sanjose Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 I've been divorced for about 5 years. Met a woman and we've been dating for a little over a year. We are in love and talking about marriage. But...I was made aware of something that has bothered me and I am conflicted as to how I should handle this. A week ago I was updating her phone and there was a text thread between her and another guy that took place at about 2 in the morning. We do not live together (she has young kids) and I was at my home. She called me a jerk to him. There were no pictures exchanged but it was a long back and forth about sexual acts with each other - very descriptive and lurid- like I was reading a text from a porn (I don't think I can even say what it was on this forum.) I was mortified. Needless to say I lost my sh&* and confronted her. We had gotten into a little argument the night that she texted him and that was the start of the discussion. She told me that she had some wine and taken Tylenol PM and didn't even remember doing it. I don't believe that she doesn't remember the texting because it was very detailed and lucid. This guy lives in another state. They were friends when he lived here as far as I know and they never had a relationship. I ended the relationship right then. However, she texted him later and apologized to him that she made a mistake, etc. She sent me screenshots as proof I guess. She continued to reach out to me, apologizing profusely and asking for me to forgive her and get back together. After I cooled off, we talked and we got back together (love is forgiving I guess) My problem is that I cannot get passed it. I don't trust her. I believe that she lied to me because I called her out on it. When I'm with her I just keep thinking about it. Why would she do this? Why him? That sort of thing - and of course the actual content of the texts. I'm just not sure if I can get passed it. Was I fool to even get back with her? Should I just walk away? Totally confused. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 She will be more careful next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 Up to you totally but I'd simply walked away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, sanjose said: I don't trust her....Was I fool to even get back with her? Should I just walk away? Totally confused. Nor should you trust her. When things aren't going well in your relationship, she's not interested in working things out. She's lining up your replacement. Yes you were a fool to take her back. That shows her that you place her value higher than your own. That shows you don't respect yourself enough to enforce basic boundaries. Her respect and attraction for you just took a haircut. Once things are back to normal, she'll realize this. Yes you should just walk away. The next time she cheats on you, your pain will be your own fault, not hers. You know better. Edited May 20, 2020 by rjc149 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 Her text are way past what one would expect complaining to a friend after a fight. Wouldn’t matter to me if she remembered or not, she still sexting in the moment and from what you describe seems like a lot of back and forth. So all it takes is a fight, wine and Tylenol ? Don’t think I could get over it either, and I’m very forgiving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 15 hours ago, rjc149 said: Nor should you trust her. When things aren't going well in your relationship, she's not interested in working things out. She's lining up your replacement. Yes you were a fool to take her back. That shows her that you place her value higher than your own. That shows you don't respect yourself enough to enforce basic boundaries. Her respect and attraction for you just took a haircut. Once things are back to normal, she'll realize this. Yes you should just walk away. The next time she cheats on you, your pain will be your own fault, not hers. You know better. This is what I call "REPAIR" vs "REPLACE" mindsets. People who function with "REPAIR" mindset will tend to work things out with their partners when their relationship goes sideway for whatever reasons. People who function with "REPLACE" mindset will think of replacing their partners instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted May 25, 2020 Share Posted May 25, 2020 Hi San José, you were lucky you got a preview into your girlfriend's mindset while things are still in a formative stage. If she can refer to you as a jerk to this lover boy of hers apart from all the sexual stuff you want to forget about then you know her true unvarnished feelings about you. There will be many other women without the kind of baggage she has and who will truly love you for who you are, with whom you can have a happy life. Do not look a gift horse in the mouth. Run for the hills! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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