Ex blocked me, then accused me, now unblocked me, not sure what to think?

[szechuanhorse]

12 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

They were her friends 1st.   They were only your friends by extension. When you & she broke up, their link to you was severed & they disconnected.  It's not a conspiracy or a coincidence.  There is a known cause & effect.  

If you mom is uncomfortable, your mom call tell your EX that.  Don't fight mom's battles for her.  If you try to do this, it will be interpreted as you making any excuse to keep in touch with the EX.  

But my mum has asked me to speak to my ex about it. She's really hates confrontation so is relying on my to try and put a stop to it. I know deep down I don't want to speak to my ex otherwise I would have already, but I don't want her making my mum uncomfortable if she is indeed behind these little calling and then hanging up once answered little games.

[d0nnivain]

Wait somebody is calling your mom & hanging up?  I missed that.  Take your mom's phone & block the # that does this  Very simple.  No confrontation needed.  

[szechuanhorse]

37 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Wait somebody is calling your mom & hanging up?  I missed that.  Take your mom's phone & block the # that does this  Very simple.  No confrontation needed.  

I can't do it because its from a withheld number. Over here to do that you dial 141 then add their number. Theres nothing you can do about it. We also don't have a display on our home phone so we cant see if the caller is withholding their number until after the call. I'm going off topic anyway. If it continues for the next day or two then I'll message her asking of its her as it seems fishy its started as soon as she called.

Edited May 21, 2020 by szechuanhorse

[kendahke]

3 hours ago, szechuanhorse said:

I hate knowing people are believing my ex, but maybe that's my ego and pride taking a hit, rather than me worrying about it for a better reason.

You're trying to re-litigate your past.  What do you own circle of friends who are not connected to your ex think? That's more important.

The people you should concern yourself with more are those you have consistent in person interactions with, not people hiding behind their phone screens. 

You cannot control other people's thoughts.  Let's say you do this... you argue your innocence to them. Know what happens next after they say "yeah, ok"?  They end up believing exactly what they want to believe: they do it all the time, despite having the truth laid out at their feet.

 

[szechuanhorse]

1 hour ago, kendahke said:

You're trying to re-litigate your past.  What do you own circle of friends who are not connected to your ex think? That's more important.

The people you should concern yourself with more are those you have consistent in person interactions with, not people hiding behind their phone screens. 

You cannot control other people's thoughts.  Let's say you do this... you argue your innocence to them. Know what happens next after they say "yeah, ok"?  They end up believing exactly what they want to believe: they do it all the time, despite having the truth laid out at their feet.

 

I have to disagree with your first comment, I'm not trying to persue the past relationship with her. To know someone is saying mean things to someone I was recently in love with and cared for is not nice at all, but for that hurt person to then accuse me, that stings. Especially as in any other scenario, I would have been there to support her. 

The one thing she never did well was apologising, she always sucked at it. Not because she was a mean person, but it was her pride that got in the way, I'd say almost blinded by it at times.

To be totally honest, I wouldn't put it past her to unblock me as a sign of an apology, well, first step to an apology.

General question, as it's made me think once or twice in the relationship, if someone is truly sorry, can their pride get in the way of them from actually saying it?

 

[kendahke]

1 hour ago, szechuanhorse said:

I have to disagree with your first comment, I'm not trying to persue the past relationship with her.

My first comment was:

Quote

You're trying to re-litigate your past.

to re-litigate your past means to try to successfully correct the wrong done to you in the past--being accused of something you didn't do---by going before people, who are loyal to your girlfriend first and who really don't matter and aren't checking for you, to insist upon your innocence.

They are going to think exactly what they choose to think and will be more amused by your performance than they will believe they or your ex is wrong in their thinking.  That's why people here are saying dont' waste your time and breath on them.

1 hour ago, szechuanhorse said:

it was her pride that got in the way, I'd say almost blinded by it at times.

1 hour ago, szechuanhorse said:

if someone is truly sorry, can their pride get in the way of them from actually saying it?

pride goes before destruction...

yes, especially if they're far more invested in being right than they are in being contrite.

Edited May 21, 2020 by kendahke

[Acacia98]

9 hours ago, szechuanhorse said:

About her making the fake profile herself, I can't see her doing that at all. She was genuine and kind with best intentions throughout our relationship. But it's like what's been said on here, I suppose people can change once theres a breakup...

When I saw she unblocked me, I saw that as a piece offering, or that she finally believes me, but again the fact she only unblocked me on one thing is making it seem fishy...

I don't understand why she went to my mum rather than me about this. In general, why would someone do that?

Honestly, based on your story, it is possible that she made the whole story up about the fake account or even that she created the account. The fact that she's calling your mum from a withheld number seems consistent with that. It's a stalkerish move, just like creating a fake social media account would be.

You may want to consider the possibility that you really don't know your ex as well as you think you do. If she was as nice as you say, she would be behaving very differently around this whole breakup thing. If she had genuinely made a mistake in accusing you, she would have apologized profusely by now if she was an emotionally stable person who wished you well.

From where I'm sitting, your story sounds vaguely similar to other stories I've read where someone breaks up with someone else for no immediately apparent reason, and then goes out of his/her way to make the dumpee look like the devil incarnate in order to justify the break-up. Perhaps the point of calling your mum is to convince her that you were the bad guy in this break-up. She really doesn't want to take the blame, so you get the dubious honor of being the scapegoat.

Anyway, that's just my speculation. It could very well be wrong. But one thing I can tell you for sure is this: you are too accommodating of her. And she is not similarly accommodating of you. She's crossed quite a few lines and, in doing so, disrespected you tremendously. You should not be trying to rationalize her actions and sympathize with her. You should be angry. And you should channel that anger towards blocking her. 

Also, neither you nor your mum has to confront her about the calls. Just ignore her. That might mean not answering the phone when it rings, and letting the caller leave a message. You should also block her known number from calling your mum's phone and your phone. Having done that, take the time to process the break-up and your anger regarding the false accusation.

[szechuanhorse]

4 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Honestly, based on your story, it is possible that she made the whole story up about the fake account or even that she created the account. The fact that she's calling your mum from a withheld number seems consistent with that. It's a stalkerish move, just like creating a fake social media account would be.

Maybe I'm delusional, but I really really don't think shes capable of doing something like that. I know it sounds like, and I shouldn't be, that I'm standing up for her (especially as she's wrongly accusing me), but knowing her, there was no sign, signal, or smallest clue, that she's capable of creating this rumour or making a fake account herself.

That then makes me think that someone actually is out to hurt her. She's wrongly accusing me, but as theres an aspect of me that cares for her still, I want to clear this up with her so she can work on finding out who actually is doing this to her. As much as she broke my heart ending things, and now accusing me of all this, I still want the best for her. I know that probably makes me a fool.

Edited May 21, 2020 by szechuanhorse