Husband caught watching porn again, again and again over 8 years

[salparadise]

3 minutes ago, Tamfana said:

Sure. To me, the first step for a solution is to not lie and sneak around and instead really talk to her, listen, converse, try to understand each other.    

Right. Thank you for the clarification. I'm sure having this conversation will put the issue to rest. We were all too dense to see it.

[Tamfana]

19 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Right. Thank you for the clarification. I'm sure having this conversation will put the issue to rest. We were all too dense to see it.

I'm sorry if I came across as insulting to you or anyone. I didn't think I was, so my error.  I just think that trying to understand each other shifts things and the desire to understand your partner paves a smoother path.  The lying and sneaking would be a big turnoff for me, even sexually, just compounding the problems.  But anyway, I meant no offense.

Edited May 17, 2020 by Tamfana

[salparadise]

34 minutes ago, Tamfana said:

I'm sorry if I came across as insulting to you or anyone. I didn't think I was, so my error.  I just think that trying to understand each other shifts things and the desire to understand your partner paves a smoother path.  The lying and sneaking would be a big turnoff for me, even sexually, just compounding the problems.  But anyway, I meant no offense.

I don't think you've offended anyone. This is not a little misunderstanding that a bit of conversation is going to resolve. The communication has been perfectly clear, as was her statement of the issue in the initial post. She forbids wanking, and he is disobedient. 

So she's now forced to police the bathroom lest he rub out a quick one in the shower. But it's hard for her to know, so she forbids him to lock the door. Poor woman. I know it's causing her distress, but geez Louise!

My proposed solution: Sex Education on Netflix. They might be wanking together by the time she finishes both seasons.

 

Edited May 17, 2020 by salparadise

[Cookiesandough]

My opinion is that he is in the wrong here. He lied to you about watching it when he knew how opposed to it you were and how much it negatively affected you.And then you got married. He switched up on you. There are guys who do not watch it, I’m sure. Particularly for  religious/moral reasons or whatever. I feel like Mitt Romney or Donny Psmond don’t... Anyway, as bad as it sounds, if a guy I was dating told me he didn’t watch I’d be a bit weirded out by him. I’m into some weird stuff myself and  I was weirded out enough by my bfs who were barely into it and only extremely soft stuff like a woman putting on panty hose or something like that. But I digress... 
Maybe marriage counseling, but it sounds like a big compatibility issue that they lied to you about 😔

Edited May 18, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[SincereOnlineGuy]

15 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

 I feel like Mitt Romney or Donny Psmond don’t... 

Donny Osmond has done a lot of work in Vegas, and it wasn't hard to find a quote of him saying (in reference to Las Vegas):    "there's pornography everywhere you look"...    so it's highly probable that dear old Donny has seen his share of porn.

 

 

[IslandSanctuary]

My wife doesn't care if I watch porn. It's just watching. So if there is a sex scene in a movie you make him leave the room? Can he masturbate, ever? I mean it is his body. I had a gf once that said I couldn't masturbate ever again, so I kicked her to the curb. I'd never go to the strip club or even dance with another woman, have a one on one dinner/drink with another woman - I don't think any of those are acceptable. But I really don't understand why some women get so worked up over porn. If you break your marriage up over this odds are the next guy will watch it occasionally too and just lie about it. 

Edited May 19, 2020 by IslandSanctuary

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, IslandSanctuary said:

But I really don't understand why some women get so worked up over porn.

Because to some women sex is about "making love", something beautiful that happens between two people who love each other.
"Love" is not about her man wanking off to other women, women who are  paid or who are forced to have sex on porn videos. 
All the love, all the romance is then shattered.
To her he "cheated", he is "having sex" with other women.
That beautiful thing is reduced to a quick wank in the toilet or hours spent looking at other women to get himself turned on.
Sex is then cheapened and she feels rejected and worthless.
He prefers these "immoral", "lower class", "nasty" women to her...
Instead of being the object of his desire, she feels he "makes do" with her, as she cant compete with the perfect bodies and the variety, porn has to offer.

Women in general try to "big up" their man, they realise male egos are fragile, but men will often flaunt porn and women are just supposed to put up with it...

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, IslandSanctuary said:

But I really don't understand why some women get so worked up over porn. If you break your marriage up over this odds are the next guy will watch it occasionally too and just lie about it. 

They get worked up because they feel the porn girl has a better body, better looking and they think you'd rather be having sex with her than them.  

 

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

but men will often flaunt porn and women are just supposed to put up with it...

Flaunt it?  I see them hiding it as if it's the last pork chop at a crowd of starving people.

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, IslandSanctuary said:

My wife doesn't care if I watch porn. It's just watching. So if there is a sex scene in a movie you make him leave the room? Can he masturbate, ever? I mean it is his body. I had a gf once that said I couldn't masturbate ever again, so I kicked her to the curb. I'd never go to the strip club or even dance with another woman, have a one on one dinner/drink with another woman - I don't think any of those are acceptable. But I really don't understand why some women get so worked up over porn. If you break your marriage up over this odds are the next guy will watch it occasionally too and just lie about it. 

Would you be okay if your wife or gf was sneaking around watching porn that had men with gigantic penises?  Even if you had told her you don't feel comfortable and a bit insecure about it but she continues to watch it?  I mean wouldn't that make you think that gigantic penises were the only ones that could get her off because of her obsession with them?

Edited May 19, 2020 by stillafool

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't think anything is going to improve this situation other than counseling with a good marriage counselor who can address the sexual issues.

Men's proclivity for porn is a personal thing, and I don't believe that all men sneak around with it. In any case, when a man is neglecting his wife and creating these bad feelings, it's a problem that won't go away on its own and needs to be addressed through counseling.

[thefooloftheyear]

One thing worth mentioning,,,,

Women are very cagey about thinking this is some form of emotional "cheating" yet I am quite sure that many women dream of past exes that were more sexy had better bodies,.bigger dicks etc, than the shlub they happen to be  under at that moment.....I mean, that shlub may be a great guy, great provider, father, etc....so they aren't letting anyone in on her secret, but it's happening....

Eh...I guess my only issue is a guy expecting a woman to accept this and be wide open about it("his body -his choice" etc..)....That makes no sense, and it's unfathomable to think  that any woman wouldn't feel hurt by it....Unless maybe she is so stunning and skilled as nothing out there would compare....

TFY

[pepperbird]

On 5/19/2020 at 1:48 PM, thefooloftheyear said:

One thing worth mentioning,,,,

Women are very cagey about thinking this is some form of emotional "cheating" yet I am quite sure that many women dream of past exes that were more sexy had better bodies,.bigger dicks etc, than the shlub they happen to be  under at that moment.....I mean, that shlub may be a great guy, great provider, father, etc....so they aren't letting anyone in on her secret, but it's happening....

Eh...I guess my only issue is a guy expecting a woman to accept this and be wide open about it("his body -his choice" etc..)....That makes no sense, and it's unfathomable to think  that any woman wouldn't feel hurt by it....Unless maybe she is so stunning and skilled as nothing out there would compare....

TFY

my husband watches cooking shows and that stupid HGTV. That doesn't mean he values me any less or expects me to be like the chef or reno guy he sees on those type of shows. He's also not comparing me to them - "look at how she whips up a batch of cookies in five minutes flat and never loses that smile "

It sounds to me like the OP has a lot of FOO issues but rather than address them, she's blaming it on pornography. I'm not a guy, but I have never, ever heard one say he expects his wife or girlfriend to be like the women featured in porn. Most are able to see it for what it is- a bunch of people who are (hopefully) being paid to act. After seeing interviews with many of the men and women who work  legitimately in the industry see it as just that- work.

[Els]

Okay, he was wrong to lie to you, he shouldn't have done that.

But I personally do think you're being overly controlling. It's like a man telling a woman that he "doesn't tolerate" women masturbating and views it as wrong - even if she accepts it because she doesn't want to lose him, I don't think that's a healthy dynamic (obviously, consensual D/s relationships where both parties get their kicks out of that sort of thing are a totally different kettle of fish). What exactly is it about porn that bothers you so terribly much?

Please go to MC to work this out. And for the love of god stop having kids with this man until you have this sorted. It's a terrible place to be bringing more kids into.

[thefooloftheyear]

1 hour ago, pepperbird said:

 

It sounds to me like the OP has a lot of FOO issues but rather than address them, she's blaming it on pornography. I'm not a guy, but I have never, ever heard one say he expects his wife or girlfriend to be like the women featured in porn. Most are able to see it for what it is- a bunch of people who are (hopefully) being paid to act. After seeing interviews with many of the men and women who work  legitimately in the industry see it as just that- work.

I have no idea what your example is trying to prove....It's like apples and orangutans....

NO WOMAN ever in my lifetime was cool with it.....You would like to say all of them just have "issues"...but I believe there is a small percentage that have absolutely problem with it, the others fall into two categories,,,

-They dont give a crap because their SO is a dud and no woman outside of her would give him the time of day anyway...

---The other scenario is these women actually dont care as if he's getting off to porn then he wont bother her for sex, because she is pretty much done with him, but wont leave..

Human nature dictates that someone isn't going to like it if a person they truly desire and adore is getting off on someone that objectively a thousand times physically superior...To expect otherwise isn't really normal, IMO...Not to mention practically all women already have hangups about their appearance...it only magnifies it...

TFY

Edited May 20, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[pepperbird]

54 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I have no idea what your example is trying to prove....It's like apples and orangutans....

NO WOMAN ever in my lifetime was cool with it.....You would like to say all of them just have "issues"...but I believe there is a small percentage that have absolutely problem with it, the others fall into two categories,,,

-They dont give a crap because their SO is a dud and no woman outside of her would give him the time of day anyway...

---The other scenario is these women actually dont care as if he's getting off to porn then he wont bother her for sex, because she is pretty much done with him, but wont leave..

Human nature dictates that someone isn't going to like it if a person they truly desire and adore is getting off on someone that objectively a thousand times physically superior...To expect otherwise isn't really normal, IMO...Not to mention practically all women already have hangups about their appearance...it only magnifies it...

TFY

nice to see you know what it's like to be a woman.

the women i know who husbands use porn understand what it is. they don't see it as a threat.

[thefooloftheyear]

29 minutes ago, pepperbird said:

nice to see you know what it's like to be a woman.

the women i know who husbands use porn understand what it is. they don't see it as a threat.

It has nothing to do with what I know about female behavior,....How many women have you dated/married/fcked?

Yep...I am sure it's a topic of conversation among all your friends....🙄

TFY

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I have no idea what your example is trying to prove....It's like apples and orangutans....

NO WOMAN ever in my lifetime was cool with it.....

Well then you need to take a larger sample size, because a quick google search shows that approximately 30% of women report using porn once a week, while a similar number of women report watching porn a few times a month. Women have vastly different attitudes about porn, and I would suggest that approval/disapproval is likely to depend on many things not the least of which being how often it is viewed... But, to make a sweeping generalization and imply that no woman is ever cool with it is simply not accurate... 

Edited May 20, 2020 by BaileyB

[thefooloftheyear]

3 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Well then you need to take a larger sample size, because a quick google search shows that approximately 30% of women report using porn once a week, while a similar number of women report watching porn a few times a month. Women have vastly different attitudes about porn, and I would suggest that approval/disapproval is likely to depend on many things not the least of which being how often it is viewed... But, to make a sweeping generalization and imply that no woman is ever cool with it is simply not accurate... 

Missed the whole point...You think those 30% are showing their husbands with their doughboy bodies and 3" peckers how awesome it is to get off on a ripped/jacked tattooed stud with a donkey cock...?? 

Id say none of them....and that's the point,...

TFY

Edited May 20, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[5x5]

8 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I have no idea what your example is trying to prove....It's like apples and orangutans....

NO WOMAN ever in my lifetime was cool with it.....You would like to say all of them just have "issues"...but I believe there is a small percentage that have absolutely problem with it, the others fall into two categories,,,

-They dont give a crap because their SO is a dud and no woman outside of her would give him the time of day anyway...

---The other scenario is these women actually dont care as if he's getting off to porn then he wont bother her for sex, because she is pretty much done with him, but wont leave..

Human nature dictates that someone isn't going to like it if a person they truly desire and adore is getting off on someone that objectively a thousand times physically superior...To expect otherwise isn't really normal, IMO...Not to mention practically all women already have hangups about their appearance...it only magnifies it...

TFY

Well your experience isn't mine.

I've known plenty of women (both friends and sexual partners) who are okay with pornography and have enjoyed it as well.

In fact the only instance of opposition to it, that I have ever personally encountered was from my now wife. When very early into our dating during 1996, she saw that I had a small collection of extremely hardcore European magazines and a few VHS videos as well. At the time  my wife who was 26, had only recently lost her virginity to a guy before me. Since she was saving herself for marriage as a believing Catholic, until she had recently stopped believing in a god and decided she was missing out on sex.

Anyway she told me she didn't know if she liked me looking at or having pornography, so I told her I thought there was nothing wrong with it, I wasn't going to let it go and encouraged her to look at it as well.

Then about a week later, she then told me she was okay with it, didn't feel threatened by it and her hangups were driven by her former religious point of view.

Fast forward to today my wife is fine with pornography, erotica and nudity. We even have amongst our considerable book collection, plenty of books featuring nude art, erotica and some pornography as well.

My wife also poses nude for me so I can render pictures of her mostly in watercolour although I do use other media as well. Plus she is happy for me to take pictures of her during sex, being sexual and we have sometimes shared some of those pornographic images (albeit identity sanitised) on our seldom used FetLife account.

On top of that, for many years now my wife has also been happy with me, having drawn and painted pictures of more than a hundred naked women and some men (life models) in person, who have pose nude for me in group and or private settings. To the point that if I haven't done that for a while, she often encourages me to do some more of that artwork.

That said outside of my wife, all of the other women I have been in ongoing (a few weeks onward) sexual relationships with, always had no problem with pornography, erotica or nude art and enjoyed those things as well. While all but one of them posed nude for me, so I could render them with pencils, pens and or brush on paper.

There are simply different crowds so many of the women you have been with with may not be cool with pornography, while many of the women I have been with are cool with it.

At the end of the day pornography tends to be a problem, for people who believe it is a problem. While it tends not to be a problem. for people who don't believe it is a problem.

6 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

It has nothing to do with what I know about female behavior,....How many women have you dated/married/fcked?

11/2/circa 24

[5x5]

8 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Missed the whole point...You think those 30% are showing their husbands with their doughboy bodies and 3" peckers how awesome it is to get off on a ripped/jacked tattooed stud with a donkey cock...?? 

Id say none of them....and that's the point,...

TFY

It doesn't bother me.

Not all of us men and women alike, are insecure about their sexual partners enjoying visual stimulation. Nor do all of us or worry about, what people think in their heads. Or care about sexual pasts, or feel compelled to compete with illusory others.

[thefooloftheyear]

48 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

It doesn't bother me.

Not all of us men and women alike, are insecure about their sexual partners enjoying visual stimulation. Nor do all of us or worry about, what people think in their heads. Or care about sexual pasts, or feel compelled to compete with illusory others.

And that's great....I tip my hat...

But that doesn't suggest that most people feel this way....I think one could argue that it goes against basic human nature to be completely unaffected by any of it, but that doesn't mean I doubt you or anyone else..It's a big world..Heck there are guys that can convince their women to have sex with farm animals, too, while they watch...like I said...big world out there.,..

But just venture off into the sex forum and the standard response to/by any woman that feels she isn't getting enough attention in the bedroom is because the guy is fixated on using porn and has actually replaced her as a sexual being with images on a screen...I'm not a therapist or expert, but its been heard enough to be something that's not just anecdotal....it's real..And it wouldn't be human to not feel for that person...or shame them for just not accepting it..

Add to that the constant scrutiny that women deal with in regards to body image...When a typical woman looks at herself naked in front of a mirror, she usually isn't seeing the same woman that her guy maybe spending hours a day looking at and beating himself off to...Nor will she ever have the skills...I'm not a woman, but I've been around enough of them where I get it...At the base level it's inconsiderate to expect that they just accept that a guy needs to engage in that ..It makes no sense to think people won't be affected by it, its human nature...In general guys don't feel the same way about it, so maybe they are less affected, but again, let a woman tell a guy about an ex that had a dick twice the size of his and watch him sulk into a heap of shyt over it...

But make no mistake, porn is ubiquitous and undoubtedly people are using it......I have no doubt that even the 30% the other poster mentioned is probably an underestimate...I guess my point is only that the thinking that there is something wrong with someone if they are negatively affected by it, feel humiliated, marginalized,  etc, is just wrong, IMO...That somehow it should be accepted, normalized,  and not ever questioned doesn't really make sense..for most people anyway...As you stated, some people have figured out a way where its all good for everyone, and that's terrific...but I get the sense that they want the rest of the world to fall in line or else be shamed or ridiculed...I don't get that part of it...

And also, bear in mind that the way the OP is handing this is ridiculous...I sympathize with her, but she is taking it to another level that is crazy....I don't know what to tell her there, but the reality is that if the guy was just more discreet about it, then there probably wouldn't be a problem, nor a need for some intervention or a thread to complain about it.....If he lacks the basic self controls to handle it, then that's on him...Many of us had wanted to tell our in laws how we really feel about them, but we control it for the sake of peace in our relationship...Its not much different, really...

TFY

Edited May 21, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[5x5]

6 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

But just venture off into the sex forum and the standard response to/by any woman that feels she isn't getting enough attention in the bedroom is because the guy is fixated on using porn and has actually replaced her as a sexual being with images on a screen...I'm not a therapist or expert, but its been heard enough to be something that's not just anecdotal....it's real..And it wouldn't be human to not feel for that person...

The sex forum is hardly a balanced venue, the standard response tends to be more from people who come from the United States and some British people who for the most part carry Abrahamic religious baggage that tends to skew ones point of view. Especially given the virulence of the Christian led anti-pornography anti-masturbation industry. That still can't get pornography addiction to be listed as an actual addiction or disorder in the DSM (since it isn't one), despite extensive lobbying, voluminous propaganda and significant funding.

So pornography for the most part is simply a red herring, that obfuscates the real problems as presented, since those problems tend to be much broader than pornography and often outside of it anyway.

I've known Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, French, German, Polish, Russian, Brazilian, Israeli, English, Australian, Japanese and Cambodian women amongst others who don't have an issue with it. Although I have almost had nothing at all to do with any women from the United Sates, who come from what seems to be the centre of anti-pornography rhetoric and behaviour.

6 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Add to that the constant scrutiny that women deal with in regards to body image...When a typical woman looks at herself naked in front of a mirror, she usually isn't seeing the same woman that her guy maybe spending hours a day looking at and beating himself off to...Nor will she ever have the skills...I'm not a woman, but I've been around enough of them where I get it...At the base level it's inconsiderate to expect that they just accept that a guy needs to engage in that ..It makes no sense to think people won't be affected by it, its human nature...In general guys don't feel the same way about it, so maybe they are less affected, but again, let a woman tell a guy about an ex that had a dick twice the size of his and watch him sulk into a heap of shyt over it...

My third longest lasting and third most significant ongoing sexual relationship, was with a woman who was an Anglo-Australian university student who had been a sex worker in Japan. She used to tell me positive stories of and about exes, pickups and former clients who she enjoyed. Yet I was genuinely fine with it since sex can be lots of splendid fun, so I didn't and don't see why I should have issue with women plentifully enjoying what I also plentifully enjoy.

If less people tiptoed around things like that, and didn't humour insecurities so often. Perhaps some those who are so insecure, might have to find some resilience and stop worrying about things are mostly in their head.

55 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

But make no mistake, porn is ubiquitous and undoubtedly people are using it......I have no doubt that even the 30% the other poster mentioned is probably an underestimate...I guess my point is only that the thinking that there is something wrong with someone if they are negatively affected by it, feel humiliated etc, is just wrong, IMO...That somehow it should be accepted, normalized,  and not questioned doesn't really make sense..for most people anyway...

Yet it still remains, those who don't think it's a problem tend to find it isn't a problem. While those that do think it's a problem, tend to find all sorts of problems with it.

Life would certainly be a lot easier for them, if they stopped thinking it is a problem to begin with.

56 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

And also, bear in mind that the way the OP is handing this is ridiculous...I sympathize with her, but she is taking it to another level that is crazy....I don't know what to tell her there, but the reality is that if the guy was just more discreet about it, then there probably wouldn't be a problem, nor a need for some intervention or a thread to complain about it.....If he lacks the basic self controls to handle it, then that's on him...Many of us had wanted to tell our in laws how we really feel about them, but we control it for the sake of peace in our relationship...Its not much different, really...

I concur she is handling this poorly, yet so is her husband. He would be better off, just telling her to get over herself and stop hiding it.

[thefooloftheyear]

@5x5

Didn't want to do the whole quote thing, but the sense I am getting is the same as I stated before....

I can accept/understand/appreciate your attitude about it,  and commend you for finding your normal in this area, but the feeling I am getting is the same can't be said(I think) from you and possibly the others....and that's the issue...

Telling someone to "get over it", isn't really an understanding position for this topic...Like you stated....not everyone is brought up with the same upbringing..etc...Normal for one isn't normal for another...and that's fine...

I can tell a woman to "get over it" if she doesn't like the fact that I watch a lot of sports on TV, but IMO it would be insensitive and potentially cruel, to tell her to "get over it", if I spent a lot of time jerking myself off to women that are way hotter than she is and perhaps wearing out my sex drive on them instead of her... 

TFY

[basil67]

29 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

Yet it still remains, those who don't think it's a problem tend to find it isn't a problem. While those that do think it's a problem, tend to find all sorts of problems with it.

 

And there are those of us who don't have a problem with it but have understanding and compassion for those who do.

I think you've just done an excellent job in invalidating the incredibly diverse thoughts and feelings of women/humans.   You cite religious background as a cause, but I know athiest Australian women who find porn offensive.   Put yourself in the shoes of a woman who thinks her body is hideous, the kind who looks in the mirror and hates what she sees, having her partner fapping to some attractive woman on video.   

Seriously, we live in a culture where the word 'flaw' is used in the context of female bodies and you expect that all women should be fine with her husband having a toss in front of someone who may be more attractive than her.

 

 

Edited May 21, 2020 by basil67

[pepperbird]

4 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

And that's great....I tip my hat...

But that doesn't suggest that most people feel this way....I think one could argue that it goes against basic human nature to be completely unaffected by any of it, but that doesn't mean I doubt you or anyone else..It's a big world..Heck there are guys that can convince their women to have sex with farm animals, too, while they watch...like I said...big world out there.,..

But just venture off into the sex forum and the standard response to/by any woman that feels she isn't getting enough attention in the bedroom is because the guy is fixated on using porn and has actually replaced her as a sexual being with images on a screen...I'm not a therapist or expert, but its been heard enough to be something that's not just anecdotal....it's real..And it wouldn't be human to not feel for that person...or shame them for just not accepting it..

Add to that the constant scrutiny that women deal with in regards to body image...When a typical woman looks at herself naked in front of a mirror, she usually isn't seeing the same woman that her guy maybe spending hours a day looking at and beating himself off to...Nor will she ever have the skills...I'm not a woman, but I've been around enough of them where I get it...At the base level it's inconsiderate to expect that they just accept that a guy needs to engage in that ..It makes no sense to think people won't be affected by it, its human nature...In general guys don't feel the same way about it, so maybe they are less affected, but again, let a woman tell a guy about an ex that had a dick twice the size of his and watch him sulk into a heap of shyt over it...

But make no mistake, porn is ubiquitous and undoubtedly people are using it......I have no doubt that even the 30% the other poster mentioned is probably an underestimate...I guess my point is only that the thinking that there is something wrong with someone if they are negatively affected by it, feel humiliated, marginalized,  etc, is just wrong, IMO...That somehow it should be accepted, normalized,  and not ever questioned doesn't really make sense..for most people anyway...As you stated, some people have figured out a way where its all good for everyone, and that's terrific...but I get the sense that they want the rest of the world to fall in line or else be shamed or ridiculed...I don't get that part of it...

And also, bear in mind that the way the OP is handing this is ridiculous...I sympathize with her, but she is taking it to another level that is crazy....I don't know what to tell her there, but the reality is that if the guy was just more discreet about it, then there probably wouldn't be a problem, nor a need for some intervention or a thread to complain about it.....If he lacks the basic self controls to handle it, then that's on him...Many of us had wanted to tell our in laws how we really feel about them, but we control it for the sake of peace in our relationship...Its not much different, really...

TFY

i doubt it.

This really isn't about porn. it's about her insecurity in herself and thinking that if he looks at porn, well that must mean hes not interested in her. The more she ;police this behaviour, the or she's going to do it because it feels like mommy is telling him not to be a bad boy. If she doesn't nip this in the bud now, it may not be long before it's not just porn, but women on TV,. women he meets in public, female co-workers she'll have a problem with  e cause, like I said, the porn isn't really the problem. It;s a manifestation of her insecurity and that he'll stick around and not be like the other men in her life.
 

These are two adults not a parent and child. The OP really needs to sit down with him, explain to him why is bothers her so much, taking full ownership of why she feels the way she does. That doesn't mean she's a fool or her feelings are bad, just that they aren't really base don anything real. If they talk about it and why she's so upset by it and why he enjoys it, they might just reach a new level of their relationship. Who knows? They could even find a way for her to pose for photos, etc. just for him so he can still enjoy himself but it will be from looking at her and not other women.

What do they have to lose? As it stands right now, she;'s unhappy, he's unhappy, At least if they try to talk openly about it and not just "NO, don't do that", then maybe they can move past this. If it doesn't work, at least they tried.

Edited May 21, 2020 by pepperbird