I slept with a man belonging to someone else

[Loveisonlyformovies]

So it's been almost two years since i broke up with my ex and I still miss him every single day. Then this guy randomly showed and we started talking. He almost looked like my ex, I saw all the features in him that my ex lacked (like staying in the country for his older daughter), he had the most impressive resumé I've ever seen. It felt like I was talking to my ex and I was really happy for a couple of weeks. We met up this Monday morning and ended up in bed almost immediately. I don't regret the sex because it's been so long since last (he's also my second partner ever So i don't really sleep around for fun either). But the day after I did a more careful serch of him and found several more children and a girlfriend... Beeing cheated on in the past, I obviously made her aware of the situation and his life is kind of falling to bits now. He did say he had moved out a few weeks before we met but im not sure.

 

I feel terrible for unknowingly putting another woman through it. And I feel terrible because I thought I could finally move on from my ex with someone better. Ive hardly eaten or slept for days. I just cry and spend hours staring into the wall. I really wanted this guy to be perfect. A better version of my ex. I was happy again. 

Now this guy has set the bar so f***ing high (besides the lying) and I'm worried I'll never find anything as good again. Just finding a well educated war hero with his nationality is next to impossible to find in my country. 

I have been checking up on him. I do like to see him again. Sex was unsatisfying but i had been looking forward to seeing him go all in on his fetish (my ex lacked it so I never got to try) like he had promised for next time. I really don't wanna hook up with someone else either as im sapiosexual, and like I said, this guy will be impossible to beat. He says he wants to be by himself now and I just want him to block me for me to be able to give up all hope on seeing him again.

 

I feel like s***. Not coping well. I never meant for this to happen. And im terrified I'll never be able to find better either. If he hadn't lied about his family situation, this could have been the man of my dreams or at least given me the rebound ive been so badly needing for years. I feel sorry for him too, because I do care about him. I dont know if I should wait a few days and see if he wants to talk or just make him block me (I feel like i cant give up hope until he does). And im scared of getting used again so ive been asking my ex to just come back home eben though I know he doesnt love me anymore. I dont know how to cope. I never thought this would happen to me. What should I do? 

 

[preraph]

I'm sorry you're still stuck.  I think it's probably time you went to a therapist and talked it all out and tried to work through it.  You need to move on.  As you can plainly see, your past is messing with your choices and your decisions.  You need to go work on yourself and get strong before dating again, I think.  Good luck.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

15 minutes ago, preraph said:

I'm sorry you're still stuck.  I think it's probably time you went to a therapist and talked it all out and tried to work through it.  You need to move on.  As you can plainly see, your past is messing with your choices and your decisions.  You need to go work on yourself and get strong before dating again, I think.  Good luck.

Im sorry, but how is any of this relevant for my situation? Therapy isn't gonna change my type nor lower the bar for other guys and i don't see how anyone will ever be able to beat this guy. I have no need to work through anything nor work on myself. That won't change what I want. I have a type, so what? Whole point in moving on is to find someone better than the previous one anyway, although that really failed this time around. He lied to me and nothing can really change that. I feel horrible for hurting a stranger unintentionally. I feel sad that i don't get to hook up with him again, because I haven't enjoyed anyone's company in ages. I dont know if I should make him block me or just wait and hope he speaks to me again because I do care even though I know we could never be anything but friends at this point. And i do still love my ex and we're great together whenever we're physically at the same place, he just got on the wrong path and I'd happily support him back to the right one. Point is, my type is hard to find and ive searched many places for it and I had really needed for this rebound to last a few weeks longer. 

[Realitysux]

48 minutes ago, Loveisonlyformovies said:

Im sorry, but how is any of this relevant for my situation? Therapy isn't gonna change my type nor lower the bar for other guys and i don't see how anyone will ever be able to beat this guy. I have no need to work through anything nor work on myself. That won't change what I want. I have a type, so what? Whole point in moving on is to find someone better than the previous one anyway, although that really failed this time around. He lied to me and nothing can really change that. I feel horrible for hurting a stranger unintentionally. I feel sad that i don't get to hook up with him again, because I haven't enjoyed anyone's company in ages. I dont know if I should make him block me or just wait and hope he speaks to me again because I do care even though I know we could never be anything but friends at this point. And i do still love my ex and we're great together whenever we're physically at the same place, he just got on the wrong path and I'd happily support him back to the right one. Point is, my type is hard to find and ive searched many places for it and I had really needed for this rebound to last a few weeks longer. 

I'm at work and I don't have time but I'm going to read through your posts a bit later and see if I can help you. You are okay on your own right now and you should find something that makes you happy by yourself. The stores are opened where I live , not the malls but the box stores so I'll be shopping this weekend and hitting the country club. I'm prepared for the rain too! I'll read through your posts a little later

[Realitysux]

47 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

I'm at work and I don't have time but I'm going to read through your posts a bit later and see if I can help you. You are okay on your own right now and you should find something that makes you happy by yourself. The stores are opened where I live , not the malls but the box stores so I'll be shopping this weekend and hitting the country club. I'm prepared for the rain too! I'll read through your posts a little later

I meant to also ask what is a war hero? 

[Loveisonlyformovies]

1 minute ago, Realitysux said:

I meant to also ask what is a war hero? 

got several rare medals. i just expected him to be one of the good ones... He's crazy intelligent though and incredibly charming. Kind of regret telling him after finding out his secret, then i could have seen him again 😕

[Realitysux]

11 minutes ago, Loveisonlyformovies said:

got several rare medals. i just expected him to be one of the good ones... He's crazy intelligent though and incredibly charming. Kind of regret telling him after finding out his secret, then i could have seen him again 😕

That feeling you have is knowing you have to let it go but not wanting to. It's only going to keep you stuck. Is there anything you can do now as you do nothing. Think about this way, you are just putting it down for now to focus on something else. In your previous post, you mentioned yoga, are you doing yoga? 

I say put it down because I have to read your posts more thoroughly to give you an honest input. You don't want to be stuck at all. 

Edited May 15, 2020 by Realitysux
Added not typo

[Loveisonlyformovies]

3 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

That feeling you have is knowing you have to let it go but not wanting to. It's only going to keep you stuck. Is there anything you can do now as you do nothing. Think about this way, you are just putting it down for now to focus on something else. In your previous post, you mentioned yoga, are you doing yoga? 

Nope, not anymore. I got no energy whatsoever right now as i cant sleep properly and hardly eat and nothing works to distract me. I havent smiled that much in years, how could i want to let it go? I have no idea how to ever find any guy that tops him and my ex. Just finding Brits in my country is hard enough. He could have made a really good friend but now he's gone. I f***ing hate it.. 

[Realitysux]

There is way more to life then a man. There are a lot of other things you should do first. What do you have to do to get more energy? 

Eating the right food and about four times a day and in the right portions is a good start. It will get your mind working and help with the energy. I always eat a spoonful of cottage cheese in the morning if I don't have time for breakfast. It also helps with the metabolism and in still loosing weight. 

Edited May 15, 2020 by Realitysux
Adding

[Loveisonlyformovies]

7 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

There is way more to life then a man. There are a lot of other things you should do first. What do you have to do to get more energy? 

Eating the right food and about four times a day and in the right portions is a good start. It will get your mind working and help with the energy. I always eat a spoonful of cottage cheese in the morning if I don't have time for breakfast. It also helps with the metabolism and in still loosing weight. 

Food wont do anything to my energy in the state i'm in right now. What should i do first? I got my kids to care for. I got my studies. I just don't enjoy much of it as I have no one to share it with. All I want is a complete family and a handsome face to put a smile on every day. Then I'll be actually happy. I hate being alone and friends and family do nothing for me at this point.  

[Realitysux]

I'm a little confused. I have to really read some of this before I comment but my first opinion is that unresolved issues from your ex has caused you to feel intense feelings towards this man and he's not actually worth any medals. 

 

We all want that. Some are fortunate enough to have it. You can't desperately go out and seek it or you won't actually find it. You are better off finding it within yourself. 

Edited May 15, 2020 by Realitysux

[Loveisonlyformovies]

2 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

I'm a little confused. I have to really read some of this before I comment but my first opinion is that unresolved issues from your ex has caused you to feel intense feelings towards this man and he's not actually worth any medals. 

 

We all want that. Some are fortunate enough to have it. You can't desperately go out and seek it or you won't actually find it. You are better off finding it within yourself. 

 

I dont have intense feelings for this man, i'm just extremely drawn to intelligence. I just really enjoyed his company and I do care about him, sure he deserves the mess he's in now but i still feel sorry for him. He made me smile so much that i almost ended up crying from the pain of smiling ( i guess i haven't been smiling a lot lately, my face isn't used it). He made me feel better about myself and I'm just in a period of my life where i could really have needed a man like him in my life for a few month. Just a good rebound , escaping from the reality and maybe kill off the feelings i still have for my ex. I also really looked forward to sleeping with him again as he got some making up to do. 

that's the most depressing thing i've heard xD memories are pointless if they can't be remembered with someone. that's my opinion at least  What's the point in existing if no one is there to see your life? I'm also far more comfortable with myself when i'm with someone else. I also have this weird thing where i cant help trying to fix a broken man, i prefer complex people. 

[Realitysux]

7 minutes ago, Loveisonlyformovies said:

 

I dont have intense feelings for this man, i'm just extremely drawn to intelligence. I just really enjoyed his company and I do care about him, sure he deserves the mess he's in now but i still feel sorry for him. He made me smile so much that i almost ended up crying from the pain of smiling ( i guess i haven't been smiling a lot lately, my face isn't used it). He made me feel better about myself and I'm just in a period of my life where i could really have needed a man like him in my life for a few month. Just a good rebound , escaping from the reality and maybe kill off the feelings i still have for my ex. I also really looked forward to sleeping with him again as he got some making up to do. 

that's the most depressing thing i've heard xD memories are pointless if they can't be remembered with someone. that's my opinion at least  What's the point in existing if no one is there to see your life? I'm also far more comfortable with myself when i'm with someone else. I also have this weird thing where i cant help trying to fix a broken man, i prefer complex people. 

That does make sense. Atleast more stores open which means shopping! I am going to redo my bedroom and start building a new wardrobe. I'm also picking up golf. Although I really did enjoy my son when he was younger, now that he is older, I have more time to myself too. I'm also going to see a house right now since I'm house hunting. I am going to be in and out this weekend but definitely keep my updated. If I can think of anything helpful, I got your post! 

[Fair]

Sex during social distancing? Lol.

You've just got to toughen up and grow up and get rid of what's bad for you. If you haven't gotten over your ex by now you're choosing to stay hung up on him. You have to choose not to. Moving on is a choice. You're getting something out of being miserable.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

8 hours ago, Fair said:

Sex during social distancing? Lol.

You've just got to toughen up and grow up and get rid of what's bad for you. If you haven't gotten over your ex by now you're choosing to stay hung up on him. You have to choose not to. Moving on is a choice. You're getting something out of being miserable.

Not in my country. 

 

Why would I choose not to? He's the father of my children. 

Obviously I have chosen to move on, or i wouldn't be in this s***ty situation right now. Problem is that they've set the bar so high that I dont think it's possible to ever find a guy that beats them. I'd never consider another nationality either which makes the selection extremely narrow. Ive never come across anyone who has even a tenth of these guys brains. So apparently i wont be getting laid in ages now as i only get turned on by intelligence. And now he doesn't even wanna hook up again...

[Realitysux]

4 hours ago, Loveisonlyformovies said:

Problem is that he's set the bar so high that I dont think it's possible to ever find a guy that beats him. Ive never come across anyone who has even a tenth of these guys brains

I can relate to that. I have experienced that before but if they don't want to be with you then you have to try and fall in love with your own life again. That's my thoughts. I hate to say it, but intelligent men have options. If he didn't chose you then you have to let him go. 

 

There is nothing wrong with venting about it on the forum but no matter how much you try and fight it, you are wasting your time. They will spend their nights in the company of another women and not give a crap that you want to be with them because they don't want to be with you. Accept it and find another thing to keep you motivated. 

Edited May 16, 2020 by Realitysux

[Loveisonlyformovies]

16 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

I can relate to that. I have experienced that before but if they don't want to be with you then you have to try and fall in love with your own life again. That's my thoughts. I hate to say it, but intelligent men have options. If he didn't chose you then you have to let him go. 

 

There is nothing wrong with venting about it on the forum but no matter how much you try and fight it, you are wasting your time. They will spend their nights in the company of another women and not give a crap that you want to be with them because they don't want to be with you. Accept it and find another thing to keep you motivated. 

I still have questions I need answered from him. Also need him to block me to be convinced its just not temporary space he needs. 

Ive spoken to over a thousand guys since my ex left two years ago and I havent felt the slightest bit of connection until this guy. And now he's narrowed down my selection even more. I have no intention of being one of the tragic creatures who falls in love with my own life without a man by my side to share all memories with. God knows how many years it'll be til the next interesting one comes along...

 

[Realitysux]

19 minutes ago, Loveisonlyformovies said:

I still have questions I need answered from him. Also need him to block me to be convinced its just not temporary space he needs. 

Ive spoken to over a thousand guys since my ex left two years ago and I havent felt the slightest bit of connection until this guy. And now he's narrowed down my selection even more. I have no intention of being one of the tragic creatures who falls in love with my own life without a man by my side to share all memories with. God knows how many years it'll be til the next interesting one comes along...

 

You are correct. God only knows. An intimate and romantic relationship is both pleasurable and enjoyable but you can not continue to wait or pine over a man who is not yours. If he was yours, he would be there and you wouldn't be on the forum. I'm okay if you want to rant or vent to me but you need to look at what is going to fullfill you without this. Unfortunately, a man who doesn't want you is only going to waste your time. You will never get the answers you are looking for so don't even think about it. Wait? two men out of a billion. If you like Brits so much, take a trip to England or somewhere else and find your dream man. I wasn't even dumped directly and a ton of other people knew before me. While I was reading the truth from him, he was out with someone else and she got the reality of him. Okay bye! That's how that works. 

You do not need him to block you. You need to understand he is not yours. Not for you! 

Edited May 16, 2020 by Realitysux
Adding

[Loveisonlyformovies]

15 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

You are correct. God only knows. An intimate and romantic relationship is both pleasurable and enjoyable but you can not continue to wait or pine over a man who is not yours. If he was yours, he would be there and you wouldn't be on the forum. I'm okay if you want to rant or vent to me but you need to look at what is going to fullfill you without this. Unfortunately, a man who doesn't want you is only going to waste your time. You will never get the answers you are looking for so don't even think about it. Wait? two men out of a billion. If you like Brits so much, take a trip to England or somewhere else and find your dream man. I wasn't even dumped directly and a ton of other people knew before me. While I was reading the truth from him, he was out with someone else and she got the reality of him. Okay bye! That's how that works. 

You do not need him to block you. You need to understand he is not yours. Not for you! 

I think youve misunderstood it all. I know he's not mine. I have no intention or wish to be in a serious relationship with him whatsoever. I loved who I thought he was, not the piece of s*** he is.  I still wanna know why he screwed me over when i opened up to him and everything. I wanna know why he chose me to lie to after knowing what I've been through. Whatever self confidence and self worth I had built up since my break up, thinking that maybe I'm good enough for someone better than my ex, he ruined in no time. And i don't know why. I need answers. And he has to block me. Only way for me to be convinced that I'm not the one the blame and that he's the cunt. 

I got kids. I cant travel anywhere on my own. And I need a Brit in my country or he wont have the right mindset that im so attracted to. It's fairly simple. 

[Realitysux]

4 minutes ago, Loveisonlyformovies said:

I think youve misunderstood it all. I know he's not mine. I have no intention or wish to be in a serious relationship with him whatsoever. I loved who I thought he was, not the piece of s*** he is.  I still wanna know why he screwed me over when i opened up to him and everything. I wanna know why he chose me to lie to after knowing what I've been through. Whatever self confidence and self worth I had built up since my break up, thinking that maybe I'm good enough for someone better than my ex, he ruined in no time. And i don't know why. I need answers. And he has to block me. Only way for me to be convinced that I'm not the one the blame and that he's the cunt. 

I got kids. I cant travel anywhere on my own. And I need a Brit in my country or he wont have the right mindset that im so attracted to. It's fairly simple. 

In one sentence you want this guy but in another sentence you want to share your life with someone. They aren't the same thing. The questions you are asking I can answer them. He did not love you and he was not the person you wanted him to be. He is not going to give you what you are asking for. You don't need the answers from him. If he cared in the first place, you wouldn't ask them in the first place. 

[Realitysux]

I kind of like Brits too. I have never actually dated one but is there a UK dating site you can access. I honestly don't have time to look but if you find one, pm me   I too have to find better 

[Loveisonlyformovies]

4 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

In one sentence you want this guy but in another sentence you want to share your life with someone. They aren't the same thing. The questions you are asking I can answer them. He did not love you and he was not the person you wanted him to be. He is not going to give you what you are asking for. You don't need the answers from him. If he cared in the first place, you wouldn't ask them in the first place. 

Im not interested in brits outside of my country. So such site would be useless. 

 

And no. Ive not said I want this guy for anything but just sex at this point. It has never been a matter of love or anything like that. I want to know what his explanation is. It'll make it far easier to accept him for the selfish cunt that he clearly is. I'll also feel better if i know he'll be miserable long term. 

[Realitysux]

You haven't even began wanting to move on .. you are going to be stuck until stuck slaps you in the face. For me, I was really affected at work and said I had enough. I couldn't connect with anyone when I tried and I had no normal conversations. I was stuck in my head and it was such a dark place. I was spending my nights in despair and when I got to work I had to really push myself to make it .. I had enough of being pushed under by this person so I said enough is enough. I'm moving to a new flat and I'm going to get on with my life. You don't need to do anything. He's a human being and deserves to find what you are looking for too. 

[Realitysux]

Everyone has been where you are .. there is no shame. 

Edited May 16, 2020 by Realitysux

[Loveisonlyformovies]

16 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

You haven't even began wanting to move on .. you are going to be stuck until stuck slaps you in the face. For me, I was really affected at work and said I had enough. I couldn't connect with anyone when I tried and I had no normal conversations. I was stuck in my head and it was such a dark place. I was spending my nights in despair and when I got to work I had to really push myself to make it .. I had enough of being pushed under by this person so I said enough is enough. I'm moving to a new flat and I'm going to get on with my life. You don't need to do anything. He's a human being and deserves to find what you are looking for too. 

It was literally just five days ago :s I want answers. Ive tried to move on. I try to talk to new people but they all are of wrong nationality with the wrong mindset and the wrong intelligence. It took me 2 years to come across this guy and he wasnt even real. How many mlre years of my life do i need to suffer through and hate before i find someone who doesnt make me feel lonely again?