nubsty Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 I’m seeing a girl right now. Fairly smart and, in no small degree, has her act together. She appreciates me. I know has had a history of attaching herself to jerks and losers, guys that treat her like garbage, mentally or physically, or total screw-ups. And she’s been married three times. At present, one of her ex-hubbies is currently living on her couch! It is platonic. I believe her. I think. But he is the father of her daughter. The louse is a chronic alcoholic and on criminal probation for robbery. Her daughter loves him, so she tolerates it to keep the peace. I've voiced my opinions and concerns on this matter more than once. Last time she got defensive and even appeared to gaslight me some. Recently he got a DWI while on probation. So he’s in potential violation and facing jail time. She has filled me in on her past life, and it has been tragic, to say the least. Is she just drawn to this drama because that’s the norm for her? Like all she knows? Anything better she feels undeserving of? Gut instincts all over the place. Need neutral advice. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 Red flags all over the field my friend. If you were a buddy of mine I would stage an intervention. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 I think that her EX has to go before you can get any closer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nubsty Posted May 23, 2020 Author Share Posted May 23, 2020 25 minutes ago, schlumpy said: I think that her EX has to go before you can get any closer. Yeah I've brought that up. When we first met she told me he was in the process of looking for his own place. Then the supposed DWI happened so now he's going to have legal expenses. I know....a mess. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 nope, nope and nope. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 If it wasn't during the pandemic her ex would go back to jail but not necessarily for very long. I doubt they jail him now though. I don't see why you would want to stay in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 That would be a Major NO for me dog...............sometimes the first down (the goal) is just too long to go for it so you do what....................PUNT. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nubsty Posted May 24, 2020 Author Share Posted May 24, 2020 1 hour ago, S2B said: No! Do not keep seeing her! She doesn’t have a boundary that keeps her safe/keeps the crap at bay and she doesn’t know how to DO what’s right! she brings a known criminal in and keeps him in her home. She is a huge enabler. It doesn’t matter that he’s the father - HE SHOULD BE setting a GOOD example of what a father looks like! Instead he’s sleeping at her place and getting drunk and a DUI. This drama probably always will be normal to her. you do NOT want that in your life! How long have you been seeing her? How many kids does she have? 2 kids, with the youngest being the offspring of the ex in question. Seeing her a couple months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nubsty Posted May 24, 2020 Author Share Posted May 24, 2020 1 hour ago, S2B said: She is HELPING him be a loser! he needs to get a job and support his child and set a good example for a healthy/happy man! Agreed. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author nubsty Posted May 24, 2020 Author Share Posted May 24, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: If it wasn't during the pandemic her ex would go back to jail but not necessarily for very long. I doubt they jail him now though. I don't see why you would want to stay in this situation. Yeah, what's more interesting is that DWI arrests are usually pretty accessible online. At least where we live. I can't find a notification of his arrest. Doesn't mean it didn't happen, but strikes me as a bit odd. Either he is conning her or her me given the fact that she said he was planning to move soon. Even did the online background check. Nothing Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 22 minutes ago, nubsty said: Yeah, what's more interesting is that DWI arrests are usually pretty accessible online. At least where we live. I can't find a notification of his arrest. Doesn't mean it didn't happen, but strikes me as a bit odd. Either he is conning her or her me given the fact that she said he was planning to move soon. Even did the online background check. Nothing It often takes a long time for the municipality to get around to posting things as well as filing reports and arrest records. So I wouldn't expect to see it immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nubsty Posted May 24, 2020 Author Share Posted May 24, 2020 11 minutes ago, enigma32 said: For a guy to put up with all this, his girl has to be dynamite in the bedroom or something. She is that. Which is why I'm seeing things through the rose pedaled glasses only. However the elephant in the room not getting any smaller. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 Run, don’t walk away from this situation... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 58 minutes ago, nubsty said: the elephant in the room not getting any smaller. No, he’s sleeping on her sofa... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nubsty Posted May 24, 2020 Author Share Posted May 24, 2020 Oh yeah, she's hot to trot. But she's always set off my radar. That's why I'm posting on a relationship forum for the first time in my life. Very first time. AND, just tonight, she came over to my place, her car was missing he took it! She didn't know where he was. I inquired 'well howcome you are over here? Shouldn't you be trying to get to the bottom of this?' Acting very nonchalant about it. Hour or so later, her daughter calls her cell phone, F-head returned home and passed out again on the floor, stoned cold drunk. Paramedics were called and now he is in the hospital. More on this tomorrow.... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 Fairy story. Beautiful girl with tragic past meets our white knight hero. Evil black knight has kidnapped her. She wants to escape but he has put a spell on her. Our hero formulates a plan and ousts the evil black knight from the kingdom. The beautiful girl thanks our hero and tells him she has fallen in love with him. She accepts his hand in marriage and they live happily ever after. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 Has her act together? Must be biggest joke of the year so far. Red flags all over the place.. too many to even know when to start. Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deepthinking Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 3 Weddings?! Not just 3 LTRs that didn't last, but 3 attempts to settle down. I think she likes variety, and the celebrations, but lacks substance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nubsty Posted May 24, 2020 Author Share Posted May 24, 2020 The Ex spent part of the night in the hospital then 'checked himself out' approx 3 am or so. According to what I'm told. They can't hold you that long for that. Came into her bedroom upon return and asked where the vodka was. It'll be an interesting day for sure..... Link to post Share on other sites
Snow_Queen Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Mystery4u said: Has her act together? Must be biggest joke of the year so far. Red flags all over the place.. too many to even know when to start. Run. That was my thought, too. This woman has been married a total of 3 times. That’s 3 marriages she couldn’t work out. If she’s so smart, why couldn’t she learn from the first time around? Not only that, but she’s not done with her last marriage. No matter what she says, she is still emotionally tied to that relationship. Her life is an absolute mess. You also don’t know what these men in her life are capable of doing. I’m willing to bet she’s surrounded by people who are shady because of her exes. The most recent one has a criminal record and recently stole her car! This aren’t red flags, this is entire forest blazing right before your eyes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 I was in a relationship with a super hot 50-something some time back. Super hot. Sex was amazing and every time we met or on a date. She was already married 4x. It was clear that our relationship was really only about the sex and so we moved on from one another. Within six months later, I get a text and it's her asking me how things were. It turns out that she had been engaged and called it off after she discovered how controlling the guy was. Within a few months, already engaged to some other guy! Yikes. She is definitely looking for a 5th husband. Some people cannot be alone and need a relationship. Some people cannot simply be in a relationship, for her, she needed the marriage to be there as well. I don't believe she was 'looking' for drama, rather, she, being SO EAGER and desperate for a relationship, easily latches onto the first person who provided her the opportunity for a LTR and goes with it without really know that person. I am convinced that many people who are quick to involve themselves into a LTR involving marriage so quickly, have issues of their own, that includes the men who offer it. It seemed clear that this guy, who wanted to marry her only after a few months of dating, may have been very much like her and/or had other issues, which he had. Some people prey on the needy. I think far too many women are like that...too need for a relationship and find some really crappy men who are too eager to oblige. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 No. No way. Way too many red flags. She doesn't appreciate you. She appreciates what you can do for her. Anyone that gaslights you DOESN'T appreciate you. And it isn't healthy. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 Dude, she does NOT have her act together on relationships. Three divorces ... now ... that's not always a disqualifier ... but you would want to get with someone like that only if she had an overwhelmingly compelling reason and understanding for how these relationships didn't work out. She chose these folks ... if they were jerks, she chose these jerks ... and she has ex living on couch. An ex living on couch can go from platonic to random sex in about three seconds ... If she's living on her couch, most likely he found a way to tap her guilt and compassion ... got her feeling sorry for him ... people who can do that ... will go the next step and beg and plead for sex. This woman is not available and even if she was ... you have all kinds of red flags. Leave her be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 16 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Dude, she does NOT have her act together on relationships. Yep. This. People who have been involved in multiple divorces 3x+ and looking for more and moving too fast are all bad signs. Come on, when an ex of hers, not an upstanding citizen by any measure, is sleeping on her couch.....what more needs to be said? One way or another, maintenance of relationships on her part needs to be questioned and frankly, I would just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 47 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Some people cannot be alone and need a relationship. Some people cannot simply be in a relationship, for her, she needed the marriage to be there as well. I don't believe she was 'looking' for drama, rather, she, being SO EAGER and desperate for a relationship, easily latches onto the first person who provided her the opportunity for a LTR and goes with it without really know that person. Agree 100%. Even if they deny it, it's true.....they just "can't be alone." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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