How can I date white women.

[balletomane]

OP, I'm curious as to why you're even asking for advice on this forum if you see everyone's perspective as irrelevant to your situation. What do you hope to gain from it, realistically?

I'm a woman who ticked many of your boxes when I was single (religious, open to interfaith and interracial dating, happy to abide by 'traditional' sexual morals, no tattoos, very little and limited drinking) but to be brutally honest with you, I wouldn't have been interested in dating someone with the attitudes you've shown here. From what I know of other women like me, many would feel similarly.

Firstly, I find it a bit creepy and fetishizing when someone makes ethnicity a deal breaker. Secondly, like anyone, I need to know that a potential partner and I have common ground. One thing that interested me about my partner when I met him was his passion for his job and the responsible position he holds in his company. This isn't because I want to be 'paid for' - I have my own salary and make slightly more than he does at the moment. It's because I care about my own job, I know where I want to go in my career, I hold a lot of responsibility at work, and I want someone who has similar enthusiasm and commitment. A man in his thirties who still lives with his parents and who doesn't work is unlikely to have anything in common with me, and I'd worry that his employment status spoke of deeper problems - naivete and lack of pragmatism at best, lack of direction in life or over-reliance on other people at worst. You say you don't expect a girlfriend to parent you, but if she is the one bringing in the income and she is the one providing a place to live (unless you expect your prospective wife to move in with you at your mother's, which most women would have a massive problem with), then what you have there is a parent-like relationship.

Try and think of it this way: you have a list of criteria for what makes a woman appealing to you. Women will also gave their own criteria for what makes a desirable partner. What qualities and characteristics do you value in yourself that you think a woman might be looking for?

[observingman37]

6 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

This is in response to another female poster's criteria for being with a man in her 20s. Attractiveness. Are YOU HOT? Do you have all the looks, physical qualities that women will not be able to ignore or resist? Do you even have the social skills to start a conversation or impress a woman with your guile? Charm? 

When you watched all those movies, videos on YouTube, you didn't see any that talked about all that people on here have been trying to impress upon you to consider and work on? 

Here is something else...if there is any woman that is willing to be satisfied with someone with your standing (current), I wonder what she has to offer in terms of support, love, confidence, happiness, affection, sobriety, etc. 

You said: "This is in response to another female poster's criteria for being with a man in her 20s." 

It doesn't matter. I was simply saying that that is one of my criteria for a woman as well. She has to be hot (to me at least).

 

You said: "or impress a woman with your guile? Charm?"

I'm already fully confident in that area.

 

You said: "Here is something else...if there is any woman that is willing to be satisfied with someone with your standing (current), I wonder what she has to offer in terms of support, love, confidence, happiness, affection, sobriety, etc."

That's for me to deal with, and no one else. This is my personal relationship and all those things such as being supportive, love, confidence, happiness, affection, sobriety, etc. Are good for both of us to have regardless.

 

[observingman37]

6 hours ago, lurker74 said:

Well, this is an interesting thread. All I can say, @observingman37, is that I am in the Detroit area as well and I have not issues finding attractive, well-put-together women of all races, although I would say the large majority have been white. Of course, I do have sex and I imagine not having sex would be more difficult because the same efforts I put into being attractive to those to whom I am attracted naturally ratchets up the sexual energy. Since I have no problem with having sex outside of a marriage - although I never have sex with someone I am not in a relationship with - we usually consummate the relationship in bed (hopefully many, many times). Without that, I guess I would have to contemplate courtship, engagement, and marriage much earlier.

So I would look in the conservative religious areas...Southfield, Sterling Heights, and similar. 

But don't dismiss others' advice. I am able to do well with women in part because I can hold a conversation but also because I am secure. I have a job, a home, can cook, and generally keep them from feeling like I am too much of a project.

Thanks for the reply.

[Gr8fuln2020]

9 minutes ago, observingman37 said:

You said: "This is in response to another female poster's criteria for being with a man in her 20s." 

It doesn't matter. I was simply saying that that is one of my criteria for a woman as well. She has to be hot (to me at least).

You said: "or impress a woman with your guile? Charm?"

I'm already fully confident in that area.

You said: "Here is something else...if there is any woman that is willing to be satisfied with someone with your standing (current), I wonder what she has to offer in terms of support, love, confidence, happiness, affection, sobriety, etc."

That's for me to deal with, and no one else. This is my personal relationship and all those things such as being supportive, love, confidence, happiness, affection, sobriety, etc. Are good for both of us to have regardless.

Yeah. Thanks. Exactly what I expected.  

[observingman37]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

At this point, you need to worry about making yourself attractive to any women at all and get some dating practice.  I mean, you actually have no idea what you want in a person because you have never dated.  And you disregard what they want completely.

How do you know that my dating practices will be the ones you're thinking about?

[observingman37]

5 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

One would think you'd be more understanding, considering that you are evidently dependent upon your own parent - and you're close to middle age.

Why don't you think about what you have to offer, that a woman who's never met you would find compelling enough to warrant her spending any of her time with you?  

I'm not disputing that you are a sterling fellow, but how is she supposed to know that before she actually knows you?  All she's going to have to go on are whatever facts of your life you share on your dating profile, which won't include a job or interests beyond video games.

This desirable young white woman might prefer to spend her spare time hanging around with her friends at the local Trader Joes, or studying her Bible.

You said: "Why don't you think about what you have to offer"

I do think about what I have to offer a woman, and that is: character and personality.

 

You said: "I'm not disputing that you are a sterling fellow, but how is she supposed to know that before she actually knows you?"

She'll be getting to know me as we are becoming acquainted to each other's character and personality.

 

 

 

 

[observingman37]

5 hours ago, rjc149 said:

I think I have sufficient information about what you want, and where you're coming from, to arrive at the fairly safe conclusion that the attainability of what you are seeking goes far beyond a simple racial preference. The simple answer is if you want to date white women, go where the white women are at. But that's not the greater question being posed here. 

A conventional marriage in my mind is a legally-binding union, between a man and a woman, in which the man is the breadwinner, and the woman is either the secondary breadwinner, or the homemaker. It exists within the frame of a patriarchy, where the man is the dominant leader/provider/protector aspect, and the woman is the more nesting/nurturing/nourishing aspect. Not a black/white dichotomy, but along those general lines. 

I'm in no way saying that a marriage must be "conventional" in order to be valid or successful. Common-law marriages can be successful. Same-sex marriages can be successful. Gender-symmetric marriages can be successful. Matriarchal marriages can be successful.

It sounds like what you're looking for is more of a matriarchal dynamic, in which the woman provides, and you, the man, nurtures the nest? I'm not making ignorant theories or assumptions, I'm asking you a question. What exactly are you looking for, and how do you want it to work? 

And the question for yourself, which everyone is asking you: you find a pretty, young, virtuous white woman who is warm, kind, and spiritual. Everything you're looking for, the perfect girl. Now -- how do you go about getting her to marry you? That's no small inconsequential matter, OP. It's certainly not going to simply fall into place. How is that going to happen? 

You said: "The simple answer is if you want to date white women, go where the white women are at."

That's a reasonable advise, thanks.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, observingman37 said:

To get married we need to get thoroughly acquainted to each other's character and personality. The actual "dating" can be anything that we want it to be.

To tell you the truth the term "girlfriend" doesn't really have to be her title. We can just call each other friends.

We won't be together for years, but we are going to be married for life. 

Told you I'm not conventional.

What if she wants to be called boyfriend/girlfriend?   And what if she wants sex?   Splitting bills is weird and awkward, but paying for every second date is not so odd.  How will you afford to take her to dinner when it's your turn?  A relationship isn't all about what one person wants.  I try to avoid generalisations, but I feel comfortable in saying that compromise is an essential part of a relationship. 

That said, if she gets fed up the marriage, how will you prevent her from divorcing you?   

Edited May 26, 2020 by basil67

[observingman37]

6 hours ago, rjc149 said:

I think I have sufficient information about what you want, and where you're coming from, to arrive at the fairly safe conclusion that the attainability of what you are seeking goes far beyond a simple racial preference. The simple answer is if you want to date white women, go where the white women are at. But that's not the greater question being posed here. 

A conventional marriage in my mind is a legally-binding union, between a man and a woman, in which the man is the breadwinner, and the woman is either the secondary breadwinner, or the homemaker. It exists within the frame of a patriarchy, where the man is the dominant leader/provider/protector aspect, and the woman is the more nesting/nurturing/nourishing aspect. Not a black/white dichotomy, but along those general lines. 

I'm in no way saying that a marriage must be "conventional" in order to be valid or successful. Common-law marriages can be successful. Same-sex marriages can be successful. Gender-symmetric marriages can be successful. Matriarchal marriages can be successful.

It sounds like what you're looking for is more of a matriarchal dynamic, in which the woman provides, and you, the man, nurtures the nest? I'm not making ignorant theories or assumptions, I'm asking you a question. What exactly are you looking for, and how do you want it to work? 

And the question for yourself, which everyone is asking you: you find a pretty, young, virtuous white woman who is warm, kind, and spiritual. Everything you're looking for, the perfect girl. Now -- how do you go about getting her to marry you? That's no small inconsequential matter, OP. It's certainly not going to simply fall into place. How is that going to happen? 

 

I am looking for a woman to just be my life companion. Weather we have two different lives it doesn't matter. She can live her life the way she wants. I can live my life the way I want. That has nothing to do with the natural physical companionship of a male and a female. Why in the world you all are trying to make this complicated?

Edited May 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed rude part

[basil67]

3 hours ago, observingman37 said:

I am looking for a woman to just be my life companion.

When you say "companion", I imagine a sex free relationship.  Is this what you mean?

Quote

Weather we have two different lives it doesn't matter. She can live her life the way she wants. I can live my life the way I want.

How different can your lives be?  You'd be happy for her to frequently go out with her friends and leave you at home? You'd be happy for her to take a lover?  This is the common interpretation of living different lives.

Quote

That has nothing to do with the natural physical companionship of a male and a female. Why in the world you all are trying to make this complicated?

Which bit has nothing to do with the natural physical companionship (sex) of a male and female?   And it's complicated because you're talking about a setup which isn't one which the average white woman is going to want.  

Edited May 27, 2020 by basil67
typo which changed meaning of my comment

[observingman37]

7 hours ago, balletomane said:

OP, I'm curious as to why you're even asking for advice on this forum if you see everyone's perspective as irrelevant to your situation. What do you hope to gain from it, realistically?

I'm a woman who ticked many of your boxes when I was single (religious, open to interfaith and interracial dating, happy to abide by 'traditional' sexual morals, no tattoos, very little and limited drinking) but to be brutally honest with you, I wouldn't have been interested in dating someone with the attitudes you've shown here. From what I know of other women like me, many would feel similarly.

Firstly, I find it a bit creepy and fetishizing when someone makes ethnicity a deal breaker. Secondly, like anyone, I need to know that a potential partner and I have common ground. One thing that interested me about my partner when I met him was his passion for his job and the responsible position he holds in his company. This isn't because I want to be 'paid for' - I have my own salary and make slightly more than he does at the moment. It's because I care about my own job, I know where I want to go in my career, I hold a lot of responsibility at work, and I want someone who has similar enthusiasm and commitment. A man in his thirties who still lives with his parents and who doesn't work is unlikely to have anything in common with me, and I'd worry that his employment status spoke of deeper problems - naivete and lack of pragmatism at best, lack of direction in life or over-reliance on other people at worst. You say you don't expect a girlfriend to parent you, but if she is the one bringing in the income and she is the one providing a place to live (unless you expect your prospective wife to move in with you at your mother's, which most women would have a massive problem with), then what you have there is a parent-like relationship.

Try and think of it this way: you have a list of criteria for what makes a woman appealing to you. Women will also gave their own criteria for what makes a desirable partner. What qualities and characteristics do you value in yourself that you think a woman might be looking for?

Quote

OP, I'm curious as to why you're even asking for advice on this forum if you see everyone's perspective as irrelevant to your situation. What do you hope to gain from it, realistically?

Well originally I was just trying to get some input on where I can find and hookup with a white woman. Namely which dating sites are the best. But critics on here have turned this whole thing into a big debate over how I would do my own relationship. To be honest with you I'm kind of sad the way this post turned out.

 

Quote

Firstly, I find it a bit creepy and fetishizing when someone makes ethnicity a deal breaker.

So when some men like only fat women, or like only blondes or like only brunettes, they are creepy and fetishizing too? We all have heard of the tall, dark and handsome cliche that some women like. It that physical preference creepy and fetishizing too?

 

Quote

One thing that interested me about my partner when I met him was his passion for his job and the responsible position he holds in his company.

So is that the only thing that you like about him? What about his passion for life or passion about loving you? What does the position he holds at his company has anything to do with you personally?

 

Quote

It's because I care about my own job, I know where I want to go in my career, I hold a lot of responsibility at work, and I want someone who has similar enthusiasm and commitment.

So basically you just wanted someone who had a job? Ok I get it. But that was just your preference, and you're just one woman. Not all women have the same preference you have.

 

Quote

A man in his thirties who still lives with his parents and who doesn't work is unlikely to have anything in common with me, and I'd worry that his employment status spoke of deeper problems - naivete and lack of pragmatism at best, lack of direction in life or over-reliance on other people at worst.

Well just like the rest of the critics on here, you are making assumptions about me. Why worry about my employment status? That does not have any thing to do with your life or your own employment status.

 

Quote

You say you don't expect a girlfriend to parent you, but if she is the one bringing in the income and she is the one providing a place to live, then what you have there is a parent-like relationship.

Who ever said that we would definitely live in the same house or apartment?

 

Quote

Try and think of it this way: you have a list of criteria for what makes a woman appealing to you. Women will also gave their own criteria for what makes a desirable partner. What qualities and characteristics do you value in yourself that you think a woman might be looking for?

Most of the criteria that I gave was physical. The only characteristic qualities ths good with me is that she is a moral person and have a positive outlook about life. That's it.

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added proper quoting and formatting, please use them

[balletomane]

I'm getting the impression that you are wilfully ignoring or distorting the points people are making, and I don't think there is anything more productive to be said here. If you are determined to find a woman who ticks all those somewhat unusual boxes, is happy to get married but live in separate properties, and is attracted by the "character and personality" of someone who doesn't see the importance of having a job, it's unlikely anyone here can advise you, because that type of set-up is so rare that no one here will have experienced it. And by rare, I mean the sort of woman you're looking for probably doesn't exist.

Edited May 27, 2020 by balletomane

[rjc149]

16 hours ago, observingman37 said:

I am looking for a woman to just be my life companion... That has nothing to do with the natural physical companionship of a male and a female.

Why in the world you all are trying to make this complicated?

Lol yeah, think I'm gonna bow out of this one. It's been an interesting ride. 

OP, sending you some of my Irish luck. 🍀 If you find an attractive young white woman to marry you, I hope you'll update us here. You will have gloating rights, for sure! But you will need to provide pics, and you will need to hold up 3 fingers in the pics so we know it's you, or it didn't happen. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

12 hours ago, observingman37 said:

Well originally I was just trying to get some input on where I can find and hookup with a white woman.

I thought you were looking for more than a 'hookup.' If you look back, for the most part, the questions people ask are there to extract more information from you, to help you. You were looking for your "ideal life partner." Has that changed? 

Anyhoo. 

[observingman37]

14 hours ago, basil67 said:

When you say "companion", I imagine a sex free relationship.  Is this what you mean?

How different can your lives be?  You'd be happy for her to frequently go out with her friends and leave you at home? You'd be happy for her to take a lover?  This is the common interpretation of living different lives.

Which bit has nothing to do with the natural physical companionship (sex) of a male and female?   And it's complicated because you're talking about a setup which isn't one which the average white woman is going to want.  

You asked: "When you say "companion", I imagine a sex free relationship.  Is this what you mean?"

No, that is not what I mean.

 

You asked: "How different can your lives be?  You'd be happy for her to frequently go out with her friends and leave you at home? You'd be happy for her to take a lover?  This is the common interpretation of living different lives."

Who's to say that we have to live in the same house or apartment?

I'm ok if she frequently go out with her friends. It's her life.

Obviously no, I would not like if she cheated on me. That would be a deceptive and cruel act.

 

You asked: "Which bit has nothing to do with the natural physical companionship (sex) of a male and female?"

The bit that you all are talking about: my employment and social status.

 

You said: "you're talking about a setup which isn't one which the average white woman is going to want."

Well guess what, there are tons of white women is this world, so I will definitely find one that's compatible with me.

 

[observingman37]

38 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

Lol yeah, think I'm gonna bow out of this one. It's been an interesting ride. 

OP, sending you some of my Irish luck. 🍀 If you find an attractive young white woman to marry you, I hope you'll update us here. You will have gloating rights, for sure! But you will need to provide pics, and you will need to hold up 3 fingers in the pics so we know it's you, or it didn't happen. 

You said: "If you find an attractive young white woman to marry you, I hope you'll update us here. You will have gloating rights, for sure! But you will need to provide pics, and you will need to hold up 3 fingers in the pics so we know it's you"

I'll think about if all of that is worth it. I'll consider it though.

I don't usually post my pics on the internet.

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[observingman37]

28 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

I thought you were looking for more than a 'hookup.' If you look back, for the most part, the questions people ask are there to extract more information from you, to help you. You were looking for your "ideal life partner." Has that changed? 

Anyhoo. 

nothing has changed.

hookup to relationship to marriage.

Edited May 27, 2020 by observingman37

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, observingman37 said:

nothing has changed.

hookup to relationship to marriage.

I thought you were a virgin looking for a virgin to marry.  Not a hookup.

[Gr8fuln2020]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

I thought you were a virgin looking for a virgin to marry.  Not a hookup.

It could be, due to his lack of experience, he doesn't see the less-than-flattering connotation to the term. He may just be thinking "meeting up." I gave him the benefit of the doubt..

Edited May 27, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[basil67]

6 hours ago, observingman37 said:

Who's to say that we have to live in the same house or apartment?

She might say.

[homecoming]

23 hours ago, observingman37 said:

 

I am looking for a woman to just be my life companion. Weather we have two different lives it doesn't matter. She can live her life the way she wants. I can live my life the way I want. That has nothing to do with the natural physical companionship of a male and a female. Why in the world you all are trying to make this complicated?

 That's not how marriage works, is it? I thought most people would want someone to share their lives with, not to get married and live different lives

[Cookiesandough]

So you’re going to get married but live in different homes 

[observingman37]

2 hours ago, homecoming said:

 That's not how marriage works, is it? I thought most people would want someone to share their lives with, not to get married and live different lives

we will share our lives and be united with each other. at the same time the fact remains that, we are two separate human beings with two separate lives.

[observingman37]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

So you’re going to get married but live in different homes 

It's possible.

[homecoming]

10 hours ago, observingman37 said:

we will share our lives and be united with each other. at the same time the fact remains that, we are two separate human beings with two separate lives.

Actually, there was a famous couple who were married and didn’t want to share a home, can’t remember who they were off the top of my head. 
 

I think though that you’re asking very specific things and it might be a bit harder to find someone with all these characteristics and values.