Behold the Walls of Jericho!

[Spainglish]

10 hours ago, simpycurious said:

What do you honestly think was on his mind?  Had there ever been the slightest hint of creepy behavior?  How does something like that just COME OUT OF THE BLUE?  

There was never any sign.  Never!  Even my daughter says there was never anything weird or off.   I honestly looked for signs all the time because I was sexually abused as a child for many years and I didn't want the same thing to happen to her. The fact that it almost did just devastates me.  I am constantly replaying the last few years in my head, trying to find a sign and I haven't been able to.  My entire family was very close to him and they are all shocked beyond belief because they never saw any signs either.  We are all baffled!

The only thing I can think of, that may have contributed, is the fact that we had not had much sexual contact in the last year.  He gained over 100 lbs and it was difficult for him to perform. It was very frustrating for him.  Still! He could've turned to any GROWN woman, sex site, prostitute, or friend in the entire universe.  He didn't have to chose his under age step-daughter!!!!!

[Spainglish]

On 5/28/2020 at 3:09 PM, simpycurious said:

I am not a drinker so I don't get the whole drunk excuse

I am not a drinker either.  I drink twice a year.  A take a shot of tequila on my birthday and I take a shot on my dad's birthday.
I take one on his birthday because he is no longer living.  He was killed by a drunk driver when I was in my twenties.  He was a true cowboy.  A man's man. 
Every year for his birthday he would have a party on the beach near the Gulf of Mexico.  His friends would all line up and caravan to the beach with us. 
At night, they would sit around a fire and play guitar, sing and tell jokes. It was the only time I ever saw him drink.  On his birthday.  So I continue the tradition for him and started my own. 🥰

[simpycurious]

10 minutes ago, Spainglish said:

I am not a drinker either.  I drink twice a year.  A take a shot of tequila on my birthday and I take a shot on my dad's birthday.
I take one on his birthday because he is no longer living.  He was killed by a drunk driver when I was in my twenties.  He was a true cowboy.  A man's man. 
Every year for his birthday he would have a party on the beach near the Gulf of Mexico.  His friends would all line up and caravan to the beach with us. 
At night, they would sit around a fire and play guitar, sing and tell jokes. It was the only time I ever saw him drink.  On his birthday.  So I continue the tradition for him and started my own. 🥰

Not even a Mint julep at the Derby?  Traditions are good times that evoke lots of memories............................

What is HE saying for himself at this point?  Has anyone confronted him aside from you?  As in a man to man "conversation" if you get my drift (minus the talking)?

 

Edited May 30, 2020 by simpycurious

[poppyfields]

On 5/29/2020 at 12:46 AM, CaliforniaGirl said:

Oh my God. Just oh. My. God.

Christ.

I changed my mind. You shouldn't just forget him. You should call the police. Giving alcohol to a minor and then attempting to have sex with her...He was grooming her. I can't believe this is the first time for him. And he's walking so it won't be the last. 

First off @Spainglish I am soooo sorry ((hugs)).

Second, agree with CG, this is not an isolated incident and could almost guarantee if the police were to confiscate his computer, they would find all sorts of child/teen p*rn on there, emails/messages to underage young women

Guy is dangerous and what he did was against the law. Period end of.

I am glad to hear your beautiful daughter is okay, but if I might suggest she seek counseling anyway, as often times troubling emotions can become suppressed but manifest in other ways that are not healthy.

Why he is like this, who knows?   Who knows what drives any man to become a pedophile, a rapist, murderer. 

They're sick.  And again so sorry.

Edited May 30, 2020 by poppyfields

[Spainglish]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I am glad to hear your beautiful daughter is okay, but if I might suggest she seek counseling anyway

She is in counseling.  She started two days after the incident and will continue to attend as long as she needs it. 
She seems to be doing well and has mentioned she won't let this one incident ruin all the good memories she had growing up with him.
She seems to be able to separate "then" from "now" so i'm hopeful she will work through all of this and still be able to have healthy relationships in the future. 

[Spainglish]

7 hours ago, simpycurious said:

Not even a Mint julep at the Derby?  Traditions are good times that evoke lots of memories............................

What is HE saying for himself at this point?  Has anyone confronted him aside from you?  As in a man to man "conversation" if you get my drift (minus the talking)?

 

Well, I'm all for traditions so I could be enticed to try one.

I don't know what he has to say for himself at this point. I packed his stuff and made him move out. I said what I had to say and haven't really interacted with him since, other than reading his text messages begging to have his family back. I do have a lot of questions but decided the answers do not matter.  There is NOTHING he can say that will justify his actions or make me understand why he did what he did.  It's beyond my comprehension and don't care to understand.  I just want to move, cut my ties, and start fresh.  I may go to the beach and have a drink to celebrate after I close on my new place.  I will toast to New Horizons! 

Edited May 30, 2020 by Spainglish

[schlumpy]

I find it very satisfying that you are taking appropriate action. This is something that too often gets swept under the rug.

My cousin got caught using his two kids for sex not by his wife but by a doctor who was examining his kids.

His wife divorced him but it didn't save her. She got five years and she's back out but he's still in doing his 25. The children went to the wife's parents who are raising them.

What an amazing tragedy and a complete surprise to myself.

[Spainglish]

6 hours ago, schlumpy said:

I find it very satisfying that you are taking appropriate action.

Thank you. I couldn't imagine NOT taking any action. I loved my husband very much, but wrong is wrong.  No amount of love would prevent me from protecting my children, or any other child for that matter. 

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin.  What a terrible thing for the entire family.  I hope the kids are re-adjusting well and are flourishing in a good environment.  It's so important for their emotional and physical health. Thank goodness someone noticed before the damage was irreversible.    Thank you for sharing your story. 

[Ellener]

23 hours ago, Spainglish said:

I do have a lot of questions but decided the answers do not matter. 

Of course not. He 'crossed the Rubicon' on this, and it's his journey without you guys now, and yours without him. 

Good luck with your new place, hope it brings you as much joy as this little apartment is bringing me ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Ollie180]

2 hours ago, Spainglish said:

Thank you. I couldn't imagine NOT taking any action. I loved my husband very much, but wrong is wrong.  No amount of love would prevent me from protecting my children, or any other child for that matter. 

 

I can’t even imagine how you feel, this guy makes my skin crawl, I feel like I don’t have any advice to offer other than to say top mum points here!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼
You rock!! 😎 and what a strong example to set for your daughter!
As a kid you just crave hard lines and clear action from your ‘protector’ and that’s exactly what you’ve given her!

[preraph]

I worry if he also tried it with any of her little friends.  

 

This the type stuff we ALL have to watch out for when our mates or parents start getting senile because it can make them not only lose their filters that they keep boundaries with but it can even sometimes lead to them forgetting what age they are and that they're married.  My dad thought he was 19 when he was 90 and lost his filter a lot younger than that (he used to paint cars.  He had general dementia possible from the fumes).  He was such a mess and then after divorcing, he went to become a full-on extreme alcoholic, so he was out of control.  I asked my mom about some of this shenanigans, and she said the only thing that kept him in check was her.  She said he knew she'd kill him if he tried anything with the kids.  So he had that leaning anyway, but boy, some alcohol and then dementia, and there was nothing but chaos.  

He was funny and fun and a good dad except for some rage, but glad mom kept a lid on him.  I used to worry about this one little friend of mine who slept over sometimes (neighbor, riding buddy).  He was always kidding her trying to make her giggle, which wasn't hard.  Fortunately, the path it usually took was he'd fart out loud where he knew she'd hear it from the other room (his bedroom and mine were next to each other).  He'd wait to do it until we were quiet and about to go to sleep.  So then we'd both try to pretend we didn't hear it but could never not bust out laughing, and my little friend would yell at him.  But hey, without mom there within shouting distance, it might have all gone sideways.  

 

Sorry you had to go through that and your daughter.  I'm glad she did counseling.  

 

An ex-friend of mine, younger than me by quite a bit, had a stepfather and we all stayed over there when I was in my 20s and she was still a teen when we were in town to see a band.   I noticed then my friend was kind of too friendly with him and it came out later he slept with her.  You know, at her age, I don't know what she was thinking.  Because she was young, of course, it was all his fault, but I have to say she kind of continued to sleep with other people's men her whole life.  It's a chicken or egg thing.  Anyway, she's been real screwed up ever since.  Her mom stayed with him, but he died in an auto accident not too long after.  But yeah, her mom stayed with him.  That's hurtful.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 5/30/2020 at 6:28 AM, Spainglish said:

There was never any sign.  Never!  Even my daughter says there was never anything weird or off.   I honestly looked for signs all the time because I was sexually abused as a child for many years and I didn't want the same thing to happen to her. The fact that it almost did just devastates me.  I am constantly replaying the last few years in my head, trying to find a sign and I haven't been able to.  My entire family was very close to him and they are all shocked beyond belief because they never saw any signs either.  We are all baffled!

The only thing I can think of, that may have contributed, is the fact that we had not had much sexual contact in the last year.  He gained over 100 lbs and it was difficult for him to perform. It was very frustrating for him.  Still! He could've turned to any GROWN woman, sex site, prostitute, or friend in the entire universe.  He didn't have to chose his under age step-daughter!!!!!

You're protecting her every single way you can. She will not lose faith in what real love from a parent is because she's seeing it from you. You heard her...that's huge. You validated her. Even in your grief you are strong for her, I don't know how. If every mom were like you this world would be the better for it. 💙

Edited June 1, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Spainglish]

3 hours ago, preraph said:

I worry if he also tried it with any of her little friends.  

 

There were three main friends that always came over.  We talked with them about the situation and they were just as shocked.
They assured us he never tried anything with them and they said they would have told their parents if he did.  So, that's a positive.

[Spainglish]

2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

You're protecting her every single way you can. She will not lose faith in what real love from a parent is because she's seeing it from you. You heard her...that's huge. You validated her. Even in your grief you are strong for her, I don't know how. If every mom were like you this world would be the better for it. 💙

🤗 Big Hug!  Thank you!

[Spainglish]

4 hours ago, Ollie180 said:

I can’t even imagine how you feel, this guy makes my skin crawl, I feel like I don’t have any advice to offer other than to say top mum points here!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼
You rock!! 😎 and what a strong example to set for your daughter!
As a kid you just crave hard lines and clear action from your ‘protector’ and that’s exactly what you’ve given her!

Thank you so much!  🤗

[QuietRiot]

On 5/28/2020 at 11:15 PM, Spainglish said:

He said it was "a stupid drunk thing".  I agree with you.  It has to come from somewhere.  Alcohol doesn't make you do something that's not even on your radar.  It had to be there and he was just good at hiding it or something.  He absolutely cannot write it off as a stupid drunk thing because he planned it.  I didn't know it at the time, but he talked to my daughter before going to the liquor store and asked her if she wanted to try something.  He made it all a fun thing that they were keeping from mom.  It turns out he let her drink three mini bottles of cinnamon shots. Keep in mind, this child has never had one drop of alcohol and he knew that.  He was loosening her up.  It makes me sick! 

I have no idea where this came from. He has raised her since she was in the first grade! He only has sons so he was excited to raise a little girl. He coached her soccer team, basketball team and volleyball team at school. He took her to father daughter dances, dr appointments, and school, played princess with her, wore a tiara and tutu to the restaurant because she wanted him to.  He was a great father to her, until he wasn't.  It truly has blind sided everyone!

The only good thing that's come out of this is my daughter has learned a very valuable lesson about trusting people and alcohol.  It gave me the opportunity to talk to her about date rape drugs and such.  Her older brother talked to her about what happens at clubs and the best way to stay safe, etc.  She's learned a lot!  I'm just thankful she's in counseling and that nothing physical ever happened.  If it had, I'd be writing you from Prison right about now.   
 

 

Very tragic indeed.  Sorry this had happened to you.

3 marriages? Guess your picker is off?

Edited June 2, 2020 by QuietRiot

[Spainglish]

11 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 

Very tragic indeed.  Sorry this had happened to you.

3 marriages? Guess your picker is off?

It's absolutely broke!  No more for me.  I'm done. 
It still went wrong even when I followed all the rules.  

[simpycurious]

Spainglish,

Where do things stand with your situation? 

[Spainglish]

On 6/12/2020 at 11:44 PM, simpycurious said:

Spainglish,

Where do things stand with your situation? 

Hi there. I'm getting ready to close on the sale of our home in two weeks.  I'm also closing on a condo for me and my daughter on the same day.  Fourth of July weekend is going to be busy for me!  Legal reports have been filed about his behavior and we are now waiting for Legal action.   My daughter is still in counseling, and thankfully, seems to be dealing with everything in a healthy manner.

As for me?  I'm still in survival  mode, doing what needs to be done. Since we separated, I learned my not so wonderful husband was participating in other secret activities.  He was getting massages with happy endings and also had a profile on a hook up site called Instabang.  When I confronted him he got angry with me for finding out.  Ha!  I've come to understand, that although I new him for several years before marrying him, I was married to a complete stranger.  So much has happened that I can't even process it. I can't seem to have any sort of emotional reaction to this entire situation. I imagine I may stay numb for quite some time.  I just pray when everything comes flooding back, I am not in the middle of a presentation at work or just trying to pay for groceries.  🥴 

[simpycurious]

35 minutes ago, Spainglish said:

Hi there. I'm getting ready to close on the sale of our home in two weeks.  I'm also closing on a condo for me and my daughter on the same day.  Fourth of July weekend is going to be busy for me!  Legal reports have been filed about his behavior and we are now waiting for Legal action.   My daughter is still in counseling, and thankfully, seems to be dealing with everything in a healthy manner.

As for me?  I'm still in survival  mode, doing what needs to be done. Since we separated, I learned my not so wonderful husband was participating in other secret activities.  He was getting massages with happy endings and also had a profile on a hook up site called Instabang.  When I confronted him he got angry with me for finding out.  Ha!  I've come to understand, that although I new him for several years before marrying him, I was married to a complete stranger.  So much has happened that I can't even process it. I can't seem to have any sort of emotional reaction to this entire situation. I imagine I may stay numb for quite some time.  I just pray when everything comes flooding back, I am not in the middle of a presentation at work or just trying to pay for groceries.  🥴 

Wow, he really was a busy bee........I am so glad that you are doing well.  You will get past this and be so much better off down the road. You are a good lady and I am sorry you endured this nightmare.