How can I date white women.

[preraph]

Believing the world should be a certain way does not make it so. I don't know if you are out of touch with reality because you just always lived at home or because someone brainwashed you that way, but there isn't one person on here who can validate your beliefs.

[observingman37]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh okay well I learned. because when I was in my teens and early 20s I had one criteria... hot ... lol 

That's one of my criterias as well.

[observingman37]

1 minute ago, preraph said:

Believing the world should be a certain way does not make it so. I don't know if you are out of touch with reality because you just always lived at home or because someone brainwashed you that way, but there isn't one person on here who can validate your beliefs.

Your discouraging words says nay.

But my actual experience with a woman will say yea.

[preraph]

Giving yourself affirmations won't make it so either. 

[observingman37]

10 minutes ago, preraph said:

Giving yourself affirmations won't make it so either. 

My affirmations will become my facts.

[Cookiesandough]

6 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Maybe I do have you all wrong. All I can do is go by what you say and then try to give you some conventional advice. I am no international playboy, (Maybe I qualify for this now that I think about it LOL) but I do have some experience getting dates, having girlfriends, holding a relationship together for years, etc. So, if I am wrong about you, and you do have serious reasons why you are so confident despite an utter lack of experience, please fill us in. So far, all you have done is say everyone is wrong but you are right. No one has even said anything outlandish here, you've been getting the most basic of dating advice. Have a job, have a home, go on dates, etc. For the most part, if you can't handle the basics, anything beyond that will be out of your grasp. 

Meh. Your sound reasoning and practical experience say nay. But my idealistic illusion of the world says yay.

[observingman37]

5 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Maybe I do have you all wrong. All I can do is go by what you say and then try to give you some conventional advice. I am no international playboy, (Maybe I qualify for this now that I think about it LOL) but I do have some experience getting dates, having girlfriends, holding a relationship together for years, etc. So, if I am wrong about you, and you do have serious reasons why you are so confident despite an utter lack of experience, please fill us in. So far, all you have done is say everyone is wrong but you are right. No one has even said anything outlandish here, you've been getting the most basic of dating advice. Have a job, have a home, go on dates, etc. For the most part, if you can't handle the basics, anything beyond that will be out of your grasp. 

You said that you've been giving conventional advice. But as it ever occurred to you during this whole debate that I'm not a conventional person?

I'm not just trying to merely get dates, have girlfriends or just hold a relationship together for years. I'm trying to secure a wife and stay married for life.

Have you not been listening all this time. I have been telling you all how I would do my relationship with a woman. But you all act like that's so hard to understand.

On the contrary, when I start searching for the particular woman that I want. That reality will be in my grasp.

 

[simpycurious]

 

1 hour ago, preraph said:

Giving yourself affirmations won't make it so either. 

Without a doubt.............

Edited May 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[observingman37]

13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Meh. Your sound reasoning and practical experience say nay. But my idealistic illusion of the world says yay.

Well everything in this world started with an idea right.

So don't hate on my ideas, because those are going to be my success.

[rjc149]

1 hour ago, observingman37 said:

Seems that the women that you have in mind is looking for a parent. 

And the woman you have in mind is basically going to need to function as your parent. 

Rent, mortgage payments, transportation, gas, bills, groceries, children if you have them, diapers, day care, school supplies, clothing, medical bills... she pays for this? And she also ensures your safety, security, and shows you around in the bedroom? 

And in return, she gets... ?

15 minutes ago, observingman37 said:

You said that you've been giving conventional advice. But as it ever occurred to you during this whole debate that I'm not a conventional person?

I'm not just trying to merely get dates, have girlfriends or just hold a relationship together for years. I'm trying to secure a wife and stay married for life.

You're clearly not a conventional person, yet, you want a conventional white American girl to remain in a conventional marriage with you. The conventional advice you are getting to pursue this conventional goal seems to be getting rejected because it's too conventional for you. You want convention, and you reject it in the same breath. 

You're trying to secure a wife who will stay with you for life. That's like a 7-year old kid playing pee-wee football asking how to win the Super Bowl. Except the kid is 37. And has never played football. That's the disconnect here. First thing's first, OP. You need to stand before you can walk, and you need to walk before you can run. You're still crawling. The advice here is all pretty much the same: get up. 

Edited May 26, 2020 by rjc149

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have an acquaintance, a black man, who would only date white women.  His preference came from a prejudice against black women, though, because of his first wife/mother of his kids, who was black, and did him dirty I guess.  He refused to date black women because of her, which I thought was ridiculous, but whatever.  He ended up meeting a woman (I assume on a dating app since that is how I met him) who could not possibly be more white (super pale skin, white blonde hair).  They dated for probably 4 years?  Just got married a few months ago.  So, I guess, just stick with it?  You like what you like....

[basil67]

47 minutes ago, observingman37 said:

I'm not just trying to merely get dates, have girlfriends or just hold a relationship together for years. I'm trying to secure a wife and stay married for life.

To get married, first you need to start with dates then have it turn into a girlfriend and then hold the relationship together for years.  

One needs to run the race before crossing the finish line.

[LivingWaterPlease]

On 5/25/2020 at 1:47 AM, observingman37 said:

You said: "it does affect your date personally when you can't pay for a date with her."

Why do I have to "pay" just to have a date with another human being. Do we have to pay to make friends?

 

You said: "YOU may be fine to go on dates with a woman that cost nothing but a woman won't be fine with that."

See, this is exactly what the critics in this post did not get. Why in the world does a human woman have a price tag on her? Why does she has to cost anything? Why do I have to pay for her. That's something you might as well does with a prostitute.

 

So those are the women I'll make sure to avoid when I'm searching.

You don't have to pay for a date. Just start asking women out to places that don't cost any money; for a walk or something. You might get a couple of dates. But, see where it leads you after awhile. If you find a woman you don't have to expend money on to date, more power to you if that's your goal.

Look, you have no experience dating. You're getting advice from "critics" who do have experience, lots of it. There's an old saying, "A word to the wise is sufficient." That might be something helpful for you to consider!

Also, we're all strangers to you on this board and to each other. But, many of us think of people here kind of as friends, due to the fact that we're trying to help each other. Maybe it would be helpful to you to realize that those you regard as critics are not criticizing you but rather trying to lend you a helping hand, as a friend would do. 

As someone else pointed out, the woman you date isn't for sale. The activities you share are. Split the cost if you don't want to pay for the date. Or have her pay for you. Someone is going to have to pay at some point unless you limit your dating to things that cost nothing. Even if you cook her a meal, or she cooks you a meal, though, someone is going to have to pay for the groceries.

 

 

[Gr8fuln2020]

13 hours ago, observingman37 said:

That's one of my criterias as well.

This is in response to another female poster's criteria for being with a man in her 20s. Attractiveness. Are YOU HOT? Do you have all the looks, physical qualities that women will not be able to ignore or resist? Do you even have the social skills to start a conversation or impress a woman with your guile? Charm? 

When you watched all those movies, videos on YouTube, you didn't see any that talked about all that people on here have been trying to impress upon you to consider and work on? 

Here is something else...if there is any woman that is willing to be satisfied with someone with your standing (current), I wonder what she has to offer in terms of support, love, confidence, happiness, affection, sobriety, etc. 

Edited May 26, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[lurker74]

Well, this is an interesting thread. All I can say, @observingman37, is that I am in the Detroit area as well and I have not issues finding attractive, well-put-together women of all races, although I would say the large majority have been white. Of course, I do have sex and I imagine not having sex would be more difficult because the same efforts I put into being attractive to those to whom I am attracted naturally ratchets up the sexual energy. Since I have no problem with having sex outside of a marriage - although I never have sex with someone I am not in a relationship with - we usually consummate the relationship in bed (hopefully many, many times). Without that, I guess I would have to contemplate courtship, engagement, and marriage much earlier.

So I would look in the conservative religious areas...Southfield, Sterling Heights, and similar. 

But don't dismiss others' advice. I am able to do well with women in part because I can hold a conversation but also because I am secure. I have a job, a home, can cook, and generally keep them from feeling like I am too much of a project.

[preraph]

If we know what race he is, I don't remember it.  I have a feeling he isn't black and possibly from a different culture or country entirely.  

 

I think he's looking for a mother replacement who will subsidize him and who he can continue his present lifestyle with of doing not much, but will also have sex with him.  

 

 

[Gr8fuln2020]

10 minutes ago, preraph said:

If we know what race he is, I don't remember it.  I have a feeling he isn't black and possibly from a different culture or country entirely.  

I think he's looking for a mother replacement who will subsidize him and who he can continue his present lifestyle with of doing not much, but will also have sex with him.  

He says he is black. Culturally, not absolutely clear, but he is of the Baháʼí Faith, I believe. 

[preraph]

Thanks for that clarification!

[observingman37]

19 hours ago, rjc149 said:

And the woman you have in mind is basically going to need to function as your parent. 

Rent, mortgage payments, transportation, gas, bills, groceries, children if you have them, diapers, day care, school supplies, clothing, medical bills... she pays for this? And she also ensures your safety, security, and shows you around in the bedroom? 

And in return, she gets... ?

You're clearly not a conventional person, yet, you want a conventional white American girl to remain in a conventional marriage with you. The conventional advice you are getting to pursue this conventional goal seems to be getting rejected because it's too conventional for you. You want convention, and you reject it in the same breath. 

You're trying to secure a wife who will stay with you for life. That's like a 7-year old kid playing pee-wee football asking how to win the Super Bowl. Except the kid is 37. And has never played football. That's the disconnect here. First thing's first, OP. You need to stand before you can walk, and you need to walk before you can run. You're still crawling. The advice here is all pretty much the same: get up. 

You said: "And the woman you have in mind is basically going to need to function as your parent."

Uh, just no.

 

So what other marriage that you know in the u.s. besides a "conventional marriage"? Which I didn't say that phrase, you did.

 

Edited May 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[observingman37]

13 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

I have an acquaintance, a black man, who would only date white women.  His preference came from a prejudice against black women, though, because of his first wife/mother of his kids, who was black, and did him dirty I guess.  He refused to date black women because of her, which I thought was ridiculous, but whatever.  He ended up meeting a woman (I assume on a dating app since that is how I met him) who could not possibly be more white (super pale skin, white blonde hair).  They dated for probably 4 years?  Just got married a few months ago.  So, I guess, just stick with it?  You like what you like....

Like I mentioned before I'm not prejudice against any woman. Matter of fact I believe that all women are the most beautiful people that God has created on earth.

It's just that white women are the ones I'm most attracted to.

Thanks, and I appreciate your comment.

 

[observingman37]

14 hours ago, basil67 said:

To get married, first you need to start with dates then have it turn into a girlfriend and then hold the relationship together for years.  

One needs to run the race before crossing the finish line.

To get married we need to get thoroughly acquainted to each other's character and personality. The actual "dating" can be anything that we want it to be.

To tell you the truth the term "girlfriend" doesn't really have to be her title. We can just call each other friends.

We won't be together for years, but we are going to be married for life. 

Told you I'm not conventional.

 

 

[preraph]

At this point, you need to worry about making yourself attractive to any women at all and get some dating practice.  I mean, you actually have no idea what you want in a person because you have never dated.  And you disregard what they want completely.

[NuevoYorko]

16 hours ago, observingman37 said:

You said: "She has worldly needs, needs to feel safe, secure, protected, and cared for. That means financially too, if you’re talking marriage. If you aren’t meeting her needs"

Seems that the women that you have in mind is looking for a parent. Here's the thing, I'm not it.

One would think you'd be more understanding, considering that you are evidently dependent upon your own parent - and you're close to middle age.

Why don't you think about what you have to offer, that a woman who's never met you would find compelling enough to warrant her spending any of her time with you?  

I'm not disputing that you are a sterling fellow, but how is she supposed to know that before she actually knows you?  All she's going to have to go on are whatever facts of your life you share on your dating profile, which won't include a job or interests beyond video games.

This desirable young white woman might prefer to spend her spare time hanging around with her friends at the local Trader Joes, or studying her Bible.

[rjc149]

39 minutes ago, observingman37 said:

So what other marriage that you know in the u.s. besides a "conventional marriage"? Which I didn't say that phrase, you did.

 

The rest of you reply is just an ignorant theory that you made about me. That's why it was a terrible analogy.

 

I think I have sufficient information about what you want, and where you're coming from, to arrive at the fairly safe conclusion that the attainability of what you are seeking goes far beyond a simple racial preference. The simple answer is if you want to date white women, go where the white women are at. But that's not the greater question being posed here. 

A conventional marriage in my mind is a legally-binding union, between a man and a woman, in which the man is the breadwinner, and the woman is either the secondary breadwinner, or the homemaker. It exists within the frame of a patriarchy, where the man is the dominant leader/provider/protector aspect, and the woman is the more nesting/nurturing/nourishing aspect. Not a black/white dichotomy, but along those general lines. 

I'm in no way saying that a marriage must be "conventional" in order to be valid or successful. Common-law marriages can be successful. Same-sex marriages can be successful. Gender-symmetric marriages can be successful. Matriarchal marriages can be successful.

It sounds like what you're looking for is more of a matriarchal dynamic, in which the woman provides, and you, the man, nurtures the nest? I'm not making ignorant theories or assumptions, I'm asking you a question. What exactly are you looking for, and how do you want it to work? 

And the question for yourself, which everyone is asking you: you find a pretty, young, virtuous white woman who is warm, kind, and spiritual. Everything you're looking for, the perfect girl. Now -- how do you go about getting her to marry you? That's no small inconsequential matter, OP. It's certainly not going to simply fall into place. How is that going to happen? 

Edited May 26, 2020 by rjc149

[observingman37]

3 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

You don't have to pay for a date. Just start asking women out to places that don't cost any money; for a walk or something. You might get a couple of dates. But, see where it leads you after awhile. If you find a woman you don't have to expend money on to date, more power to you if that's your goal.

Look, you have no experience dating. You're getting advice from "critics" who do have experience, lots of it. There's an old saying, "A word to the wise is sufficient." That might be something helpful for you to consider!

Also, we're all strangers to you on this board and to each other. But, many of us think of people here kind of as friends, due to the fact that we're trying to help each other. Maybe it would be helpful to you to realize that those you regard as critics are not criticizing you but rather trying to lend you a helping hand, as a friend would do. 

As someone else pointed out, the woman you date isn't for sale. The activities you share are. Split the cost if you don't want to pay for the date. Or have her pay for you. Someone is going to have to pay at some point unless you limit your dating to things that cost nothing. Even if you cook her a meal, or she cooks you a meal, though, someone is going to have to pay for the groceries.

 

 

You said: "You don't have to pay for a date. Just start asking women out to places that don't cost any money; for a walk or something. You might get a couple of dates. But, see where it leads you after awhile. If you find a woman you don't have to expend money on to date, more power to you if that's your goal."

Maybe you are getting it. Eventhough I would've said "we don't have to pay for a date."

 

You said: "You're getting advice from "critics" who do have experience, lots of it."

I don't care if they have "lots of it." My relationship experience will probably be different from their's.

 

You said: "many of us think of people here kind of as friends, due to the fact that we're trying to help each other. Maybe it would be helpful to you to realize that those you regard as critics are not criticizing you but rather trying to lend you a helping hand, as a friend would do."

Some people on here really are criticizing me though. Some are even laughing at me.

 

You said: "Split the cost if you don't want to pay for the date."

That sounds more reasonable.

 

Overall I appreciate your reply.

 

 

Edited May 26, 2020 by observingman37