Romance/Intimacy sexual chemistry lacking, concerned

[metta4all]

14 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

 

I wonder if this is one sided on the non sexual behavior?  Are you the initiator? 

 

Maybe you both are asexual? Go to a sex therapist.

 

 

One-sided on the non-sexual behavior?  I don't understand, can you clarify?

We both initiate, but lately it's been more her than me...and nothing to do with me being asexual at all, i'm just not stimulated most of the time by the dynamic. 

No, I'm not asexual in the least, quite the opposite haha!  That's the whole point of the post....

[healing light]

Well, if good chemistry and a satisfying sex life is important to you, I don't think this can be remedied.... It sounds like you guys communicate well and have tried to broach this topic many times before, but the fundamentals are missing. Sounds like you truly married a friend. And just a friend.

I haven't gone back to your original post yet, but if you are the person who is only 40, I would consider dissolving the marriage. If you were 65+ where companionship tends to take a more important role in many people's relationships, my advice may be different.

[Ami1uwant]

On 5/25/2020 at 5:28 PM, metta4all said:

One-sided on the non-sexual behavior?  I don't understand, can you clarify?

We both initiate, but lately it's been more her than me...and nothing to do with me being asexual at all, i'm just not stimulated most of the time by the dynamic. 

No, I'm not asexual in the least, quite the opposite haha!  That's the whole point of the post....

One sided as in you alawsys initiate holding hand or kissing. You sit together your arm around her shoulder but she isn’t touching you.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

It seems to me you've done everything under the sun, with many partners, and so your sex expectations are extreme. Especially if you watch a lot of porn. 

[elaine567]

On 5/20/2020 at 12:05 AM, mark clemson said:

My impression is that you are "lousy lays" to each other.

I am not too sure. I think she probably likes the "warm and cosy" sex, but she senses his disinterest and lack of initiation so that ruins it for her too.
Many women in long term relationships want loving, warm and cosy sex, they have little interest in being swung from chandeliers...
She wants romance and intimacy, he wants the kind of excitement he has previously experienced in other relationships.

OP
Yes go see a sex therapist but I am not sure how successful that would be as it seems you are so different in what sex means to you and the compromises each would need to make do not seem like a lot of fun....
I think it is only a matter of time before this sexual dissatisfaction takes away from your whole relationship and disrupts it.
Just a pity this was never addressed before you got married.

[mark clemson]

Certainly possible...