Alpacalia Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 What is everyone's take on the differences between "talking" to actual "dating"?
Mrin Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 For me, the shift occurs when you start going out on romantic dates. Until then, you're just talking or, if getting together in person but not in a romantic way, "hanging out". I know some people get into virtual or long distance relationships without ever meeting. IMHO, that's still just "talking" until both parties agree that it isn't. Did you have a specific circumstance on which you wanted a verdict from the peanut gallery? Mrin
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Simply talking to someone virtually, whether it involves video, is NOT dating to me. Dating, for me, necessarily involves regular PHYSICAL interaction. Anything virtual is nothing more than fantasy. 1 1
FMW Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 I was "hanging out" with a guy for about 5 or 6 months last year - to me that meant spending time together at our homes and out at bars/restaurants, talking, watching movies, eating, drinking. We then started "dating" - the switch was it became more than just flirty/platonic. We started kissing, touching. The conversations were no longer just friendly all the time. Our friends saw us as a couple and started inviting us to places as a couple. 1 1
Author Alpacalia Posted May 20, 2020 Author Posted May 20, 2020 2 minutes ago, FMW said: I was "hanging out" with a guy for about 5 or 6 months last year - to me that meant spending time together at our homes and out at bars/restaurants, talking, watching movies, eating, drinking. We then started "dating" - the switch was it became more than just flirty/platonic. We started kissing, touching. The conversations were no longer just friendly all the time. Our friends saw us as a couple and started inviting us to places as a couple. So there's talking, hanging out, and dating. I guess it all depends on the individuals.
Blind-Sided Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 27 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I guess it all depends on the individuals. Yep. AND... situation. When I was young... a "Date" was anytime I went out with a girl one-on-one. But now... being older... that could be "Hanging out". (Female friends) Talking/txt'ing someone is NOT a date, and you are not "Dating" some one who you are only in electronic contact with. 2
Author Alpacalia Posted May 20, 2020 Author Posted May 20, 2020 3 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Is your question a Zoom question? No. I was just curious. It helps to get feedback and to check-in with myself emotionally. No need for specifics.
Lotsgoingon Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Specifics matter when it comes to dating, but I'll try to answer your question without that information. It's all in the energy. Talking to someone isn't "dating." But talking to someone can lead to dating ... but the talk needs to have a certain level of intensity and flirtation and interest. Platonic talk doesn't quite cut it ... and the difference between flirting talk and platonic talk has more to do with the energy and feeling as opposed to the words. Well here's a possible standard ... does one of you compliment the way the other looks? ... Do you smile in a certain way? There is a lot of subtle body language and facial expression and voice energy that defines a "talk" that is possibly leading to a date. Just talking a lot doesn't cut it.
preraph Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 It's estimated that talking only on the internet, you only know 40% of what there is to know about the person. And honestly, it's not even the most important 40% because it's what they have edited for you to see, and people will be vastly different in person. Dating and talking, not even close to the same thing. You haven't dated until you have gone and met a woman and gone out on a date and spent a few hours together. Even then, that's "one date." It takes many more dates to know someone, but that first one will establish whether there is mutual attraction or not. And remember, hesitation is a big turnoff to most women. You need to get to dating and stop wasting time talking. It is a waste of time. You don't know them until you've met them in person even enough to know if either of you is attracted and if you can even talk. Look, I met the most handsome F-16 pilot at an air show one time and we were obviously attracted to each other. He invited me ( I was with my sister) to a party, but we didn't go, didn't know what we would be getting into. So we went on a date later, but we just didn't hit it off at all. Once we had to sit down and talk, it was just obvious we were too different. I still have a photo with him from the air show. We sure looked good together, but that's as far as it went. Another example is I met a friend online on a band fan forum who was very articulate and funny and wrote beautiful poetry and is gay. He was such a laugh online that when the band went on tour over there (UK), I got tickets for him and I to go together and stayed at a hotel in Bath, where he lived. When I arrived, I let him know and he came down the street to see me at the hotel while I was still unpacking, and I could tell he was so afraid to be there and felt so awkward. I think he was just afraid to meet a lot of people, but he didn't seem that way online. Not very outgoing like he was online. There was just something he couldn't conceal about himself in person, some kind of hostility, not even sure what. But it's those type of things that you just can't tell online. We remained online friends, but eventually, he totally betrayed me in a way that is irrelevant here, but had to do with an online friend of mine being stalked. Found out he had been fueling the fire. It's just random stuff like that why you need to meet face to face before you start thinking you know someone or having feelings that will turn out to be useless. 2 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 49 minutes ago, preraph said: It's estimated that talking only on the internet, you only know 40% of what there is to know about the person. And honestly, it's not even the most important 40% because it's what they have edited for you to see, and people will be vastly different in person. 40%?! Where did this come from? This seems high. In fact, it sounds a little nutty. If my primary communication is online, I can create a completely false profile, which happens. So, it could be 0%
preraph Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 (edited) It's from a study a few years ago they were talking about on all the media. But yes of course there are people out there that zero they say is true. Catfish. Edited May 20, 2020 by preraph
Author Alpacalia Posted May 20, 2020 Author Posted May 20, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Specifics matter when it comes to dating, but I'll try to answer your question without that information. It's all in the energy. Talking to someone isn't "dating." But talking to someone can lead to dating ... but the talk needs to have a certain level of intensity and flirtation and interest. Platonic talk doesn't quite cut it ... and the difference between flirting talk and platonic talk has more to do with the energy and feeling as opposed to the words. Well here's a possible standard ... does one of you compliment the way the other looks? ... Do you smile in a certain way? There is a lot of subtle body language and facial expression and voice energy that defines a "talk" that is possibly leading to a date. Just talking a lot doesn't cut it. Well I have not been able to see the person since Coronavirus lockdown but there are plans to in the future. So, I just consider it "talking" at this stage. Edited May 20, 2020 by Alpaca
FMW Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Unless you had been regularly physically seeing each other prior to the lockdown and only took a break because of it, I would agree with you Alpaca, you're just talking right now. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Are you guys flirting at all? I actually think you can get something started via zoom. You can feel out chemistry. But doesn't sound like there's any flirting going on.
miranda561 Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 8 hours ago, Alpaca said: What is everyone's take on the differences between "talking" to actual "dating"? Its basically what everyone is going to have get used to for a while due to the current times. I.e. simply talking and not actually dating
Miss Spider Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Talking to could imply you are literally just talking/not going in dates yet or that it’s more casual/just the beginning
Erik30 Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 (edited) For me, talking is just that... like I'm just texting someone I might be interested in, but we haven't gone out on a date yet. Actual "dating" is meeting up with the person and going on dates Edited May 20, 2020 by Erik30
chillii Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 3 hours ago, Alpaca said: Well I have not been able to see the person since Coronavirus lockdown but there are plans to in the future. So, I just consider it "talking" at this stage. There's not much to take. You talk and then if you still want to you meet, and then you see how it goes . lf you can't meet yet but are really liking each other so far just roll it anyway you want until you can. You can let it get as involved as you want like this until or you could hold back preferring to meet first , whatever floats , up to you. Risks to way up either way.
FMW Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Not sure what your shocked face on my comment was about miranda, but if it was because you think I meant we started "dating" since this lockdown, that's not the case. We started "dating" in January and until last Saturday our only contact for 8 weeks had been phone and text. I'm certainly not encouraging Alpaca to physically get together with anyone, simply answering her question with examples of my opinion what the differences in the terms are.
Ollie180 Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 Depends on the couple I guess.. and how they feel about it! I think I have a different line on this from most people, for me.. I’ve ‘dated’ 3 girls long term, and in the moment, I could have seen myself marrying them. For ME, that’s dating.. a every other girl that I’ve been with for a few weeks/few months.. I’d of called it ‘casual’, ‘seeing each other’, ‘a fling’, ‘talking’. And yet with the three girls I did ‘date’ I considered sit dating from very early doors so... I guess.. what I’m saying is for me, it has nothing to do with where your relationship is, a timeline, or any milestones and everything to do with just - how you feel!
kendahke Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 22 hours ago, Alpaca said: What is everyone's take on the differences between "talking" to actual "dating"? Talking is not in person, face to face contact on a consistent basis--nor is it a basis to say you're seeing one another, let alone in a relationship. Dating is.
poppyfields Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 (edited) Everyone's take on this is different. I can't count the number of posts I've read that begin with (for example) "I've been talking to this guy for a few months, we see each other about twice a week....." So we're like are you just talking or actually dating? Because it was confusing. And the poster replied, dating. But yet she referred to it as talking. So to some folks, talking and dating mean the same thing! Lol Talking = Casual Dating. I dunno, between talking, hanging out, hooking up, dating, it's all become so confusing! It's difficult to decipher what anyone's doing anymore. Edited May 21, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author Alpacalia Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Everyone's take on this is different. I can't count the number of posts I've read that begin with (for example) "I've been talking to this guy for a few months, we see each other about twice a week....." So we're like are you just talking or actually dating? Because it was confusing. And the poster replied, dating. But yet she referred to it as talking. So to some folks, talking and dating mean the same thing! Lol Talking = Casual Dating. I dunno, between talking, hanging out, hooking up, dating, it's all become so confusing! It's difficult to decipher what anyone's doing anymore. I know. It can be so confusing. And, Corona lockdown makes it all the more difficult. 1
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