Pregnant for liar Ex boyfriend who is also engaged.

[Andaz]

I found out months ago I am pregnant for my liar of an ex. After finding out that 1) he was sleeping with a so called friend of his. 2) he is engaged to another woman he has been in a relationship with for years, of which I knew nothing about. In actuality he was cheating on the woman he is engaged to with the so called friend and I. 

I first found out that he was messing with the friend, he denied then later admitted to it. Then tried twisting things on me by giving me the silent treatment because he didn’t t like that I cornered him. This silent treatment behavior is very common of him, whenever he is called out for his bad behavior or cornered he does the silent treatment. No text no calls for days. He hate to be seen less than good. He hardly apologize and when he does he expect the matter to be dropped right away or else “silent treatment “. 
King of manipulation he only place value on anything he has ever done for others and seem not to remember or value nothing others do for him.
In his eyes he is important to everyone and all are loyal to him. He goes for women with kind caring nice personalities. Even with all that said He can be quite the charmer. I shouldn’t diagnose but I think he is a narcissist.

When I found out he’s been in a relationship for years and is  engaged I was devastated it shook me up so bad I got anxiety I couldn’t speak. I told him what I think of him, And asked him not to contact me. a week later I got a text from him pretty much accusing me of being mischievous and  telling the fiancé that he is messing with the friend.. 

At this point I blocked him.. too twisted for me to deal with and he had no remorse and was only concerned about himself. I guess he was worried about what he will lose from what I heard he was in the middle of buying a house with the fiancé.

I was not the one who told his fiancé ,and from what I heard she caught him in a compromising situation with another female and allowed him to convince her it’s not what she thought. As bad as I feel for her I didn’t want to get wrapped up In his web any more Than I am. Besides I had my own oceans of emotions to work through.

I went and got my self tested .. everything turned out to be okay except I found out I am expecting. 

I hadn’t told him for months until I decided to text him and let him know 3 days ago (sent pics of the test and ultrasound) as well I asked him for a very valuable and important item given to me by my grandmother that he has in his possession,

He responded several hours later...It’s as if he was waiting for me to text him.. only he didn’t respond to the things I text instead he had some sort of scheme ready to roll out.

He texted.. “you have screwed things up  so badly, if you want to make it better confess when I call u

The conversation has to be as if we are just friends (You cannot mention any thing of our relationship )

Listen to what I say.. own it and after do not reach out to me I will come to you in person.

Don’t respond after you read this.”

I need what he have of mine and clearly he and I need to have a conversation regarding my pregnancy. 

If someone can make sense of what he text please help..
it seem he wants me to own something I didn’t do..
Someone else will be there listening in on the conversation 
 
But why? .
My brain isn’t making sense if it.

I don’t know how to go about it.. 
please give advice that will help..

[schlumpy]

I imagine he will have your call on the speaker phone so his fiancée can hear. Then he will direct the questioning such as asking you to deny that it's his child and he will expect you to help him smooth things over. If not, he has threatened to come after you.

That's how I read it. 

I guess it's up to you if you want to do it. If you decide to blow up his life by exposing your pregnancy, please make sure you have plans in place to counter any threat he represents. We can't afford to lose any more kind hearted women then we have already.

This is where it's nice to have a couple of big brothers who used to wrestle in College.

[mark clemson]

My thought would be to do what you need to do to get this item back, then cut contact with him except any that may be absolutely necessary.

If you decide to to keep the baby, he will probably be unhappy about having to pay child support for 18 years. Oh well, that's his tough luck I guess. Obviously that decision is not one one to be made lightly either way.

Bottom line is do what you have to do in the short term and then get away from him. He's not good as a BF (or fiancee obviously) and from what you describe probably won't be good father material either, unfortunately.

A tough situation and you have my sympathies.

Edited May 16, 2020 by mark clemson

[Andaz]

Thanks for your advices... Mark Clemson and Schlumpy. I appreciate it.

[preraph]

If you are in the United States, skip trying to negotiate with him and just go straight to the state to get your child support and then you can go to court and work out joint custody if you want to. You don't have to be the one to get anything from him most places. Is that thing you need really worth it?

 

You're stuck with this guy. He's probably going to want a DNA test.

[stillafool]

You could be in danger.  If he told you that over the phone he may be willing to do anything to keep his fiance from finding out about the pregnancy and blowing up his life.  I would handle him with caution and like Preraph said go through an attorney for the child support.  Whatever he has of your grandmothers ask him to mail it to you.  He is going to do anything to make you terminate this pregnancy.

[preraph]

All you have to do is Google your state and child support and it will tell you what agency you're going through to get them to take child support from him and give it to you. 

[Andaz]

Thank you I’ll look into that option.