Malin889 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 5 hours ago, SummerDreams said: In my experience parents are in general selfish people and think that their children are the most important thing in the world not only for them but for everyone. If there is a childless person, they tend to look down at them, I'm sure this is not the first time you hear about that... Obviously you don’t have any kids so you probably don’t understand. But saying that parents look down on single people is a very ignorant statement. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 2 hours ago, Malin889 said: Obviously you don’t have any kids so you probably don’t understand. But saying that parents look down on single people is a very ignorant statement. What is there to understand? I get that their kids are important to them, but they can't expect to be important for everyone. I have seen many times many people looking down on childless people, I never said on single people. There are married couples who don't want kids and they are being treated as "weird". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted April 17, 2020 Author Share Posted April 17, 2020 On 4/13/2020 at 7:25 PM, LynneVicious said: Uptown, did you ever hear from him? Hope you’re doing okay and keeping busy! I did not. I’m doing ok, with this quarantine not much I can do to keep busy other than work. I’m doing better, but I do still think about him quite a lot and try to figure out what happened. Sometimes I just chalk it up to him getting back with the ex wife or staying there. And other times I question whether that’s really it or if he just lost feelings for me or never really had them to begin with. I’ve had moments where I’ve overwhelmingly wanted to contact him for an explanation but have talked myself out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Uptown182 said: I did not. I’m doing ok, with this quarantine not much I can do to keep busy other than work. I’m doing better, but I do still think about him quite a lot and try to figure out what happened. Sometimes I just chalk it up to him getting back with the ex wife or staying there. And other times I question whether that’s really it or if he just lost feelings for me or never really had them to begin with. I’ve had moments where I’ve overwhelmingly wanted to contact him for an explanation but have talked myself out of it. Of course you still think about him. That’s okay! I am so upset for you, seriously! I indeed think he got back together with his wife, but what he did to you is so so wrong. If it were me, I would send a succinct, strongly worded and concise text to him and ending with telling him where to shove it. Then I would block him. two things you can take away from this: 1. Do not get involved with recently divorced men. While they may claim to be over the marriage, It does take a long time to process it and truly get over it and I can attest to that as a divorced woman. 2. You will be a lot stronger from this! Forge on, girl! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Uptown182 said: I did not. I’m doing ok, with this quarantine not much I can do to keep busy other than work. I’m doing better, but I do still think about him quite a lot and try to figure out what happened. Sometimes I just chalk it up to him getting back with the ex wife or staying there. And other times I question whether that’s really it or if he just lost feelings for me or never really had them to begin with. I’ve had moments where I’ve overwhelmingly wanted to contact him for an explanation but have talked myself out of it. Sorry you didn't hear from him, that stinks, but don't worry. You deserve a lot better, always remember that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted April 17, 2020 Author Share Posted April 17, 2020 1 hour ago, LynneVicious said: Of course you still think about him. That’s okay! I am so upset for you, seriously! I indeed think he got back together with his wife, but what he did to you is so so wrong. If it were me, I would send a succinct, strongly worded and concise text to him and ending with telling him where to shove it. Then I would block him. two things you can take away from this: 1. Do not get involved with recently divorced men. While they may claim to be over the marriage, It does take a long time to process it and truly get over it and I can attest to that as a divorced woman. 2. You will be a lot stronger from this! Forge on, girl! Thanks, I just don’t see the point in sending him a text at this point. Would rather not give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s still on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 5 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: I just don’t see the point in sending him a text at this point. I completely agree with you. Hold on to your dignity and let it go. It's hard not understanding why he did what he did, it's one of those life lessons that is hard to process. If you can come to terms with the fact that you'll probably never know, it will be much easier for you to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 (edited) Personally, I don't think he went back to his ex wife. With the space I think it was easier to think about things and break off. Anyway, doesn't matter. I completely agree with you that it serves no purpose to chew him out over text. The type of person capable of this will not care and most likely would roll their eyes at such a message. I would maybe block so he can't come back to your life down the road. There's no reason to let him back in. Best of luck to you. Onwards and upwards Edited April 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 On 4/6/2020 at 4:16 PM, Uptown182 said: Funny you say that cause I had the same feeling. I have a feeling he’s staying w her during this crisis. She’s not remarried and isn’t seeing anyone either. I don’t believe he’s in love with her, but I wouldn’t put it past him to get back together with her for the sake of his children. I kind of think he did want back with her and her telling him not to have others around, he might have hopefully interpreted as she wants him back, plus the convenience of it for both of them. Why I think that is because if it was all about the kids, he wouldn't have any problem just keeping up communication. Him shutting that down shows he doesn't want her to think he's still involved with you. He treated you badly. Block him so he can't weasel his way back in and do it yet again. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted April 17, 2020 Author Share Posted April 17, 2020 (edited) 37 minutes ago, preraph said: I kind of think he did want back with her and her telling him not to have others around, he might have hopefully interpreted as she wants him back, plus the convenience of it for both of them. Why I think that is because if it was all about the kids, he wouldn't have any problem just keeping up communication. Him shutting that down shows he doesn't want her to think he's still involved with you. He treated you badly. Block him so he can't weasel his way back in and do it yet again. If he went back to her, I don’t think it was because he was still in love with her. He’s the one who wanted the divorce and ended up giving her a huge settlement, I don’t think you’d go through all that if you were still in love with someone. I do think he would go back to her for the sake of his children, especially since the older one wasn’t handling it well and add to that the stress of this pandemic, I think he might’ve just wanted to keep his family together. Doesn’t excuse his behavior though the weird thing is he hasn’t removed me from his social media. If he’s getting back with his ex I would think she’d expect him to do so (Although she can’t see his friends list). The only reason I haven’t removed him is beside I think it would look too much like I care. He has been posting pics more than usual and I almost feel like it’s too see if I’ll click “like” but I haven’t. I actually unfollowed him on fb but didn’t Unfriend him. Edited April 17, 2020 by Uptown182 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 Well, he could have re-evaluated though. I mean, he loved her enough to marry her and have kids with her at some point. He might have realized he did still care. These emergency situations can make you do things like that. Nothing excuses his behavior cutting off communication with you. I do feel he was hiding it from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted April 17, 2020 Author Share Posted April 17, 2020 15 minutes ago, preraph said: Well, he could have re-evaluated though. I mean, he loved her enough to marry her and have kids with her at some point. He might have realized he did still care. These emergency situations can make you do things like that. Nothing excuses his behavior cutting off communication with you. I do feel he was hiding it from her. She knew he was dating someone and she knew my name. But he told me he didn’t give her details. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 (edited) Interesting. I think that has to be rare? I guess the impression I always got from the divorced men I dated was that they had a been there done that attitude and were over it. I don't think leaving a 17 year marriage is a decision made lightly. Men don't usually leave marriages unless they are really sick of it. Theres often years of resentment there. And then you also have to assume that she wants him back too. & if it's to believed they were a dead bedroom case that long, that is also doubtful. & I'm not trying to be irreverent, but coronavirus, for as bad as this is, it will be over eventually. It's not The Reckoning and I think most logical people understand it's not the end of the world. From some other threads I've noticed there are people ghosting/breaking up with people because of coronavirus and not being able to be in physical contact as much. I guess I can see where there's a possibility as well that not having physical contact can make you realize how little connection you feel outside of that...Not wanting to communicate with the person anymore. I have felt that way with people I was talking to during this time. We don't know the whole/true story though, so I suppose anything is possible. Whether he did go back or not, doesn't really help to ponder though because he needs to be old news. Edited April 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 5 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: She knew he was dating someone and she knew my name. But he told me he didn’t give her details. Yes but he stopped responding to you and it's probably because he was around her. There was probably a lot more to that conversation they had. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted April 17, 2020 Author Share Posted April 17, 2020 24 minutes ago, preraph said: Yes but he stopped responding to you and it's probably because he was around her. There was probably a lot more to that conversation they had. I agree. He went away with her and the kids back in February because this kids had competition in Florida (they stayed in separate rooms). He texted and called me while he was there with her, although the calls were not made when he was with her. But that is when she found out my name apparently. Him and I were texting and I guess she saw my name pop up on his phone and she asked who I was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 18, 2020 Share Posted April 18, 2020 Well you're not together anymore and he's seeing to it that it doesn't appear you are. I'm sorry it turned out that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted April 18, 2020 Author Share Posted April 18, 2020 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Interesting. I think that has to be rare? I guess the impression I always got from the divorced men I dated was that they had a been there done that attitude and were over it. I don't think leaving a 17 year marriage is a decision made lightly. Men don't usually leave marriages unless they are really sick of it. Theres often years of resentment there. And then you also have to assume that she wants him back too. & if it's to believed they were a dead bedroom case that long, that is also doubtful. & I'm not trying to be irreverent, but coronavirus, for as bad as this is, it will be over eventually. It's not The Reckoning and I think most logical people understand it's not the end of the world. From some other threads I've noticed there are people ghosting/breaking up with people because of coronavirus and not being able to be in physical contact as much. I guess I can see where there's a possibility as well that not having physical contact can make you realize how little connection you feel outside of that...Not wanting to communicate with the person anymore. I have felt that way with people I was talking to during this time. We don't know the whole/true story though, so I suppose anything is possible. Whether he did go back or not, doesn't really help to ponder though because he needs to be old news. I also agree with you that divorcing someone you’ve been married to for 17 years isn’t usually an impulsive decision and he did tell me he wasn’t happy for the last 6 years of that marriage. I think what drove them apart was the lack of intimacy. as for relationships breaking up because they’re not physically together and realizing they’re connection isn’t as strong, I get it but him an I would only see each other twice a week so it wasn’t like we spent 5 days a week together and then got some clarity while being away from each other. Plus we’ve been apart for weeks at a time before, we seemed to always miss each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 18, 2020 Share Posted April 18, 2020 6 hours ago, Uptown182 said: If he went back to her, I don’t think it was because he was still in love with her. He’s the one who wanted the divorce and ended up giving her a huge settlement, I don’t think you’d go through all that if you were still in love with someone. I do think he would go back to her for the sake of his children, especially since the older one wasn’t handling it well and add to that the stress of this pandemic, I think he might’ve just wanted to keep his family together. Doesn’t excuse his behavior though the weird thing is he hasn’t removed me from his social media. If he’s getting back with his ex I would think she’d expect him to do so (Although she can’t see his friends list). The only reason I haven’t removed him is beside I think it would look too much like I care. He has been posting pics more than usual and I almost feel like it’s too see if I’ll click “like” but I haven’t. I actually unfollowed him on fb but didn’t Unfriend him. It could be something else altogether, for all we know. Reuniting with his ex-wife seems like a plausible theory, but heck, he could be seeing someone else entirely. Or wasn't really feeling it with you anymore for whatever reason and took the coward's way out. Whatever the reason, he was a tool about it and revealed his true colours. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 The guys is garbage and definitely not a gentleman. Reprehensible how he treated you. Do not let him back into your life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted April 19, 2020 Author Share Posted April 19, 2020 10 hours ago, Juha said: The guys is garbage and definitely not a gentleman. Reprehensible how he treated you. Do not let him back into your life Agreed! Luckily time gives you clarity and I do realize this break up (Regardless of how it happened) was for the best since doesn’t seem like we honestly wanted the same things. I still miss him, but I’m feeling way better than I did a few weeks ago about this whole thing. Yes, I’m still hurt by the way he treated me. But, On the bright side, it was more like ripping off a band aid rather than a long drawn out break up. And while I miss that intimacy and connection, I don’t really miss the way he treated me. He was by his own admission pretty selfish and inconsiderate and I don’t believe he ever really treated me right, or appreciated me. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 You'll find someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Share Posted May 12, 2020 So just a little update: last week I got a weird friend request from a profile with his name but no picture on Facebook. However I’m already friends with him, I initially thought it may be a scammer but the profile had his birth name which is not the game he goes by (he goes my his middle name) and his friends list is private so there’s no way a scammer would know to friend me. I never accepted the request and then around 24 hours later the profile was deleted. Then yesterday I had put up a post for Mother’s Day with a few pics of my mom and I (one of which he’s seen before), he “liked” the post which Surprisingly ended up infuriating me! I just couldn’t help but think the nerve of him after ghosting me like that! He should be Ashamed of himself and flying under the radar, “liking” my post just goes to show he has no shame. There’s my vent and I think it’s time to unfriend him on social media. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Didn't you say he had a girlfriend or an ex or something? Attention everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Share Posted May 12, 2020 47 minutes ago, preraph said: Didn't you say he had a girlfriend or an ex or something? Attention everyone Are you referring to his ex wife? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 I think I suggested before that it might be his ex just wanting to spy on you using his name to create an account. Link to post Share on other sites
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