Ex blocked me, then accused me, now unblocked me, not sure what to think?

[szechuanhorse]

I'm in a pickle and could do with some help.

Me and ex been split for a month (and were together for 14 months). I was needy, we had silly stupid rows about nothing now and again, we never spoke about the cause, she never communicated doubts, then she ended it. For the next month we spoke on and off containing a mixture a few days of silence, few days of nice chat, few days of disagreements. Then blocked me for last three days.

Yesterday my ex called my parents, speaking to my mum, saying that I've created a fake social media profile and said mean things to her, that I've contacted her work and said mean things about her, and that she's worried about my welfare. My mum told me later yesterday evening and I couldn't believe the cheek of it. I'd never do any of this to her, I wouldn't wish any hurt to happen on her.

She blocked me on everything apart from email, so I email her yesterday evening, basically saying how offended I was that I'd be accused of such mean things, especially after her knowing how much I cared and loved her. And asking why she'd want to punish me being doing this. And why she went to my mum rather than come to me. Soon after sending that, and speaking to a friend, I heard that my ex has been getting mean messages from an obviously fake FB profile, also saying that they will tell her work things about her.

This morning I woke up to see that I'm no longer blocked on FB, still blocked on other things though.

Thus has left me with a few questions.. 

1. Why did she unblock me?

2. Does she want to talk? And if so then why not message me - or is she waiting for me?

3. Why has she accused me of such things?

Any help, thanks in advance gang

[d0nnivain]

She's a crazy drama queen.  Who cares what her motives are?  You are broken up with her.  Be done.  

[szechuanhorse]

8 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

She's a crazy drama queen.  Who cares what her motives are?  You are broken up with her.  Be done.  

Maybe it's my pride but I don't want my name being dragged through the mud, especially when I didn't do anything wrong. We had a relationship where there was a lot of love, I don't want her to see me as someone that's capable of doing what she's accusing me of. I don't want to be hated

[Gr8fuln2020]

28 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

She's a crazy drama queen.  Who cares what her motives are?  You are broken up with her.  Be done.  

OH, heck yah! My immediate thoughts exactly. 

OP. Why in the world would you want to date a woman like this? Ugh. No way...

[szechuanhorse]

It's not me wanting her back, it's more me wanting to clear my name. I don't know if she is, but if she is, then her spreading these false accusations doesn't sit well with me at all. Nobody wants rumours spread about them

[kendahke]

47 minutes ago, szechuanhorse said:

1. Why did she unblock me?

Because she's crazy

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2. Does she want to talk? And if so then why not message me - or is she waiting for me?

because she's crazy

Quote

3. Why has she accused me of such things?

She's crazy.

I'd block her and move on with my life. She purposefully tried to a lot of damage in your life in a short amount of time. Don't waste time trying to figure out crazy--just recognize it and steer clear.

[kendahke]

37 minutes ago, szechuanhorse said:

Maybe it's my pride

Pride goes before destruction...

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but I don't want my name being dragged through the mud, especially when I didn't do anything wrong.

People who actually know you and the kind of person you are know she's crazy and they aren't going to think badly of you--they'll probably feel sorry for you, but that's about it.

People who don't know you--they're going to think whatever they want to think-there's no stopping that.

Quote

We had a relationship where there was a lot of love, I don't want her to see me as someone that's capable of doing what she's accusing me of. I don't want to be hated

The love looks like it was only on your part, not hers.

You can't control how she sees you--she's going to do what she's going to do. If she wants to hate you, that's what she's going to do... and that's her problem, not yours. Quit making managing her craziness your heavy lift.  It isn't and it will never be. She's old enough to know better; she's old enough to know not to hurt people and lie on them. She's choosing to do this--that should tell you volumes about the kind of person she actually is---and there's not enough love in the world to cure that.

She drew a line in the sand. Let her stand on her side of it for the foreseeable future. You, in the meantime, get on about your life and go live it without crazy kathy.

Edited May 20, 2020 by kendahke

[d0nnivain]

Your good name has not been besmirched in the eyes of anyone who matters.  When your EX called your mom, your mom immediately concluded it was the EX who was crazy not you. 

The more protest & play her game, the worse it looks.  Be silent & this will go away.  If you stir the pot it gives her more credibility & makes you look worse. 

[szechuanhorse]

6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Your good name has not been besmirched in the eyes of anyone who matters.  When your EX called your mom, your mom immediately concluded it was the EX who was crazy not you. 

The more protest & play her game, the worse it looks.  Be silent & this will go away.  If you stir the pot it gives her more credibility & makes you look worse. 

But how will it go away without even speaking to her?

The fact she's unblocked me after I emailed her shows she's okay with the idea of conversation about it, or she's expecting it otherwise she would leave me blocked? 

It's just hard knowing she'd accuse me of such things

[d0nnivain]

It will go away because people have short memories especially about stuff that doesn't directly concern them.  

Talking to her again will keep this alive -- your choice. 

If you no longer want to date her, just be done. 

[mark clemson]

The real reason to walk away as completely as possible is it will ease the transition to any new partner you may have in the future. Even if all this was some misunderstanding due to someone harassing her online, she's an ex. Contact, communication with her are a distraction from moving on, may make it harder to fully emotionally connect to a new partner, etc. From what I understand, many people in the dating pool will quickly drop a potential partner if they sense an "orbiter" ex in the mix (and for good reason, as people sometimes go back to ex's - the dreaded "you were a rebound" thing).

So, close this out if you must, but then resolve to move on and find someone new and better. If that's not your plan, then you can attempt to reconcile, but it would seem that is a different post topic from what you put in your OP.

Edited May 20, 2020 by mark clemson

[szechuanhorse]

18 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

It will go away because people have short memories especially about stuff that doesn't directly concern them.  

Talking to her again will keep this alive -- your choice. 

If you no longer want to date her, just be done. 

It's weird because I don't think she's crazy. More that someone is harrasing her and as me and her left it on bad terms when she blocked me a few days ago, she's thinking it's me. Deep down I'm sure she knows I'm not capable of it but I feel like she has to blame someone, and it's easy to blame the ex I guess 😂

Sad thing is she never was like that in the relationship. I think her pride or the initial belief it was me is hurting her more so 

[szechuanhorse]

2 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

The real reason to walk away as completely as possible is it will ease the transition to any new partner you may have in the future. Even if all this was some misunderstanding due to someone harassing her online, she's an ex. Contact, communication with her are a distraction from moving on, may make it harder to fully emotionally connect to a new partner, etc. From what I understand, many people in the dating pool will quickly drop a potential partner if they sense an "orbiter" ex in the mix (and for good reason, as people sometimes go back to ex's - the dreaded "you were a rebound" thing).

So, close this out if you must, but then resolve to move on and find someone new and better. If that's not your plan, then you can attempt to reconcile, but it would seem that is a different post topic from what you put in your OP.

You're right!

Theres a lot of aspects of what we had that worked very well. We broke up because we stopped working on us, the virus escalated things with job security for both of us, led to stress and disagreements. I know I've started to work on me, and down the line it'd be great to reconnect with her, maybe reconcile but I think the air needs to be cleared first before anything is attempted as the atmosphere right now is very foggy. It's just knowing how to approach it,  she only unblocked me on one thing so I don't come across as 'harrasing' if I pop her one message about it all

[d0nnivain]

40 minutes ago, szechuanhorse said:

  she only unblocked me on one thing so I don't come across as 'harrasing' if I pop her one message about it all

The fact that she blocked you at all plus her calling your mom  -- OMG what a ridiculous thing to do -- speaks volumes about her state of mind.  She absolutely believes you are capable of harassing her.  One more message will solidify in her mind that you are the cause of her troubles.  

All you will do by reaching out again in any fashion is fuel the fire & make it all worse.  

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Look at things logically.  If you aren't doing it, then she is either making it up or she has issues with someone else, who is doing it.  I find it very unlikely that someone would pretend to be you causing problems, so my money is on her making this up.

At this point, any contact from you about it makes you look like the guilty party, looking for any excuse to talk to her.  That's why you are unblocked.  So you can dig your own grave by providing evidence of harassment.  You may not think that's what it will look like, but it will, so you need to be smart about it.

I know you are still emotionally caught up in this, but when people start acting unpredictable like this, they can't be trusted.  Maybe she is just in a messed up place right now, but it doesn't matter.  She crossed a line by contacting your mother like that.  What's next, contacting the police?  You just don't know what could happen.  

You need to go into self protect mode and stay away.  By that I mean no communication at all.  I know it's hard when your instinct is to protect your reputation, but like the others have said, you really don't need to do that.

[szechuanhorse]

23 minutes ago, Scarlett.O'hara said:

Look at things logically.  If you aren't doing it, then she is either making it up or she has issues with someone else, who is doing it.  I find it very unlikely that someone would pretend to be you causing problems, so my money is on her making this up.

At this point, any contact from you about it makes you look like the guilty party, looking for any excuse to talk to her.  That's why you are unblocked.  So you can dig your own grave by providing evidence of harassment.  You may not think that's what it will look like, but it will, so you need to be smart about it.

I know you are still emotionally caught up in this, but when people start acting unpredictable like this, they can't be trusted.  Maybe she is just in a messed up place right now, but it doesn't matter.  She crossed a line by contacting your mother like that.  What's next, contacting the police?  You just don't know what could happen.  

You need to go into self protect mode and stay away.  By that I mean no communication at all.  I know it's hard when your instinct is to protect your reputation, but like the others have said, you really don't need to do that.

Hi Scarlett I should have made it clear, she never said that these fake profiles were profiles of me. All she said to my mum was that there is a blatant fake profile reaching out to her, as it has no friends or a profile pic. She never said if my name was involved or whatever but believes I created it. A mutual friend (more my friend) told me that my ex has been getting harassed by a profile so it is true, but why my ex is connecting it to me I have no idea. Also with me apparently contacting her work, why hasn't she reached out to them. It seems she thinks it's easier to blame me as I'm the ex.

I was once arrested for an arson crime I didn't commit, was on bail for a month, only to be released as two witnesses came forward and with other evidence, the real criminal was arrested. I was wrong place wrong time. That month on bail felt horrible, people asking questions, rumours being spread, I felt like the talk of the village for all the wrong reasons, I became depressed. It feels like this again.

I'm not a bad guy at all, but I'm being made to look like the worse. She'd have told her close friends (I got on really well with them), her parents (that adored me), and as I have no idea what she's saying, and have no way of contacting her family or friends with my side of it all, she can paint me out to be the villain or anything. It just doesn't sit comfortably at all. It's wrong, it's made me frustrated and hurt. I know in life people get hurt and wronged all the time, but it doesn't mean it's okay or acceptable.

Edited May 20, 2020 by szechuanhorse

[The Outlaw]

She's not healthy and isn't a good bet for a relationship. And I know it's never easy but just do your best to move on. 

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, szechuanhorse said:

I'm not a bad guy at all, but I'm being made to look like the worse.

 All anyone investigating needs to do is check your internet ISP/cell phone records to know that you have nothing to do with it. Those who matter in your life know you have no part in this. It's probably someone she led on who now can't take rejection... really. It sounds like someone scorned by her.

STILL, as others have said, her calling your mom to run you down to her was a step too far.

The guilty always make the most noise.

As far as her friends and family is concerned---you're the ex now. You're out of that circle of people. There is no need to contact them for any reason.  If they need to know anything, they know how to get in touch with you if they want to... and I'm guessing so far, they haven't wanted to because there is no need to. They know exactly the kind of child they raised and what she's capable of. They've had far more experience with her than you have.

[Cookiesandough]

Idk but you should block her. She blocked you everywhere then you emailed her.  She doesn’t wanna be with you anymore. You were needy? I think you mean you are being needy. Sorry , 

Maybe she unblocked you because she no longer suspected it was you after what she heard. 

 

Edited May 21, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Scarlett.O'hara]

 

5 hours ago, szechuanhorse said:

Hi Scarlett I should have made it clear, she never said that these fake profiles were profiles of me. All she said to my mum was that there is a blatant fake profile reaching out to her, as it has no friends or a profile pic. She never said if my name was involved or whatever but believes I created it. A mutual friend (more my friend) told me that my ex has been getting harassed by a profile so it is true, but why my ex is connecting it to me I have no idea. Also with me apparently contacting her work, why hasn't she reached out to them. It seems she thinks it's easier to blame me as I'm the ex.

Just because someone else has seen it, doesn't mean she isn't behind it.  She can create a fake account just like anyone else.  All I'm saying is that the timing of this is a bit suspicious.

5 hours ago, szechuanhorse said:

I was once arrested for an arson crime I didn't commit, was on bail for a month, only to be released as two witnesses came forward and with other evidence, the real criminal was arrested. I was wrong place wrong time. That month on bail felt horrible, people asking questions, rumours being spread, I felt like the talk of the village for all the wrong reasons, I became depressed. It feels like this again.

I'm sorry you went through this and are now triggered with those awful feelings again, but I have to ask the obvious question, did you ever tell her about this? 

Hypothetically speaking, someone who knew what you went through and wanted to hurt you, for whatever reason, would know the perfect way to do it.

5 hours ago, szechuanhorse said:

I'm not a bad guy at all, but I'm being made to look like the worse. She'd have told her close friends (I got on really well with them), her parents (that adored me), and as I have no idea what she's saying, and have no way of contacting her family or friends with my side of it all, she can paint me out to be the villain or anything. It just doesn't sit comfortably at all. It's wrong, it's made me frustrated and hurt. I know in life people get hurt and wronged all the time, but it doesn't mean it's okay or acceptable.

Nobody is suggesting that you are, but perception is everything.  That is why so many of us are warning you that by trying to defend yourself, it makes you appear guilty.  If you don't engage with any of it and remain calm, it makes her claims look unfounded because people would assume that you have moved on.

Breakups can do strange things to people.  Gentle and mild mannered people can become petty and resentful.  Sometimes dumpers egos get hurt, and they can become angry that the dumpee isn't hurting enough over the breakup.  Some crave attention and drama so much they will create their own.  This may not be the case here, but you never know what is going on in someone else's head.  It's just something to consider.

The only thing for certain is that this is not a healthy situation for you to be involved in.  I hope you stay clear of it.

 

[szechuanhorse]

About her making the fake profile herself, I can't see her doing that at all. She was genuine and kind with best intentions throughout our relationship. But it's like what's been said on here, I suppose people can change once theres a breakup. 

I never told her about the arrest stuff as I was too ashamed to tell her, even though I was emrightly released with no charges, I still felt embarrassed, do she never knew.

I think that arrest experience has made me want to clear my name this time. I hate knowing people are believing my ex, but maybe that's my ego and pride taking a hit, rather than me worrying about it for a better reason.

When I saw she unblocked me, I saw that as a piece offering, or that she finally believes me, but again the fact she only unblocked me on one thing is making it seem fishy. I know she could be testing the waters in how I am with her, that's why she unblocked on one, but again as was said here, maybe she's trying to lure me into a trap. That a single message from me, no matter what it is about, she will make out to be harrassment.

I don't understand why she went to my mum rather than me about this. In general, why would someone do that?

[szechuanhorse]

Peace offering, not piece offering. It's been a long day already...

[d0nnivain]

Who is believing your EX?  If she never said you were behind the fake profile that is harassing her, where in here has your reputation been harmed?  By continuing to harp on this non issue, IMO you are doing more damage to your own rep then she did.  Stop already.  

[szechuanhorse]

9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Who is believing your EX?  If she never said you were behind the fake profile that is harassing her, where in here has your reputation been harmed?  By continuing to harp on this non issue, IMO you are doing more damage to your own rep then she did.  Stop already.  

What I was trying to say was that she didn't say the fake profile was of me, but that I created a fake profile.

Her very social media active friends that I'm friends with/follow just disappeared/stopped being friends with me all from about same day me ex called up my mum. Only reason that'd be is because they believe her, unless it's a massive coincidence.

I've not reached out to her since the 19th, and that was just an email to reply to the accusations she said to my mum. But I realised she called my mum from a witheld number, and since then she has recieved three withheld numberd calls over last two days, and before then she never recieved any withheld numbers for months as we can check with out phone provider online.

I almost want to ask her if it's her, and to stop if she is doing it because it's making my mum uncomfortable

[d0nnivain]

1 minute ago, szechuanhorse said:

Her very social media active friends that I'm friends with/follow just disappeared/stopped being friends with me all from about same day me ex called up my mum. Only reason that'd be is because they believe her, unless it's a massive coincidence.

* * * 

I almost want to ask her if it's her, and to stop if she is doing it because it's making my mum uncomfortable

They were her friends 1st.   They were only your friends by extension. When you & she broke up, their link to you was severed & they disconnected.  It's not a conspiracy or a coincidence.  There is a known cause & effect.  

If you mom is uncomfortable, your mom call tell your EX that.  Don't fight mom's battles for her.  If you try to do this, it will be interpreted as you making any excuse to keep in touch with the EX.