DixieChix Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 So my situation is a bit complicated. I'm in love with my best friend. The feeling seems mutual since hes made the comment of wifing me up one day. The only reason we aren't actually in a relationship is because of work/long distance. We've known eachother for a little under a year. He's so perfect to me, but the only issue i have is he's on these hookup aps where he meets up with trans women to get oral from. I don't have an issue with trans or homosexuals, let's put that out there. What I am afraid of is him going all the way and one day telling me that he is now gay (apparently trans women are the only women he can get lucky with). Im just afraid that I will loose him before we've had the chance to ever be together So my question is, as technically just a friend, do I have the right to ask him to stop what he's doing? I also don't know how to tell him he may lose me if he continues. I'm afraid his sexual orientation may change in the long run and I will get my heart broken. I want to protect myself but idk what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 14 minutes ago, DixieChix said: So my situation is a bit complicated. I'm in love with my best friend. The feeling seems mutual since hes made the comment of wifing me up one day. The only reason we aren't actually in a relationship is because of work/long distance. We've known eachother for a little under a year. He's so perfect to me, but the only issue i have is he's on these hookup aps where he meets up with trans women to get oral from. I don't have an issue with trans or homosexuals, let's put that out there. What I am afraid of is him going all the way and one day telling me that he is now gay (apparently trans women are the only women he can get lucky with). Im just afraid that I will loose him before we've had the chance to ever be together So my question is, as technically just a friend, do I have the right to ask him to stop what he's doing? I also don't know how to tell him he may lose me if he continues. I'm afraid his sexual orientation may change in the long run and I will get my heart broken. I want to protect myself but idk what to do... Im sorry but the whole thing just sounds off. Is this really the man of your dreams. He hooks up with trans women 🤔. Does he know you like him like that? Technically you cant ask him to stop as youre just his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Maybe you should put it out there. Tell him how you feel about him and that you don't like his method of hook-ups. It's the only way you're ever going to know the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) On 5/26/2020 at 12:40 AM, DixieChix said: I'm in love with my best friend. The feeling seems mutual since hes made the comment of wifing me up one day. Not sure that proves the feeling is mutual. On 5/26/2020 at 12:40 AM, DixieChix said: He's so perfect to me, but the only issue i have is he's on these hookup aps where he meets up with trans women to get oral from. Whoa buddy. On 5/26/2020 at 12:40 AM, DixieChix said: What I am afraid of is him going all the way and one day telling me that he is now gay (apparently trans women are the only women he can get lucky with). Well, he certainly isn't straight. On 5/26/2020 at 12:40 AM, DixieChix said: Im just afraid that I will loose him before we've had the chance to ever be together So my question is, as technically just a friend, do I have the right to ask him to stop what he's doing? I also don't know how to tell him he may lose me if he continues. I'm afraid his sexual orientation may change in the long run and I will get my heart broken. I want to protect myself but idk what to do... People's sexual orientation doesn't change. It may simply evolve. The bottom line, he enjoys sex with men. Humans with Y chromosomes regardless of what they are wearing, implanted, or chopped off. This may remain a fetish for trans women, or it may evolve into acceptance of his sexual orientation and transitioning into life as a conventional gay man. He won't realize that he likes women all along, but just liked them with penises for a bit. Don't want him for what you think he could be. Accept him for what he is now. He's not into vaginas. So, if you're a "female assigned at birth" then I would say this is a lost cause. Protect yourself by meeting and dating "males assigned at birth" who are also into vaginas. Edited May 27, 2020 by rjc149 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 There ARE apparently hetero men out there who are into trannys (specifically, bio male trannys who are women except that they retain a penis). Basically they have a specific fetish for "a woman with a penis". As weird as that sounds (no judgment, I'm just being honest that it does sound weird to me), they are apparently actually hetero men, who tend to have wives, families, etc. This was documented in the big-data research project A Billion Wicked Thoughts, and also tranny porn sites are a thing apparently because these guys are out there. Not sure if that's your husband or it's something else, but IF he's that, well, then that's what you'd be signing up for. We had a poster here about a year ago who was distressed because her husband was one of these, but to be fair he hadn't told her in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, mark clemson said: There ARE apparently hetero men out there who are into trannys (specifically, bio male trannys who are women except that they retain a penis). Basically they have a specific fetish for "a woman with a penis". Hmmm I don't buy that they are hetero. With "penis" being the operative word, a hetero man who wants to have sex with another man is not a hetero man. He is a gay man with a trans fetish. A trans woman is not a woman, she is a man who suffers from a psychiatric disorder known as gender dysphoria. She retains male hormones and biological anatomy regardless of superficial surgical alteration or even simple self-identification. I'm going to make the statement that heterosexual men are sexually interested in XX females only. If that sexual interest extends to men or XY females, in whatever form, he is not heterosexual. 17 minutes ago, mark clemson said: apparently actually hetero men, who tend to have wives, families, etc. There are, and have been throughout history, gay men with wives and families. Edited May 27, 2020 by rjc149 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 For your point 1, that's not what A Billion Wicked Thoughts said about them. From what I recall/understand, they like women generally, not men, for example with a feminine face, breasts, shapely hips, butt, etc, but also like the fetish "extra" of the penis. That said, perhaps there is a subset that ARE truly/fully gay or have the fetish you describe. I'm not an expert in this area, but then again I strongly suspect you aren't either. 🙂 For your point 2, that's certainly true and might (or might not) apply in this case. Either way I do tend to agree a woman marrying a guy like this is rolling the dice, one way or another. Even if he's not gay, she'll never quite be "all that" to him the way a tranny would. Of course many women marry men who might be even happier with a supermodel, but I do think this goes a bit deeper than that... Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 On 5/25/2020 at 9:40 PM, DixieChix said: The only reason we aren't actually in a relationship is because of work/long distance. Either the above is inaccurate, or you do know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 I do apologize, but what does 'wifing me up' mean? I will not google it. Interested in some definitions from OP and others on LS. Also, I guess depending on the answer to the aforementioned question, how do you know EXACTLY, that the romantic feelings are mutual, sincere? Please ask him about his actual feelings and his sexual orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
Spainglish Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 Sitting around wondering or trying to guess what might happen isn't going to accomplish anything. You will either overthink things or not think enough. When he says he's going to wife you up one day, he could just be trying to be cute or flirty. I hear that term used a lot by gay and bi men, but not necessarily by straight men and it always seems to be in a very flirty, non serious manner. You could totally be misreading him if he hasn't come out and specifically said he has romantic feelings for you. If you're best friends you should be able to have an honest conversation with him about your feelings. Ask the hard questions. Let him know what's on your mind and in your heart. It's the only way you will get your answers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 Sexuality isn't just a binary straight vs gay. There's a whole slippery slidey area in between and this is likely where this fellow falls. He certainly doesn't sound like he sees you as a girlfriend. And he's not acting in the way a person with an interest in you would act. So no, you can't tell him to stop sleeping around because it's none of your business. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 13 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: Either the above is inaccurate, or you do know what to do. ...get a peenie? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 15 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I do apologize, but what does 'wifing me up' mean? It means "I'm going to make you my wife". Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 On 5/28/2020 at 6:15 PM, stillafool said: It means "I'm going to make you my wife Could mean that he would help her find a husband 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 His sexuality seems less important than his hookup habit. Gay, straight, or in-between, a person who regularly engages in high-risk sexual behavior is generally not what you want in a committed partner. It's definitely not someone looking to settle down. Are you so sure the feeling is mutual? A few comments here and there does not a romance make. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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