Girlfriend has been married 3x. and.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I was in a relationship with a super hot 50-something some time back. Super hot. Sex was amazing and every time we met or on a date. She was already married 4x. It was clear that our relationship was really only about the sex and so we moved on from one another. Within six months later, I get a text and it's her asking me how things were. It turns out that she had been engaged and called it off after she discovered  how controlling the guy was. Within a few months, already engaged to some other guy! Yikes. 

She is definitely looking for a 5th husband. Some people cannot be alone and need a relationship. Some people cannot simply be in a relationship, for her, she needed the marriage to be there as well. I don't believe she was 'looking' for drama, rather, she, being SO EAGER and desperate for a relationship, easily latches onto the first person who provided her the opportunity for a LTR and goes with it without really know that person. I am convinced that many people who are quick to involve themselves into a LTR involving marriage so quickly, have issues of their own, that includes the men who offer it. It seemed clear that this guy, who wanted to marry her only after a few months of dating, may have been very much like her and/or had other issues, which he had. Some people prey on the needy. I think far too many women are like that...too need for a relationship and find some really crappy men who are too eager to oblige. 

[The Outlaw]

No. No way. Way too many red flags. She doesn't appreciate you. She appreciates what you can do for her. Anyone that gaslights you DOESN'T appreciate you. And it isn't healthy. Period. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, she does NOT have her act together on relationships. Three divorces ... now ... that's not always a disqualifier ... but you would want to get with someone like that only if she had an overwhelmingly compelling reason and understanding for how these relationships didn't work out. She chose these folks ... if they were jerks, she chose these jerks ... and she has ex living on couch.

An ex living on couch can go from platonic to random sex in about three seconds ... If she's living on her couch, most likely he found a way to tap her guilt and compassion ... got her feeling sorry for him ... people who can do that ... will go the next step and beg and plead for sex. 

This woman is not available and even if she was ... you have all kinds of red flags. 

Leave her be.

[Gr8fuln2020]

16 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Dude, she does NOT have her act together on relationships.

Yep. This. People who have been involved in multiple divorces 3x+ and looking for more and moving too fast are all bad signs. Come on, when an ex of hers, not an upstanding citizen by any measure, is sleeping on her couch.....what more needs to be said? One way or another, maintenance of relationships on her part needs to be questioned and frankly, I would just move on. 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

47 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Some people cannot be alone and need a relationship. Some people cannot simply be in a relationship, for her, she needed the marriage to be there as well. I don't believe she was 'looking' for drama, rather, she, being SO EAGER and desperate for a relationship, easily latches onto the first person who provided her the opportunity for a LTR and goes with it without really know that person. 

Agree 100%. Even if they deny it, it's true.....they just "can't be alone."  

[kendahke]

On 5/23/2020 at 3:55 PM, nubsty said:

Is she just drawn to this drama because that’s the norm for her? Like all she knows? Anything better she feels undeserving of? 

One thing is certain--she doesn't have good judgment because she repeatedly makes bad choices.  At some point, you figure out that you need a therapist to help you out of that minefield more than you need a new boyfriend/sex.

She's had to have the state crawl into her marriages to sort them out three time--she just doesn't learn anything. I feel sorry for her children--what an abysmal model for their lives.

Edited May 24, 2020 by kendahke

[nubsty]

Thanks for the good advice everyone. 

 

Update: The Ex disappeared for the day. Has been gone since the late am. More to come I am sure. And now she's drunk

[S2B]

1 hour ago, nubsty said:

Thanks for the good advice everyone. 

 

Update: The Ex disappeared for the day. Has been gone since the late am. More to come I am sure. And now she's drunk

I think it is YOU that likes this drama/chaos!

good luck with that train wreck!

[nubsty]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

I think it is YOU that likes this drama/chaos!

good luck with that train wreck!

No, I don't. Just taking in outside advice and opinions. 

[nubsty]

37 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Hey man, I get it. She's hot, but this situation is a trainwreck. It doesn't hurt to stick around for a while, have your fun, but don't get too attached because you know it's one day gonna fall apart. When it does, you want to be able to walk away clean and not be ex husband #4.

I know. Exactly. 

[nubsty]

The Pros: Correct, she is super hot. We're both in our early 50's. And yeah, great sex, but we also have a good time hanging out. Laid back and effortless. Can talk for hours about practically nothing and be cool with it.

The cons (personality wise): Lot of sarcasm and volatile moodiness. When she drinks she can really put it away, and I'm a guy. Many times she passes out. She  also has a tendency to belittle, and I have called her out on it and she owns up to it. 

[S2B]

20 minutes ago, nubsty said:

The Pros: Correct, she is super hot. We're both in our early 50's. And yeah, great sex, but we also have a good time hanging out. Laid back and effortless. Can talk for hours about practically nothing and be cool with it.

The cons (personality wise): Lot of sarcasm and volatile moodiness. When she drinks she can really put it away, and I'm a guy. Many times she passes out. She  also has a tendency to belittle, and I have called her out on it and she owns up to it. 

Not to mention if you’re hanging out at her place her exH is a slouch on the sofa... just watching you two. 
 

seriously, date someone who has a decent history.

[nubsty]

6 minutes ago, S2B said:

Not to mention if you’re hanging out at her place her exH is a slouch on the sofa... just watching you two. 
 

seriously, date someone who has a decent history.

We don't hang out at her place because of that. Only mine. 

[IO Man]

13 hours ago, enigma32 said:

Hey man, I get it. She's hot, but this situation is a trainwreck. It doesn't hurt to stick around for a while, have your fun, but don't get too attached because you know it's one day gonna fall apart. When it does, you want to be able to walk away clean and not be ex husband #4.

Agree whole heartedly my man.  Perfect realistic advice. Easier said than done yes but accept this for what it is. A fling with a hottie. Chalk it up as experience in the end. But DO NOT fall too hard. She’s trouble. Capital T trouble. Only a matter of time before she unleashes her dark side on you, bro. 3 failed marriages speaks volumes. Volumes! Know any of the exes? Wouldn’t hurt to reach to some of them if at all possible. Get their side of things. 
 

Plan an exit and stick to the plan. Marry her....and guaranteed....you will find yourself Ex #4! Guaranteed. 
 

And like really.....cohabitating with Ex #2?? Felon? What kinda healthy environment is that for her kids? Holy moly.
 

Another way to look at this.....her reconnection w/this dude probably did consist of some intimacy at some point. Then they hit a sour patch and he finds himself on the couch! Well, if u were to make some kind of permanent move with her, then the 2 of you hit your own sour patch like every relationship does, she’s probably gonna do the same to you! Find some squeeze on the side to get back at ya and gaslight you as to why it’s justifiable. 
 

its a never ending spiral for her that always ends up in the same place! 

[kendahke]

18 hours ago, nubsty said:

And now she's drunk

Those poor children...

[kendahke]

7 hours ago, nubsty said:

We don't hang out at her place because of that. Only mine. 

So she leaves her kids unattended or with a drunk who disappears...  smdh

[IO Man]

One thing you can be thankful for bro, at least all her red flags, drama, and baggage are laid out on the table for you to see like an open face card game. Many of us were never fortunate enough to have that. We had it piece mealed to us one card at a time and over time! Sometimes over several years! By then too late. 
 

You have almost everything in front of you to make a very good And well informed future decision for yourself. What’s holding you back is her sexiness and good looks (and she knows it). Seen many a man go down on this one. A classic Medusa. 
 

shes self centered, a user, an abuser, and probably a chronic cheater and narcissist. Watch out for yourself 
 

 

Edited May 25, 2020 by IO Man
Verbiage

[S2B]

If they both get drunk then they definitely have sex together.

wear a condom!

and you are crazy to keep seeing her. 

[IO Man]

Yeah, dude, S2B is spot on. 
 

How long has he been on the couch? If you were me, I’d press her on this. A real hard press. Put on your detective hat. She owes you that much at least if she wants to keep you around in some capacity. She might be evasive and tough to prove otherwise, I know. One of the most convoluted domestic situations I’ve ever come across that’s for sure. 

[nubsty]

2 hours ago, IO Man said:

Yeah, dude, S2B is spot on. 
 

How long has he been on the couch? If you were me, I’d press her on this. A real hard press. Put on your detective hat. She owes you that much at least if she wants to keep you around in some capacity. She might be evasive and tough to prove otherwise, I know. One of the most convoluted domestic situations I’ve ever come across that’s for sure. 

According to her it's been as long as she had arrived in our city (she hailed from somewhere else), and she came here after divorcing ex #3 because he (ex#2) was here and wanted her daughter to have exposure to him. I don't quite buy it, but to my own fault and admission, I don't bring it up as much as I could because 'she would rather not get into it right now', but she has been in our town for approx a year and a half. Just hard to phathom he has been on the couch for all that time! Since she has been seeing me I know they do not share a bed, on weekend nights she is with me till 2 or 3 in the am and she would be getting the crap kicked out of her for coming in that late and I would know about it. 

 

I know, I know, I'm being a fool. 

[IO Man]

24 minutes ago, nubsty said:

According to her it's been as long as she had arrived in our city (she hailed from somewhere else), and she came here after divorcing ex #3 because he (ex#2) was here and wanted her daughter to have exposure to him. I don't quite buy it, but to my own fault and admission, I don't bring it up as much as I could because 'she would rather not get into it right now', but she has been in our town for approx a year and a half. Just hard to phathom he has been on the couch for all that time! Since she has been seeing me I know they do not share a bed, on weekend nights she is with me till 2 or 3 in the am and she would be getting the crap kicked out of her for coming in that late and I would know about it. 

 

I know, I know, I'm being a fool. 

I don’t believe it.  I think my original assessment right, he’s on the couch cuz of a recent sour patch they found themselves in. (a week, month, 2 months, etc). No way in hell a year and a half or what have you. 
 

You’re playing with fire buddy. Sooner or later she’s gonna get made and the world will turn upside down for all you. And him being a felon, anything goes. Better start growing eyes on the back of your head. 

easier yet, just start running. This is loser central we’re talking about here....

 

 

 

[S2B]

Crappy dating situation she’s offering you.

cant you find someone with less baggage?

[IO Man]

Part of the reason I’m a bit obsessed with this is a similar thing happened to a buddy of mine. Although not as dramatic, no where near. Started seeing this super hot girl that was still legally married and lived with her husband. But they were in a bad spot and found themselves sleeping in separate beds. So her hubby was so pissed off at her he tells her to find a boyfriend, I don’t care what you do! So she goes on the prowl. Meets him one night. Very charming and flattering at first. But the more he spent time with her, he discovered how angry and nasty she could be. She never did move out on her H and buddy finally dumped her some time later. She was just using him. Might seem exciting and thrilling at first, but unless she takes that initial step to move out And get started fresh on their own, they go nowhere quick. 
 

nothing good comes of these scenarios. 

Edited May 25, 2020 by IO Man

[MsJayne]

The ex on the couch......no.  The lame excuse for the ex being on the couch...no.  She's an enabler, and that's why she's had so much drama in her life. Don't mistake weakness and gullibility for kindness.  Aside from that, you say she gas-lighted you. That in itself is a very good reason to extricate yourself and run. 

[nubsty]

On 5/24/2020 at 11:06 AM, Snow_Queen said:

That was my thought, too.

This woman has been married a total of 3 times. That’s 3 marriages she couldn’t work out. If she’s so smart, why couldn’t she learn from the first time around? Not only that, but she’s not done with her last marriage. No matter what she says, she is still emotionally tied to that relationship.

Her life is an absolute mess. You also don’t know what these men in her life are capable of doing. I’m willing to bet she’s surrounded by people who are shady because of her exes. The most recent one has a criminal record and recently stole her car! This aren’t red flags, this is entire forest blazing right before your eyes.

I know it’s confusing but the Ex on her couch is not the most ‘recent one‘. He is #2. She officially divorced him a few years ago and then reconnected a couple yrs later divorcing Ex # 3. She was living out of state. Yeah, a mess.