Starswillshine Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 7 hours ago, justwhoiam said: You can only know the dynamics of your own relationship with him, not his relationships with anyone else. Lots of integrity from you, but avoid sticking your neck out. You're not omniscent. Maybe he did cross a line in his recent past or in his remote past, and you can't take your certainty to the bank. I stand by my statement 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 20 hours ago, RebeccaR said: Not to challenge your statements, but this is a long thread: earlier you said the job was very stressful and you were both working 10 hour days; so much so that obviously there was no time to apartment hunt or prep for his interview. Today you speak of a lazy vacation-like period. It’s unclear which statement is true because these are diametric opposites. I've tried to point this out before too Kiki. You seem to over-focus on the details that prove the point you are trying to make in the moment. You need to step outside of yourself so you can recognize this tendency and start looking at things more objectively. justwhoiam says what I was thinking; you've mentioned the "long lunches" and once you mentioned it was notable that you two hadn't had sex on a particular day. In this time of lockdown it's been hard for my husband and I to find time for sex when the kids are always home. And this is their father, not a "coworker." From what you've shared, it seems like you have not been thinking or acting rationally a lot of the time. On 6/9/2020 at 1:34 PM, Kiki55 said: What if he worries i dont want him anymore? I think we all knew this was coming as you came down off the high of feeling powerful by going NC. Even when you make a sensible choice like going NC, you aren't doing it from a place of self-awareness and health and so you're inevitably going to fall again. The feelings feel good -- the longing, the feeling of being adored and understood and desired so much that he'll upend his whole life. But two people need a lot more than feelings to develop a healthy relationship. They have to be healthy and self-aware people. He lacks follow through and prioritizes his feelings over yours. You spin the situation to justify what you feel like doing. Is this a sturdy foundation to build on, on top of the stress of ending two marriages? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 I don't think she's deliberately being misleading, I think she's twisting herself into knots trying to make his lies make sense. If his lies don't make sense, then his love isn't real, and if his love isn't real, then she's a woman who got duped by a man who just wanted to get her in the sack. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 I do hope you come back and update us, @Kiki55. I know it seems like we're piling on, but we are not blinded by the lust and angst that this affair brings you, and an outsider looking in can pinpoint all of the holes in his story. It's INCREDIBLY HARD to uproot yourself, leave your entire life and children behind for the slight chance your relationship with an AP will survive the light of day. But families SHOULD be hard to break apart. They make up the fabric of a culture. You two have been Netflix and chillin' for these past few months with nobody none the wiser but pretty soon things are going to start going back to "normal" and I think it will be interesting to see what he does when staying all day at "his brother's" place isn't feasible anymore. I think you'll find, that on the other side of this affair, is an authentic and joyful life. One that is not bogged down with secrets, deceit, lies and anxiety with sleepless nights. You could be proud of who you are and what your character reflects. Link to post Share on other sites
deepthinking Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) The love has been idyllic! Now - what will he like when life impacts on you both? Mundane things once the affair fog, the limerence, lifts.... Taking out the trash in turns? Not wanting to watch something on TV that one of you really wants to watch? Who pays for what when bills arrive? Got a Plan B for a surprise redundancy? Will he expect you to iron his stuff? Are you playing the tiring role of his perfect waitress to impress him? How will you relate to his kids? And the ex-wife? I think mundane things bind you more than Valentines, tbh, for they are harder to handle. more impactful. Edited June 10, 2020 by deepthinking new thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Just to remind people that K has stated her children are still going to school every day, I doubt she's having sex with the OP while they're at home. The fact that they can attend school means K's job is classed as essential but this covers a wide range of occupations. I would say if it's truly essential and they start looking at output, considering they know of the relationship then there could be trouble ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 15 hours ago, Amethyst68 said: The fact that they can attend school means K's job is classed as essential... ...or that the children are classed as vulnerable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 kiki, have you ever considered hiring a private investigator? I don't know about the regulations they have to follow where you live, but it might be helpful for you to take advantage of this sort of service. They might be able to find out so information you aren't privy to, and either way, at least you'll have a better idea of where you stand. If they find he's telling the truth, you'll know. If he's lying, you'll know. It also won't leave you with the "what if" questions that could be left in your mind should you decide to end the relationship. Even if they are somewhat restricted due to covid-19, they may be able to help. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 17 hours ago, Amethyst68 said: Just to remind people that K has stated her children are still going to school every day, I doubt she's having sex with the OP while they're at home. The fact that they can attend school means K's job is classed as essential but this covers a wide range of occupations. I would say if it's truly essential and they start looking at output, considering they know of the relationship then there could be trouble ahead. Ah yes, I forgot about that. Disregard what I said regarding sex while the children are home, assuming it doesn't apply. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 Did he take the apartment Kiki? Are you doing ok this week? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 (edited) Hello, I have stayed away for a few days purposely to get some space. I felt I was being continuously torn. He has moved in to his new place. I went to visit this weekend. It's a lovely apartment by the canal and he seems very happy considering. He has decided to take the permanent role at our company and although it is early days, we are looking forward to the future. We have both discussed our divorces and we are planning to get the ball rolling in the next couple of months, we just want to adjust to this new way of life. We intend to continue working from my home whilst we can and will not be doing stop overs at eachothers, this is to help our kids adjust, particularly mine at the moment and it was more my decision than his before anybody says he could be lying. He has had the conversation with our boss about our relationship, he knows he has been working from my home any way because, loke I've said earlier, we were tasked with a project that was essential, this project we have managed to pass the critical mark so technically we do not need to continue working from my home however our boss now knows and is happy to let this continue now lockdown has eased. He has shown and will continue to show how much I mean to him. It's been a crazy few months (as for most) and we have been thrown together under these circumstances and found love. I understand his delay and hesitation, I guess he has been just as scared as me about how we both may feel about eachother. We have thrown ourselves back into our work more, spent the majority of the day at the office with an early finish and a late lunch and walk. He stayed until 7 this evening but I would still like him to leave earlier so I can give my kids the time they need too (not to mention my own space 😊) If my kids stay at their dad's, he can stay then I guess. I know the road ahead is not going to be smooth when it comes to our divorces but I do believe we will be OK. He has already discussed with his W what assets they will be splitting and her financial package which I believe is extremely generous. Sometimes, people fall out of love, people fall in love with others. Yes, we may not have done this the right way but it is what it is. I will continue to update on any progress but for now, I think I will say a temporary goodbye to you all. I appreciate the support I've had and although some harsh words, I think I needed them as after all, I don't think I would of taken the necessary steps to be where we are right now. It's early days but we are on the right track, he does not have a good track record with his W, but as far as I am concerned, right now, he has been upfront and honest with me, even when it has hurt (I.e. I don't have a bad marriage I'm just not in love with her, this hurt alot but he could of easily lied and said it was truly awful) if we have any chance of a future, I need to put my trust in him until proven otherwise. I guess, although these MM has similar traits, we don't truly know what they think and feel and how far they are willing to go so each Affair is unique to you. I consider this a success currently. I am satisfied that he loves me, I am satisfied he has left his W. I am satisfied that we have a future. We are old enough to know what we want and understand the consequences but we are also young enough that we can start again. If things change or ad things progress, I will keep the thread updated for anybody who is seeking advice and similarities. Take care, all of you and thanks again Edited June 15, 2020 by Kiki55 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 Thanks for the update @Kiki55! I wish you and your families the best going forward. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Share Posted June 15, 2020 37 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Thanks for the update @Kiki55! I wish you and your families the best going forward. Thank you. It was always going to be second guessing and stressful for both him and me during this period we have been in and when we was together I never doubted how we felt, it was only when he had to go home. 5th June needed to happen and I believe it has brought us closer. We may not have been in the real world in terms of dating but I think we've passed alot of the tests (in terms of the relationship and not the bridges we have to cross yet) we have practically lived together for 9/10 hours a day. Done all the mundane stuff like shopping, TV and work. When we do get the opportunity to explore and do all the fun stuff together it's going to be amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 Has he seen a lawyer? I imagine it's not as simple as the two of them just talking it out. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 15, 2020 Share Posted June 15, 2020 Good luck Kiki. I hope you find the happiness you seek. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted July 5, 2020 Share Posted July 5, 2020 Bumping this up just because I'm wondering how you are too, @Kiki55 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted July 5, 2020 Author Share Posted July 5, 2020 Hey... I'm good thank you! I hope you all are too. Things are going very well... I'm so glad I had some faith in him (as well as the nerve to give him a bit of a push) I'm still on the DL but we are together all the time, it's just none of her business so to speak where he is. We are on a countdown to going public with his side of the family, how we do this we are not yet sure but we are enjoying some time together, we are back in the office, working hard again and spending evenings and some over nights together both at his place and mine. We both have good arrangements with our seperated spouses that have tied well for us to have some alone time and we honestly couldn't be happier. We have not filed for divorce yet, one step at a time... So far so good. 😊 Will come back in a few weeks time, take care all x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BurnedAndLost Posted July 8, 2020 Share Posted July 8, 2020 I can't believe people are congratulating this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BurnedAndLost Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 37 minutes ago, S2B said: Congratulating it? Who said anyone congratulated? its still in the processing mode. Anything could happen. Please😆 Link to post Share on other sites
Belle23 Posted July 10, 2020 Share Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) I’m glad this worked out for you! I was going to write that the “I can’t move out because of the lockdown” is a lame excuse until I read how it turned out. I live in an apartment complex and people have been moving in and out since the lockdown began. I’m glad things are working out for you. Edited July 10, 2020 by Belle23 Read updated thread post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted July 24, 2020 Author Share Posted July 24, 2020 Hello all, I wanted to check in with you all again. Everything is going so well. Our relationship is better than ever and we are now communicating emotionally quote well (something followers will know he struggled with) we are still totally obsessed with eachother. We are back in the office. Open and free. He has mentioned to his estranged wife that he has met somebody... she has not really passed much comment on this. Again, it is early days but we are very happy and believe we have made the right decision. Will check in again in a few weeks 😊😊😊 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted August 3, 2020 Share Posted August 3, 2020 Thanks for keeping us posted, @Kiki55 - I hope you're both able to move forward in an authentic way that is best for everyone involved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted August 3, 2020 Share Posted August 3, 2020 How can it be authentic when almost everyone (even the work colleagues) know the truth except the BW? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted August 3, 2020 Share Posted August 3, 2020 34 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said: How can it be authentic when almost everyone (even the work colleagues) know the truth except the BW? Well, they apparently don't plan on the BW finding out. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kiki55 Posted August 3, 2020 Author Share Posted August 3, 2020 54 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said: How can it be authentic when almost everyone (even the work colleagues) know the truth except the BW? It doesn't mean it's not authentic just because of how we started. Our colleagues are acting as they always have and state clearly it's none of their business and as long as we are happy, which we are. People will continue to judge on here ironically, a page to support people going through such events however it is the real world that counts. Things aren't always black and white, people make mistakes but what truly matters is that, you, yourself is happy. And that we are. He is now planning to move to my town with a new lease just signed. In this property he is buying all his own furniture as oppose to the furnished property he currently resides. All I can say is that, so far, we are a success story. I've never been happier. Link to post Share on other sites
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