My kids, anxiety, and masks

[CaliforniaGirl]

I wonder if anyone else has this going on.

Right now there seems to be a movement in my county where groups of people have decided they won't wear masks anymore.

My family chooses to keep doing it, as much not to potentially pass 19 along as to not get it since the former is really more to the point.

We went for a walk today in a local town. I would say maybe a quarter of people were wearing masks. Meanwhile social distancing is still required, mind you, so it's all just sort of...odd. 

Anyway, my youngest son was getting upset. He was asking why people don't care about 19 and he asked if people want him to die. 😥 I was like...holy hell.

Now, my kids have been doing a lot of projects through school/distance learning about 19. These have been very focused on some rather scary stuff and I've been careful to keep pointing out to my kids that they're in a category that is least likely to be seriously harmed, etc.

But I had NO idea how to address my son's hurt about whether people don't care about him dying. (???) I told him some bullsh*t about how the people in town were distancing themselves from others (they weren't, now he thinks I'm a liar, I'm sure...I was taken aback, just trying to answer), and that other parts of the state no longer recommend masks (lie number two, good job, Mom) and therefore people are getting frustrated (that part is true) and I said nobody is thinking, "I hope I kill somebody else this way" (also true, nobody's thinking about us, they don't even know us, they just stare daggers at us as we walk by because we're masked up...it's become a very weird climate around here...but I mean they're not all sitting around plotting how they're going to go breathe on a bunch of strangers and kill them or something...).

Anyway...I mean son is a teenager. a youngish one and with special needs but not an infant. He agreed with me more to keep the peace than out of any real belief, that was easy enough to see. who else who is still masking up has encountered this and what did you say? did you do a better job than I did? I need some solid way to address this because we're not exposing ourselves to others and vice versa her that way, but my reasons - health, safety, care for others, patience, being an adult about things - are easy to turn around when someone *isn't* masking up, and I don't want my kids angry at their neighbors or thinking other people don't give a hoot whether they get sick.

I am at a loss.

Edited May 26, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

By the way, before the "just tell your snowflakes that people are practicing their freedoms" brigade chimes helpfully in, I of course have led with just that each time my children have asked: that masking up or not is a choice. But any bright kid is going to have a question or two that takes things farther than that. As you can see.

 

 

[Gaeta]

I am so discouraged at all those people not wearing their mask in crowded places especialy in stores. Sure people have the right to beleive what ever about covid-19 but please keep your germs to yourself when in public. I am happy to  live in Canada and not have to deal with 'brigades of freedom'. 

My teen too (16) is shocked at how some people don't give a heck of others during this pandemic. Her and I, and bf, always wear our mask when out and we're ready to mask for the next year if we have to. On my end I played the card 'some people still don't understand the mask is to protect others and think it's their right to get sick' - 'we know best so we will stay away from them'. They have the right to express their freedom of choice......2 long meters away from us. 

 

[Juha]

 

No offense but you really need to educate yourself on the scientific facts of masks,  infectious disease, virus transmission, virus protocols, etc

from people who do this for a living day in and day out

[nospam99]

CG and Gaeta, clearly you are among those who accept that there is preventive efficacy in masking. You've taught that to your kids and they trust your parental wisdom.

But be aware that, in addition to the people for whom being told to do something is offensive, there are people like me, a certified professional in the business side of health care who nevertheless had to demonstrate competency in biology, anatomy, diagnosis and treatment to get that certification, who look at the glaring omission of EXPLANATIONS from the already untrusted civil authorities and just think 'this is more bulls***. they're doing the wrong things to protect themselves from accusations of not doing enough'.

FWIW, I wear a mask when shopping for food, which I do frequently. This is not to protect me or to protect anyone else. It's just to keep the peace in the stores. My mask comes off as soon as I leave the store and it will come off permanently as soon as it is no longer mandated. What I have done and will CONTINUE to do, as much as anything because I can make a convincing argument that it is efficacious, is to stay out of crowds AND generally keep a distance buffer.

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

CG and Gaeta, clearly you are among those who accept that there is preventive efficacy in masking. You've taught that to your kids and they trust your parental wisdom.

But be aware that, in addition to the people for whom being told to do something is offensive, there are people like me, a certified professional in the business side of health care who nevertheless had to demonstrate competency in biology, anatomy, diagnosis and treatment to get that certification, who look at the glaring omission of EXPLANATIONS from the already untrusted civil authorities and just think 'this is more bulls***. they're doing the wrong things to protect themselves from accusations of not doing enough'.

FWIW, I wear a mask when shopping for food, which I do frequently. This is not to protect me or to protect anyone else. It's just to keep the peace in the stores. My mask comes off as soon as I leave the store and it will come off permanently as soon as it is no longer mandated. What I have done and will CONTINUE to do, as much as anything because I can make a convincing argument that it is efficacious, is to stay out of crowds AND generally keep a distance buffer.

And so? You tell your children, "We do this to keep the peace in stores"? Honest question.

[nospam99]

@californiagirl. My children are adults. They make their own decisions. They are all working at 'essential' jobs (Ha - total scam). I have no idea if they mask at work. The one I see most often, he, I, and his roommate don't mask in the apartment. So far, no covid diagnoses. In fact no diagnoses in anyone I know.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, nospam99 said:

@californiagirl. My children are adults. They make their own decisions. They are all working at 'essential' jobs (Ha - total scam). I have no idea if they mask at work. The one I see most often, he, I, and his roommate don't mask in the apartment. So far, no covid diagnoses. In fact no diagnoses in anyone I know.

Oh, I see. Different experience here. There seems to be a pattern: if a person hasn't seen a thing, then the thing simply isn't.

I appreciate your input but I can't rely on this as science to give to my kids. I will keep thinking about this. I may need to keep leaning toward: this is a personal choice. Nobody wants to hurt anybody. We are glad to have freedom of choice. It's fine for others to make their own informed decision.

[nospam99]

@californiagirl. I have a solid explanation supported by data (the impact of crowding in enclosed spaces primarily in public transportation) for why I haven't encountered i.e. 'seen a thing' any infected people (to my knowledge). But it's an explanation that my governor would not want publicly considered .... anywhere, ever .... history, and the news, is written by those in power.

[Redhead14]

 

36 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Oh, I see. Different experience here. There seems to be a pattern: if a person hasn't seen a thing, then the thing simply isn't.

I appreciate your input but I can't rely on this as science to give to my kids. I will keep thinking about this. I may need to keep leaning toward: this is a personal choice. Nobody wants to hurt anybody. We are glad to have freedom of choice. It's fine for others to make their own informed decision.

CG, the problem is that no one can make an "informed decision" when there are so many inconsistencies with information and new/different information coming out, etc.?  We need to go by what we do know for sure which is that pretty much every country on the globe is strongly recommending the use of masks and distancing or outright requiring it.  Especially Asian countries who have actually dealt with pandemics in recent history.

Given the fact that we don't know much else at all, I say it's better to err on the side of caution and require masks when out and about and as much space as possible.  And, someone else's decision not to wear a mask directly affects my ability to have a choice/decision to make.  If everyone else is going to run around without a mask and give this thing more hosts, I don't have any choice but to give up my right to freely move about and participate in some things.  The choice between having to lock myself in my home for another year or so or decide to risk death, doesn't constitute a decision.  On top of that, people who make their own decision to wear a mask and try to keep distance are being mocked and criticized for doing that.  I've seen it. 

A couple of people on LS or any other website claiming that they know better than the powers that be across the globe by virtue of their superior ability to search the internet and pull sh*t out of thin air to support their views about not wearing masks, isn't going to change my decision to accept that the practices being followed across the globe for the most part are worthy of heed.

Edited May 26, 2020 by Redhead14

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, Redhead14 said:

 

CG, the problem is that no one can make an "informed decision" when there are so many inconsistencies with information and new/different information coming out, etc.?  We need to go by what we do know for sure which is that pretty much every country on the globe is strongly recommending the use of masks and distancing or outright requiring it.  Especially Asian countries who have actually dealt with pandemics in recent history.

Given the fact that we don't know much else at all, I say it's better to err on the side of caution and require masks when out and about and as much space as possible.  And, someone else's decision not to wear a mask directly affects my ability to have a choice/decision to make.  If everyone else is going to run around without a mask and give this thing more hosts, I don't have any choice but to give up my right to freely move about and participate in some things.  The choice between having to lock myself in my home for another year or so or decide to risk death, doesn't constitute a decision.  On top of that, people who make their own decision to wear a mask and try to keep distance are being mocked and criticized for doing that.  I've seen it. 

A couple of people on LS or any other website claiming that they know better than the powers that be across the globe by virtue of their superior ability to search the internet and pull sh*t out of thin air to support their views about not wearing masks, isn't going to change my decision to accept that the practices being followed across the globe for the most part are worthy of heed.

I know. 

Edited May 27, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, nospam99 said:

@californiagirl. My children are adults. They make their own decisions. They are all working at 'essential' jobs (Ha - total scam). I have no idea if they mask at work. The one I see most often, he, I, and his roommate don't mask in the apartment. So far, no covid diagnoses. In fact no diagnoses in anyone I know.

My post is regarding my minor-aged children.

[nospam99]

@californiagirl. yeah - difficult at an age when you're still able and trying to instill values without negging them out about what ass holes so many other people are.

[gaius]

 I would just be honest with your kid California. That kids like him are at very low risk and that many people just don't behave responsibly anymore.

Edited May 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[CaliforniaGirl]

I might just. He knows I'm BSing him anyway. Kind of out of ideas and fairytales over here to cover for all this insanity. I will fight no more forever, just going to have to level with him, this is politically motivated, we are making our choice based on being conservative about health instead, everyone is free to choose these risks, we chose our way, end of story.

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[nittygritty]

It’s sad that your son thinks that people want him to die because they aren’t wearing a face mask. Perhaps you have taken the fear factor a little too far if it is giving him that much anxiety about it.

Personally, I’m disgusted by the people that are throwing their disposable face masks on the ground. Yuck!!!

[CaliforniaGirl]

That's the thing. From the beginning we've been calm about it, certainly no death talk. It's been like Corona Disney over here.

I think it is the air of hostility. It's a thing. Yes, I know not for everybody. Yes, I know not everywhere. Saved you a post. 😂 Just kidding.

ETA: One thing I don't see by me is disposable masks being thrown in the ground. Thank God. Nothing like that.

Edited May 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mrs rubble]

We don't have mandatory mask wearing here, I've only worn one twice, once when I had a Doctor remove a mole from my back and the 2nd time was when I had the stitches removed. I should add I do the testing for covid19 as well, at work I wear gloves (multiple pairs per day), a lab coat and use a biological fume cabinet.

It's only recommended for close contact here, like in the Doctors office or for beauticians and hair dressers. We're encouraged to wash/sanitise our hands regularly though, and you see sanitizer and social distancing measures in all stores now. Pretty much everyone sticks to the rules.

We've had no new cases here in the last 5 days, and only 21 active cases, no one in hospital and deaths remain at 21. I think our numbers prove that social distancing and hand washing as well as a swift harsh lockdown have done the trick.

[nittygritty]

34 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

That's the thing. From the beginning we've been calm about it, certainly no death talk. It's been like Corona Disney over here.

I think it is the air of hostility. It's a thing. Yes, I know not for everybody. Yes, I know not everywhere. Saved you a post. 😂 Just kidding.

ETA: One thing I don't see by me is disposable masks being thrown in the ground. Thank God. Nothing like that.

Do you wear masks inside your home?  Or just when you go outside of your home?  I think you should ask him why he thinks that the people that are not wearing face masks are trying to kill him. If he has a false sense of feeling safer around people that are wearing face masks it could also be potentially harmful to him. 
 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

7 hours ago, nittygritty said:

Do you wear masks inside your home?  Or just when you go outside of your home?  I think you should ask him why he thinks that the people that are not wearing face masks are trying to kill him. If he has a false sense of feeling safer around people that are wearing face masks it could also be potentially harmful to him. 
 

 

LOL, we do not wear masks inside our home.  He does not generally have a non-covid/pre-covid unwarranted sense of safety around people who wear masks. He doesn't think people without masks are lying in wait to pop a cap in him or something.

 He believes people do not care if others die, including him. He can't imagine why anyone would put anyone else at risk so he wonders if its a purposeful risk. He does not so far as I know imagine people in bushes aiming covid-laced darts at him or anything. He seems to give people the benefit of a doubt of being I intelligent and knowingly putting others at risk of getting ill...even dying.

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[basil67]

Interesting that this thread has turned into a mask debate rather than addressing your child's anxieties within the framework of how your family are approaching this.

There's a number of resources on the internet about helping kids manage their COVID related anxieties.   With his 'do they want me to die?' question, I'd be taking the approach that of "No, they don't want you to die.  They believe that masks don't help and this is why we also do social distancing to keep ourselves safe"

[CaliforniaGirl]

25 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Interesting that this thread has turned into a mask debate rather than addressing your child's anxieties within the framework of how your family are approaching this.

There's a number of resources on the internet about helping kids manage their COVID related anxieties.   With his 'do they want me to die?' question, I'd be taking the approach that of "No, they don't want you to die.  They believe that masks don't help and this is why we also do social distancing to keep ourselves safe"

I guess I was curious if other parents could relate...this is a time of transition...I can't believe I'm the only parent of a child noticing the weirdness and asking hard questions and even adults are suffering anxiety right now. I agree, or course it wound up a debate.

I mean your words are so sensible. (What you'd tell a child.) Thanks for your input.

[basil67]

You're not the only one.  My BFFs daughter suffers from anxiety and is beside herself thinking that her family is going to die.    And my 80yo parents have taken social distancing to a whole new level.  

[thefooloftheyear]

I think Basil has it right here....

Use it as a life lesson...Everyone in an individual and will do what they believe in...Some are in agreement and some not...People will make stupid or irresponsible  life decisions, not just in this area, but in every area of life that may have negative consequences for themselves and even the public... Getting anxious over it wont work because its not anything a person can avoid, unless they decide to lock themselves in a room somewhere...At some point, you need to accept that its part of human nature and the best thing you can do is make the most prudent decisions for yourself and your kids and not worry all that much what others do...You have little/no control over it...

TFY

[Ellener]

16 hours ago, nospam99 said:

What I have done and will CONTINUE to do, as much as anything because I can make a convincing argument that it is efficacious, is to stay out of crowds AND generally keep a distance buffer.

And wash your hands!!!