ahorseofcourse Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 My bf has been giving me the cold shoulder for the last couple weeks. The last time I saw him, we had a great time and everything was perfect. Then, something changed, like flipping a switch, and suddenly he’s so cold. He won’t talk to me. I can barely get him to answer a simple question through a text message, and when he does, I feel like I’m bothering him. And I can forget calling him on the phone. I sent him one lengthy text and told him what was on my heart. I didn’t accuse/blame/point fingers. He’s recently had a close family member to commit suicide. I know he’s grieving, but it’s breaking my heart that he’s pushing me away when I just want to be there for him. I DON’T mean smothering him, just someone he can talk to if and when he wants to. I’m trying so hard to be understanding, but I’m having such a hard time not taking it personally. My mind is racing and I’m sleeping very little worrying about him. Please advise... Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 This is probably bad news for you. Although I know that the attempted suicide of close relative is shocking I wouldn't be so quick to hang my hat on that explanation. I think his feelings have changed and yours have remained the same. You are at a disadvantage. You already laid out how you see things and feel about him. That's enough from your side of this unequal relationship. He has to respond in kind or you have to bite the bullet and let him go. I know this will be hard for you and you will be an emotional wreck, but it's much better then allowing him to treat you like dirt until your self-esteem is crushed beyond recognition. You also don't want to be his plan B. He's either with you or he's not. You have other options. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 Why forget calling him on the phone? That would be a deal breaker. Never pour your heart out through text. Emotional conversations require non verbal communication. He's having a horrible reaction to the suicide. He may feel guilty for not doing more to prevent it. A scary reaction I saw in my cousin after my EX-BF killed himself was she said he was the bravest person she knew. I freaked & called her psychiatrist. Assuming you can get access to one, try sending your BF a supportive, sympathetic greeting card talking about how much you love him & are there for him. A company called Blue Mountain used to have a whole line of these things. Check out an organization called Walk Out of the Darkness, it's a support service for the survivors left behind after a suicide. While he's grieving, everything will be all about him. Link to post Share on other sites
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