Am I being ghosted?

[Fraggles86]

I met this guy before the pandemic. He lives almost 400 miles away so due to the virus we haven't seen eachother again. 

We talk, text and send snaps daily.

We have previously sent a few slightly dirty snaps but the other night things got really heated and we both sent some pics which lead on to videos. 

This went on from about 12/1am til around 2/3am. Until he fell asleep. He fell asleep before finishing. Is this even possible?

Then next day i heard nothing until the afternoon when he said he was sorry, he had fallen asleep and has no idea how. That was 2 days ago, i have heard nothing since. 

He struggles with depression and will sometimes go days without speaking to anyone and it does seem as though that is what is probably happening since there is no sign of him really spending time online and sharing things like he normally would. 

I think a lot of it is that i suffer with severe anxiety and so i think i am probably massively overthinking but it is hard not too given the content of our last communication.

And i know it sounds stupid and childish but normally he would keep our streak on snapchat running but last night he left it and it ended which makes me think it could just be that hes ghosting me.

Or it could be that hes struggling at the moment and just doesnt care about something as trivial as that

I dont know what to think right now

[ExpatInItaly]

Just to clarify, how many times did you go out prior to lockdown?

And when he told you he'd fallen asleep during your saucier chat, did you reply to that message?

Edited May 27, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Fraggles86]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Just to clarify, how many times did you go out prior to lockdown?

And when he told you he'd fallen asleep during your saucier chat, did you reply to that message?

Just the once because lockdown happened soon after.

And yes i replied, just agreeing with him that i did not know how he had managed to fall asleep. I have since messaged him asking how he is and he hasnt even read it. 

He doesnt seem to be very active on social media like he normally is and the fact he messaged the next day to apologise for falling asleep makes me think that maybe he is just having a few down days.

But it is really hard not to think that its just me and that he has just lost interest now

 

[stillafool]

29 minutes ago, Fraggles86 said:

But it is really hard not to think that its just me and that he has just lost interest now

Possibly, after all he did fall asleep during sexting.

[Fraggles86]

16 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Possibly, after all he did fall asleep during sexting.

I dont understand how thats even possible though with what he was doing. And i know he was doing what he said he was as he was sending videos

[stillafool]

Well maybe he came and just fell asleep.  The fact that he hasn't contacted you since pretty much says he is no longer interested or is taking you for granted until the next time he needs you.

[Fraggles86]

23 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well maybe he came and just fell asleep.  The fact that he hasn't contacted you since pretty much says he is no longer interested or is taking you for granted until the next time he needs you.

But then why go to the effort of texting to apologise the next day if you were not planning on talking anymore anyway?

None of it makes any sense to me.

 

[Fraggles86]

I probably shouldnt have but i have messaged him to ask him. 

He hasnt been active on social media like he always is, (unless hes having a down day), and he hasnt viewed my story on snapchat which implies he hasnt been on there either, unless hes deliberately making sure not to.

Part of me feels like it is definitely just me but then the other part thinks its just that he is having a bad time right now and keeping to himself.

But then i think maybe thats just me making excuses for him.

Either way, i feel like absolute **** not knowing

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Fraggles86 said:

But then why go to the effort of texting to apologise the next day if you were not planning on talking anymore anyway?

None of it makes any sense to me.

 

Well could be he was embarrassed and felt he at least owed you an apology so you wouldn't think him falling asleep had anything to do with you.  You're right he may be going through something so he's hiding or just not online for a while so he can ghost.

Edited May 27, 2020 by stillafool

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Fraggles86 said:

But then why go to the effort of texting to apologise the next day if you were not planning on talking anymore anyway?

None of it makes any sense to me.

 

That isn't really much effort though, is it? It only takes a few seconds to send a text 

Meaning, he might not want to cut off the sexting/texting altogether but also not be overly interested in keeping it going right now. Since you've only met once, I would take a step back and breathe a little. For all intents and purposes, you barely know him. I wouldn't get too in your head wondering what's going on. It could be a number of different things that are not related to you, so I would try not to make it about you. 

Just observe what he does of his own volition now, and then decide how you want to proceed. 

 

[Fraggles86]

17 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well could be he was embarrassed and felt he at least owed you an apology so you wouldn't think him falling asleep had anything to do with you.  You're right he may be going through something so he's hiding or just not online for a while so he can ghost.

But would he really care enough to apologise if he was just going to ghost me anyway? 

Thats what makes no sense to me

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Fraggles86 said:

But would he really care enough to apologise if he was just going to ghost me anyway? 

1 minute ago, Fraggles86 said:

felt he at least owed you an apology

 

This is where the "at least" comes in.

[Fraggles86]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That isn't really much effort though, is it? It only takes a few seconds to send a text 

Meaning, he might not want to cut off the sexting/texting altogether but also not be overly interested in keeping it going right now. Since you've only met once, I would take a step back and breathe a little. For all intents and purposes, you barely know him. I wouldn't get too in your head wondering what's going on. It could be a number of different things that are not related to you, so I would try not to make it about you. 

Just observe what he does of his own volition now, and then decide how you want to proceed. 

 

I know it is not much of an effort but it is still more effort than i would expect from someone that had no intention of speaking again. 

And like you say, we barely know eachother and can not even see eachother again right now anyway so he could just as easily tell me he isnt interested in us talking anymore. I would much rather that as atleast i would know where i stood

Edited May 27, 2020 by Fraggles86

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Fraggles86 said:

I know it is not much of an effort but it is still more effort than i would expect from someone that had no intention of speaking again. 

I get that, but remember - he isn't you. 

We all operate in different ways, of course, and can't really apply our own expectations to someone else. Given that you don't really know him, you also can't really begin to presume what his motivations are. 

[Fraggles86]

Since he lives so far surely if he wanted to ghost me he couls just remove me from all social media and just be done with it?

[ExpatInItaly]

30 minutes ago, Fraggles86 said:

Since he lives so far surely if he wanted to ghost me he couls just remove me from all social media and just be done with it?

Who knows if he’s actually ghosting you, though?

That’s only one of a few possible explanations. The point is, don’t jump to conclusions yet. He’s still essentially a stranger to you so try not to let this bother you too much. You don’t know what else - or who else - he might have going on. 

[JTSW]

It sounds like he is a little embarassed about falling asleep.

You've done all you can, so just carry on with your life in lockdown and wait and see what happens.

Its no good over analysing it and speculating because you don't know what is going on with him.

[Fraggles86]

I am trying not to overthink and over analyse but i struggle with my anxiety at the best of times. I am trying to leave him alone to see whether he will pop back up with an explanation. Not that i am saying he owes me one but it would be nice just to know. 

[homecoming]

How long in total have you been talking? And you've only met once, is that right?

[Fraggles86]

11 hours ago, homecoming said:

How long in total have you been talking? And you've only met once, is that right?

For some reason my reply never posted last night. Yes that is right. And i am not sure exactly but it was right before lockdown so around 8 weeks

[ExpatInItaly]

I think all you can do is keep perspective and remember that you two are still getting to know each other. 

Texting can build up a lot of false intimacy, unfortunately, and make us feel more attached to someone who is still practically a stranger. I understand it's not possible to meet in person right now, but I would remind myself not to become overly reliant on digital communication with someone you've met only one time. It might work out, it might fade out. 

Keep your options open, in any case. 

[Fraggles86]

18 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think all you can do is keep perspective and remember that you two are still getting to know each other. 

Texting can build up a lot of false intimacy, unfortunately, and make us feel more attached to someone who is still practically a stranger. I understand it's not possible to meet in person right now, but I would remind myself not to become overly reliant on digital communication with someone you've met only one time. It might work out, it might fade out. 

Keep your options open, in any case. 

Im still really not sure what to think. For everything that makes me think its just me theres something that makes me think hes just not ok right now. 

The last night we spoke, with the sexting, he was telling me how he would like to see me again. 

It was more me that turned the conversation, although it was him that lead it as far as it went.

He doesnt appear to be really using social media, which i understand he could block me from seeing posts but i would have thought if you were going to go to that effort you would just remove the person instead.

I dont know.

I havent tried contacting him anymore anyhow

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Fraggles86 said:

For everything that makes me think its just me theres something that makes me think hes just not ok right now. 

He might not be, no.

However, you can't do anything more. You'll hear from him again if he's still interested. If you don't hear anything, well, then you'll have your answer too. 

You seem quite attached to the outcome, though. It might be a good idea to try to switch your focus to other things. A man you've had one date with isn't worth sweating it this much, you know?

[Fraggles86]

22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

He might not be, no.

However, you can't do anything more. You'll hear from him again if he's still interested. If you don't hear anything, well, then you'll have your answer too. 

You seem quite attached to the outcome, though. It might be a good idea to try to switch your focus to other things. A man you've had one date with isn't worth sweating it this much, you know?

I know that. Its the not knowing that bothers me. As i said, i struggle with my anxiety at the best of times and this situation is playing on my mind. I dont know how to explain it, its not anything to do with him personally in the sense of having feelings for him or anything it is just the way things have happened and the not knowing what is going on

[Fraggles86]

So now i know, or atleast think i know, that it is just me.

Facebook gave me a notification he had shared a post, i went to look and it disappeared so i am assuming he has set it so i cant see his posts and shared one to just friends by mistake.

I dont know why he couldnt just tell me he no longer wanted to talk though. Like you say we dont really know eachother so it wouldnt be that hard to just tell me