She kicked me out...doesnt want to try...but wont file for divorce. Need Advice...

[mlchris2]

My wife of 7 years recently kicked me out after she woke up one day and said she has had enough of me, her family and everything else. We've been seperated for a month now and it has been so so. I realize I've made a big mistake and want to try and make our relationship work, getting professional help. she on the other hand is full of hate towards me, her family, even my kids.

 

Recently I approached her to find out where she stands. She says that everyone needs to come to reality that "WE" are over. I try to find out her reasoning, but it ends up in a fight. I then ask her if she wants the relationship over, to file for divorce. She tells me she isnt filling for divorce that I need to do it. I asked her "if she wants it over, but doenst want to file for divorce, then what does she want".

 

I know each state is different, but if I am the one to file for divorce, would it help me in any way?

 

My wife is very messed up right now, she's not acting like a 27 yr old mother of 3...more like a 21 yr old single person. Alot of this has to do with the people she started to hang out with, which I believe is the reason for our seperation. There are people I dont know and those I dont approve of hangning out where my children reside and I've asked my wife if she would cease this activity. She tells me I cant tell her what to do. It really sad that I've seen this change in her. A job-relocation opportunity was presented to me recently, but I've had second thoughts about taking it because it would take me away from my children. Along with my wifes actions and some of the things she has said, I want to try for sole custody, but give my wife weekend visitation rights. What do you think my chances are? I really dont want to do this, but my wife is leaving me no choice.

 

I really would like to hear from both sides of what you all would recommend doing. I know in the end, its all up to me, but I am lost right now and need some quidence.

 

thanks

 

MC

[Art_Critic]

First off it has onlt been a month.. So I think you need to give it some time..

 

But on the other hand.. It takes 2 to stay married and if you feel you need to move on then filing for divorce is something you will have to do.

 

You are going to have to decide what it is you want .. If you want her and she says no.. then you need to rethink what it is you want..

 

I understand the weird place you are in..I have been there.. with me after about 60 days of not hearing anything that would make me try again I filed..

[933KJL]

Keep the little guys in mind with whatever you do at this point. If you feel they are being put in danger--physical or moral, get a court order for temporary custody.

 

My XW also went off the deep end. She met a guy in an AOL chat room one night when I was at a cubscout campout with my son. The following weekend she went off to see him. I intercepted an email after that weekend divulging all sorts of personal info about my kids--oh my son will ove you but you need to remember to talk baseball he loves baseball and the daughter if you talk to her like an adult she will be your best friend and so forth. She did not know this guy at all, and the background check ultimately revelaed some shady dealings. She had the custody of her kids snatched out from her and she was ordered to leave the house.

 

In my situation, I still don't know what my contribution to the break up was--I do realize that I had to contribute in some way, I just don't know what it was. But she was not into the counselling and trying and all that. As soon as I discovered the infidelity, I filed for divorce. I would have taken her back with open arms if she was willing to try but she was not and there was a specific time that came around and there was no turning back. The door had closed and I was moving on.

 

You may be in a place like that, but you need to make sure you are OK and your kids are OK. Sounds like she is similar to my XW in that there are all sorts of bizzarre never like her stunts. When we divorced, she went through a series of personas..out drinking with the girls every night yet she had never been more than a teetolaer with me...then it morphed into the barfly flirting with any guy who would talk to her and take her home....then she became global and had a few relationshops with guys in Dallas, New York, Atlanta, and someplace else and was jetting off to see them at the drop of a hat.

 

She is remarried now to a wacky guy, but he makes her happy for now. We have shared custody of the kids 50-50 so that is good that they have their mom, and to be honest the new hubby treats them well too. I guess I just need to see how long this one will last.

 

But keep your chin up and look out for the little kids. Right now, no matter the outcome, their life needs to be as stable as it possibly can be.

[Ladyjane14]

Why did you move out to begin with?

 

If she doesn't have and RO, and it's your house, and those are your children....why not just move back in?

 

She can gnash her teeth, but in most states, that's about all she can do. Check at http://www.divorcenet.com/ for information pertaining to your particular state, or better yet.....ask a qualified attorney.

[Razorback05]

Get a lawyer ASAP and see about getting yourself back into your home! DO NOT let her play the abandonment card with you when it comes to your children. I know you love her and you're hurting but if she cares even a little about you, then she will understand that you will you have to do whatever it takes to preserve your parental rights and protect your children.

 

The longer you are out of your home, the more leverage she will have when it comes to custody. Tick, tick, tick...

 

You don't have to do it just yet, but be mindful that you should soon file for divorce, and an order of temporary custody. The court will also restrain her from leaving the state with the children (better safe than sorry).

[mlchris2]

Thanks for the great advice... its good to hear advice from someone other than family.

 

If I take the job transfer out of state, will that screw me?

 

I do agree I need to give her space for longer than a month. She is full of so much hate to everyone (me, kids and family mostly), with the exception of her friends that when i ask her something financially or related to the kids, I get told I'm a mother-f-er and what not.

 

Do you think time will fix things, even though she says nothing is going to change her mind?

 

A friend of mine went through a divorce and it turned nasty. The only thing that saved him was the fact that he recorded phone conversations and documented everything she did or said. He advices me to do the same, just in case. Well I feel I should, but on the other side of things, its pretty decietful. What do you think about this?

 

I am giving her 3 strikes your out with the kids and the people comming and going. I trust she is responsible enough to know whats good for the kids and what's not.

 

Some questions regarding divorce.... If I have joint 50/50 custody and we both have 50/50 parental right over the kids and i have a problem with whom is around my kids and what my wife is doing, would a judge just dismiss my case, because Im the man or would he actually do something about it?

 

If my wife is fully capable of making more money at another place of employment, but chooses not to for whatever reason, can I plead my case with the judge to get her to switch jobs? What if the job puts a hardship on the kids?