My sibling is from Hell...

[Lizzard]

Hi everyone, I came upon this place and really seem to enjoy what I see going on here. I am going to toss out my problem and see if anyone has any advice for me. Sorry if this is long!

First off I am the oldest sister, I am 26 years old. Married, living away from home(about thirty mins) and have a full time job. I write part time. I have no children since I was diagnosed with having PCOS. Overall a pretty adjusted woman. It's my family...and my little sister is what makes me insane.

My little sister has struggled with drug problems(meth) since she was about 17. She is almost ready to turn 21 in January. She is almost six months pregnant. My sister has said numerous times she is clean and is not using while she is pregnant. A few weeks ago she was in a horrific car crash and luckily her AND the baby survived. While at the hospital ER room the nurse told my sister while I was sitting there, that she had tested positive for drugs. I was in shock! I asked the nurse what kind of drugs...and she told me she could not tell me, only my sister. I walked out of the ER room in shock. And to face about seven of our family members. I told my mother to go into the ER room, and to listen what was being said. Which she did and came out saying-" Oh your sister smoked pot before she was pregnant, that is all. No big deal. She is fine and so is the baby~ THANK GOD!"

My parents are in denial. My father is kept in the dark mostly, my mother always telling him she is fine...she isn’t do anything...don’t yell at her...she is fine. (IT IS SICK!) They accuse me of being jealous of my sister and trying to make her look bad. My own mother has told me once and these are her words-" Just because you are jealous of your little sister doesn't mean you can ruin her life by spreading terrible rumors. " I was in shock. Here I was a daughter who had NEVER once tried to disobey them and suddenly I was the one with all the problems. Since I am a author I have been told by my family members that I am prone to making up stories, always trying to get people geared up. Before my sister was pregnant she was busted for meth, and I tried to get her to go to rehab, my own mother told me it wasn't my sisters fault...it was her roommate.

Since the accident my mother has been very angry towards me, as my sister. Saying I am making my sisters life miserable. We live in a very small town and people do TALK. I hadn't told anyone about what had happened in the ER room that day. Only my husband...and now you. I have told my sister she needs some kind of help, and if she IS using I DO NOT think it is right. I don't care what my sister says----METH does have effects on a unborn child. My sister is jobless, living with my parents and she is very very manipulative.

The father of the baby is a drug dealer, with no job and really doesn't have much to do with my sister. And yes I do KNOW for a fact he is a drug dealer. He told me in his words-" Why get a real job? I can support your sister and our baby by selling drugs. "

My husband is disgusted by my mother and sister. He has gotten to a point where he refuses to speak to them and avoids all family get togethers. He tells me I need to deal with them and tell them if they can not be civil towards me then they need to break all contact with me.

I was raised in a large family...aunts...uncles...cousins...my grandparents all living in the same town. So no contact with them is hard. I have numerous cousins and other family members who support me, but won't stand up to my mother and sister. They tell me if they do, their life would be Hell.

I feel torn between my family and wanting to walk away. I am not a saint, but I do not think my sister should be supported for her drug usage. It's sick, shameful and plain not right!

Any ideas? I feel like I am losing my mind!

[HokeyReligions]

As hard and painful as it will be you need to step back. You cannot change your sister or your parents. You can distance yourself from them without losing your other relatives. Don't call them, don't visit them for a while. Let them be. Stay in touch with your other family and make it a point to not discuss your sister.

 

Sounds like your parents are in denial and you can't change that. For your own sanity maybe you should find something like Alanon - counseling for the family members of drug abusers. Don't tell anyone (except your husband) that you are doing this. You may find some help there to deal with this -- to to help your family, but to help YOU cope with the pain.

 

If and when you do see your parents, don't talk about your sister. If they bring her up, change the subject. Share things that are going on with YOU, not with her.

 

You don't have to turn a blind eye - the baby is your neice/nephew and of course you are concerned with the baby's health and upbringing. You can talk to a counselor about ways you can be a positive presense in the baby's life without completly ostrasizing your sister and parents.

 

Take a deep breath and step back for a while.