Should I send her a letter explaining my feeling after being rejected (ish). First time being rejected (ish)

[Cookiesandough]

Might I suggest the possibility that there is no alpha card that you can/could have play(ed) to generate interest in this girl and let go.  As comforting a notion it is  to think that a simple behavior is keeping you from her, that idea itself could keep you back from moving on from someone. That ship has long sailed. There may not have been a ship. If you do decide to change your dating habits etc. which judging from what you said you can definitely afford to do,  it should be irrespective of any outcome with her.  If you do write a letter, it shouldn’t have anything to do with her and getting her back.  Remember; there’s no man/woman that’s going to be the perfect one for every man/woman. Don’t take it too hard. Good luck !!!

Edited May 30, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Pulasari]

21 minutes ago, preraph said:

Well, I think you could find someone from a different culture who lived where you live maybe.  I mean, few and far between, but there have to be some there working or schooling or something.  You are too adventurous a lad to let your parents marry you off.  You like excitement and discovery and getting into a marriage with a stranger doesn't sound like it fits your personality.  Bless their hearts, your parents aren't role models for you to have learned from about dating either, but you sound like enough of a maverick explorer to me that you can and should at least date for awhile just to see what all types of women are out there.  Or perhaps a neighboring country that's got easy access where you could go back and forth.  Thailand?  India?  Not real close, but not on the other side of the world at least.  It would just be better to find someone there locally.  Did you not meet some diverse people in university?  

Dear Preraph,

Work? There're a lot of French people working around me (as I speak French), but they're just too... I am happy to have lived and studied there, but I will have to think twice if I want to date them. Let say that I prefer non-French for now.

Adventurous? I could say that. I traveled a lot, I was living by my self for almost half of my life. That's why whenever my parents would like to introduce me to someone, I would decline because, I don't feel like it, but... yeah I do have to work on my experiences. RIght now, I have... like not much to offer, accpet from books that I've read.

In my uni days, yes there were a lot of nationalities, but I was doing my engineering degress in a French engineering school, which was filled with guys. So, yeah, not much of a choice. Plus the girls that were there (It was like less than 5%), either they were "too masculine" or in a relationship with someone already.

[preraph]

Maybe you should take a night class just for fun once the pandemic is over where there will be women. 

 

[Pulasari]

35 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Have you thought about making her a PowerPoint presentation? 

I know, my jokes are bloody awful.

Send it. And then let go   

Haha, that's a nice one (With all the animations that you could do via powerpoint) 

[Emilie Jolie]

2 hours ago, Pulasari said:

Dear Emilie Jolie,

Thanks for your thoughts. I thought that I could just keep my feelings aside, be cool with it, but today I felt like there was a blackhole deep inside my heart. By then I knew that... it will never be the same. Really new to this "emotional" phase.

Thanks again for going through my letter. Felt so good sharing this through this forum. I do wish her all the happiness in the world. In the mean time, I'm don't feel like looking for any relationship right now (not really good at finding one apparently... hehe).

Anyhow, thank you again for the support.

It's still fresh, there's no rush to find someone else just now anyway.

First heartbreak is a milestone in itself - congrats!

 

It hurts now, then it'll hurt a little less, then it won't hurt at all and you'll remember her as someone you spoke to a lot for a few months

As for the letter, send or not send - entirely up to you. If you think it'll help you move on quicker, then go ahead. 

Edited May 30, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[Pulasari]

13 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

You're welcome. 

No, no letter. It will do more harm than good. There's no reason to tell her you will no longer chase her. Just -- don't chase her. That's it. Disappear. Your actions will speak 100x louder than any words you write in a letter. 

Emotional letters, if you absolutely must write them, are for girlfriends and wives only. Women who have earned, and deserve, your love and affection. This girl has done nothing to earn that. Her reward for rejecting you is not a letter that pads her ego, documents your unrequited interest in her, and assures her that you'll be waiting for her (needing to tell a girl that you won't be waiting means... you'll be waiting ).

If you shoot your shot, take your chance, and she says no, then say "ah okay, no worries. All the best." And disappear. 

Dear rjc149,

Understood. Even though all of me aching to send her that letter (yes, let us not forget the recipe), but reading through your arguments, kinda make sens.
One thing for sure, I'll disappear.

[Pulasari]

13 minutes ago, preraph said:

Maybe you should take a night class just for fun once the pandemic is over where there will be women. 

That's a good idea. Should put myself out there more often, I mean after the pandemic. Right now, I just focus on the things that I've been doing before I got in contact with her. 

(Darn it, shared to many books with her, to many songs with her, toooo many RECIPES... need to find ways to forget her).

Thank you again for your advices, will really help me in my future '"adventures".

[preraph]

Be sure and take the kind of class where there will be interaction, like either a lab or a cooking class or a team sport type thing with women. Tennis, kayak. 

[Pulasari]

8 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

It's still fresh, there's no rush to find someone else just now anyway.

First heartbreak is a milestone in itself - congrats!

It hurts now, then it'll hurt a little less, then it won't hurt at all and you'll remember her as someone you spoke to a lot for a few months

As for the letter, send or not send - entirely up to you. If you think it'll help you move on quicker, then go ahead. 

Dear Emilie,

Yup, it was 3 days ago. Still having her voices unttering those... urgh unbearable for me to hear inside my mind.

Yes, first heartbreak, I don't like it at all. Pretty painful, I just acted cool after hearing that from her (even though I was devestated throughout the call). We kept talking for another 1 hour.

Haha, there's no final consensus (yes and no) for the letter then. 😂

[Emilie Jolie]

5 minutes ago, Pulasari said:

Haha, there's no final consensus (yes and no) for the letter then. 😂

Well, you are the master of your own ship, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Do what you want to do, and what feels right to you. There are no right or wrong answers anyway

[Pulasari]

3 minutes ago, preraph said:

Be sure and take the kind of class where there will be interaction, like either a lab or a cooking class or a team sport type thing with women. Tennis, kayak. 

Will work on that.

But right now, my brain says to move on (so as everyone here, which I really appreciate), but the heart says hang in there.

Before I could do that, I really need to get her out from my system first. I might have invested too much of my time and effort in pleasing her that I mislead myself into this painfully void feeling. 

[Pulasari]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

Cut and run............don't look back..................no whining just ride 

Dear Sympycurious,

Hehe, thank you for the advice.

[simpycurious]

5 minutes ago, Pulasari said:

Dear Sympycurious,

Hehe, thank you for the advice.

You are more than welcome...........

[Cookiesandough]

Plz listen to @simpycurious he is a sty wise 

[Cookiesandough]

And @preraph... she won’t steer you wrong 

[Pulasari]

Hi everyone,

I am still having hard time letting her go. Friendzoned? Maybe. Rejected? Perhaps. I should have asked the question as soon as I've developped the feeling towards her. (TBH, I'm not even sure when. I got the guts to hellnher thanks to a book that she recomended to me).

I was planning to settle down this year (seeing others with their wife and todlers). Maybe this urge that have made this even hard for me.

FYI I didnt sent her anything (even the promised recipe). Tried to get myself busy rhe whole day, but I kept on thinking about her. Lost my appetite... couldn't really sleep since my last confession.

I really hope that they would lift the lockdown so that I could go for my naval training. That would really get my head staight. Till then, I just try to get myself busy with other stuffs.

[Pulasari]

10 hours ago, Pulasari said:

Dear Sympycurious,

Hehe, thank you for the advice.

I was laughing, agreeing to your advice, now... I feel really hard to "cut and run... don't look back... no whinning just ride".

I dont know when I'll find someone like her (I know I will someday, and I'm being irrational right now. But, its really hard to get this out of my system for now).

Edited May 30, 2020 by Pulasari
Typo

[simpycurious]

4 minutes ago, Pulasari said:

I was laughing, agreeing to your advice, now... I felt really hard to "cut and run".

Sometimes you just gotta bail..........you never want to continue when the other is just not into it 

you aren't at fault Pulasari there's just someone else out there that you are meant to be with 

I hope you find her

[Ellener]

12 hours ago, Pulasari said:

my brain says to move on (so as everyone here, which I really appreciate), but the heart says hang in there.

write the letter, and your emotions, then rip it up and scatter it, symbolically let it go...

[schlumpy]

Hi. Please don't send this letter. It won't help you accomplish what your heart wants.

I recommend that you find someone local but I think you indicated some difficulty with that? What about asking friends and family for help? Let them line up some blind dates for you or at least suggest some prospects. People who know you can often times see a good match with someone you would never have considered.

I wish I could guarantee that things will work out but life is a whirlwind where anything can and does happen.

Good luck

 

[smackie9]

Sending emotional letters makes you look emasculated, weak, and desperate. She will have no respect for you. Have self worth and confidence that you are not going to let this get to you. Walk away and carry on with your life without a care. THAT is what make you desirable.....being less available, aloof.

[Pulasari]

Hi everyone,

2 hours ago, simpycurious said:

Sometimes you just gotta bail..........you never want to continue when the other is just not into it 

you aren't at fault Pulasari there's just someone else out there that you are meant to be with 

I hope you find her

I don't know if I'm delusional. She did mentioned that she wanted to "rediscuss" with on this matter when she's in my country (after the restriction has been lifted... TBH, I don't know when).

Some said, its just a nice rejection. Some said, it was a friendzoned. I want to believe there's a chance, but... oh this is so confusing. I find dealing with girls/women, is very confusing to me.

I do hate myself being sent to boys boarding schools, then... just being with males, really left me being a handicap in relationship with girls/women.

I know what I suppose to do... but I dont understand why I want to go and do things that will surely do more harm than good.

Silly me. I feel like a blind guy, navigating himself in this dark room, looking for a black cat.

Edited May 30, 2020 by Pulasari
Typo

[Pulasari]

1 hour ago, Ellener said:

write the letter, and your emotions, then rip it up and scatter it, symbolically let it go...

In my last message I told her that I will be offline for a few days. So... just go AWOL? I did that before after receiving her message (kindly refer to my prepared letter in the previous page. Thank you).

[Emilie Jolie]

It's not always good learning from other people's mistakes; sometimes, you need to make your own. Trite, but true. Listen to your own gut, and if you got it wrong, so be it. How else are you going to get experience?

[Pulasari]

1 hour ago, schlumpy said:

Hi. Please don't send this letter. It won't help you accomplish what your heart wants.

I recommend that you find someone local but I think you indicated some difficulty with that? What about asking friends and family for help? Let them line up some blind dates for you or at least suggest some prospects. People who know you can often times see a good match with someone you would never have considered.

I wish I could guarantee that things will work out but life is a whirlwind where anything can and does happen.

Good luck

I will not sent her any letter. I thought girls/women would find it courteous, but maybe the context of the situation would make them see it as a weak action.

I dont know.

Going out with the locals? My parents are actively doing that, but I dont know why I'm only attracted to girls/women (which I never expressed my feelings before) that have different background/culture/origin that me.

I will sort things out first. Maybe seeing someone new wouldn't be something that I look forward right now (maybe later), too much stuffs on my plate at the moment being.