Girlfriend has been married 3x. and.

[kendahke]

On 5/23/2020 at 3:55 PM, nubsty said:

Is she just drawn to this drama because that’s the norm for her? Like all she knows? Anything better she feels undeserving of? 

One thing is certain--she doesn't have good judgment because she repeatedly makes bad choices.  At some point, you figure out that you need a therapist to help you out of that minefield more than you need a new boyfriend/sex.

She's had to have the state crawl into her marriages to sort them out three time--she just doesn't learn anything. I feel sorry for her children--what an abysmal model for their lives.

Edited May 24, 2020 by kendahke

[nubsty]

Thanks for the good advice everyone. 

 

Update: The Ex disappeared for the day. Has been gone since the late am. More to come I am sure. And now she's drunk

[nubsty]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

I think it is YOU that likes this drama/chaos!

good luck with that train wreck!

No, I don't. Just taking in outside advice and opinions. 

[nubsty]

37 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Hey man, I get it. She's hot, but this situation is a trainwreck. It doesn't hurt to stick around for a while, have your fun, but don't get too attached because you know it's one day gonna fall apart. When it does, you want to be able to walk away clean and not be ex husband #4.

I know. Exactly. 

[nubsty]

The Pros: Correct, she is super hot. We're both in our early 50's. And yeah, great sex, but we also have a good time hanging out. Laid back and effortless. Can talk for hours about practically nothing and be cool with it.

The cons (personality wise): Lot of sarcasm and volatile moodiness. When she drinks she can really put it away, and I'm a guy. Many times she passes out. She  also has a tendency to belittle, and I have called her out on it and she owns up to it. 

[nubsty]

6 minutes ago, S2B said:

Not to mention if you’re hanging out at her place her exH is a slouch on the sofa... just watching you two. 
 

seriously, date someone who has a decent history.

We don't hang out at her place because of that. Only mine. 

[IO Man]

13 hours ago, enigma32 said:

Hey man, I get it. She's hot, but this situation is a trainwreck. It doesn't hurt to stick around for a while, have your fun, but don't get too attached because you know it's one day gonna fall apart. When it does, you want to be able to walk away clean and not be ex husband #4.

Agree whole heartedly my man.  Perfect realistic advice. Easier said than done yes but accept this for what it is. A fling with a hottie. Chalk it up as experience in the end. But DO NOT fall too hard. She’s trouble. Capital T trouble. Only a matter of time before she unleashes her dark side on you, bro. 3 failed marriages speaks volumes. Volumes! Know any of the exes? Wouldn’t hurt to reach to some of them if at all possible. Get their side of things. 
 

Plan an exit and stick to the plan. Marry her....and guaranteed....you will find yourself Ex #4! Guaranteed. 
 

And like really.....cohabitating with Ex #2?? Felon? What kinda healthy environment is that for her kids? Holy moly.
 

Another way to look at this.....her reconnection w/this dude probably did consist of some intimacy at some point. Then they hit a sour patch and he finds himself on the couch! Well, if u were to make some kind of permanent move with her, then the 2 of you hit your own sour patch like every relationship does, she’s probably gonna do the same to you! Find some squeeze on the side to get back at ya and gaslight you as to why it’s justifiable. 
 

its a never ending spiral for her that always ends up in the same place! 

[kendahke]

18 hours ago, nubsty said:

And now she's drunk

Those poor children...

[kendahke]

7 hours ago, nubsty said:

We don't hang out at her place because of that. Only mine. 

So she leaves her kids unattended or with a drunk who disappears...  smdh

[IO Man]

One thing you can be thankful for bro, at least all her red flags, drama, and baggage are laid out on the table for you to see like an open face card game. Many of us were never fortunate enough to have that. We had it piece mealed to us one card at a time and over time! Sometimes over several years! By then too late. 
 

You have almost everything in front of you to make a very good And well informed future decision for yourself. What’s holding you back is her sexiness and good looks (and she knows it). Seen many a man go down on this one. A classic Medusa. 
 

shes self centered, a user, an abuser, and probably a chronic cheater and narcissist. Watch out for yourself 
 

 

Edited May 25, 2020 by IO Man
Verbiage

[IO Man]

Yeah, dude, S2B is spot on. 
 

How long has he been on the couch? If you were me, I’d press her on this. A real hard press. Put on your detective hat. She owes you that much at least if she wants to keep you around in some capacity. She might be evasive and tough to prove otherwise, I know. One of the most convoluted domestic situations I’ve ever come across that’s for sure. 

[nubsty]

2 hours ago, IO Man said:

Yeah, dude, S2B is spot on. 
 

How long has he been on the couch? If you were me, I’d press her on this. A real hard press. Put on your detective hat. She owes you that much at least if she wants to keep you around in some capacity. She might be evasive and tough to prove otherwise, I know. One of the most convoluted domestic situations I’ve ever come across that’s for sure. 

According to her it's been as long as she had arrived in our city (she hailed from somewhere else), and she came here after divorcing ex #3 because he (ex#2) was here and wanted her daughter to have exposure to him. I don't quite buy it, but to my own fault and admission, I don't bring it up as much as I could because 'she would rather not get into it right now', but she has been in our town for approx a year and a half. Just hard to phathom he has been on the couch for all that time! Since she has been seeing me I know they do not share a bed, on weekend nights she is with me till 2 or 3 in the am and she would be getting the crap kicked out of her for coming in that late and I would know about it. 

 

I know, I know, I'm being a fool. 

[IO Man]

24 minutes ago, nubsty said:

According to her it's been as long as she had arrived in our city (she hailed from somewhere else), and she came here after divorcing ex #3 because he (ex#2) was here and wanted her daughter to have exposure to him. I don't quite buy it, but to my own fault and admission, I don't bring it up as much as I could because 'she would rather not get into it right now', but she has been in our town for approx a year and a half. Just hard to phathom he has been on the couch for all that time! Since she has been seeing me I know they do not share a bed, on weekend nights she is with me till 2 or 3 in the am and she would be getting the crap kicked out of her for coming in that late and I would know about it. 

 

I know, I know, I'm being a fool. 

I don’t believe it.  I think my original assessment right, he’s on the couch cuz of a recent sour patch they found themselves in. (a week, month, 2 months, etc). No way in hell a year and a half or what have you. 
 

You’re playing with fire buddy. Sooner or later she’s gonna get made and the world will turn upside down for all you. And him being a felon, anything goes. Better start growing eyes on the back of your head. 

easier yet, just start running. This is loser central we’re talking about here....

 

 

 

[IO Man]

Part of the reason I’m a bit obsessed with this is a similar thing happened to a buddy of mine. Although not as dramatic, no where near. Started seeing this super hot girl that was still legally married and lived with her husband. But they were in a bad spot and found themselves sleeping in separate beds. So her hubby was so pissed off at her he tells her to find a boyfriend, I don’t care what you do! So she goes on the prowl. Meets him one night. Very charming and flattering at first. But the more he spent time with her, he discovered how angry and nasty she could be. She never did move out on her H and buddy finally dumped her some time later. She was just using him. Might seem exciting and thrilling at first, but unless she takes that initial step to move out And get started fresh on their own, they go nowhere quick. 
 

nothing good comes of these scenarios. 

Edited May 25, 2020 by IO Man

[MsJayne]

The ex on the couch......no.  The lame excuse for the ex being on the couch...no.  She's an enabler, and that's why she's had so much drama in her life. Don't mistake weakness and gullibility for kindness.  Aside from that, you say she gas-lighted you. That in itself is a very good reason to extricate yourself and run. 

[nubsty]

On 5/24/2020 at 11:06 AM, Snow_Queen said:

That was my thought, too.

This woman has been married a total of 3 times. That’s 3 marriages she couldn’t work out. If she’s so smart, why couldn’t she learn from the first time around? Not only that, but she’s not done with her last marriage. No matter what she says, she is still emotionally tied to that relationship.

Her life is an absolute mess. You also don’t know what these men in her life are capable of doing. I’m willing to bet she’s surrounded by people who are shady because of her exes. The most recent one has a criminal record and recently stole her car! This aren’t red flags, this is entire forest blazing right before your eyes.

I know it’s confusing but the Ex on her couch is not the most ‘recent one‘. He is #2. She officially divorced him a few years ago and then reconnected a couple yrs later divorcing Ex # 3. She was living out of state. Yeah, a mess. 

[IO Man]

Probably safe to assume #2 doesn’t know about you? Correct? What about the kids?  If it was mentioned earlier I didn’t catch it

Edited May 26, 2020 by IO Man

[IO Man]

16 minutes ago, S2B said:

Like that matters?

Sure it does! Her recipe calls for more gravy added to the mix! Drown that s***! Lol 

[nubsty]

2 hours ago, IO Man said:

Probably safe to assume #2 doesn’t know about you? Correct? What about the kids?  If it was mentioned earlier I didn’t catch it

Answer to both is No. I'm a big secret right now 

[Snow_Queen]

1 hour ago, nubsty said:

Answer to both is No. I'm a big secret right now 

It’s probably safe to assume she is in a relationship again with #2. This man has a criminal record. I wouldn’t even recommend something casual. This is a dangerous situation you’re heading into.

[IO Man]

1 hour ago, nubsty said:

Answer to both is No. I'm a big secret right now 

Figured. Another big red one. She’s more emotionally tied to him then she lets on I’ll bet. My opinion right now, which I know that’s what you’re seeking here,  is that you could very well be a place holder/rebound fling for this situation. Something Miss Married3x excels at. You become #4, or  Mr. LTR#???? she’ll do the same to you when the time comes. 

[IO Man]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

 So you are the secret... her other man.

man she’s playing you for a bigger fool than I thought.

That she is. That’s the way these manipulative types operate. 

[notbroken]

RUN!  Today!   She is going to get pregnant and you are going to be #4.  She does NOT have her stuff together and honestly you don't either as long as you are with her.  Just too much drama.  Only way to regain control of your life is to get rid of her.  The sooner the better.  One of her crazy exes is going to go off on you - that's next.   She is going to need to 'borrow' money to help one of them (it'll be 'for her' because she spent her money on them).   You are being used - consciously or unconsciously.   Don't be a victim.  GET OUT!

[IO Man]

Thing is what she’s doing to him right now is probably something she could do to you when she feels the time is right. All about her needs at the present. i think it’s old hat for her. She sounds really narcissistic? 
 

Any updates man? Still w/her? She w/him? 

[contel3]

On 5/26/2020 at 2:47 PM, Snow_Queen said:

This man has a criminal record. I wouldn’t even recommend something casual. This is a dangerous situation you’re heading into.

This. 100%. He's a violent criminal. If she actually is cheating on him and he finds out....you're lucky if you only get beaten up. Ever heard about people having their d*** cut off?