Y2K227 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 So..... Long story short....I have a colleague that's been hinting that he's interested in me. Every time I work with him he flirts with me, I find him staring at me from time to time. I even noticed him going on lunch at the same time that I go on lunch. We've talked a few times and but it was just small talk. He seems a bit shy to me. I don't really find him very attractive and even if I did he's not my type at all. I'm actually kinda of getting involved with another colleague of ours. That guy and I have had a few dates and we talk frequently but we've been keeping our little relationship a secret because we know people around the office love to gossip. I do my best to show that I'm uninterested but he STILL persists with the flirts and the stares. How can kindly let him know that I'm not interested without hurting his feelings? Please HELP!! Has anyone been in this situation, if so how did you handle it ? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 59 minutes ago, Y2K227 said: So..... Long story short....I have a colleague that's been hinting that he's interested in me. Every time I work with him he flirts with me, I find him staring at me from time to time. I even noticed him going on lunch at the same time that I go on lunch. We've talked a few times and but it was just small talk. He seems a bit shy to me. I don't really find him very attractive and even if I did he's not my type at all. I'm actually kinda of getting involved with another colleague of ours. That guy and I have had a few dates and we talk frequently but we've been keeping our little relationship a secret because we know people around the office love to gossip. I do my best to show that I'm uninterested but he STILL persists with the flirts and the stares. How can kindly let him know that I'm not interested without hurting his feelings? Please HELP!! Has anyone been in this situation, if so how did you handle it ? This is a tough one because he's not actually coming right out and saying he likes you or anything. Honestly, I don't know if you need to or should go out of your way right now to tell him you're not interested. He hasn't officially asked you out and it might only humiliate him. It could be awkward. I wouldn't encourage the flirting. Don't lead him on. But unless he's asked you out you don't really need to let him down. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 If he hasn't asked you out, I'd work on the assumption that he's one of those people who enjoy a bit of harmless flirting and not bother pointing him in the right direction. Sure, this could be a misinterpretation, but if you're not flirting back, it's not like you encouraged it. In short, don't do anything to lead him on, but leave him to manage his own feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 2 hours ago, Y2K227 said: Every time I work with him he flirts with me What does he say, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 You could mention that you're seeing someone. You don't have to actually let him down, just drop that bit of information in a random conversation with him. Like make it clear there's a guy in your life if you're talking about your plans for the weekend... or how hard it is/was for you to be dating someone during the pandemic 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Let's be honest. What he does is harmless and you wouldn't have a problem with it if you fancied him even if he wasn't your type. However it's still valid that you feel uncomfortable with what he's doing in terms of flirting. First stop flirting altogether. Be polite and friendly just like you would be to any other colleague but that's it. If he tries to steer conversation into flirting path few times and you shut it, that should give him a hint. If it doesn't help I would politely say that you don't want to sound harsh but you're not interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 You don't have to "Let him down" because you aren't dating. SO... I'm with @basil67 on this one. He's just probably flirting. When I had an office (Lab) job... there was several girls who I flirted with. It's fun, and it's a great mood lifter. I too would ask them if they wanted to get lunch... WHY?? Because who wants to eat alone. The girl who was the office receptionist like to ride on the back of my motorcycle. Anyway... unless he asks you out for a real date... just go with it. You don't have to be overly flirty... but just be nice. But if he does ask you to get a drink after hours... just say... "I'm seeing someone at the moment." Good luck. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said: I too would ask them if they wanted to get lunch... WHY?? Because who wants to eat alone. But he didn't even ask her to lunch. I agree with the others that there's nothing to stop here because he hasn't done anything but look at you and you must be looking at him too or you wouldn't know he's looking at you. Just be cordial, don't flirt and if he asked you out tell him you're already dating someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: What does he say, exactly? Good question. How is he "flirting"? Maybe he's just being friendly? Can you give us examples? If he is not asking you out, then perhaps this is his general MO. Very friendly, a bit of a flirt. And how do you know he's staring at you? Unless you of course are staring at him. In any event, unless and until he asks you out on a date, don't say anything that might embarrass yourself. Edited May 27, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 During the next lunch tell him about the wonderful weekend you had with your BF. Don't have to say who but that would be enough for him to stop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Unless he is a sociopath with no ability to read others, he will figure out that you're not interested. Is there something about the way he flirts and looks at you that creeps you out? ... beyond the fact that you are not attracted to him? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Drop em in their head and move on...o 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Have you seen him interact with others at work. Maybe he’s bring himself and you think it’s flirting. why do you think he is staring st you and not what’s behind you. Some stare when they think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 I really don't think there's really an easy way to let anyone down gently. But in the event he's even more flirtier and asks you out, just tell him you're seeing someone. All you can really do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) I mean... he is mostly just staring... If you are going to reject every guy that looks at you, you’re not going to time for much else. Men look at women ... and the ground and the sky. It’s their nature and ain’t no crime. I get you feel that he’s violating your space and it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, but unless this is your last day on this planet, I would learn to accept people stare at people and Illearn to ignore it. Maybe you remind him of someone. You will seem quite strange if you tell him you’re not interested when he hasn’t made direct move. Edited May 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts