Jazzy_Jaye Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) Hello I am having problems with this coworker he is single and he is also a manager i worked for him on contract as agency staff we are still working in the same building and we are on good terms with each other i also have a partner who is aware of this and we have been together throughout this situation he has been doing the following * pressing himself up against me * staring at my legs/bottom and then leering at me when I catch him at it *staring at me when I’m nearby * trying to get me alone by approaching me on my own (I walk away from him when he does or if there are other people he will back off) * asking for my number and where I work * asking other coworkers where I work and for my full name * catching glimpses under my clothes when he thinks I’m not looking and that I’m dressed appropriately * liking my photos online (I have now set my photos to friends only) * making inappropriate comments about us meeting up and getting together should I take action over this the reason I have not just yet is because I consider him a friend and when he pressed up against me I was tearful at the time but an advisor I spoke to today said really he should have just held my arm not have me almost sit on his lap for other people to see he is always very polite with me too Thank you Edited May 27, 2020 by Jazzy_Jaye Adding more info Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Obviously he is overstepping boundaries. If your company has a strict sexual harassment policy, you may want to remind him of that. Sounds like he is a disgusting pig. Be careful though, a**holes like him can wear you down over time, and they rarely give up trying. Sounds like you have good boundaries though which should help keep you out of trouble. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jazzy_Jaye Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 3 hours ago, Zona said: Obviously he is overstepping boundaries. If your company has a strict sexual harassment policy, you may want to remind him of that. Sounds like he is a disgusting pig. Be careful though, a**holes like him can wear you down over time, and they rarely give up trying. Sounds like you have good boundaries though which should help keep you out of trouble. Thank you I am surprised he is not aware of the company policies and procedures to be honest because he does do things by the book job wise and really comes down hard on those who don’t follow the rules or his own rules its like he’s abusing his position or seeing me as a welcome distraction who knows Thank you again most helpful 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 He is NOT polite! say something! Speak up! Tell him to stop it. and get some pepper spray and self defense classes going. This guy is creepy... and you need to actively put a stop to this intrusive behavior. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 Harrassment can be difficult to prove but if he is involving other co-workers by asking where you live, then you have more of a leg to stand on. It can be hard to prove that someone is looking at you or just generally making you feel uncomfortable. That's part of why it's so easy for some people to harrass others in the workplace. You say you consider him a friend but my feeling is, if he was your friend why didn't you feel comfortable saying "hey, back off a little, bud, 'don't stand so close to me,' ha ha" or just anything one friend might say to another? I think you're actually intimidated and always have been. You need to go to HR now. Don't warn him first. He'll have time to brew up his own story. I hate to sound so harsh about it like that...but you'd be surprised how fast a "friend" can turn on you when he realizes his actions are making him look bad. I'd go speak to someone. I'd ask if you can just file a report for now to record what's going on, telling them (HR) that you'd like the chance to speak with him first before they officially call him to the carpet. This way you're giving him the chance to not be humiliated - which might stave off retaliation - but at the same time *you have already filed that complaint* ...please - that part is very important. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 I'm curious, what have you said to him when he makes these inappropriate advances towards you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 If anything inappropriate happens in an area with a video camera, consider asking HR to look at the footage. Sometimes going to HR can backfire, sometime not so be cautious. You might try to turn them into allies by making it clear you just want this to stop and asking them for appropriate next steps. Link to post Share on other sites
Spainglish Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) I assume you are probably trying to find a way to get the point across without actually having to go to HR because you consider him a friend. One thing I have learned is that you cannot "Ha Ha" at the end of your request. They won't listen. You have to be direct or they won't take you serious. I have had to do this before and I just say "that really is not okay with me". Once they respond with an apology, I say "We're good as long as you don't do that again. I appreciate you respecting my boundaries". It's worked for me more than once. I hope you can find a similar way to voice your wishes. Good luck! Edited May 30, 2020 by Spainglish 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 I'd carry my phone around and catch him at it. But what you can usually do is embarrass them by smilingly/jokingly calling them out LOUDLY so everyone hears. If you know he's staring and there's others around, say something serious like, "Brent, I noticed you've been staring at me this whole time. Were you wanting to get a word in?" Otherwise, when he's rubbing on you, "Brent, could you give me a little room to maneuver here?" Again, loud so everyone hears. Other women will have had the same issues with him at some point and will sympathize and the main thing is he'll know you're not going to keep his secret. Keeping his secret is what you never want to do. Bust them out loud for it, even if you feel it must be done jokingly, but do it. That way they know if they go too far, you'll be vocal about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spainglish Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 29 minutes ago, preraph said: But what you can usually do is embarrass them by smilingly/jokingly calling them out LOUDLY so everyone hears. Yes, great idea! I have used this tactic before with weirdos following me around in a store. Me: (LOUDLY!) "Excuse me, Sir. I noticed you keep following me around. Is there something I can help you with?". Weirdo: No response. Hands in pockets, head down, and scurries away. WORKS EVERY TIME! 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Yes. Sleazebags can't blossom under the light. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 On 5/27/2020 at 3:42 PM, Jazzy_Jaye said: Hello I am having problems with this coworker he is single and he is also a manager i worked for him on contract as agency staff we are still working in the same building and we are on good terms with each other i also have a partner who is aware of this and we have been together throughout this situation he has been doing the following * pressing himself up against me * staring at my legs/bottom and then leering at me when I catch him at it *staring at me when I’m nearby * trying to get me alone by approaching me on my own (I walk away from him when he does or if there are other people he will back off) * asking for my number and where I work * asking other coworkers where I work and for my full name * catching glimpses under my clothes when he thinks I’m not looking and that I’m dressed appropriately * liking my photos online (I have now set my photos to friends only) * making inappropriate comments about us meeting up and getting together should I take action over this the reason I have not just yet is because I consider him a friend and when he pressed up against me I was tearful at the time but an advisor I spoke to today said really he should have just held my arm not have me almost sit on his lap for other people to see he is always very polite with me too Thank you A truly horrible situation, you need to document all these incidents and report them to someone higher up in the business but before you do, address the matter with him directly. No amount of politeness can excuse his behaviour. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 Wow,This is 100% sexual harasment. Google it. Dont doubt on yourself. He is a disgusting pig. I dont get it , he is your coworker but ask where you work??? Anyway,call him out. And dont do it alone. Ask a other coworker to witness it. Dont smile,be firm ,straigth up. And go to HR and report him and ask them how to handle this. And documentate him for yourself,every creep stuff he do with the day and time. You should feel safe at work. And free,happy. People like him are really sick.And keep going to get a kick out of it.Creep. Go hard on this.And let your close coworker freinds know about what he is doing.Dont let it be or feel like spme secret that is happening between you and him. I doubt he only doing this to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 On 5/31/2020 at 12:46 AM, preraph said: I'd carry my phone around and catch him at it. But what you can usually do is embarrass them by smilingly/jokingly calling them out LOUDLY so everyone hears. If you know he's staring and there's others around, say something serious like, "Brent, I noticed you've been staring at me this whole time. Were you wanting to get a word in?" Otherwise, when he's rubbing on you, "Brent, could you give me a little room to maneuver here?" Again, loud so everyone hears. Other women will have had the same issues with him at some point and will sympathize and the main thing is he'll know you're not going to keep his secret. Keeping his secret is what you never want to do. Bust them out loud for it, even if you feel it must be done jokingly, but do it. That way they know if they go too far, you'll be vocal about it. good point,but i dont think joking,giggle is the smart thing to do. specially when you calling someone out and a creep. you should be serious and firm. and loud. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 You sound young.How old are you? He is not your freind!!He is a creep and a perv. Try to stop say and see him as freind. Handle him as coworker. And no freind act like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 8 hours ago, Pumaza said: good point,but i dont think joking,giggle is the smart thing to do. specially when you calling someone out and a creep. you should be serious and firm. and loud. whether you keep it light on the surface depends who's watching because you don't want to be the one who looks like the bad guy. Link to post Share on other sites
James39 Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 My friend got sucked in by a girl at his work - used her position to get loads of IT help and support, flirted with him, met him a few times out of work - then shunned him when she’d got all the help she needed. Complete user by all accounts. Link to post Share on other sites
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