 minutes ago, Beachead said:

Hey Alpaca,

I believe to a large degree, we unknowingly cause it.

Our perception of our world is rooted in factors like our upbringing, the adversity/challenges we've faced in life, the experiences we've had.  Things like financial status, career type, family structure, how much support we've had in our life,  chronic physical/mental illness, death of loved ones and successes and good times etc.    Many of these things could have been in our control or out of our control but ALL of it affects our subsequent choices in life.  The friends we choose to associate with, the partners we choose to date,  the career and educational choices we make, the fears and insecurities we have and the way we react to what life throws our way.  In turn, those choices give back to us in a harmful or healthy manner depending on how in line they are with our heart.

If we've never taken the time to get know who we are for the most part, then we will likely be unaware of what we need/want and like/dislike.  We will be unaware of the way we react, feel, or behave to the stimuli life throws our way and why we're like that.  If we don't know what affects us, we won't delve into why, and so we'll get to know ourselves and therefore won't ever construct a better plan for us. We will end up choosing the less than ideal people or situations which will bring less than ideal circumstances, for us as a result.  We will be pushed and pulled around by our emotions and thoughts rather than gaining control.   And so, similar kinds of people and similar circumstances may seemingly may return to us, and we may feel like we're repeating history.

If you've ever been around or been a perpetual complainer or generally someone who is inclined to see why and how something will go wrong,  certain people will be attracted to that.   If you're someone who allows people to walk all over you because you've never to love yourself, you will attract certain people.  So on, so forth. 

Whom/what we are drawn stems from within us.  

Hope that makes some kind of sense.

- Beach

 

It does. Thank you!

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I like weirdos.

Except not...I love "normal" basic values.

But...off-the-wall weird humor, smart-smart (like too smart, nerdy smart), and really really affectionate...that's how I roll.

They tend to like me too even though I'm mental. And I don't mean, 

You actually like short guys wow😂

 I think i prefer like between 5ft8 to 5ft11. 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, amaysngrace said:

Yeah maybe I do too and it’s just the ones I mentioned that I get with because maybe that’s what I’m attracted to?  

Definitely something for me to think about...

Well you must be attracted  to the ones you go for 😂. Thats a prerequisite right.

 

[miranda561]

2 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

And how are you finding these “regular” and “conservative” guys ladies?  

I need one of those. A regular dude. Hard to find😂

[CaliforniaGirl]

23 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I need one of those. A regular dude. Hard to find😂

I wonder...if regular guys are hard to find them maybe it's our definition of regular that's wrong?

Because shouldn't regular by definition extend to common? (More or less.) Commonly occuring?

Perhaps the old fashioned version of regular was actually pretty hard for men to achieve, and keep up.

It's just a thought.

[miranda561]

10 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I wonder...if regular guys are hard to find them maybe it's our definition of regular that's wrong?

Because shouldn't regular by definition extend to common? (More or less.) Commonly occuring?

Perhaps the old fashioned version of regular was actually pretty hard for men to achieve, and keep up.

It's just a thought.

🤔  by regular i usually mean someone who isnt a douchebag😂 just a normal nice guy. Actually not nice a "good" guy. I haven't come across many good guys. And if i have they  arent usually the most attractive 🤔

[basil67]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

I need one of those. A regular dude. Hard to find😂

You said earlier that you like taller men.  Is this a hard and fast rule, or are you flexible.   If it's the former, then open your mind to other heights and you will have better luck finding a regular dude.  

I've had no trouble finding regular, good guys and I've been similar height or even taller than a significant percentage.

Edit: I just saw that you've added a bit about being able to find them, but they aren't the most attractive.  This is another mindset to change if you want a regular dude.  Regular dudes tend to be regular in presentation as well as attitude.

Edited May 15, 2020 by basil67

[miranda561]

22 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You said earlier that you like taller men.  Is this a hard and fast rule, or are you flexible.   If it's the former, then open your mind to other heights and you will have better luck finding a regular dude.  

I've had no trouble finding regular, good guys and I've been similar height or even taller than a significant percentage.

Edit: I just saw that you've added a bit about being able to find them, but they aren't the most attractive.  This is another mindset to change if you want a regular dude.  Regular dudes tend to be regular in presentation as well as attitude.

Its funny you say that but a lot of the guys i knew in the past. Were actually on the shorter side (5ft6-5ft7)..and they were some of the worst. I dont think height determines if  theyre good or bad. 

I just want both a nice person  and attractive 😂🤔. 

I've become like  ZA dater now. 😂

Im always told im good looking or whatever and that  im a great person...so why can't  i just find that in a guy. Seems impossible 😳

Edited May 15, 2020 by miranda561

[basil67]

Nobody has suggested that all short guys are good guys.  That's just nuts.  What I'm saying is that if you rule out regular guys simply on the basis of height or facial structure then you are limiting your own pool.  

 

 

Edited May 15, 2020 by basil67

[miranda561]

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Nobody has suggested that all short guys are good guys.  That's just nuts.  What I'm saying is that if you rule out regular guys simply on the basis of height or facial structure then you are limiting your own pool.  

 

 

No i  get you. But ive gone for guys who are average looks wise definitely below my level ( not bragging just the truth) . So not always chosen the most attractive..but then a lot of them are a holes anyway. So may aswell go for the attractive  guys

[basil67]

Statistically, the same amount of tall/attractive men are also a holes.  So, perhaps avoid them too.  

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, miranda561 said:

You actually like short guys wow😂

 I think i prefer like between 5ft8 to 5ft11. 

Yes. And I don't know why. It could be because I'm short, or it could be because there seems to be a certain cuteness to them (from my perspective). I don't know...but yes, that really has been a thing with me. It's obviously not a dealbreaker as I didn't marry a very short guy.

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Yes. And I don't know why. It could be because I'm short, or it could be because there seems to be a certain cuteness to them (from my perspective). I don't know...but yes, that really has been a thing with me. It's obviously not a dealbreaker as I didn't marry a very short guy.

How tall are you and how tall is he 😁

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

Its funny you say that but a lot of the guys i knew in the past. Were actually on the shorter side (5ft6-5ft7)..and they were some of the worst. I dont think height determines if  theyre good or bad. 

I just want both a nice person  and attractive 😂🤔. 

I've become like  ZA dater now. 😂

Im always told im good looking or whatever and that  im a great person...so why can't  i just find that in a guy. Seems impossible 😳

I feel like maybe this was a coincidence...first of all because actually isn't 5'8" about average? Or an inch below average? Second, because I just don't think that's "short" enough to have a complex about it, if that's the idea here.

I do agree that you want what you want. You want a guy who's attractive *to you*. For you, that's a guy who is taller than 5'8" and those guys are out there for certain. So it seems all good to me. 

 

I do think you can find an attractive, nice guy. Attractive is different things to different people. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

How tall are you and how tall is he 😁

I'm 5'1. And that friggin' lumbering behemoth is 5'9". It sucks, I have to stand on a step. But I mean what can you do. I made an exception and overlooked the height issue when we met. I would recommend it. It can work out.

OTOH, if my husband goes away to join Greenpeace and Sean Astin comes knocking at my front door to borrow a cup of sugar, I'm sorry. The gloves are off. 

It's go-time.

[miranda561]

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I'm 5'1. And that friggin' lumbering behemoth is 5'9". It sucks, I have to stand on a step. But I mean what can you do. I made an exception and overlooked the height issue when we met. I would recommend it. It can work out.

OTOH, if my husband goes away to join Greenpeace and Sean Astin comes knocking at my front door to borrow a cup of sugar, I'm sorry. The gloves are off. 

It's go-time.

Omg the guy i was talking about earlier is 5ft9 i think i like that sort of height.

Really? Does it feel like hes that tall?  Im like 5ft3/4 and i dont think like a 5ft9 guy is tht much.  taller

And LoL at the "lumbering behemoth" 😂😂😂😂

 

Sean astin? the name is very familiar 😂 have i gone senile at my young age 😳

Edited May 15, 2020 by miranda561

[5x5]

3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

As for short, where are all the short guys???? Am I just not seeing you above the crowd...all I ever see online are dudes complaing that no woman will go out with a short guy...hey five foot five, I'm talkin' to you.

We can't stand on tippy toes in a crowd all of the time. I'm 5'3" and I've never had any trouble finding women who have wanted to date me, have sex with me or marry me. To the point that half of the women I have been in sexual relationships with asked me out, offered, pursued me etc. While there were others that did the same, yet I turned them down.

I don't see why lots of short guys complain,I don't think it's that difficult.

3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I mean, I'm married now so it's neither here nor there...but...once again I'm looking for a way to put off working so I'm just adding really unnecesary stuff to a thread. The other things, the humor thng, and intelligence and basic nerd...I like them and they like me.

I'm married as well. and in the second instance have been happily married through 21 years so far. That said I'm not putting off work at the moment, since I'm just filling in some time before I have to drive somewhere to attend a meeting.

 

...

 

Anyway I have tended to attract women who are pretty (mostly from Mediterranean and European countries), who are often taller than me. Mostly 5'7"-5'10" although the tallest was circa 6'2", with my wife being 5'7" and my ex-wife being 5'6". Plus they have also tended to be a bit alternative and have a quirky sense of humour, who are also smart, have a tertiary education, who love history and reading books, going to art galleries, museums, live theatre, movies and music concerts.

I also tend to attract women who are really into guys who have a talent in the arts as well. My talent being as a watercolourist although I can draw and paint well in lots of media (mostly portrait, nude figurative, military and aviation art) and photographer (mostly portrait, aviation and documentary work).

Oh and despite my being an atheist with a very limited and lazy Protestant upbringing. The majority  of the women who have been attracted to me, have been Catholic (including my ex-wife) or ex-Catholic atheists (including my 2nd wife).

[CaliforniaGirl]

8 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Omg the guy i was talking about earlier is 5ft9 i think i like that sort of height.

Really? Does it feel like hes that tall?  Im like 5ft3/4 and i dont think like a 5ft9 guy is tht much.  taller

And LoL at the "lumbering behemoth" 😂😂😂😂

 

Sean astin? the name is very familiar 😂 have i gone senile at my young age 😳

You're too young. Let's see. You might know him as Samwise from Lord of the Rings? I also loved him in Rudy (OMG) but that really is an oldie. And as a kid he was a goonie. He's the son of Patty Duke and John Astin (original Gomez in Addams Family).

[Artdeco]

12 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

 

I don't see why lots of short guys complain,I don't think it's that difficult.

 

Me neither. I’ve always had a thing for shorter guys. But I’m usually the only one. Most women I know have a min. height requirement. I’ve never understood why. If you put the exact same two guys next to each other and one is 6”2 and the other 5”7 I’d always pick the shorter one. And I’m 5”4

Edited May 15, 2020 by Artdeco

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, Artdeco said:

Me neither. I’ve always had a thing for shorter guys. But I’m usually the only one. Most women I know have a min. height requirement. I’ve never understood why. If you put the exact same two guys next to each other and one is 6”2 and the other 5”7 I’d always pick the shorter one. And I’m 5”4

The first i heard that  😂

[DKT3]

It's not really about who you attract. Women attract all men of race, size religion,  socioeconomic status etc. Its who you notice that you've attracted.  

I have said it here a thousand times,  women tend to date the same guy with a different name.

If your preference is a tall skinny white dude, then you're likely to notice the tall skinny white dude that's attracted to you, but totally overlooked a medium height muscular guy that is also attracted to you.

[miranda561]

17 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

You're too young. Let's see. You might know him as Samwise from Lord of the Rings? I also loved him in Rudy (OMG) but that really is an oldie. And as a kid he was a goonie. He's the son of Patty Duke and John Astin (original Gomez in Addams Family).

Ohhhhhh samwise 😅😂. Never saw it then. But i dunno hes actually got a nice smile or something attractive about him. 😁 i just googled him. 

All i remember is everyone fancying legolas 🤔😂

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Ohhhhhh samwise 😅😂. Never saw it then. But i dunno hes actually got a nice smile or something attractive about him. 😁 i just googled him. 

All i remember is everyone fancying legolas 🤔😂

Hard pass for me. I don't fight ANY man for my hair dryer. I woman has to be practical.

I like a guy who looks like he doesn't mind if you muss him up just a little bit.

He has to start out clean but elf-clean kind of turns me off.

I think I'm taking this sideways! So talk later, hon!

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

It's not really about who you attract. Women attract all men of race, size religion,  socioeconomic status etc. Its who you notice that you've attracted.  

I have said it here a thousand times,  women tend to date the same guy with a different name.

If your preference is a tall skinny white dude, then you're likely to notice the tall skinny white dude that's attracted to you, but totally overlooked a medium height muscular guy that is also attracted to you.

Now this is interesting.

[Artdeco]

1 minute ago, miranda561 said:

The first i heard that  😂

I know, it’s rare. I guess it’s just because most men I’ve found interesting, funny, and intelligent happened to be the shorter ones. Even in Highschool. And the taller ones I’ve met throughout my lifetime were less interesting or intriguing. Just a series of coincidences initially, but the “preference” has stayed with me subconsciously I suppose