Could she be cheating? or am I just paranoid?

[Kk2020]

Hey y’all, 

I’ve been married for almost a year (June 4), to my wife whom I have been together with for almost a year in a half. In the beginning we were like any other couple. Happy and totally in love with one another. Over time, that’s changed drastically. We used to be ecstatic to come home and be together after I had a tough transition coming out and having unsupportive family. She was my rock and still is. We both struggle with mental health. Myself having  anxiety and separation anxiety from her, she has diagnosed bipolar disorder and is medicated but every day is still something different. Here’s the explanation up for discussion and advice: 

in the last month, she had reconnected with a friend who she used to work with and be best friends with. They spent endless hours together and she told me they once held feelings for each other and even kissed one time when having a sleep over.. this made me very uncomfortable and I asked her to be honest with me about how they stand that I wasn’t okay with she being so close to someone she had active feelings for, I was told no worries. I let the topic go. I don’t care if she has friends, she deserves to have them. It’s totally fine. However, one night when I went to plug her Apple Watch in for the night I came across a message from my wife to her friend that said she wasn’t losing the friendship again over a relationship and that her love for her  hasn’t changed. I’ll admit, I blew up. I did not however go through her whole conversation which she believes I did. She continued to tell me she was only friends and only meant love in a friendship way. I’ve let it go. After that night she created a lock code on the watch to where I can’t see anything on it but keeps the phone unlocked. She’s always been one to erase her messages at the end of the day to prevent her phone from cluttering. But why lock the watch and not the phone?? Messages on the watch aren’t automatically deleted when erased on the phone even though connected with Bluetooth. I find this suspicious. Then, a couple nights ago, she deleted one conversation only. None of the others. I watched it from the corner of my eye as we watched tv. Could she be cheating on me?? 
we haven’t been intimate in quite sometime when we used to be regularly 1-2 times a week. She doesn’t like keeping regular conversation through the day while we work anymore. I know she’s unhappy with her job and herself because of her weight right now and I just want to know an outside opinion and what I can do to fix my marriage. I try to talk to her about us burns he won’t talk because she says I drive her nuts with asking if we’re okay and if she’s happy because of my anxiety. 

[schlumpy]

Yes, I believe you have cause for concern.

What do you want? If you find solid evidence that she's cheating will you be divorcing? Will you be mad for a couple months and then start looking the other way? It's very crucial for you to know what you want before you make a decision on what to do. Will you demand marriage counseling?

So far, you have been sweeping things under the rug by "letting it go" and she's been unresponsive to your concerns. You could try marriage counseling right now and hope you can bring her back to the marriage. That would be a preemptive strike on your part.

Figure out what you are going to do if you discover she is cheating. Make sure it's something that you will backup and enforce before you take any action.

Sit her down and have a talk with her about how you feel about infidelity. Outline the consequences you have decided on if she were to cross that line. Give her doubt as to where you stand. Make sure you emphasize your love for her and how you look forward to the future with her by your side.

Hug her and let her go.

Turn up the power on your infidelity radar. Keep you mouth shut and watch and listen. If you have some good friends see if they will help you defend your marriage.

If the evidence is against her but still tenuous, then consider using GPS on her car and a voice activated recorder that can be secreted in a place where she makes phone calls.

Don't ever let her embarrass you or belittle you for daring to defend you marriage. You have every right to do so.

 

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I think Schlumpy has addressed all items. Please take note.

There are data recovery programmes, that can be utilised  to recover all deleted photos, messages etc. 

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[Just a Guy]

Hi Kk, I wanted to clarify as to whether this friend of your wife is another woman or a man? I'm sorry but from what you've written there seems to be some ambiguity. That apart, what I find as cause for worry is that all this suspicion and conflict has cropped up so soon in your marriage. The two of you are in your Honeymoon phase of your marriage. Amy such conflicts should be resolved with kisses and making up including make up sex. Here the two of you seem to be harbouring I'll will and distrust of each other which, to my mind , is a huge red flag.

The previous posters have made excellent suggestions which should help you move forward in a positive way. If, however, your wife keeps stonewalling your efforts in resolving matters then that indicates that she is not ready to find a solution to your problem in a proactive and positive manner. She is probably harbouring a lot of negativity which leafs her to stall any attempts at resolving matters. If that be the case, you have a serious problem at hand with very few options to resolve matters positively. One possibility is that she agrees to marriage counselling. If not then you may have to consider an annulment of your marriage. Sorry for the doom and gloom but maybe that will open the way to a happier more positive future for you! Warm wishes.

Edited May 20, 2020 by Just a Guy
Use of a better word.