Charmander12 Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 hello, new here. Just looking for some advice. My husband and I have been married almost 8 years and have a 2.5yr old. We also have a house together. He is very controlling and more than likely psychologically abuses me. This is a hard cycle to break as when are not arguing and im not making him mad, things are "good." We have already talked about divorce but tried to work through it. Including opening up our marriage because there are things we arent getting from eachother. All this has made me realize is I don't want to be his wife anymore. I don't have the feelings a wife should have towards her husband. I do think we could stay great friends. But its hard to approach it as he tends to bully his way back in my life because if it ends, he wants it to be on his terms. I want to parent together and possibly live together, also because I dont think i could afford it on my own, but to try and keep that family aspect around for my child. Just not live as a married couple. Has anyone doens this and had success? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 If you are not together, living together is a terrible idea. Get a handle on your finances then make your decision. Perhaps get marriage counseling because the strategies you have employed -- having sex with others -- is not the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
emprosnet7 Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 9 hours ago, Charmander12 said: Including opening up our marriage because there are things we arent getting from eachother. What is the meaning of this sentence ? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 18, 2020 Share Posted May 18, 2020 You can't live together... even the idea of that is silly. You already know that you aren't compatible... and you are accusing him of being abusive. Do you really think things would be better if the label of "Marriage" was removed? It would be exactly the same, and how do you think it would be if you or your exH brought someone home? First of all, one of you would get mad about it... and it would be strange for the new BF/GF. The healing can't happen until someone has physically moved out. As far as being able to afford it... yep... that's a big one. But guess what... you are an adult, and have to figure out how to make that happen. You may need some support for a while... but you will have to find a job and just make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
ThePhoenixStillRises Posted May 19, 2020 Share Posted May 19, 2020 On 5/17/2020 at 7:42 PM, Charmander12 said: All this has made me realize is I don't want to be his wife anymore. I don't have the feelings a wife should have towards her husband. I think that this is really your answer that you have in your heart. I understand what you are saying...because I felt the same. Though I didn't even have feelings enough to want to stay his friend. I don't have any experience with living together for the sake of your child...but one of my co-workers has done that. For me, it never would have worked. The few months that we were still in the same house together after the divorce process was started was difficult enough. And how could you ever really move on and find happiness while still living together? If you live together, he is still going to have that power to control you. You need to consider that. It has taken me almost a year of being on my own to realize that my exH can no longer control me...though he still tries. Link to post Share on other sites
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