auroragrohl Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 I've been with my boyfriend around 6 months, and up until now our relationship has been really good, we made the decision to quarantine together and it really proved the strength of our relationship - to the point where we had been discussing living together full-time once quarantine ended. Last week, I received a message from a girl - who I believed was just a friend of my boyfriend's - but it turned out that she was under the impression they were 'dating'. She sent me screenshots of conversations they had been having - admittedly on his part they were mostly platonic messages from around the time we made things 'official' to now - however some of his replies to her really made me question everything. She also mentioned that he went over to hers a few times before quarantine and they slept in the same bed - both said nothing sexual happened, however she claims he made a move on her, but he claims the opposite - I feel like I'm never going to know the truth behind that so I'm really trying to ignore it. I feel really bad for this girl and obviously I know that this isn't her fault, and that ultimately my boyfriend is the one in the wrong here, however - I have chosen to stay with him, as I really love him and before this our relationship was really solid, it was the first time I was feeling things that I felt you should be feeling in a successful relationship. He told me that he never saw this 'relationship' with her as anything more than a friendship - despite the fact he met her on a dating app - but is adamant that once he met me, he quickly realised he didn't have those feelings for her but wanted to continue the friendship with her because they had a lot in common, but he was 'too far in' by this point to tell her about me, as he was fearful she would contact me if she found out - which she inevitably did anyway. I'm REALLY struggling at the moment to move on, I feel like I'm doing okay and then something will trigger a thought about it, and my imagination is really working over-time regarding the times he stayed over there. Not to mention the fact that there's some really weird behaviour going on with my Instagram account - I keep getting random accounts that have clearly just been made, watching my stories, when I block one, another one appears and it's just really annoying - I know I could just be paranoid, but it seems too fishy, and it's really triggering, so I've made my account private for now - but it's something else that's bothering me. I know this is still fresh, but I really want to move on and be happy with my boyfriend again, because at the moment I can't go ONE day without getting upset about it, and I don't think that's fair if I've told him that we can move on from all this. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) You're upset because you learned your boyfriend is not who you thought he was. It's okay to feel hurt, angry and betrayed, OP. I also wouldn't buy his excuse that he couldn't tell her that he didn't have feelings for her because he was "already too far in." Please. He felt something or he wouldn't have been going to see her and having sleepovers. That was way out of line for a guy who's supposed to be exclusive with you. He was fearful she'd contact you because he knew she would rat him out for cheating on you. Personally? I'd kick his sorry butt to the curb. It's only been 6 months and you've just learned his true colours: He's dishonest, disloyal and disrespectful. You can't have a relationship with a guy like this. He's not ready for it, no matter how much you want him to be. Edited May 27, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 16 hours ago, auroragrohl said: I've been with my boyfriend around 6 months, and up until now our relationship has been really good, we made the decision to quarantine together and it really proved the strength of our relationship - to the point where we had been discussing living together full-time once quarantine ended. Last week, I received a message from a girl - who I believed was just a friend of my boyfriend's - but it turned out that she was under the impression they were 'dating'. She sent me screenshots of conversations they had been having - admittedly on his part they were mostly platonic messages from around the time we made things 'official' to now - however some of his replies to her really made me question everything. She also mentioned that he went over to hers a few times before quarantine and they slept in the same bed - both said nothing sexual happened, however she claims he made a move on her, but he claims the opposite - I feel like I'm never going to know the truth behind that so I'm really trying to ignore it. I feel really bad for this girl and obviously I know that this isn't her fault, and that ultimately my boyfriend is the one in the wrong here, however - I have chosen to stay with him, as I really love him and before this our relationship was really solid, it was the first time I was feeling things that I felt you should be feeling in a successful relationship. He told me that he never saw this 'relationship' with her as anything more than a friendship - despite the fact he met her on a dating app - but is adamant that once he met me, he quickly realised he didn't have those feelings for her but wanted to continue the friendship with her because they had a lot in common, but he was 'too far in' by this point to tell her about me, as he was fearful she would contact me if she found out - which she inevitably did anyway. I'm REALLY struggling at the moment to move on, I feel like I'm doing okay and then something will trigger a thought about it, and my imagination is really working over-time regarding the times he stayed over there. Not to mention the fact that there's some really weird behaviour going on with my Instagram account - I keep getting random accounts that have clearly just been made, watching my stories, when I block one, another one appears and it's just really annoying - I know I could just be paranoid, but it seems too fishy, and it's really triggering, so I've made my account private for now - but it's something else that's bothering me. I know this is still fresh, but I really want to move on and be happy with my boyfriend again, because at the moment I can't go ONE day without getting upset about it, and I don't think that's fair if I've told him that we can move on from all this. I want to know what SHE presently wants... If SHE is interested in him, then she may indeed be rather deliberate in contacting you (for her own perceived eventual gain) and responsible for the mysterious Instagram interactions. I have the vibe that you CAN keep the guy, and be very happy with him. If this were (old American TV show) Maury Povich, then there would be a precise date beyond which you and he were a couple... and that would be more clear to the audience... but from what detail we have here, I too can envision him having befriended her (indeed with interest in more than that)... BUT not being blatantly wrong in telling of his wanting to close that possibility once he met you. (we can't tell with certainty from this angle, but his version sounds 'okay'... and any version you get from her might have an ulterior motive) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 The ability of the algorithm, chemical, or electrical impulses, (take your pick) that we call love to warp reality is astonishing. Your boyfriend has allowed you to believe the girl is a friend although he met her on a dating ap. Your boyfriend is texting same girl behind your back. He sleeps in the same bed with her overnight several times, although nothing sexual happens. When this comes out, your reaction is to feel sorry for the other woman. How easy it would be for the right guy to fall in love with you and how easy it is for the wrong guy to take advantage of your love for him. Please send this man packing and in the future judge your boyfriends by their actions and not their words. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 (edited) On 5/27/2020 at 6:07 AM, auroragrohl said: I received a message from a girl - who I believed was just a friend of my boyfriend's - but it turned out that she was under the impression they were 'dating'. She wasn't under any impression--they were dating and he denied/lied about you to her--that's why she mustered up the nerve to contact you and blow him out of the water. Yeah, your relationship isn't what you thought it was and he isn't who you thought he was. I'd move back out and finish quanantining elsewhere. It's better than feeling like fool sleeping next to a liar and deceiver. Edited May 29, 2020 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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