Should my girlfriend visit me during lockdown?

[Redhead14]

In New Jersey, "romantic partners" were expressly permitted to be with each other. 

"Residents may still leave their homes to head to the grocery store, seek medical care, visit close family or someone you have a "close personal relationship" with like a romantic partner, report to work or go outside for exercise. However, Murphy urged everyone to continue to practice safe social distancing by staying at least 6 feet away from others."

I wouldn't do it if it were a new dating partner that I didn't know well enough to trust is abiding by the guidelines when they are home or out and about.  There is an element of trust involved here. But, long-term couples should agree about it all.  If one partner thinks it's BS and the other doesn't, then the one who feels the need to keep themselves safe has to tell the other they can't be together.

Edited May 30, 2020 by Redhead14

[preraph]

Tell her you're having to be extra careful because of someone elderly or something.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

20 minutes ago, preraph said:

I think it's the right thing to do to tell her not now.  I mean, come on.  

I agree with this. At the end of the day, this is a situation that can and has compromised the health of so many people, so I'd rather not dice with death and potentially put her health at risk all for the sake of seeing each other for one week. we have managed for nearly 3 months now so she just needs to be stronger until we can see each other again...….....when it's safe.

There can be no happy medium here, we both need to agree yes or no. And I'm going to tell her a definite no to meeting up, I'm not taking the risk.

 

[preraph]

Well, and this is learning something about her.  She's not disciplined, not being careful, not being considerate, and too impatient to wait, so now you can file that away about her.  

[Hollywood-Tourist]

4 minutes ago, preraph said:

Well, and this is learning something about her.  She's not disciplined, not being careful, not being considerate, and too impatient to wait, so now you can file that away about her.  

You know, when you put it like that, you're right - she's not being considerate really because she's not taking my feelings into account on the matter.

I've taken her feelings into consideration but for something like this which I take seriously, I really don't think this is something a couple can compromise on.

I work in a supermarket so am classed as a key-worker, so although I take all steps to protect myself and without being tested then none of us know if we are infected or not. You can still have mild symptoms without knowing it.

[preraph]

You have a high likelihood of being a carrier.  Very high.  So she's foolish and inconsiderate, both.  Just be careful.  Stand your ground.  

[Hollywood-Tourist]

1 minute ago, preraph said:

You have a high likelihood of being a carrier.  Very high.  So she's foolish and inconsiderate, both.  Just be careful.  Stand your ground.  

I am still going to take a voluntary test to get clarity either way.

I can't actually believe she's being like this as she's usually such a sensible woman and level headed. I feel pressured and pushed by her to have her over for the week but I know that I need to be strong and stand up to her in a firm way.

I just hope she understands and takes it well!!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

5 hours ago, Hollywood-Tourist said:

I am still going to take a voluntary test to get clarity either way.

I can't actually believe she's being like this as she's usually such a sensible woman and level headed. I feel pressured and pushed by her to have her over for the week but I know that I need to be strong and stand up to her in a firm way.

I just hope she understands and takes it well!!

 

 

C'mon people... this isn't like HERPES or the like...     all of this lockdown stuff isn't directly tethered to two new-ish lovebirds potentially infecting one another after each having practiced social distancing  for some length of time prior to getting together for a rare time.

 

***The lockdown relates almost entirely to THE BIG PICTURE...  where the swarms of movers and shakers criss-cross the globe (or the neighborhood) in every direction and in so doing, some steady, reliable percentage OF them transmit the virus from place to place, and sometimes it moves exponentially.

 

ONE person getting in his private vehicle to spend one week in quarantine with his girlfriend  and driving X miles/km is NOT  a significant threat to the BIG picture.

 

Four friends in a back yard getting together just to throw a Frisbee around would even be a greater concern than what our OP describes.

 

***  and that is largely why all of the stats traded about in late May of 2020 are largely irrelevant to the huge threat of Covid.

 

The stats you read every day as of late May are merely comparing dates on which relatively nobody  flew around from place to place...  to other, previous dates on which relatively nobody flew around from place to place.

 

The Covid wipe-out arrives when people go back to their jet-setting, global traveling ways.

 

(yet still, ONE guy in a private vehicle will  not have any adverse impact on such data.   It's unlikely that Covid will be waiting for him on the handle at a 'petrol station'...  and there just aren't that many additional serious encounters on a solo car trip)

 

 

Today I was reading one American newspaper which cited the 3 highest days of "new Covid cases" having been tallied since Memorial Day...        and if that doesn't equate to 

 

Writing  on the wall...   then I don't know what would.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 30, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy

[Juha]

I do not know how old you are or what your health situation of you and your gf

If you are under 60, no health issues then pretty much you are both very safe as far as anything bad happening to you

Go read the data.

 

Life is all about choices and you always are weighing risk/reward ratio when making these choices.

If you always follow what ever you are told to do or the rules then life can be pretty boring to be honest

Here, in this situation there is lots to evaluate and it is not so cut and dried, there are risks involved as with anything in life

I am not condoning anyone to take high risks or bad risks I just don't think this would fall into either category if you are under 60 and healthy.

 

I also think some posters here are being much too harsh on your gf, she obviously likes and adores you and wants to see you

since it has been 3 months.  I am not sure how much you actually like or adore her if it is so easy to not see her so easily

 

IF you have not seen each other and you are waiting until it is "safe" as you say then when is that going to be in your eyes?

How long are you not going to see your gf in a long distance relationship?

How much do you actually like her?

How strong are your feelings for her?

Do not be surprised if you don't have a gf anymore.

 

In the end it is your choice on what to do and i wish you luck

 

 

[chillii]

On 5/31/2020 at 3:51 AM, Hollywood-Tourist said:

You know, when you put it like that, you're right - she's not being considerate really because she's not taking my feelings into account on the matter.

I've taken her feelings into consideration but for something like this which I take seriously, I really don't think this is something a couple can compromise on.

I work in a supermarket so am classed as a key-worker, so although I take all steps to protect myself and without being tested then none of us know if we are infected or not. You can still have mild symptoms without knowing it.

Well if you would've mentioned your still working in a supermarket in your first post , would've save a whole lotta trouble. We hadn't been near anyone or around anyone for wks , neither of us , and we both living in areas where there'd been no cases , we knew our situations .

Edited May 31, 2020 by chillii

[hippychick3]

My partner of 6 years (who lives 3 hours away) and I have been spending every weekend together since the lockdown. But neither of us are essential workers and are strictly working from home. We do not socialize or interact with anyone other than my kids who have been staying isolated with either me or their dad (who is also isolated). We order in groceries and have not been in any public place. So in our situation, the risk was low.

Since you are an essential worker, you would be putting her at risk. I would not be upset with her for wanting to see you though. She may be normally sensible, but this is a stressful and isolating event. She most likely loves you and misses you very much and is understandably anxious to see you. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. I'd reassure her of your love and worry for her when you explain why you're not comfortable visiting each other yet.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Update: So I called her last night to tell her that I think it's best that we don't see each other next week due to the potential of the virus spreading. She started sulking and said that she wasn't happy but seemed to respect my decision.

I don't like confrontation - argh!

[Ellener]

On 6/1/2020 at 7:28 AM, Hollywood-Tourist said:

Update: So I called her last night to tell her that I think it's best that we don't see each other next week due to the potential of the virus spreading. She started sulking and said that she wasn't happy but seemed to respect my decision.

I don't like confrontation - argh!

It's difficult. Send her some flowers!

[Ellener]

Did you guys make it @Hollywood-Tourist? 

[Hollywood-Tourist]

25 minutes ago, Ellener said:

Did you guys make it @Hollywood-Tourist? 

We didn't make it as in seeing each other physically no, but we are still together!

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Hollywood-Tourist said:

We didn't make it as in seeing each other physically no, but we are still together!

that's what I meant, that's good (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Trying times, new situations.

Edited June 19, 2020 by Ellener
spelling

[Hollywood-Tourist]

13 minutes ago, Ellener said:

that's what I meant, that's good (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Trying times, new situations.

😄 Thanks very much! 

She has been good enough to respect my wishes, although she isn't happy with our wasted time together that we could have had which is understandable really.

 

[QuietRiot]

Just now, Hollywood-Tourist said:

😄 Thanks very much! 

She has been good enough to respect my wishes, although she isn't happy with our wasted time together that we could have had which is understandable really.

 

What country are you in where Covid is still a problem? Some countries, like NZ and Italy are doing markedly well.

[Ellener]

You're worth it @Hollywood-Tourist and what's that Carly Simon song...Anticipation...?!

Edited June 19, 2020 by Ellener
spelling

[Hollywood-Tourist]

3 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

What country are you in where Covid is still a problem? Some countries, like NZ and Italy are doing markedly well.

I'm in Wales and she is in England. They are both at slightly different stages regarding ease of lockdown.

2 minutes ago, Ellener said:

You're worth it @Hollywood-Tourist and what's that Carly Simon song...Anticipation...?!

😄 Thanks very much!

[Ellener]

@Hollywood-Tourist my sister, a former infection control specialist with the NHS is in England, from her accounts the UK government did not serve the people well during the pandemic, there's too much of this old 'they should...' when there is no 'they'...there's only me and my community and all listening to, understanding and working with each other.