Separated from wife but lockdown prevents him moving out

[Allupinnit]

So he's just going to keep you and his wife on pins and needles til June 5?  You're not even allowed to talk about it?!  

[Kiki55]

1 minute ago, Allupinnit said:

So he's just going to keep you and his wife on pins and needles til June 5?  You're not even allowed to talk about it?!  

I guess so. It sounds worse than it is. It's a week practically. I don't even know what to expect or what I deem appropriate. For me, I want some certain proof that they have split up and he isn't just playing us both. Then I want some solid proof he is making moved at the very least to move out. Arranging viewings and proof he has discussed this with her too. This is all the very least. Anything less than this and I'm going NC until he's done something OR he could even turn around and say he can't do it, or admit he's not split. I really don't know what to expect. I'm trying to not let it bother me which is hard but had it of been a month away or something then I would go NC until then, it's hardly worth going NC now when he says he is "committed" to proving it to me and I've agreed. 

[Starswillshine]

Can he not file prior to having this all figured out? 

My exH and I worked through our own finances, etc ourselves, but I filed for divorce prior to us ironing out all the details. 

I dont know the laws where you are. I know some people who needed to wait a full year after filing before a divorce could be granted. 

[Kiki55]

12 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Can he not file prior to having this all figured out? 

My exH and I worked through our own finances, etc ourselves, but I filed for divorce prior to us ironing out all the details. 

I dont know the laws where you are. I know some people who needed to wait a full year after filing before a divorce could be granted. 

He could I guess. I've never once pressured him into seperating, he's done that of his own accord however now they have been separated several weeks and he still lives there hence now I am giving him this opportunity to prove he is serious about us. It hurts when he goes home every night to either play happy families (Something he says he isn't doing) or just in general, my mind wonders. I don't want to continue living like this. 

Edited May 28, 2020 by Kiki55

[Allupinnit]

Girl, there is no way in a week he's going to break it to his family that he's leaving.  He goes home every night keeping up the "Honey I'm home!" facade, as if returning from another long day at the office ready for dinner.  There is a reason he won't talk about the specifics with you - there aren't any.

Does it not bother you at all that he is capable of such deceit? 

[PhoenixRising8]

On 5/21/2020 at 10:48 AM, Kiki55 said:

he's very adamant that 5th June is when everything is going to be finalised

Kiki, my sense is that the goalpost has already moved from is everything will be finalised to we will discuss June 5.  If my experience is any measure, it's just the beginning of the goalpost moving time and time again.  My therapist told me to pay attention to the theory of N of 1, which in it's simplest terms equates to what a person does once, they are likely to repeat but I thought, well he was unprepared the first time he told her and this, that and the other had to be addressed first so another few weeks isn't going to kill me and a few weeks turned into a few months and a few more.  Then we broke up because he wanted another extension and i rhymed off all the reasons why the next goalpost and the next and next would come and go: daughter's birthday, starting school, BS's birthday, exams, christmas holidays etc.  He didn't put up much of an argument.

Like you, I didn't pressure him to leave and in fact was surprised when he went home one day and just told her he wanted to separate. She of course was insistent they needed to talk and how could he refuse after 28+ years of marriage. They had been in separate bedrooms for several years (confirmed by BS in my conversations with her in March), so their marriage truly wasn't much of one, primarily roommates.  He never actually lied to me the first 14 months we were together that I could confirm. The cycle of I'm leaving, I have to talk to convince her and so on began.  About 5 months after we broke up I found him on a dating website and catfished him for a few days before telling him I would out him to BS.  I believed I had thwarted his efforts for another affair.  That ended our communication.  About a month later, after months of NC, he messaged me about how remorseful he was for what he put me through and how he wished he hadn't been so indecisive because he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.  I agreed to be friends with him, communicating occasionally and we met up for a few coffees over a three month period.  But I was clear, we would not fall back into a PA. In January, he sent me his draft separation agreement and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life making it up to me and making me the centre of his universe.  A few days later, he told me he was actually involved in another affair, which he denied 3 months earlier when I asked him if he followed through.  He was going to confess all to BS, which he did and she chucked him out.  

I was livid.  He had now strung me along for another 3 months and I let loose my anger.  My parting words were "good bye and good riddance loser".  A week later, he called me in tears that he regrets the second affair, that it was always me but he thought I wouldn't give him another chance blah, blah, blah.  Stupidly, I agreed to give him the chance to redeem himself.  That lasted 6 weeks before I said I'm done.  That was 3 months ago.  I have come to realise that it was all about being there for him, tending to his needs, wants and desires and now that I needed him to be patient and prove himself because after all, there had been an OOW, he couldn't reciprocate.  He's now trying to win her back and she's giving him the airspace even knowing that almost immediately after separating, he left her for his original AP.  Yes, I told her.  She thought he was staying with BS, he didn't correct her.  Meanwhile, BS is trying to win him back, prize that he is.

There is a reason why if men are truly going to leave, they do so quickly.  It's because they are decisive, they aren't comfortable with lying and deceiving, and despite being involved in an affair, they actually do have some measure of character and integrity and they don't want to string 2 women (or more) along so they do the right thing of ending one or the other.  Once they start moving the goalpost and are allowed to do so, they keep doing it because it's so easy.  Both women are working hard to keep him.  What an ego boost!  I suspect he may ultimately go back to BS.  He isn't going to be happy living in a 10X10 room he's renting in a house, trying to win back someone who trusts him less than I did.  His kids know what he's done and are being polite when they have to interact with him, but they do not initiate contact.  He actually thinks they will accept OOW when they can't even accept him. 

A few weeks back OOW emailed me saying he hadn't been in touch for a few days and so she assumed he was trying to win me back.  Her last words to me were "Please, please keep him".  I couldn't resist forwarding that to him with laughing emojis.  He's treating her worse than he treated me.  It won't last.  He has shown who he has become, and it isn't who I fell in love with.   At least he never disappeared on me and the first 8 months I was his priority.  When he had to chose between doing something for BS or me, it was always me.  

All this to say, you've only a few days to wait, but please don't tolerate him deferring or putting things off because he will keep doing it. Do not convince yourself a few more weeks won't kill you because they will give him permission to do it again and again. The pandemic is a perfect excuse for not moving but people are still managing to do so.

Good luck KiKi

 

Kat

[PhoenixRising8]

4 hours ago, Kiki55 said:

I had to take a few days break from here, I noticed it was having a negative impact on my wellbeing

I felt the same way too.  Wondered if LS and all the naysayers weren't leading me to a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Truth is, it got to me because it hit nerves I was ignoring.  I was ignoring my intuition and LS was bringing it to the forefront.  Listen to your inner voice.  I'd bet it's telling you the same thing we posters are.

[BaileyB]

Since it is only a few days and you are committed to seeing this through, I will say... I would do this once, and only once.

You do teach people how to treat you and if he shows up on June 5th with a long list of reasons why he needs an extension... we’ll, you have allowed him to kick the can down the road and you will have set a precedent for your relationship...

[simpycurious]

13 hours ago, LilKatKat said:

Kiki, my sense is that the goalpost has already moved from is everything will be finalised to we will discuss June 5.  If my experience is any measure, it's just the beginning of the goalpost moving time and time again.  My therapist told me to pay attention to the theory of N of 1, which in it's simplest terms equates to what a person does once, they are likely to repeat but I thought, well he was unprepared the first time he told her and this, that and the other had to be addressed first so another few weeks isn't going to kill me and a few weeks turned into a few months and a few more.  Then we broke up because he wanted another extension and i rhymed off all the reasons why the next goalpost and the next and next would come and go: daughter's birthday, starting school, BS's birthday, exams, christmas holidays etc.  He didn't put up much of an argument.

Like you, I didn't pressure him to leave and in fact was surprised when he went home one day and just told her he wanted to separate. She of course was insistent they needed to talk and how could he refuse after 28+ years of marriage. They had been in separate bedrooms for several years (confirmed by BS in my conversations with her in March), so their marriage truly wasn't much of one, primarily roommates.  He never actually lied to me the first 14 months we were together that I could confirm. The cycle of I'm leaving, I have to talk to convince her and so on began.  About 5 months after we broke up I found him on a dating website and catfished him for a few days before telling him I would out him to BS.  I believed I had thwarted his efforts for another affair.  That ended our communication.  About a month later, after months of NC, he messaged me about how remorseful he was for what he put me through and how he wished he hadn't been so indecisive because he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.  I agreed to be friends with him, communicating occasionally and we met up for a few coffees over a three month period.  But I was clear, we would not fall back into a PA. In January, he sent me his draft separation agreement and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life making it up to me and making me the centre of his universe.  A few days later, he told me he was actually involved in another affair, which he denied 3 months earlier when I asked him if he followed through.  He was going to confess all to BS, which he did and she chucked him out.  

I was livid.  He had now strung me along for another 3 months and I let loose my anger.  My parting words were "good bye and good riddance loser".  A week later, he called me in tears that he regrets the second affair, that it was always me but he thought I wouldn't give him another chance blah, blah, blah.  Stupidly, I agreed to give him the chance to redeem himself.  That lasted 6 weeks before I said I'm done.  That was 3 months ago.  I have come to realise that it was all about being there for him, tending to his needs, wants and desires and now that I needed him to be patient and prove himself because after all, there had been an OOW, he couldn't reciprocate.  He's now trying to win her back and she's giving him the airspace even knowing that almost immediately after separating, he left her for his original AP.  Yes, I told her.  She thought he was staying with BS, he didn't correct her.  Meanwhile, BS is trying to win him back, prize that he is.

There is a reason why if men are truly going to leave, they do so quickly.  It's because they are decisive, they aren't comfortable with lying and deceiving, and despite being involved in an affair, they actually do have some measure of character and integrity and they don't want to string 2 women (or more) along so they do the right thing of ending one or the other.  Once they start moving the goalpost and are allowed to do so, they keep doing it because it's so easy.  Both women are working hard to keep him.  What an ego boost!  I suspect he may ultimately go back to BS.  He isn't going to be happy living in a 10X10 room he's renting in a house, trying to win back someone who trusts him less than I did.  His kids know what he's done and are being polite when they have to interact with him, but they do not initiate contact.  He actually thinks they will accept OOW when they can't even accept him. 

A few weeks back OOW emailed me saying he hadn't been in touch for a few days and so she assumed he was trying to win me back.  Her last words to me were "Please, please keep him".  I couldn't resist forwarding that to him with laughing emojis.  He's treating her worse than he treated me.  It won't last.  He has shown who he has become, and it isn't who I fell in love with.   At least he never disappeared on me and the first 8 months I was his priority.  When he had to chose between doing something for BS or me, it was always me.  

All this to say, you've only a few days to wait, but please don't tolerate him deferring or putting things off because he will keep doing it. Do not convince yourself a few more weeks won't kill you because they will give him permission to do it again and again. The pandemic is a perfect excuse for not moving but people are still managing to do so.

Good luck KiKi

 

Kat

How in the world could the GUY juggle ALL of those women at once?  If it's not rude to ask, how old is he?, does he work?, did he really think he could get away with ALL OF THAT?  

Also, why would ANY woman who has a LOT going for herself agree to be SECOND STRING?  Sorry for the sports reference but that is my world.

[Kiki55]

14 hours ago, LilKatKat said:

Kiki, my sense is that the goalpost has already moved from is everything will be finalised to we will discuss June 5.  If my experience is any measure, it's just the beginning of the goalpost moving time and time again.  My therapist told me to pay attention to the theory of N of 1, which in it's simplest terms equates to what a person does once, they are likely to repeat but I thought, well he was unprepared the first time he told her and this, that and the other had to be addressed first so another few weeks isn't going to kill me and a few weeks turned into a few months and a few more.  Then we broke up because he wanted another extension and i rhymed off all the reasons why the next goalpost and the next and next would come and go: daughter's birthday, starting school, BS's birthday, exams, christmas holidays etc.  He didn't put up much of an argument.

Like you, I didn't pressure him to leave and in fact was surprised when he went home one day and just told her he wanted to separate. She of course was insistent they needed to talk and how could he refuse after 28+ years of marriage. They had been in separate bedrooms for several years (confirmed by BS in my conversations with her in March), so their marriage truly wasn't much of one, primarily roommates.  He never actually lied to me the first 14 months we were together that I could confirm. The cycle of I'm leaving, I have to talk to convince her and so on began.  About 5 months after we broke up I found him on a dating website and catfished him for a few days before telling him I would out him to BS.  I believed I had thwarted his efforts for another affair.  That ended our communication.  About a month later, after months of NC, he messaged me about how remorseful he was for what he put me through and how he wished he hadn't been so indecisive because he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.  I agreed to be friends with him, communicating occasionally and we met up for a few coffees over a three month period.  But I was clear, we would not fall back into a PA. In January, he sent me his draft separation agreement and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life making it up to me and making me the centre of his universe.  A few days later, he told me he was actually involved in another affair, which he denied 3 months earlier when I asked him if he followed through.  He was going to confess all to BS, which he did and she chucked him out.  

I was livid.  He had now strung me along for another 3 months and I let loose my anger.  My parting words were "good bye and good riddance loser".  A week later, he called me in tears that he regrets the second affair, that it was always me but he thought I wouldn't give him another chance blah, blah, blah.  Stupidly, I agreed to give him the chance to redeem himself.  That lasted 6 weeks before I said I'm done.  That was 3 months ago.  I have come to realise that it was all about being there for him, tending to his needs, wants and desires and now that I needed him to be patient and prove himself because after all, there had been an OOW, he couldn't reciprocate.  He's now trying to win her back and she's giving him the airspace even knowing that almost immediately after separating, he left her for his original AP.  Yes, I told her.  She thought he was staying with BS, he didn't correct her.  Meanwhile, BS is trying to win him back, prize that he is.

There is a reason why if men are truly going to leave, they do so quickly.  It's because they are decisive, they aren't comfortable with lying and deceiving, and despite being involved in an affair, they actually do have some measure of character and integrity and they don't want to string 2 women (or more) along so they do the right thing of ending one or the other.  Once they start moving the goalpost and are allowed to do so, they keep doing it because it's so easy.  Both women are working hard to keep him.  What an ego boost!  I suspect he may ultimately go back to BS.  He isn't going to be happy living in a 10X10 room he's renting in a house, trying to win back someone who trusts him less than I did.  His kids know what he's done and are being polite when they have to interact with him, but they do not initiate contact.  He actually thinks they will accept OOW when they can't even accept him. 

A few weeks back OOW emailed me saying he hadn't been in touch for a few days and so she assumed he was trying to win me back.  Her last words to me were "Please, please keep him".  I couldn't resist forwarding that to him with laughing emojis.  He's treating her worse than he treated me.  It won't last.  He has shown who he has become, and it isn't who I fell in love with.   At least he never disappeared on me and the first 8 months I was his priority.  When he had to chose between doing something for BS or me, it was always me.  

All this to say, you've only a few days to wait, but please don't tolerate him deferring or putting things off because he will keep doing it. Do not convince yourself a few more weeks won't kill you because they will give him permission to do it again and again. The pandemic is a perfect excuse for not moving but people are still managing to do so.

Good luck KiKi

 

Kat

Hi Kat,

Thank You for sharing your story with me. I promised myself (and him I guess) that I wouldn't bring it up now until Friday but after he went in a playful strop about how I had deleted some conversation history of ours off my phone I decided to playfully tease him about this situation but it turned heartfelt. I told him thatI am concerned he will think I am bluffing and not actually do anything. I said to him how I bet he hasn't got anything lined up yet and he said "Well you don't know that" I said "No because I'm not allowed to talk about it" we discussed things a bit more and I asked if he wanted to know what I would be happy with, he said yes... so I told him that at the very least, I want proof that they have actually split and either him moved out of proof that he has taken all possible steps, I.e. arranged viewings etc. With working full time still I understand that 2 weeks was short notice but he shouldn't of agreed to it if he didn't think it was feasible. It's not like he doesn't have the money. It was a bit sad for the last hour after this conversation and when he left I sent him a really long message about my love for him and how I will not have a choice but to end this for my own sanity etc etc. I told him I would leave him alone this weekend (we rarely go an hour without a message) if he needs time to think and said he doesn't even need to resond to my message. It's now been 2 hours since I sent this message so I am on tenter hooks right now feeling like my whole heart is in the balance. I guess what will be will be and if he hasn't got the backbone to even 'deal' with my emotional needs and my long emotional messages then he truly isn't worth it (this is words however my heart is breaking so much right now) 

[Kiki55]

14 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

Girl, there is no way in a week he's going to break it to his family that he's leaving.  He goes home every night keeping up the "Honey I'm home!" facade, as if returning from another long day at the office ready for dinner.  There is a reason he won't talk about the specifics with you - there aren't any.

Does it not bother you at all that he is capable of such deceit? 

He said they know he is leaving, just not finalised it yet. 

I know, I'm foolish. 

[Bittersweetie]

14 hours ago, LilKatKat said:

I felt the same way too.  Wondered if LS and all the naysayers weren't leading me to a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Truth is, it got to me because it hit nerves I was ignoring.  I was ignoring my intuition and LS was bringing it to the forefront.  Listen to your inner voice.  I'd bet it's telling you the same thing we posters are.

In my almost ten years on this site, I have learned that the posts that piss me off the most are usually touching a nerve I need to examine. There's nothing like LS to bring all those hidden nerves to the forefront!

[BaileyB]

30 minutes ago, Kiki55 said:

I told him I would leave him alone this weekend (we rarely go an hour without a message) if he needs time to think and said he doesn't even need to resond to my message. It's now been 2 hours since I sent this message so I am on tenter hooks right now...

What does this even mean. You poured your heart out to him, told him clearly what you expected and then went way farther than I would have gone to assure him that you love him and you want to be together... and he says, “he doesn’t even need to respond to your message” and then goes silent? 

Thats very dismissive. If he was actually planning to move out, this would have been his opportunity to ease your fears and calm your anxiety, by sharing the things he has been working on to prepare. But instead, he dismissed your feelings and left you feeling anxious and wondering... am I reading this right Kiki? Because, if this is what happened it is not good... it’s cruel to do to another person. 

I’m sorry. 

Edited May 29, 2020 by BaileyB

[PhoenixRising8]

27 minutes ago, Kiki55 said:

I told him I would leave him alone this weekend (we rarely go an hour without a message) if he needs time to think and said he doesn't even need to resond to my message. It's now been 2 hours since I sent this message so I am on tenter hooks right now feeling like my whole heart is in the balance.

what does that say about his concern about your feelings and needs?  In the beginning when his leaving talk started, my xMM would have called immediately.  After a few months I noticed it wasn't an immediate response.  He said he was getting tired of having to reassure me and would get upset that I had so little faith.  He turned it around on me where he never did that.  I'm seeing the same in your future, sadly.

[Kiki55]

4 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

What does this even mean. You poured your heart out to him, told him clearly what you expected and then went way farther than I would have gone to assure him that you love him and you want to be together... and he says, “he doesn’t even need to respond to your message” and then goes silent? 

Thats very dismissive. If he was actually planning to move out, this would have been his opportunity to ease your fears and calm your anxiety, by sharing the things he has been working on to prepare. But instead, he dismissed your feelings and left you feeling anxious and wondering... am I reading this right Kiki? Because, if this is what happened it is not good... it’s cruel to do to another person. 

I’m sorry. 

I'm sorry I didn't clarify properly, I said to him that he didn't need to respond, he didn't say that. But everything else you have said, yes. I agree. 2.5 hours passed. This is the longest we haven't spoke. I know I've told him I'd leave him to think but if that was me, I'd of been reassuring him straight away. No silence like this. Perhaps he's busy, who knows. I've not felt this hurt for a very long time. I will keep you posted. 

 

Thank you 

[Kiki55]

7 minutes ago, LilKatKat said:

what does that say about his concern about your feelings and needs?  In the beginning when his leaving talk started, my xMM would have called immediately.  After a few months I noticed it wasn't an immediate response.  He said he was getting tired of having to reassure me and would get upset that I had so little faith.  He turned it around on me where he never did that.  I'm seeing the same in your future, sadly.

My gut is telling me the same thing. If it's right then at least I didn't let this continue even further. This is going to break me but better now then further down the line... no consolation right now though 

[Amethyst68]

I must admit I'm slightly confused. In all your earlier posts it sounded like it was a definite thing that he would be moving out on that date. Now as it's getting closer it seems like he has to be doing less and less.

Anyone can ring up or email an estate agent to get some brochures, it's the easiest thing the world. I used to work with someone who used to go view houses as a hobby, they had no intention of moving.

In house separation is one of the hardest things to prove. 

I guess only time will tell, of course if he was being honest with his wife there'd be no need for all this secrecy. If he was moving out he'd be able to make his plans in the open.

[Kiki55]

5 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said:

I must admit I'm slightly confused. In all your earlier posts it sounded like it was a definite thing that he would be moving out on that date. Now as it's getting closer it seems like he has to be doing less and less.

Anyone can ring up or email an estate agent to get some brochures, it's the easiest thing the world. I used to work with someone who used to go view houses as a hobby, they had no intention of moving.

In house separation is one of the hardest things to prove. 

I guess only time will tell, of course if he was being honest with his wife there'd be no need for all this secrecy. If he was moving out he'd be able to make his plans in the open.

I guess over the last week since being on LS I have questioned myself and I've questioned him. I feel in my gut even more so that he is going to let me down. 3.5 hours with no contact from him, we don't go more than an hour usually so something is definetly wrong now. I guess my heartache starts right here. My kids are here, in their rooms and I have had to come to my bedroom so they don't catch me crying. What a fool I am 

[BaileyB]

You have placed your trust unwisely. People do it all the time. From this experience you will gain wisdom, something that will help you in all your future relationships. Chin up! You will get through this, whatever happens. 

The thing I most want you to think about right now - if he comes back, really think hard about whether you want this in your life - for you, and your children. Do you really want to chose a man who is capable of making you feel the way you are feeling right now for your life partner? 

Edited May 29, 2020 by BaileyB

[spiritedaway2003]

I don't mean this dismissively, but the agreed upon date is June 5th, isn't it?  If actions speak louder than words, then let things play out.  You told him what you need.  He knows what you need.  Also, you told him that he doesn't need to respond if he needs time off to figure things out....so that's what he's doing.  Don't second guess everything.  It'll only drive up your anxiety level.  If he doesn't follow through, you'll have a slightly easier time moving on too.  Let things play itself out and you'll know your truth then.  

Edited May 29, 2020 by spiritedaway2003

[Kiki55]

14 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You have placed your trust unwisely. People do it all the time. From this experience you will gain wisdom, something that will help you in all your future relationships. Chin up! You will get through this, whatever happens. 

The thing I most want you to think about right now - if he comes back, really think hard about whether you want this in your life - for you, and your children. Do you really want to chose a man who is capable of making you feel the way you are feeling right now for your life partner? 

That's a very fair statement. I'm usually such a strong person, never fall like this.. I have stopped crying and come to get some sun in the garden with a beer, I'm still checking my phone every 5 minutes but it's a bit of progress. 

[Kiki55]

2 minutes ago, spiritedaway2003 said:

I don't mean this dismissively, but the agreed upon date is June 5th, isn't it?  If actions speak louder than words, then let things play out.  You told him what you need.  He knows what you need.  Also, you told him that he doesn't need to respond if he needs time off to figure things out....so that's what he's doing.  Don't second guess everything right now.  It'll only drive up your anxiety level.  Let things play itself out, and you'll know your truth then. 

Yeah, I guess because I haven't been this long without hearing from him I've automatically assumed it's over. Highly unlikely but he could be discussing moving out with his W, could be trying to make plans l, who knows.... I certainly don't so no point in speculating just yet. May sound silly but if I don't get a goodnight message from him, I will definetly assume the worst then, he's very adamant about doing this. 

[Crazelnut]

Even if he does conjure up some proof that he did "something," you will always know in your heart that he only did it because you pressured him and gave him an ultimatum. He didn't do any of this of his own volition. 

[Allupinnit]

*sigh* Kiki55 - you're having to do the "pick me" dance with him now.  Holding his feet to the fire to bust up his family so that you can have your basic needs met in a relationship.

Unfortunately this is what it comes down to.  OW get fed up being second fiddle, start wanting more (understandably, you fell for him), now you're all anxious because he's choosing to ignore you.  I highly doubt he's discussing things with his W.  He just knows he can't honestly tell you what you want to hear about next week.  

I want to give you a big hug because I know how hurt you're feeling right now.  I don't want to pile on to the hurt.  You are worthy, I promise.  You just fell for this guy's BS, and now are going to have an incredibly hard time disentangling yourself.  I wouldn't let that man step back into your home with your children until you've seen his new place.

 

[Kiki55]

1 minute ago, Allupinnit said:

*sigh* Kiki55 - you're having to do the "pick me" dance with him now.  Holding his feet to the fire to bust up his family so that you can have your basic needs met in a relationship.

Unfortunately this is what it comes down to.  OW get fed up being second fiddle, start wanting more (understandably, you fell for him), now you're all anxious because he's choosing to ignore you.  I highly doubt he's discussing things with his W.  He just knows he can't honestly tell you what you want to hear about next week.  

I want to give you a big hug because I know how hurt you're feeling right now.  I don't want to pile on to the hurt.  You are worthy, I promise.  You just fell for this guy's BS, and now are going to have an incredibly hard time disentangling yourself.  I wouldn't let that man step back into your home with your children until you've seen his new place.

 

He has just messaged me saying his brother is round and he doesn't want to give a 'half arsed' reply to my message, he said he will message me when he's gone. It could be him telling me it's the end or reassuring and promising the world. All I know is that the way he affects my mood is insane! How can somebody have you so worked up like this, controlling all your thoughts. This time next week (if not sooner) I will know and be able to make a decision, the ball will be in my court and although I am madly in love with him, I can't continue like this, I know my worth and if this is all lies both me and his wife deserve better. I guess the saga continues for now...