My kids, anxiety, and masks

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

the best thing you can do is make the most prudent decisions for yourself and your kids

And at a certain age a kid starts to become an adult and must make those decisions for themself. If a young person doesn't feel safe in a situation he needs to be able to say 'I'm not doing this' and leave. We can't control the world or other people, only our own response.

[clia]

On 5/26/2020 at 5:46 AM, CaliforniaGirl said:

Now, my kids have been doing a lot of projects through school/distance learning about 19. These have been very focused on some rather scary stuff and I've been careful to keep pointing out to my kids that they're in a category that is least likely to be seriously harmed, etc.

I would be really angry about this.  We are going to end up with a lot of kids with mental health issues due to the fear mongering and lockdowns.  It's good that you are telling him that he is at very low risk.  I mean, he is more likely to die of the flu this year than COVID, according to the numbers.  I think you should keep stressing that, and focus on the good news being reported.

With respect to how to handle it, I agree with Basil.  I think you can explain that some people don't believe masks are effective, due to the size of the virus, so they choose not to wear them.  You can also explain that some people have medical issues that make wearing a mask uncomfortable.  It really is alarming, though, that he takes it so personally if someone isn't wearing a mask and believes they are trying to kill him.  He's getting that from somewhere.  You might consider not allowing him to participate in these school projects anymore.  Let him get his information from you instead.  

[Juha]

I am all for every individual person to make their own decisions on what they do.  You wear one, good, you don't wear one, good also

Far too many people on the wear a mask side are mask nazi's.  I have seen this in person, walking down the street, alone, no one near them and someone in their yard or across the street

start berating them.  

I do not advocate to wear or not wear a mask,, just find out the true scientific facts from people who have done this every day for years, talk with friends in healthcare field among them doctors.

When I go into a store I wear a mask as I would not be allowed in without one.  Do I think a mask offers protection to give or get the virus?  It depends on different factors but as with all things there is a time and place where it may help.  It does not prevent spread of the virus though.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, clia said:

I would be really angry about this.  We are going to end up with a lot of kids with mental health issues due to the fear mongering and lockdowns.  It's good that you are telling him that he is at very low risk.  I mean, he is more likely to die of the flu this year than COVID, according to the numbers.  I think you should keep stressing that, and focus on the good news being reported.

With respect to how to handle it, I agree with Basil.  I think you can explain that some people don't believe masks are effective, due to the size of the virus, so they choose not to wear them.  You can also explain that some people have medical issues that make wearing a mask uncomfortable.  It really is alarming, though, that he takes it so personally if someone isn't wearing a mask and believes they are trying to kill him.  He's getting that from somewhere.  You might consider not allowing him to participate in these school projects anymore.  Let him get his information from you instead.  

I wasn't thrilled about it, ^ and we ARE conservative when it comes to being careful around others, wearing masks, etc. At first I thought it made sense and was interesting and was going to put things in perspective because it asked the kids for their own input on what they're doing and encouraged them to open up, like, "What did you do to keep yourself safe from illness before? What do you do to keep yourself safe from illness now?", for instance. So I thought it might be eye-opening, because I'll bet some answers would have been that "sometimes" kids washed hands after coming home and touching a bajillion things but now it is a routine. (Just giving one example.) But it got a little intense and I wasn't all that happy about it. It asked kids to look up risks, find numbers and statistics including affected and deceased, etc. and I kept coming in to explain about risk factors, etc. to try to keep it in perspective for him, but I was a little surprised that buttons were pushed in that way without a whole view of the situation. I'm not sure why things went down that way.

I mean I get that they're not babies, they're 13/14, but still.

School is out now, though. Or, it's out as of the end of this week. I do think the teachers did the best they could with distance learning. The ironic thing is my kids already had straight As and technically never needed to do any of the work. After March the final grades were in and any distance learning could be used to increase any grade up to one level if 80% if the work was completed. My kids just elected to do the work because they're committed and because they like school, and also because I wanted to keep continuity and learning going. Other than that one assignment I do give kudos to my kids' teachers so I'm not trying to complain.

Yes, it's alarming which is why I asked for input here...I figured, we can't be the only famil with this...or are we? I'm prone to depression, he's prone to anxiety but that did make me take notice, you can be sure. And at 13 it's certain he doesn't just get his info from me. Not just friends, school, etc. but until very recently he was also getting very into the news on the heels of doing current events in social studies.

Edited May 27, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I think Basil has it right here....

Use it as a life lesson...Everyone in an individual and will do what they believe in...Some are in agreement and some not...People will make stupid or irresponsible  life decisions, not just in this area, but in every area of life that may have negative consequences for themselves and even the public... Getting anxious over it wont work because its not anything a person can avoid, unless they decide to lock themselves in a room somewhere...At some point, you need to accept that its part of human nature and the best thing you can do is make the most prudent decisions for yourself and your kids and not worry all that much what others do...You have little/no control over it...

TFY

Sensible. I have been saying this since the beginning, it is a choice, so that's always been a part of it...I think that's what freaks him out...he believes harm can come...and he can't believe people would choose to do harm, even if indirectly. On the other hand, his world is still comparatively small and he doesn't have to deal with all the extending complexities. Adolescents tend to think in very black and white ways. 

This is so sensibly stated though, makes so much sense though, thank you very much.

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, Ellener said:

And at a certain age a kid starts to become an adult and must make those decisions for themself. If a young person doesn't feel safe in a situation he needs to be able to say 'I'm not doing this' and leave. We can't control the world or other people, only our own response.

I know my kids would know to speak up and say they don't feel safe. That's why my son was comfortable coming to me with his anxieties.

[Gaeta]

18 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

but until very recently he was also getting very into the news on the heels of doing current events in social studies.

You should ask what the teacher says in class. 

Couple of years ago my foster daughter came home with the beleif that 9/11 was not true and that the US had attacked their own towers. My jaw hit the floor. I called the school and demanded explanations. The teacher told me he was bringing kids to express their own opinion of historical events and gave them an example by telling them his own personal opinion on 9/11. Let me tell you sh&t hit the fan! At 14 I want my child to learn historical FACTS, not a bunch of conspiracy beleifs, or the teacher's personal take on current or past events. 

[nospam99]

@gaeta. I just 'love' false flag conspiracies. Didja know that Roosevelt 'allowed' Pearl Harbor so he could get the US into the war? Fact: all the aircraft carriers and fast battleships were cleared out. Fact: all the ships and planes destroyed were obsolete. Fact: less than 4000 casualties. Now, which false flag theory holds more water? :p