Lovestruck8992 Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 We’ve been together for about 4 months now. recently we got into an argument because I was a bit set off that she went out with a friend overnight while I was on my way home and she just stopped replying to my messages around 9 until 1pm the following day. I just said i didn’t understand why she couldn’t have said “hey I’m getting drunk I’ll msg you tomorrow” or even a simple goodnight. I was under the impression that this is a mutual respect thing between the two of us she freaked out and said this is why I don’t do relationships.. and she’s now saying she doesn’t know what she wants, I’ve told her I’ll give her space and time to figure it out. She’s just said she doesn’t know what to do or what she wants, and that she cares about me and likes me but doesn’t know what to do. i gave her space for 2 days, and sent her a message saying “thinking about you, I’m scared this will push you away more but I just wanted to say I miss you and I hope we can get through this together” no reply... did I f*** up by giving her space? Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 Unless they ask for space themselves you shouldn't voluntarily give it. Same goes for relationship "breaks". Only been a couple of days though. She might cool off. Link to post Share on other sites
Logic10 Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 Once she says she doesn't know what she wants I'd give her space as well. Women HATE clingy, simpy guys. Get that through your head. It kills all attraction. You didn't kill anything by giving her space but your behavior prior to that did all the damage. Also sending that msg after only two days does you know favors. Just wait until she reaches out to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovestruck8992 Posted May 21, 2020 Author Share Posted May 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Logic10 said: Once she says she doesn't know what she wants I'd give her space as well. Women HATE clingy, simpy guys. Get that through your head. It kills all attraction. You didn't kill anything by giving her space but your behavior prior to that did all the damage. Also sending that msg after only two days does you know favors. Just wait until she reaches out to you. She replied with “I miss you too, I’m just trying not to hurt you” I replied with “I know, but I’m here. Because in my eyes we are worth the fight. I want to work together to find a happy medium because I care deeply for you” should I just go dark now? Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 3 hours ago, Lovestruck8992 said: We’ve been together for about 4 months now. recently we got into an argument because I was a bit set off that she went out with a friend overnight while I was on my way home and she just stopped replying to my messages around 9 until 1pm the following day. I just said i didn’t understand why she couldn’t have said “hey I’m getting drunk I’ll msg you tomorrow” or even a simple goodnight. I was under the impression that this is a mutual respect thing between the two of us she freaked out and said this is why I don’t do relationships.. and she’s now saying she doesn’t know what she wants, I’ve told her I’ll give her space and time to figure it out. She’s just said she doesn’t know what to do or what she wants, and that she cares about me and likes me but doesn’t know what to do. i gave her space for 2 days, and sent her a message saying “thinking about you, I’m scared this will push you away more but I just wanted to say I miss you and I hope we can get through this together” no reply... did I f*** up by giving her space? My ex used to do this and it would irritate me to no end. I called her out on it a number of times and it would never change to the point where I just started doing the same myself and shock horror it was a huge issue. You get what you give. Honestly it just sounds like she isn't all that invested in the relationship, it's pretty early days so I would just get out now and run for the hills. Easier said than done, I know. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Logic10 Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 8 minutes ago, Lovestruck8992 said: She replied with “I miss you too, I’m just trying not to hurt you” I replied with “I know, but I’m here. Because in my eyes we are worth the fight. I want to work together to find a happy medium because I care deeply for you” should I just go dark now? Yeah I would go dark until she initiates contact. From her actions and words I wouldn't be surprised if there is another guy in the picture now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovestruck8992 Posted May 21, 2020 Author Share Posted May 21, 2020 10 minutes ago, Logic10 said: Yeah I would go dark until she initiates contact. From her actions and words I wouldn't be surprised if there is another guy in the picture now. I doubt there’s another guy, she’s not that kinda girl. She’s told me she’s afraid of commitment before as she was married and has a kid. It went to s*** because he cheated etc. This was 2 years ago. but I guess NC is best, I’m just worried that will drive her away more? I don’t want her to think I don’t give a damn you know? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 At the point you become clingy and bossy with a woman, you become a father figure, and if there was ever an instant sex killer, that's it. She was out having fun and you were being clingy. That makes a horrible impression on her girlfriends or parents or whoever she's out with because it's controlling.. I know it seems like a small thing to you so you're going to have to find a woman for whom it is also a small thing and is just as clingy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logic10 Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 33 minutes ago, Lovestruck8992 said: I doubt there’s another guy, she’s not that kinda girl. She’s told me she’s afraid of commitment before as she was married and has a kid. It went to s*** because he cheated etc. This was 2 years ago. but I guess NC is best, I’m just worried that will drive her away more? I don’t want her to think I don’t give a damn you know? It can also be a man that she's attracted to and wants to have casual fun with as well. Never put that past her regardless of what she's told you in the past or how you view her. Sounds like you have her up high on a pedestal. Your silence can also can get respect back as it will show that you are strong. As far as driving her away more ? Look at what you wrote initially. She was out having drinks with a friend and your clingy messages and smothering behavior caused the break-up. Now if you guys are in a committed relationship then obviously you deserve courtesy of knowing whats up, but if she replied earlier and you still keep messaging then she's obviously turned off by that and wants more freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
Minos Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 If someone in a relationship with me "needs space" I would enthusiaticaly support their valid passion to become an astronaut…as long it not incudes landing back. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 I'm not surprised she's mad. I'm mad just reading the post. She's allowed to take off with her friend and not reply to your texts for 24 hours nor tell you where she is or what she is doing - she even gave you extra and told you what she was doing. Who do you think you are? - You are not her master. There is a song, Hold On Loosely. Go listen to it. Don't be a five-stage clinger. Relationships are not about keeping tabs on people, you crazy control freak. A relationship, at it's core, is a continuing series of dates. It's not about keeping tabs on people, being needy, or controlling. Now if you are smart you'll leave her alone for a week or two and if you are lucky she'll come back to you. Sheesh! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minos Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 53 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: ...A relationship, at it's core, is a continuing series of dates.... May it´s true, may be it´s not. But IF that´s a description of what a relationship is or of what it should be, I don´t want one for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 OP If what you shared was factual and accurate I dont see this as clingy. I mean...the issue is everyone has a different life experience that colors their viewpoint...so keep that in mind when others call you clingy... but if you're 4 months in and now talking every day and also starting to kinda blend schedules a bit you have the right to know what's going on...but that's it at this point. And she could have also replied to your text with a brief message However to me the real issue is her initial over reaction and instead of apologizing or at least trying to sit down and chat and talk about what you both expect and need at this point she immediately generalized the situation. I mean as one poster said...how do you feel about if the roles were reversed. Could you go out and do your own thing and then not respond for 24 hrs and she'd be cool with it. Now she could have someone else in mind, we dont know that, she could have an avoidant attachment style, she could just be still recovering from her prior relationship if he was controlling, and or she could just have a different viewpoint on things. Actions speak. You've made your feelings known and she was the one who stated she didnt know what she wanted so it's on her now to either act and stay in the relationship or leave. Until she reaches out dont bother. If she does reach out tell her you're happy to discuss and put actions in place Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 On 5/21/2020 at 12:35 PM, Lovestruck8992 said: she freaked out and said this is why I don’t do relationships.. and she’s now saying she doesn’t know what she wants, That line in bold is right out of the Cheaters Handbook. Giver her some permanent space. Link to post Share on other sites
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