Author Kiki55 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 7 hours ago, Amethyst68 said: I thought this all started 6 weeks ago? Are you saying there was actually something going on before then? Or is it that he has done something similar with someone else in the past? It was February. But she knows of my name as a colleague... before it began Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 I am going to get involved in some of the discussions had throughout the night. But today, I am taking a trip to my home town - to see family. I'm going to be leaving my phone well and truly alone and taking my mind of things. Will be back later. 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 3 hours ago, Kiki55 said: I am going to get involved in some of the discussions had throughout the night. But today, I am taking a trip to my home town - to see family. I'm going to be leaving my phone well and truly alone and taking my mind of things. Will be back later. 🙂 Hope you are ok this morning Kiki55. Enjoy some time with your family. You probably need the distraction and family love. We are here if you need to vent later, remember some of us have been there and in some ways are still going through it. Hugs xo Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 4 hours ago, Kiki55 said: I am going to get involved in some of the discussions had throughout the night. But today, I am taking a trip to my home town - to see family. I'm going to be leaving my phone well and truly alone and taking my mind of things. Will be back later. 🙂 Great idea, Kiki. In spite of sometimes giving you harsh criticism here, we want you to be happy and healthy in the long run. He really needs to learn to stand on his own and make decisions for himself and do the hard work alone before he'll make a good partner. The emotional growth he bypassed by (allegedly somewhat passively) marrying an older woman when he was young. Have a nice visit with the family. Post as you need to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 On 6/5/2020 at 8:17 AM, Kiki55 said: He told me it isn't going to be easy, he knows I have sacrificed alot for him and promises me he wouldn't have delved so deep into my life, my kids life's if he wasn't serious. But he assures me that he is also making sacrifices for me. He said the 2 main reasons for keeping me from his wife is not necessarily her feelings Although he does think about that. He said he wants to show me off to the world, he said she will cause issues with him seeing his kids, whereas now, they have an agreement for when he moves out. The second reason is financially, we have a mutual friend who told us she could get more than half of everything if she knows he has committed adultery. Yep, like I said he tells lies for his own benefit. He will not hesitate to lie to you as well if it's benefits him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 @anika99 - I agree with that. He came up with two excuses on the fly he clearly hasn't even researched. He needs to see a lawyer, she can't keep the kids from him. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 By telling his wife about his cheating, he would be admitting to wrong doing and that for many MM is an anathema. He does not want to be seen as the bad guy, trading in his wife for a younger model.... He wants to be squeaky clean, so his wife and his kids will accept his "rational" decision to leave. "Oh poor guy he was so unhappy he couldn't stay..." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 Hi to you all. So, several messages from him today. Missing me, thinking of me, loves me, hopes I'm OK. Etc etc. He's just sent a recent one saying he's got quite drunk and can't stop thinking about me. I've not responded. He knows what he needs to do. If he is feeling this pain then he can have a small taste of how I've felt for the last few weeks/months. I want to speak to him so bad, but I won't. I've had a long day, I'm tired, hoping to get some rest and sleep very soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 1 minute ago, Kiki55 said: Hi to you all. So, several messages from him today. Missing me, thinking of me, loves me, hopes I'm OK. Etc etc. He's just sent a recent one saying he's got quite drunk and can't stop thinking about me. I've not responded. He knows what he needs to do. If he is feeling this pain then he can have a small taste of how I've felt for the last few weeks/months. I want to speak to him so bad, but I won't. I've had a long day, I'm tired, hoping to get some rest and sleep very soon. Hi Kiki55, Hope you are ok. I’m disappointed that he has contacted you, that’s not what you agreed, how very selfish of him and not fair. You do see what he’s doing ? He loves the attention and adoration he gets from you and he’s missing that. If he really loves and misses you he will make steps to leave so he can be with you permanently. Try to get some rest and pls don’t reply. Hugs xo 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 (edited) If he really loves you he will respect your decision and not contact you until he has moved out of the home. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like he’s going to do that. Stay strong. This is good for him, to feel some of the anguish that you have felt these last few weeks. He needs to make a decision, he’s not going to be able to keep one foot in the door and the other out anymore... Edited June 6, 2020 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NeverDoneLearning Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 OK can someone please explain to me why this man can't move out because of COVID? There's a lot going on in this thread so it's totally possible I've missed something. I'm in Canada and people are still selling and buying houses (dirt cheap considering the economy btw) and I know of landlords still showing their vacant suites to possible tenants. From what I understand from this post this man makes good money and he is still working in this pandemic. What is waiting until COVID dies down going to do to change his situation? He's still going to be paying child and spousal support most likely in any situation so to use that as a jumping off point makes zero sense to me? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 (edited) OP is in the UK, when we went into lockdown it was more or less a complete lockdown. Most businesses except for essential workers shut down or switched to working from home, this includes letting agents. People were only allowed out twice a day, once for exercise and once to get supplies. You couldn't go and still can't go into another person's home although you can now meet up outside the home, still keeping a 2m distance. OP and her MM were breaking the law every time he went to her house and they both could have been fined if someone had reported them. There were hotlines, people reported their neighbours for breaking lockdown. I am now working from home but before that was arranged I had a letter from my employer to show the police to prove I was actually travelling to and from work. Anyway there was no way that properties could be shown except in emergencies such as people becoming homeless. It's only now that businesses are reopening and even that depends on which part of the UK you live in. Edited June 6, 2020 by Amethyst68 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 "The UK government officially re-opened the housing market on Wednesday 13th May, allowing renters and buyers to move home and view properties." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 (edited) Depends where you live, where I am they're not due to reopen till 18 June. Anyway not every company opened immediately, there were/are issues with working out the details. Edited June 6, 2020 by Amethyst68 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted June 6, 2020 Author Share Posted June 6, 2020 I'm not going to rake over what has already happened. Most of us know the current situation I am in. I know what we have done is wrong however here we are. So, since our D Dday yesterday, I feel I have experienced a different side to my MM. The bottom line is... he has now become uncomfortable. Somebody had said this on this thread about how this is what he needs to be in order to make change - if I am really what he wants. He knew that this weekend I was visiting my family, he knows I have a lot of friends and history in my hometown. He also knows I still have a lot of attention off males there, whether they be friends or old flames, he knows that since my split with H, I have had a lot reach out to me. He is absolutely beside himself right now, wondering what I could be doing. Obviously, I am not doing anything, I am not interested but for him, this appears to be a big concern. I hate the thought of him feeling like this however he needs to, to understand and basically decide what road he is going to take and quickly. I can sense the desperation in his messages. I have stuck to my word and not responded. As I have said before, he rarely shows any emotion or express feelings and it's all I've had today from him and I'm feeling quite surprised. I feel like I have the power at the moment. I'm going to sleep feeling strong. It's only day one. I admit that last night and this morning was hard but seeing his reaction today has helped. Here's to day two. 💪🏼 Thank you all for your continued support. I honestly don't feel I would be even at this short point right now if it wasn't for the guidance I have received here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Kiki55 said: I'm not going to rake over what has already happened. Most of us know the current situation I am in. I know what we have done is wrong however here we are. So, since our D Dday yesterday, I feel I have experienced a different side to my MM. The bottom line is... he has now become uncomfortable. Somebody had said this on this thread about how this is what he needs to be in order to make change - if I am really what he wants. He knew that this weekend I was visiting my family, he knows I have a lot of friends and history in my hometown. He also knows I still have a lot of attention off males there, whether they be friends or old flames, he knows that since my split with H, I have had a lot reach out to me. He is absolutely beside himself right now, wondering what I could be doing. Obviously, I am not doing anything, I am not interested but for him, this appears to be a big concern. I hate the thought of him feeling like this however he needs to, to understand and basically decide what road he is going to take and quickly. I can sense the desperation in his messages. I have stuck to my word and not responded. As I have said before, he rarely shows any emotion or express feelings and it's all I've had today from him and I'm feeling quite surprised. I feel like I have the power at the moment. I'm going to sleep feeling strong. It's only day one. I admit that last night and this morning was hard but seeing his reaction today has helped. Here's to day two. 💪🏼 Thank you all for your continued support. I honestly don't feel I would be even at this short point right now if it wasn't for the guidance I have received here. I really hope you can be strong. Don't be surprised if he goes quiet tomorrow, he may try to get you to contact him, don't cave in. Lets see if he plans to view properties on Monday, if they are empty (which sometimes most of them are), he could be all moved in by next weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 9 minutes ago, Kiki55 said: since our D Dday yesterday, "D-day" on here is the day when the affair is discovered by the BS. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I'm glad that you didn't text him back, but...I don't think that it's a good sign at all that he couldn't even wait one day to violate the rules you put in place for no contact. That says to me that he isn't serious about you or leaving his marriage at all. If he was really feeling like he says he is in the texts, he would get off his ass and move out ASAP. He has no respect for you, he thinks that he can con you into having sex with him without him having to make any changes to his life. Don't contact him, not even to say, "don't contact me." If he's for real, he'll get the signed lease, if he's not, he won't. Simple as that. Good luck 6 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 I'm afraid that he is replacing one mother figure with another in this relationship. He couldn't be bothered to set up appointments to view places until the very last minute and only after you spent great emotional energy worrying about it and trying to lead him to that action. Now when you have enacted a reasonable consequence to his inability/slowness to follow through, instead of focusing on you and having empathy for your predicament, he is instead panicking, adrift, clearly suffering withdrawal from your attention. This all sounds a lot more like addiction than love to me. I wouldn't be viewing this as, "It's great that he's panicking and so emotional over the thought of losing me. He must really love me." I would view it as, "He lacks direction and follow-through and he places his own short-term emotional well-being over my wishes and requests." 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 1 hour ago, heartwhole2 said: 1 hour ago, heartwhole2 said: I wouldn't be viewing this as, "It's great that he's panicking and so emotional over the thought of losing me. He must really love me." I would view it as, "He lacks direction and follow-through and he places his own short-term emotional well-being over my wishes and requests." I completely agree. When you are in love and missing your MM you think it’s great that they are suffering and missing you and that must mean they can’t live without you. Surely they are going to leave their W now so that they can be with you ? But it’s just not how things work, they often have no intention of doing anything, they just love how you make them feel and that is what they are really missing ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) Hi to you all, So, I had a car accident today. A car went into the back of mine, I've been in hospital and got checked over and I've got some aches and pains, bruises etc. He found out through our work friend and has contacted me 'panicking' 🙄 I didn't message him back and our colleague has reported back that I am not dead... (his panicked messages kind of assumed I was) Just when I think things couldn't get any worse! Never mind. At least I am in too much pain to fret and worry about him so much right now. Day 2 of NC done💪🏼 Edited June 7, 2020 by Kiki55 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 13 minutes ago, Kiki55 said: Hi to you all, So, I had a car accident today. A car went into the back of mine, I've been in hospital and got checked over and I've got some aches and pains, bruises etc. He found out through our work friend and has contacted me 'panicking' 🙄 I didn't message him back and our colleague has reported back that I am not dead... (his panicked messages kind of assumed I was) Just when I think things couldn't get any worse! Never mind. At least I am in too much pain to fret and worry about him so much right now. Day 2 of NC done💪🏼 I hope you feel better soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 17 minutes ago, Kiki55 said: Hi to you all, So, I had a car accident today. A car went into the back of mine, I've been in hospital and got checked over and I've got some aches and pains, bruises etc. He found out through our work friend and has contacted me 'panicking' 🙄 I didn't message him back and our colleague has reported back that I am not dead... (his panicked messages kind of assumed I was) Just when I think things couldn't get any worse! Never mind. At least I am in too much pain to fret and worry about him so much right now. Day 2 of NC done💪🏼 OMG !!! What a nightmare. Hope you are ok, were your kids not with you ? Hope they are ok. This was all you needed but I’m so glad you stuck to NC, good for you 👏💪💪 try and get some rest and hope you are not in too much pain. Hugs xo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 (edited) 44 minutes ago, Kiki55 said: So, I had a car accident today. Just when I think things couldn't get any worse! Never mind. At least I am in too much pain to fret and worry about him so much right now. Day 2 of NC done💪🏼 Puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? I’m glad to hear you are not seriously injured and wish you a speedy recovery. It certainly feels sometimes like when it rains, it pours... just remember, this too shall pass... take care. Edited June 7, 2020 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 Thank you everybody. I will keep you updated. He's got 3 weeks and 5 days or he's gone for good. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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