Butterflying Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) The title says it all. I am looking for advice to see how common this is. We were out with a group of friends this week & everyone noticed Darren (my boyfriend) was touchy feely with the guys, including strangers he never met. He would hug them, when they allowed it. He actually cuddled in a booth with another guy who seemed to enjoy it. It looked strange, like they were talking in each other’s ear & almost kissing each other’s neck. Yesterday my female friend asked me if Darren is bi-sexual. It is rumored that the guy he cuddled with is bi-sexual. Darren & that guy are really good friends. I once teased him about the two of them having sex. He got really offended. Darren is a man who switched barbers when his barber became transgendered. If Darren isn’t bi-sexual, why does he get so loose with men when he’s drunk? Some of our male friends are making fun of him about it. But then those same guys are always inviting him out to drink. I don’t know how far it goes. Darren says he never had sex with a man. But would he admit this to me? Is it possible a man will only have gay sex when he’s drunk without actually being gay? Edited May 14, 2020 by Butterflying Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 He doesn't want to be gay or bi, but he is. He only lets down his guard when drunk. I wouldn't let myself get too attached, more because he's doing that in front of you than because he's bi. He'll want both, especially if he hasn't even acted on it yet. I like bi guys myself. But it can get awkward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 AT the very least, he's gay/bi curious and doesn't want to admit that to himself. you should try to video him when he's drunk and acting like that and then when he's sober, show it to him and tell him that it's time for him to get real with himself and his truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 It definitely sounds like he has sexual feelings towards men, and doesn't feel comfortable admitting it. So it only comes out when he is drunk. Maybe he was raised in a family or in a culture where gayness is not accepted, and so he feels like he has to repress that side of himself. But there's only so long you can bottle it up before it will come out. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2020 Share Posted May 16, 2020 I've never known a man with no sexual interest in men to flirt with men while drunk, no. And I've certainly never known such a man to have sex with other men when drunk, either. At the very least, he is sexually curious about men. He seems to know this about himself but only toys a bit with the boundaries when he's under the influence and feeling less inhibited. Only you can decide if that's okay for you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted May 16, 2020 Share Posted May 16, 2020 Some people do strange things when they drink. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 He's still in the closet. Not everyone is comfortable admitting to it. I would say he's bi. I would tell you this, cheating is cheating no matter what gender. If he was doing this with other women what would be your reaction to it? Kick his butt to the curb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 He likes men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 On 5/14/2020 at 4:16 PM, Butterflying said: Darren says he never had sex with a man. But would he admit this to me? Is it possible a man will only have gay sex when he’s drunk without actually being gay? Probably not, and nope. In order to have gay sex, you need to have sexual attraction for men. Alcohol will lower inhibition to pursue existing urges and amplify sexuality. It won't make a heterosexual man want to do gay stuff. Darren is clearly a switch hitter, if not a latent self-loathing homosexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 (edited) He’s into guys Edited May 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 ^^^ not good not good at all............... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 On 5/17/2020 at 5:21 PM, smackie9 said: Kick his butt to the curb. Is a foot in the ass not classed as a reward in this case? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 At the bare minimum, you need to tell him, Look, men or women, don't disrespect me by flirting around right in front of me. I once had an assistant, a young guy, not attractive. Swear to God he looked like Baby Huey for the two of you out there old enough to know who that is. Anyway, he was gay and always desperate, so desperate he would pay gigolos. BUT....when he was drunk enough, he would totally flirt with and be all over this cute girl who worked in our office, I mean, to the point of making a scene. I used to call him a closet heterosexual the next day, which really upset him. I started thinking not so much he was bi, but maybe, but that he just couldn't get women at all and turned to men, where he could find sex one way or the other. Of course, he could have paid women as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Likely gay or bisexual and doesn't want to admit it - even to himself. This isn't going to end well for you. Run. Link to post Share on other sites
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