Age to Get Married

[BhodiLi]

I've got great great grandparents who were 16 or 17 when they got married. They were then dropped off in the middle of nowhere and told to make a living for themselves and that's exactly what they did. That's how things should be done today, this extended childhood is really harmful and destructive to society.

[preraph]

Those people didn't have very long lifespans.  Maybe dropped off in the middle of nowhere NOT married and NOT having kids, but certainly not dragging kids into a situation where people are too young to be experienced enough to be good parents.

[amaysngrace]

People stayed together because divorce wasn’t acceptable back then.  Neither were women in the workforce all that common.

You have to roll with the times.  Today people want to live their lives before settling down and then live their married lives before having children.  

If they were pumping out four, five or six kids like they did back in the day they’d need a much bigger headstart for sure.

 

[d0nnivain]

You may see it that way but IMO it's not a good plan.  You need the wisdom & maturity that comes with age, not the impulsiveness of being a teenager. 

We do need people to be more self reliant & not expect the world to be handed to them.  

The world is more complex now & you need a quality education to get a good job.  There are very few high paying jobs for people without education.  There is no more living wage.  Thus I think it's better to marry sometime after college.  I didn't marry until I was 41. 

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Foxhall]

perhaps around 30-35 is the "best time"

quite possibly for many if they are not married at 40 it doesnt happen,

at 40 now Im open to giving it a go I think, current girlfriend looks to be my best chance thou will probably be 42/43 before taking the plunge. could I find someone else if not, hard to know being honest.

 

[Mysterio]

I would say this.  If your in your 20's and its been 4 yrs.  Then mid 20's is fine.  Other than that.  I say 30 +.  That way from 18 to 30.  One has had a lot of life experiance.  So when you get married.  You don't feel you have missed anything.  Thats both men and women.  

[basil67]

On 5/21/2020 at 3:05 AM, BhodiLi said:

I've got great great grandparents who were 16 or 17 when they got married. They were then dropped off in the middle of nowhere and told to make a living for themselves and that's exactly what they did. That's how things should be done today, this extended childhood is really harmful and destructive to society.

I take it you're also in favour of providing minimal education and working in unskilled jobs for the man and no education for the woman.   While none of my ancestors were quite this young when married (most were about 20 to 22) what they mostly had in common was little/no schooling and the husband spending his life working on other people's farms.    The handful who worked for higher wages in safe office jobs were married older.

 

[Mysterio]

Everyone that I know that got married or cohabed around 20 except for one couple has split up. The marriages that I know that are going well are the ones where they went out for 4-5 yr or married late 20's.  

The days of quicky marriages lasting are over.  There is no way I could for see meeting a woman today and then cohabing with her 6 months later and then a yr anniversary we get married and it lasts.  

I am only going by observation.  Something is now different than my parents day when they got married in the  late 60's.  Today.  Its all about Butterflys and tingley feelings.  If there are problems.  It feels like most couples can't work it out.  

[Fletch Lives]

When is the best age to get married, today? 27 to 38. Why? - the people are still of good child bearing age and mature.

[5x5]

On 5/21/2020 at 3:05 AM, BhodiLi said:

I've got great great grandparents who were 16 or 17 when they got married. They were then dropped off in the middle of nowhere and told to make a living for themselves and that's exactly what they did. That's how things should be done today, this extended childhood is really harmful and destructive to society.

I've got a great-great-grandfather who at the age of 29 married my then 15 year old great-great-grandmother (which is quite unusual in my ancestry), who despite giving birth to a parade of children, died at the age of 84 in 1910 (of which many of my ancestors going way back lived to their 80s and 90s). While I have another set of great-great-grandparents who were married when he was 23 and she was 24, in fact to the best of my knowledge going back most of my ancestors got married from their mid 20s to early 30s, with an odd exception here and there.

Funnily enough my wife has three generations of descending women ancestors from before the 20th century, who in their late 30s through to their mid 40s, all married men in their early 20s.

Personally I wouldn't recommend anyone getting married at the age of 16 or 17 for any reason today. And that is after getting married in the first instance myself at 19, to an 18 year old because she got pregnant since that marriage didn't last long. Whereas getting married again when I was close to 28, to my now wife who was close to 29 has worked out a lot better (happily) at 21 years in so far.

I also think a good age to get married today is anywhere from 26-28 and up. As to your idea about extended childhoods, I'm glad that most of the horrendous exploitation of chid labour at least in the Western world was put to an end long before I was born.

[Atwood]

My "extended childhood" has helped me immeasurably.

Firstly, I'd have married the wrong person if I married at that age.  I went through a couple of pretty awful relationships before finally meeting my partner who is the right fit for me. I was able to get a degree and a postgraduate degree and achieved very highly and won an award for my work, and I owe it to being allowed to stay at home and be fed and taken care of whilst I study because my parents support my education. Now that I have a full-time job, living at home has allowed me to save money so that hopefully I'll be able to get a mortgage instead of rent and I have been able to establish a healthy, long-term relationship with my partner so we know that moving out is the right choice. Not to mention, being an adult at home with a full-time job has meant I can help my parents out with house-keeping money and with chores, especially when they're not feeling well. These years at home have been extremely important for building an adult relationship with my family, practicing housekeeping jobs so I'll be ready to deal with it when I finally move out, getting my education sorted and a job acquired so I'm not worried about being made homeless before I'm on my feet. 

My partner and I probably won't be able to afford to get married until we've been living together for a little while, but at least we didn't rush into it. But marriage and kids is all waiting for you, and there's absolutely no reason to rush into big life commitments. I'm so grateful my parents have given me the chance to get myself together first and they have never threatened to kick me out. They've loved having our family together for a bit longer whilst I was preparing and instead of any resentment, there is only support and mutual respect. 

[mrs rubble]

My parents met when they were 16 and 17 and got married when they were 19 and 20. They're still happily married 54 years later.

My son is recently married at 26, his wife is 23, they'd been together about 3 1/2 years before the wedding. They're both staunch Christians, so I think that had a lot to do with it.

[FMW]

My mom was 17 and my dad 23 when they got married.  They were happily married and devoted to each other until his death.  Same with both sets of their parents, married in their teens/early twenties and clearly happy and faithful to the end.  Good marriages were modeled very well for me.  I was 28 and my ex-husband 34 when we married.  23 years later we divorced after several unhappy years.  One of my friends and her ex-husband were married (first marriages for both) in their late thirties.  They divorced after 12 years. 

Maturity and a little life experience is generally going to give you a stronger basis on which to build a lasting partnership, and I think most of us cringe at the thought of modern couples marrying as early as my family role models did. But there are no hard and fast rules, we never know who's going to have marital success in the long term.  

[basil67]

I think we're talking apples and oranges when trying to compare young marriage in history vs older marriage now.  Marrying at 16 or 17 was fine back in the day when a majority of people were doing blue collar or relatively unskilled work.  But these days, a minimum required for getting by (affording housing and children) involves finishing year 12 and either studying a trade or going to university.   

A couple can no longer marry at such a young age, set up a house together, be independent and still go to school/trade school/university.  

For the record, I got married when I was 20.  Biggest mistake of my life.  Would have been an even stupider mistake had I done it at 17.

Edited May 25, 2020 by basil67

[The Outlaw]

There's no real age limit. I think my mom married at about 18 or 19 the first time and she wasn't ready. The marriage wasn't healthy. He was an abusive alcoholic and she - from what I've heard was hell on wheels and didn't put up with it. They divorced when my older sister was young. She met my dad in '77 when she was 25 and he was 23. They married a year later and had a hell of a ride until she died. And had the story book marriage you think never existed. I'd count myself as more than lucky if I found that one thing. But I just think it's just something that you have to be more than emotionally prepared for because its a really big step.  

[BhodiLi]

On 5/20/2020 at 1:10 PM, preraph said:

Those people didn't have very long lifespans.  Maybe dropped off in the middle of nowhere NOT married and NOT having kids, but certainly not dragging kids into a situation where people are too young to be experienced enough to be good parents.

I agree with you about kids, you shouldn't have kids until you're ready and that includes but is not limited to being financially ready, but just because you get married doesn't mean you have to have kids right away. My mom and dad were married for fifteen years when they had me.

[BhodiLi]

On 5/20/2020 at 1:30 PM, d0nnivain said:

You may see it that way but IMO it's not a good plan.  You need the wisdom & maturity that comes with age, not the impulsiveness of being a teenager. 

We do need people to be more self reliant & not expect the world to be handed to them.  

The world is more complex now & you need a quality education to get a good job.  There are very few high paying jobs for people without education.  There is no more living wage.  Thus I think it's better to marry sometime after college.  I didn't marry until I was 41. 

 

No matter what a person's age is they can learn to not be impulsive, I had to learn not to be impulsive myself at a relatively young age, due to circumstances. Interestingly enough you can sometimes get in more trouble for being non impulsive than for being impulsive. 

You are right about people needing to be more self reliant and that's the problem with extended childhood, with extended childhood you don't learn to be self reliant. 

The problem with a "quality education" is that it takes too long. I've got a good friend who never finished high school who runs a very successful business as a landscaper but aside from that, the problem with waiting until you finish college before you marry is that unless you're a prodigy who skips lots of grades and gets through college really quickly, it takes way too long. If you didn't marry until you were 41 fine, if that works for you, great. But you can't apply that to everybody.

[BhodiLi]

On 5/20/2020 at 8:32 PM, Foxhall said:

perhaps around 30-35 is the "best time"

Maybe for some people but not for everybody. I know of this couple who got married when they were 18 and 19, now they've got two boys, both grown up, and they're still happily married.

On the other hand I got this cousin who got married in her early 30s to this fellow she had known since elementary school and they had been dating for years before they got married. Their marriage didn't last, as a matter of fact Im not sure if it even lasted a year. Now she's a single mom.

[BhodiLi]

On 5/22/2020 at 2:19 AM, basil67 said:

I take it you're also in favour of providing minimal education and working in unskilled jobs for the man and no education for the woman.   While none of my ancestors were quite this young when married (most were about 20 to 22) what they mostly had in common was little/no schooling and the husband spending his life working on other people's farms.    The handful who worked for higher wages in safe office jobs were married older.

 

No Im for reforming the educational system. We should be able to have an education system where you can acquire good skills in less time. The problem with our current education system is its way too inefficient. It takes way too long to acquire the necessary skills to be a doctor, lawyer, ect. in today's system.

[BhodiLi]

On 5/22/2020 at 9:25 AM, Fletch Lives said:

When is the best age to get married, today? 27 to 38. Why? - the people are still of good child bearing age and mature.

Nope, some people say Jessica Simpson waited too long to get married when she married Nick Lachey at 22.

[preraph]

6 minutes ago, BhodiLi said:

No Im for reforming the educational system. We should be able to have an education system where you can acquire good skills in less time. The problem with our current education system is its way too inefficient. It takes way too long to acquire the necessary skills to be a doctor, lawyer, ect. in today's system.

I completely agree.  Before we dump any more money into any type of education or free college, first the fat needs to be trimmed because colleges are in it for profit and we can't take their word for anything because of it.  They could easily cut most of the first two years' basic requirements away entirely since most of it is repetitive from high school.  Just make sure kids get it in high school and don't repeat it.  Such a waste of time and youth and money.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, BhodiLi said:

No Im for reforming the educational system. We should be able to have an education system where you can acquire good skills in less time. The problem with our current education system is its way too inefficient. It takes way too long to acquire the necessary skills to be a doctor, lawyer, ect. in today's system.

You quoted marrying at 16 or 17 in your first post.   Are you suggesting that the average person could have completed tertiary education and have an established career by this age?   Would you really want a 16 or 17yo doing surgery on you? 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

They could easily cut most of the first two years' basic requirements away entirely since most of it is repetitive from high school. 

This must be a US thing.  Do your first and second year students not yet focus on their chosen profession?  

[preraph]

They choose a major, but they have "basics" to do that pretty much fill up two years.  You can start on your major, but you are just putting off doing the redundant basics.  

[BhodiLi]

On 5/24/2020 at 8:05 PM, mrs rubble said:

My parents met when they were 16 and 17 and got married when they were 19 and 20. They're still happily married 54 years later.

My son is recently married at 26, his wife is 23, they'd been together about 3 1/2 years before the wedding. They're both staunch Christians, so I think that had a lot to do with it.

If you're a believer in the Bible then that's all the more reason you should consider the age around which your parents got married to be the ideal age to get married.