ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 Because maybe it isn't his intention to never talk again OP. Perhaps he doesn't want to cut you off altogether but he isn't interested in communicating every day anymore, either. You don't have to be okay with that, of course, but you have to understand that some folks are not as black-and-white as you assume. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted May 28, 2020 Author Share Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Because maybe it isn't his intention to never talk again OP. Perhaps he doesn't want to cut you off altogether but he isn't interested in communicating every day anymore, either. You don't have to be okay with that, of course, but you have to understand that some folks are not as black-and-white as you assume. But theres not wanting to talk everyday, which is perfectly fine, and then there is just outright blanking for days when ive asked if he is ok and asked if it is just that hes not interested i talking. He hasnt even read those messages. If he had some intention of talking again at some point, then completely blanking me isnt really the way to go about it. If he were to pop back up in a week or so now then i wouldnt be interested in talking with him after that. Where as if he were to just say he didnt want to talk so much or somrthing was wrong etc i would be still be open to talking later on. As it stands, i now wont be Edited May 28, 2020 by Fraggles86 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 This is my point, though - if he's blanking you and ignoring your message, he isn't going to care that much if you do the same later if he tries to reconnect. People who ghost often do so because their interest level isn't that high anymore, or they've found something (or someone) else to distract themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted May 28, 2020 Author Share Posted May 28, 2020 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is my point, though - if he's blanking you and ignoring your message, he isn't going to care that much if you do the same later if he tries to reconnect. People who ghost often do so because their interest level isn't that high anymore, or they've found something (or someone) else to distract themselves. I guess im just suprised because he always promised he wasnt like that and it was only that night that he was still telling me he wanted to see me again and reassuring me about things i said other people had said about me, saying that i wasnt any of those things and not to listen to anyone who said otherwise. And then to message the next day apologising for falling asleep. I get that could have been an excuse but still he messaged about it. It just seems to have come completely out of nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 19 hours ago, Fraggles86 said: I guess im just suprised because he always promised he wasnt like that and it was only that night that he was still telling me he wanted to see me again and reassuring me about things i said other people had said about me, saying that i wasnt any of those things and not to listen to anyone who said otherwise. Unfortunately, people can say anything they want. It's their actions you need to pay attention to, to understand their true intentions. He's probably fine to see you again, if you're down for it at some point, but he's not prioritizing this connection you were hoping to build. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 Update.... He messaged me last night. He was a little more active on social media, in the sense that he viewed my stories, which he hadnt previous days, and opened my last snaps and messages. He also posted a story himself. Not something he does when hes feeling really down. I was a little drunk and stupid 2 nights ago and tried to see if he would reply if he thought he was going to get more pics. He didnt. I also said if he didnt want to talk that was fine but could he just atleast let me know he was ok. Again no reply. Then last night, again pretty drunk, worse than the night before... i tried not to message him and was doing well time i saw he had now opened my messages. I messaged just with his name and ? And said i was quite wrecked and to please talk. He read it straightaway and replied say he was sorry he had ignored me, that he'd ignored everyone. That he was suprised i was even still talking to him and he doesnt know why. That he hopes i am and have been ok and that hes sorry of he doesnt reply again cos it had been a long day. It was about 1.30am so thats fair. I feel like he is telling the truth as both nights he could have easily thought he would get pics and things again so if that was all he wanted surely he wouldve messaged then? What does everyone else think? And yes, i know i shouldnt have tried to lead him to believe id send him things but i had had quite a few drinks and wantes to see if that would get a reply. But it didnt. Which i think is a good thing? Right? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 I think you're obsessing way to much about this guy. It's more than clear that he is not interested in pursuing anything with you. He ignores you alot. Why are are you trying so hard? He isn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 I think why are you wasting your time with him? Why are you giving so much attention to someone that can't be bothered to even reply to your messages, ignores everyone for days so clearly has issues, says he might take long again because 'its been a long day'? Surely you deserve someone better, someone happy with life, who wants to shower you with the same attention that you give them? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 28 minutes ago, Fraggles86 said: That he was suprised i was even still talking to him and he doesnt know why. This guy doesn't even understand why you are still contacting him because he thought he was making it clear he's no longer interested. Do you have other guys you can date because this one doesn't want to be bothered. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 Thats not the way he wrote it at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 29 minutes ago, JTSW said: I think you're obsessing way to much about this guy. It's more than clear that he is not interested in pursuing anything with you. He ignores you alot. Why are are you trying so hard? He isn't. He doesnt ignore me alot? This is the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 28 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: I think why are you wasting your time with him? Why are you giving so much attention to someone that can't be bothered to even reply to your messages, ignores everyone for days so clearly has issues, says he might take long again because 'its been a long day'? Surely you deserve someone better, someone happy with life, who wants to shower you with the same attention that you give them? He does have issues. I know this. He didnt say it might be long. Just that he might not reply again last night. He has messaged again this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) But whatever he's doin he's hardly enthusiastic, l think he's just being polite now but not really interested in taking things any further . Edited June 1, 2020 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 3 hours ago, chillii said: But whatever he's doin he's hardly enthusiastic, l think he's just being polite now but not really interested in taking things any further . Didnt post earlier for some reason.... He is really struggling with things at the moment and has been for a little while. He has good and bad days. Im not the only person he hasnt spoken too and i know this through more than just him saying so. And i wouldve thought the fact he didnt reply when he thought he couldve got more of what everyone thinks is all he wants, was a good thing. If that was all he was interested in he wouldve jumped at the chance and he didnt. It wasnt me personally he was ignoring so i dont see why everyone is so quick to say hes just not interested? I know he has issues and he struggles but i knew that when i met him and i can deal with that, thats not an issue for me. I struggle myself sometimes too. As do im sure a lot of other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 Also.. hes just sent me this... that has to be more than just being polite? You are something else. No its ok. Thank you though. An because I havent spoke much. Most people would just f*** them off. Ahh I do wish I lived closer to you, I could do with a proper chat. Hard to put into words. Thank you though. And you've done nothing wrong babe I promise you that xxxxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 This guy is going to be too much work to properly date. Look how much it took from you just to get a reply from him. He's not boyfriend material at this point in his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This guy is going to be too much work to properly date. Look how much it took from you just to get a reply from him. He's not boyfriend material at this point in his life. It didnt really take a lot. And i know its not just me he hasnt spoken too. He cant help having depression. I dont think he would send things like that if he wasnt interested anymore and was just trying to be polite. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 1 minute ago, Fraggles86 said: It didnt really take a lot. And i know its not just me he hasnt spoken too. He cant help having depression. I dont think he would send things like that if he wasnt interested anymore and was just trying to be polite. You drunk-messaged him twice before he finally replied. And clearly (understandably) you were bothered that he ignored you. A guy who is interested isn't going to need that much prompting to respond. Depression or not, he is not in a place where maintaining consistent contact with you is a priority for him. I see you're trying to justify it now that he has replied to you, but be careful here. You're running the risk of sticking around for a guy who's not on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You drunk-messaged him twice before he finally replied. And clearly (understandably) you were bothered that he ignored you. A guy who is interested isn't going to need that much prompting to respond. Depression or not, he is not in a place where maintaining consistent contact with you is a priority for him. I see you're trying to justify it now that he has replied to you, but be careful here. You're running the risk of sticking around for a guy who's not on the same page. But hes not just replying in a 'im trying to be polite, get the hint' kind of way. The things hes saying do seem as though he is still interested. I know that in the past when i have fallen deep into myself with my anxiety etc that i have ignored people. Including what was at the time my current partner. Sometimes you just have nothing, you just need to be completely alone. I understand that. And yes, it bothered me, but not because he hadnt spoken, because i didnt know why he hadnt and i felt abit crappy given our previous conversation Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Just proceed with caution. He's showing you he retreats and will ignore you when he feels like it. Only you can decide how much of that you will accept, especially from someone you hardly know. Don't be afraid to consider your own needs here, too. Wanting him to meet them and him being able and willing to meet them are two different ballgames. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Just proceed with caution. He's showing you he retreats and will ignore you when he feels like it. Only you can decide how much of that you will accept, especially from someone you hardly know. Don't be afraid to consider your own needs here, too. Wanting him to meet them and him being able and willing to meet them are two different ballgames. I do understand what youre saying and i will keep it in mind. Do you still think though that hes not interested anymore or would you say it seems as though he is. I feel like it seems that he is but everyone on here seems to be a bit more objective if thats the right word, probably isnt, so i am interested in hearing opinions. Like, for example, would you believe him? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 Do you have any other guys that you're seeing? Why are you so hung up on this one who is barely showing interest, just replying back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, stillafool said: Do you have any other guys that you're seeing? Why are you so hung up on this one who is barely showing interest, just replying back to you. He does usually initiate contact alot too. Ive just not said that as that wasnt what the thread was about Edited June 1, 2020 by Fraggles86 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 1 minute ago, Fraggles86 said: Do you have any other guys that you're seeing? You didn't answer this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fraggles86 Posted June 1, 2020 Author Share Posted June 1, 2020 1 minute ago, stillafool said: You didn't answer this. I have other guys interested that i talk to but i am not interested in them Link to post Share on other sites
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